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16 MEG

‘I just didn’t expect it. I mean every day I get up and get on with my life, and now I have to prove myself to a man in a pub I’ve never met?’

Meg was surprised both at how angry David had been, and how long-lasting the feeling seemed to be. She guessed his response stemmed from how his parents had been when he’d been growing up and when he came out to them, but she hadn’t thought before about someone’s childhood still affecting them at David’s age. It made her worried. He’d said bits and pieces as they’d got to know each other, but the way he’d spoken about his parents had always been factual and as if it were all a long-ago memory, compartmentalized and neutralized. After leaving the pub, he had gone silent on the walk back up the hill but now inside Savage Lilies, he still seemed upset. She had sat him down with a mint tea in the back room and was trying to provide for him what he had provided for her the last few weeks, with the niggling thought at the back of her head: You need to speak to your parents.

‘I know, David,’ she said. ‘It was thoughtless of him, and he shouldn’t have said it. I completely agree.’

‘I just wish something like that wasn’t enough to … You know, to ruin my day.’

David wasn’t crying, but his cheeks were red and he was breathing in that way where someone is trying to slow their body down to calm themselves.

‘I know,’ Meg said. ‘I would have been the same. People can be cruel, but I really think he didn’t mean to be, and I believe he was sorry he upset you.’

‘Yeah,’ David said. ‘I was just too caught up in there.’

‘Obviously if you’re really offended and you don’t want to see him again,’ Meg said. ‘We can just go with the other pub.’

‘No, Meg, it’s your day,’ David said. ‘It’s nothing to do with me.’

‘I wouldn’t want you uncomfortable.’

‘But that’s on me, not him.’

‘The Sheep’s Inn was our favourite, anyway, I thought.’

‘It was,’ David said.

‘Okay then, that’s settled.’

‘Only if you’re sure.’

‘I am.’

He smiled at her and she rubbed her hand up and down his arms. David was still a strong man, physically and mentally, and she was surprised to see how something like this had been the thing to shake him. He wiped at his eyes with a dotted handkerchief. ‘You’re not angry I told him about your parents? As soon as I said it, I realized it wasn’t my news to share.’

‘That’s okay,’ Meg said. ‘I’m not embarrassed. It’s not about me. I was just worried you were upset.’

‘It’s just … I don’t know.’ He was fiddling with the polka dot fabric in his hands. ‘I feel like I’ve worked so hard, since my parents and everything that happened, well since I came out to them, I’ve worked so hard to be proud, and to be myself, and to go into all situations with nothing to hide. Things like that, they make me feel like I’m causing a fuss. Like I should just easily pass for a straight old man and make everything easier for everyone else, so they don’t have to deal with difference. But why should I?’ He threw his hands in the air.

‘You shouldn’t!’

‘It’s easier when you’re young – you can show it in your fashion. You can, I don’t know, you can talk about dating and things … Unless I’m standing with Mark, people don’t know. Even then, they sometimes assume we’re brothers or friends or whatever. We looked after his niece and nephew and someone assumed we were two dad-friends with our own kids. People just love to not believe you.’

‘I get that.’ Meg smiled. ‘We went away for a night to celebrate our engagement and they asked why sisters at our age wanted to share a bed.’

‘That’s awful.’

‘Yeah.’

‘It brings me back round every time, to me coming out to my parents,’ David said. ‘Them sat in the living room, just not accepting it. Point-blank, my dad said no you’re not. My mum said it was a phase, when I pushed them and I said no it wasn’t, and then my dad said well you need to choose to make it not what you are, or we don’t want you under this roof.’

‘Bloody hell. I’m sorry, David. I can’t believe … I didn’t know it had been that bad.’

‘It’s okay.’

‘I really am sorry,’ she said. ‘That shouldn’t have happened to you, and you were so young.’

She stroked the side of his neck. It felt weirdly intimate but she felt close to him, and she knew, selfishly, that David was the right person to see her through all of this, and that maybe she could repay him by doing the same in the other direction. She leaned over to hug him fully, until he was okay again.

An hour later, she walked back to hers, to prep the house for Hannah’s arrival. It was at times like this she wished she drove, walking through the drizzly grey May streets, face steeled against the oncoming rain.

She had left David in okay spirits. He said he would ring and confirm the other pub, The Sheep’s Inn, before the deadline of midnight tonight in order to secure the booking, and she had headed to hers, hoping Mark would be home soon to give David some more support too. She genuinely didn’t care too much about the venue, since both pubs were fine and their guests would barely notice a difference. She was just worried about David.

On the street, she saw a few members of the youth club outside the small corner shop, playing with a bike and pushing each other around. She guessed they hadn’t got served. She waved and Salma shouted her name, so she went over to quickly say hello. They were standing under the shop’s awning and it was a welcome respite from the rain.

‘Hey,’ she said.

‘It’s Meg!’ Salma said, shouting to the others. ‘Gio, you missed her talk on her job. She used to work for CBBC.’

‘That’s so cool!’ the boy, presumably Gio, said.

‘Well, not anymore …’ Meg said.

‘Yeah, she’s now freelance ,’ Fred said. ‘Which means you do your own hours. I want to do that.’

Meg was surprised and touched the kids seemed to have listened to her talk. She didn’t know how it had gone down. In the moment, in the shop, she had been purely focused on continuing the talk and not losing the group’s attention.

‘Are you doing another talk, Meg?’ Benji asked.

‘No, I don’t think so.’

‘Oh!’ Salma said.

‘Unless,’ Meg said. She thought back to her boredom round here when she was a kid, and what David had said earlier. Would this be a way of paying him back for all the help he was giving her? ‘Would you like one?’

‘Yes please!’ Salma said.

‘Yes!’ Gio said. ‘I promise I won’t miss this one.’

‘Well maybe I’ll talk to Jacob, see if David can give us the florist’s,’ Meg said. She saw a few of the kids slap each other’s hands excitedly. ‘I could do a drawing class?’

‘Thanks, man,’ Benji said. ‘I could do with working on my skills.’

‘Okay, decided then.’ Meg smiled at them, and looked out at the rain, which seemed to have eased off, just slightly. ‘As long as David says yes.’

‘He will,’ Salma said. ‘He loves us!’

‘Yeah, he’s sound,’ Fred said.

‘Well, I know he doesn’t always feel like he’s sound,’ Meg said. ‘So make sure you’re good to him.’

‘What do you mean?’ Fred asked.

‘It’s just sometimes …’ Meg paused. It had been a throwaway comment, but the group were old enough to understand. ‘When you’re a kid, you assume adults know everything and that they’re always fine,’ she said. ‘And actually … they find life hard too. We’re all just figuring it out.’

‘Even Dua?’ Salma asked.

‘Especially Dua.’

Meg waved and ran out into the rain, feeling every day like she was embedding herself with another anchor in this community, and she positively sprinted down the road. She was getting soaked, but it was worth it because she was running towards Hannah, who’d be home so very soon.