My hunger and thirst eventually overpowered me, exhaustion surpassing frustration. I broke the hours-long silence and told Gavin that I was ready to go. When he sensed my chagrin, the concern in his face was clear, but I walked out before he could pry .

For the rest of that day, I fought the urge to get close to him. No matter how badly I longed to share my frustrations, to ask his input, I knew I had to get used to doing things on my own.

Still, what Damond had said about Gavin giving up his home for Gemma and Finn just to give them time alone after years of separation stuck with me. It was kind. It was good . And if Damond was right, Gavin was generous not just for their sake, but for mine as well.

He made them happy to see me happy.

And while that did make me happy, it also made me ache .

***

We were in Tovick longer than planned, and I spent most of that time training or in the library.

I memorized nearly every detail in The Book of the Selvaren and imprinted Finn’s map of Nyrida in my memory.

I was scared to forget any of it, like so many details of my youth.

But perhaps those details weren’t useful.

Maybe my mind and body knew it would need to become an endless repository for this information.

That nothing else would matter more to me than this.

Daily, the others questioned Gavin why we had yet to depart for Brinnea.

I knew why they pushed him, why they wanted to go.

My friends wanted to be done with him. Finn and Caz remained mostly neutral, but Gemma and Ezra were tired of his snide comments regarding Elias Winterton and the Caves and the not-so-subtle hints that he hated the idea of me in a place of confinement.

I’d be queen, yes, but I’d be required to be the type of queen Simeon felt the people needed—the dutiful ruler foretold in Christabel’s prophecy.

Because if I did not become what was needed, if I didn’t succeed in my duty, then people would die. The weight was heavy, but I carried it. And during the past week in Tovick, I had done what I needed to do to make it bearable.

First, I’d insisted that all training sessions be group sessions. Sometimes even Damond joined us. While Gavin watched and instructed me, I made every effort to keep my distance.

I wasn’t cold or rude. I’d already forgiven him for his surprise attack the week prior, knowing I’d needed a push. But I gave him no more attention than I gave the others, and I stomped out any urges to spare a second of time alone with him.

More than once, he requested I join him on an errand or requested an extra training session. I refused them all, tearing my gaze away from the rejection in his eyes before it could let it break my resolve.

Damond’s lighthearted presence helped distract me.

When we weren’t in the library, he taught me how to use a bow and arrow.

It was his personal favorite but felt impossible to perfect.

I missed, and I missed, and I nearly gave up.

The dull ache in my shoulder was a pest. But just like every exercise and movement I learned, my body adjusted, my muscles strengthened, and the pain gradually dissipated.

Ezra and I began each morning with a run.

Of the men, he was the youngest and least experienced in combat—even though it had been two years since he passed through Elias’s Commencement.

I asked plenty of questions about my betrothed.

Tried to make myself interested. I learned that he was born during the fifth month of the year—Floris—and adored his grandmother, Ophelia, above all else.

Except for me. A woman he’d never met. A prophecy. An idea.

So, when Ezra told me how excited Elias was to meet me, I forced a smile and believed that my cousin thought it was true.

Gemma spent most nights with Finn in Gavin’s library basement across town. Every day, they came to breakfast with smiles on their faces, and every day, I felt the same twinge of jealousy in my chest. But I kept it hidden. I was happy for them, but I couldn’t help but… wish .

Gavin continued to place outrageous amounts of food in front of me. I ate without objection, both to avoid any confrontation and because I could feel myself growing stronger. And when I looked at my naked body in the mirror before a bath, my ribs were harder to see.

Besides, at least eight hours of training a day made me constantly hungry.

I managed to avoid the tension with Gavin and distract myself from the ache of missing his closeness.

Until one cloudy winter afternoon, three days before solstice.

I sat cross-legged near the edge of a short cliff looking out at the field I’d ridden the black mare through on my birthday.

The field was now covered in a thin layer of snow that glistened rainbows beneath the winter sun’s rays.

Like a blanket of fog reminding me that seasons changed and moments were not permanent.

Riding free—with that black mare—had not been permanent.

I heard the unmistakable footsteps, solid and swift, until they stopped behind me.

A coin landed in my lap.

“For your thoughts, Ella?”

I sucked in a breath at the sound of him, enduring a heavy, painful pause between us that spoke volumes of its own.

“Please,” he added, voice hoarse.

I looked up at him and nodded.

Relief poured out in a sigh as he lowered himself to the ground beside me, the stone scratching beneath the heavy soles of his boots.

Long minutes passed. Silent minutes that we spent sitting together, looking out at the field beyond the stables until he finally spoke.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

I forced a swallow. “Yes.”

He turned to face me. “If this is because of our last training session, the day after the assault, then I need you to know that—”

“It’s not. I know why you did it.”

“You do?” His gaze followed mine to my fidgeting thumbs.

“Yes.”

The cooing call of a mourning dove echoed in the woods behind us. I took it as a command from the gods to breathe . Breathe, so I had the courage to speak the truth.

“I don’t know how you can read me like you can, know my thoughts, or see my fears.

” I tucked my knees into my chest. “I don’t have to tell you I’m afraid to meet Simeon in Brinnea for you to know it.

I don’t have to tell you how uneasy I feel about those Caves and all the people there waiting for me, or how much I dread being someone I’m not.

I don’t have to tell you anything for you to know me. You just do.”

Distant wind disturbed a flock of birds in a forest beyond the field. They rose and scattered in a synchronized dance. I could feel his stare locked on me, calming me from the outside in.

“I want to help these people,” I continued.

“I want to fight. I’m becoming strong enough—I think —but I’m also starting to understand what—” I clenched my teeth, afraid to look at him.

Knowing if I did, I wouldn’t be able to say what I needed to.

“I’m starting to understand what I’ll be forced to give up, and that’s why I’ve been avoiding you.

Because it hurts to know that they’ll make me give you up, won’t they?

” My breath shuddered. I blinked out a tear. “My teacher, my… friend.”

Avoiding him had left an aching hole in my chest. When I was angry, I wanted to tell him .

When I was afraid, I searched for the solace I found in his presence.

When I was successful, I wanted his praise.

When I was happy, I wanted to share it with him.

I wanted to watch as joy lit up his face when I smiled.

Despite his hardness and his violence, I craved him.

His deep laughter and devilish grin. His safety and warm, gentle touch.

The way he made me want to fight.

I wasn’t sure I knew what love was, but I imagined it had to be something like this .

In just a few weeks, I had found in him a soul that connected with mine. As if our bond had been declared by the gods long before a clairvoyant queen’s prophecy. Sometimes I felt like he was an extension of me, and no amount of time or distance could clip the indignant cord binding us together.

But Gavin Smyth was and always would be a man mourning his lost wife. He didn’t follow the rules, and he would challenge authority. And the way he made me feel could not exist alongside Elias Winterton, the man I had to marry to keep my army, to beat Molochai, to save this world.

“When I go to those Caves,” I continued shakily, looking up at him, “they will make me say goodbye to you, won’t they?”

His thick throat bobbed as he swallowed, and he stared straight ahead. The hard planes of his face revealed nothing, but sorrow weighed heavy in his gaze. “Yes.”

I let silent tears fall. And, as if it was the last time I might ever get to touch him, I wrapped myself around his warm, steel arm and held on.

Indeed, I could make this the last time I touched him. I could keep my distance as I had over the last week and a half. Or I could cherish the time we had left, knowing it was going to hurt to say goodbye either way.

“But we have at least a week.” I pulled away and met his gaze with hopeful eyes. “We still need to go to Brinnea. And I haven’t found my power. Surely Simeon can’t send me to Elias until I find whatever it is they’re counting on, so you can stay with me until I find it, can’t you?”

His breath quickened, his eyes darted between my eyes and my mouth. “Aryella, I—”

The ground rumbled beneath us, and an energy that I could only describe as alive reverberated through my core.

To our right, fire, smoke, and screams erupted into a terrible cloud of destruction.

A booming shock wave right in the heart of Tovick as the temple began to crumble.