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Story: The Stand-in Dad

Meg looked up at the stars, hoping for an answer. The sky was a dark purple, the sun long gone, and she felt the cold spread around her neck and shoulders. She wished she was wearing Hannah’s big pink fluffy jumper, something to comfort her. She felt restless and adrift. All she wanted was Hannah and a blanket and the breakfast they loved. A cup of tea, made by somebody else. A biscuit and a hug.

She wanted, more than anything else, to be somebody who could have a hard day and run back to their parents’ house, to have her dinner made for her before curling up in fresh sheets. She wanted a mother who would stroke her face and tell her everything was going to be okay. Meg wondered, after what had happened, if she had ever had those parents. Her heart, she noticed, was beating faster than ever.

If only she could have a normal wedding. Now, if she went back in, they would be waiting for her to decide what to do, but if she went home, she’d be found there too. She didn’t want to see anyone.

Breathe in for three, hold for four, breathe out for five.

She tried it but it didn’t work.

The idea of returning to normal felt too much. She let the panic take her over. Maybe this was what she deserved. Screw the breathing exercises, screw calm. Maybe her parents were in the right, and maybe she had been so stupid to expect that she’d be allowed a wedding like everybody else had had. A car rushed past suddenly out of nowhere, and she pictured it driving into a puddle, the water splashing all over her.

Surely, it was one of those days.

Now, Meg began to run. She didn’t know where she wanted to be, but it wasn’t here in the street where anybody she knew from when she’d grown up could see her. She didn’t want to be found. She wanted to be invisible.

The air braced her lungs, and there was drizzle on her face and all round her mouth as she tried to breathe. She kept going, her legs stamping into puddles on the pavement, her arms swinging, and soon she couldn’t tell the rain from the teardrops streaming down her face.