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Chapter nineteen

I woke as the early-morning sun splattered its sharp light through the tree canopy and into the room from the window.

Despite the stressful night, I slept well.

Thanks to his presence and to the warm spot on my stomach, where something rested heavier than the blankets that swaddled me.

I uncovered my hands to feel warm, calloused fingers attached to Gavin’s scarred left hand.

He had kept his hand on me—protecting me, holding me—all night long.

My heart danced. I took advantage of his focus diverted to a vial of dark liquid no larger than my index finger and calmed my heartbeat. He twirled it between the fingers of his right hand, lost in distant thought, staring at nothing.

I made a point to shift and yawn, fully opening my eyes. “Were you there all night?”

He snapped out of his trance, tucked the vial back into the pocket of his black linen shirt, sat up straight, and nodded. “Mostly. I didn’t want you to wake up in an empty room.”

To my left, Gemma’s side of the bed was bare .

“Is she okay?”

He failed to suppress a grin. “I’m sure she’s just swell.”

“Where is she?”

“With Finn.” He folded his hands in his lap. “Has been all night.”

“Oh, right.” Blood rushed to my cheeks as I sat up in bed. “Good for Gemma.”

And then I began to ramble.

“Did you know Finn has wanted to be with her for years?” I sputtered out. “But refused to touch her until she turned eighteen, even though there’s only three years between them.”

I got up from bed. The wooden floor groaned beneath him as he rose from his chair.

“Then she was summoned to Elias’s barracks to participate in Commencement.

” I unbraided my hair. A muscle flexed in his jaw as he watched my hair fall over my shoulders, partially bare beneath my nightgown off-kilter from sleep.

But he kept his distance. “Then, she was sent to me. And I think, to them, it felt like they would never be able to express their true feelings and be together, that the timing wasn’t right.

But I’m glad for them now.” With my brush, I made long, languid strokes very much at odds with my digressions.

“They deserve to be happy. Finn is a good man.”

“Finn is a better man than—” He cleared his throat. “Better than most.”

Empathy flooded through me at what I knew he’d been about to say. That he had stopped himself from admitting the type of man he thought he was. I wanted to say something profound to comfort him as he would me, but I didn’t know what that was, and I wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it from me.

Instead, I distracted myself with a look outside the window.

Green and crimson solstice decorations brightened the heart of the small city.

Tovick townsfolk bustled about the cobblestone streets while dodging horses, rickety carts, and carriages, some simple, some grand.

The temple was still beautiful but carried an impending sense of gloom following yesterday’s events.

It rose proudly above the homes and shops, some of which had shutters partially ajar to disperse the stuffiness inside with the crisp winter air.

“Will we do more training today?” My bag rested on the floor by the hearth, and when I went to it, I saw all of my clothing washed and folded.

“I’m thinking we should enlist some help from your friends,” Gavin suggested before I could comment on my clean laundry.

He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms. “I want to know what Winterton is teaching his soldiers before you go there.” A troubled shadow snaked through his typically stoic expression.

“Give yourself a leg up so you can defend yourself if need be.”

I frowned. “Why would I need to defend myself against my own people?”

His nostrils flared, but he kept his cool repose. “After last night, especially, I’ll rest easier knowing you can.”

It was an effort to not read into that. To hear how little he trusted the people in those caves. Because so far, he’d been right about all threats to me.

“Gavin?”

With his hand on the doorknob, he turned back to me.

“I don’t want the others to know what happened last night. Especially Ezra and Gemma. I don’t want them to worry about me.”

Because they would, and they would coddle me for it. He must have read this on my face, because he didn’t object.

“Your secrets are always safe with me.” A coy grin sent my heart aflutter. “I don’t enjoy talking to them, anyway.”

I snorted and watched him go, quickly exchanging my nightgown with a pair of black pants and a matching black sweater. Another outfit Gemma had snuck into my bag, no doubt .

My silver hair contrasted the black fabric, and the faded freckles up and over the bridge of my nose were more prominent than usual against my green eyes. I twisted my hair into a long braid and was satisfied and hungry enough to follow the sweet aroma of breakfast downstairs.

Gemma, Finn, and Ezra were nowhere to be found while the rest of us ate eggs cooked with cheese, bacon, and sweet cinnamon cakes.

Their absence angered Gavin—thwarted his plans to have me try and land blows on all our companions—but I told him to leave them alone.

If I had a night like I assumed Gemma and Finn had, I’d want to sleep in too.

And Ezra was undoubtedly determined to avoid Gavin. I couldn’t blame him.

Reluctantly, Gavin conceded. “Fine. You can practice with Caz.”

In response, Caz caught my eye with a wink and a truly feline smile. I rolled my eyes and laughed.

And when I started to wonder if I would ever have a night like Gemma and Finn had, I shoved the thought away.

Damond came out from the kitchen halfway through breakfast to join us, mercifully refraining from any mention of the body he’d dealt with during the early hours of the morning.

I listened while he and Caz discussed the rising threat of Molochai’s Insidions as they pushed farther north.

Villages that had once been safe havens were being decimated, and Elias’s forces, despite their training, were struggling to keep up.

Something was drawing Molochai farther north than he’d bothered going before. The obvious answer was me, but they assured me Molochai still remained unaware of my existence.

“But if they’re that close, shouldn’t we be going to the Caves?

” Nausea churned my stomach and I felt the color leave my face.

“I don’t know if I’m ready or if I want…

” I paused, sucking in a breath. My wants didn’t matter when people were in danger.

“But if they need me—need us —then why do we delay? Shouldn’t we insist Simeon just meet us there instead of Brinnea? ”

Caz spoke first. “Simeon gave Smyth the order to bring you to Brinnea. He wants to meet his own daughter—speak with you, discover your powers—before you go to those caves. Brinnea is safe.” Caz shifted again, this time facing Gavin. “But—”

“But nothing.” His chilling stare was locked on the empty plate before him. Beside that plate, his huge, scarred fingers drummed restlessly on the thick oak table. “We have time. We will go to Brinnea.”

Part of me worried, most of me relieved, I didn’t object, even when Damond winced at his cousin’s stern insistence.

Aware of my uselessness without training and practice, I was the first to rise from the table, venture outside, and begin to run into the towering canopy of leafless trees on the north side of the tavern, away from the city.

The walking and running from traveling, coupled with the much-appreciated birthday rest I received yesterday, left me far less winded than I expected.

Still, when I completed my warm-up run with Gavin and Caz, I frowned when I saw both breathed so easily. They might as well have never moved.

More. I needed to run more, train more. Despite how much I’d improved, it wasn’t enough.

Caz and I sparred for at least an hour while Gavin assessed us against a maple tree, muscular arms crossed over his broad chest.

“Dead.” Caz held his hand at my throat in place of the blade he would use to take my life, if he held one.

I groaned. The amount of times he had “killed” me were well into double digits. Caz was tall, agile, strong, and well-practiced. No threat compared to Gavin, but that was a comparison unfair to anyone.

I lunged, and Caz dodged again. We repeated the dance for another half hour, halted only by the commanding call of my name.

“What?” I snapped.

Gavin curled a finger and motioned for me to approach him. Leaves crunched beneath my boots as I stalked over, hands on my hips .

He smirked down at me. “You’re holding back.”

Defeated, I shrugged. “I can’t beat him.”

Gavin furrowed his brow at me. “Wrong attitude, Ella. You’re practicing just as I taught you, but you’re a second behind him.”

“Because I’m not fast enough or strong enough.”

Another frown, but no denial. I was right, and he knew it.

He studied my face in silence. By now, he’d done it enough times that I was less fazed by his appraising stare and more bored while I waited for whatever conclusion he formed in that mysterious mind. Maybe one day he’d tell me all he was thinking, but—

“Punch him in the throat.”

“What?” I dropped my folded arms to my side. “No.”

“Yes,” he firmly replied. “Catch him off guard. See if he can block it.”

It was a savage move, certainly not one to use on a friend while sparring. We only made the motions of attack and defense without landing actual blows.

“That’s not fighting fair.”

“I’m not teaching you to fight fair. I’m teaching you to survive.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

“You won’t.” He raised a brow. “Not if your betrothed is much of a teacher.”

With a roll of my eyes, I returned to Caz. His hazel gaze sparkled with humor as he shook a strand of black hair out of his eye. “Did he impart any grumpy wisdom upon you?”

In my best effort to be vague, I said, “He wants me to be… rougher.”