Page 19

18 MEG

As soon as Meg got into the house, she burst into tears, and Hannah came running towards her. There was music playing quietly, and from the kitchen Meg could hear the kettle pop to show it had finished boiling. Steam was rising from something on the hob. The comfort of being home enveloped her, and she felt able to release the feeling she’d had since she left the florist’s, of being a bad person, or ungrateful, or unable to control her anger.

‘Meg?’

‘I’m here,’ she said. ‘Sorry, I … I saw David and …’

‘What’s happened? Are you okay?’

Hannah had put both her hands on Meg’s shoulders and was staring into her face, trying to see what she could do, or say, that might help.

‘What’s happened? Meg?’

‘Can we sit down?’

Hannah led Meg into the kitchen and she sat at the table, and immediately started to play with the tablecloth in front of her.

‘I just feel awful,’ Meg said.

‘Why?’

‘We’ve lost the pub we wanted,’ Meg said. ‘Everything keeps going wrong and I don’t know why!’

‘Well that’s okay,’ Hannah replied. ‘We can … What happened? Why did we—’

Hannah had her hand on Meg’s shoulder and Meg could feel her heartbeat lowering.

‘David was supposed to ring the pub yesterday,’ Meg said. ‘To confirm the booking or they were going to release it, and I showed up today and he hadn’t. Which is really annoying but I didn’t hide that I was frustrated and he looked so sad and I was horrible to him! The only person who will actually come to all these things with me and I’ve …’

‘Oh Meg. What happened?’

‘I’ve pushed him away! He called them and now they’re booked, so we’re going to have to go with the other one, presuming they even have space, which I’m not even sure they will now, given our luck. I just walked out, and was obviously annoyed at him, but why would I do that to him? Should I go back?’

‘It’s okay, Meg, it’s all stressful. He’ll—’

‘But why?’ Meg said. ‘Nobody made us get married and now I’m having a go at some kind man who’s just trying to help? Is that who I am now?’

‘You’re not who you are for one minute in a really stressful situation,’ Hannah said. ‘You know that.’

‘I’m not sure anymore.’

‘Meg!’ Hannah said, louder than before. She stared into her eyes. ‘Promise me you won’t take this on as some big moral failing. He didn’t do something, by accident, but the result was stressful. It’s not like you shouted or anything?’

‘No, I didn’t. I was talking normally.’

‘Then I think it’ll be okay,’ Hannah said, stroking her leg. ‘Honestly.’

‘Do you think?’

‘I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t think it would be.’

‘Okay.’

‘You said that David was the only one who’d come to everything … Meg, I’ll drop the job and come if it’s important to you; you do know that?’ Hannah was looking at her sadly, expecting an answer. ‘Do you?’

‘I do,’ Meg said, taking Hannah’s hand. ‘I … I know it’s for practical reasons that you’re away and you’ve not chosen to not be here. David’s great and I genuinely didn’t mind the situation we were in. I was really enjoying it! I’m just … I’m so sad today has happened. I’d been kidding myself that everything was fine.’

‘Your parents?’

‘Not just that,’ Meg said. ‘I’m so stressed all the time, thinking about the situation, and the whole wedding. I can tell I’m not really concentrating on work and just phoning it in. Like, I’m not booking in any new work or looking for it, and the stuff I’ve got going on at the moment I just go into the zone and get it done, but all I’m thinking about is what we need to do, and what’ll go wrong. Every time that happens, I think about how my parents will be vindicated as soon as something does go wrong, because it’ll show them we never should have got married. That’s if they even come!’

‘You think we never should have got engaged?’

‘Obviously, I don’t think that, Han,’ Meg said, her hand on Hannah’s shoulder. ‘I just think that’s how they’ll feel.’

‘Let’s think practically about your parents.’ Hannah stood up. ‘Let me just do the next stage of dinner. One second.’

She put the pasta on to boil, balancing a wooden spoon across the top of the pan, and then came back to sit next to her on the sofa.

‘Have you had any more contact with them?’

‘No,’ Meg said. ‘Not since I texted Mum about the wedding dress shopping.’

Hannah knew about what had happened with her parents, how they hadn’t responded about speaking and about their no-show at Savage Lilies. Meg had messaged about finding her wedding dress, and her mum had replied saying congratulations, but not anything else. It was formal, like Meg was one of their pupils, and it made Meg feel even more isolated.

‘Sorry,’ Hannah said.

‘I know.’

‘They’ll get in touch. It hasn’t been that long since all this started, and we’ve got time until the wedding. They’re old-fashioned. They won’t not RSVP at all, surely? I was thinking about that since the other day … They’re traditional. The save-the-date will be on the sideboard. They’ll know they have to say something.’

‘Han, what if they don’t?’

Hannah paused. ‘If they don’t,’ she said, ‘we go ahead with it, and we have an amazing day, and from then on you’re my wife. I’m your family. And we’ll have an excuse to have Christmas at ours, meaning we won’t have to eat that blancmange your mum makes anymore.’

‘Stop.’

‘Sorry, is it a good time to make jokes?’

‘I’m not sure,’ Meg said, but she knew she was smiling, and she wiped the tears from her face.

‘Okay,’ Hannah said. She smiled at Hannah who got up from the sofa and kissed her on the forehead. ‘Now, sit there for a second while I finish tea.’

From where she sat on the sofa, Meg watched as Hannah stirred the pasta in its water, before adding salt, and then getting pesto from the fridge and the roasted vegetables from the oven. She drained the pasta, tapping her foot in time to whatever was going through her mind. Meg watched transfixed as Hannah poured ribbons of leeks and courgette down into the pan. She poured in a length of brilliant white double cream, and began to stir.

‘That smells amazing,’ Meg said.

‘Simple,’ Hannah said. ‘But delicious.’

‘Comfort food, hopefully,’ Meg mumbled.

Hannah divided the pot into two bowls, and grated parmesan generously over the top. By the time she had brought Meg’s bowl over to her, the parmesan was melting into a nutty-smelling crusty layer on the top of the meal.

‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome,’ Hannah replied. ‘Is there anything I can do after this to make things less stressful? After the next trip, I’m back for good. Until the honeymoon, of course.’

‘I know … nearly there. We can call the other pub maybe, just make sure we can book in. I also feel bad because that’s the guy who made David upset, but I don’t think he meant anything bad, so I can’t really not book …’

‘David will understand.’

‘Once the venue’s booked in, that’s fine.’ Meg spoke between spoonfuls of the meal that were pleasantly burning at the roof of her mouth. ‘I think everything else matters, but the only thing you really need is the venue, the legal part, guests, you know.’

‘Yeah.’

‘We’ll send out the proper invites too,’ Meg said. ‘I know everyone knows the date, but it’s so nice to have the proper paper invitations.’

‘I agree – makes it feel official.’

Meg was reminded, once again, that even the concept of guests included the obvious question. Will my parents come? She looked at Hannah, who seemed deep in thought.

‘What?’

‘I was just thinking …’ Hannah said. ‘ I could always go and see Ava and George and try to talk to them before I leave? I’d be happy to come with you, obviously, but I wonder whether that stops you having to get upset with whatever they say, and I can just find out how they’re feeling, and then we can work out what to do. I can do the practical, rather than the emotional.’

Meg looked at her, not sure if the idea she was suggesting was brilliance or madness.

Hannah had finished eating and put her hair up in a ponytail behind her. ‘We both need to know, really. You’d be less stressed knowing. Table plans, these appointments, what to do about other family members. What do you think?’

Meg was unsure, but too emotional to think straight. ‘I’ll think about it.’

‘Okay,’ Hannah said. ‘Absolutely no pressure.’

‘Thank you for thinking about that.’

‘Of course. What else am I here for?’

Meg kissed Hannah on the cheek. ‘Well, to cook dinner,’ Meg said.

‘What do I get in return?’ Hannah asked. ‘A kiss?’

At that second, the doorbell rang. Smiling at Hannah, who rolled her eyes, Meg walked to the front of the house to get it, and standing in front of her was David. He was a couple of feet back from the door, and had thrown a grey hoody over the T-shirt he’d been wearing in the shop. It was cold outside, and in his shivering hands, he was holding a small bunch of off-shoot roses, wrapped in red paper.

‘Hi,’ he said. ‘Me again.’