Page 9

Zoey

I pull my cloak around me, grateful we’ve changed into Fae clothes for once. It’s almost the spring equinox, but it’s cold here in Wales. Eyri—or as it’s known to the rest of the world, Snowdonia—is the site of a national park and the tallest mountain in the UK south of the Scots border. We followed Matilda’s instructions, allowing the hounds to guide us.

And making sure to not be too close because everyone was right and bacon is apparently screwing with my hound’s belly.

As Dev dodges a small fireball, he frowns my way. It’s his “I told you” look.

I’m starting to worry my faery prince is having even more trouble than I am settling into this new life forced upon us. He’s treating the kids like they’re still young and haven’t been forced to grow up. Like they’re incapable of making decisions, and it’s alienating them. Evan barely talks to him. Rhys is reserved around him. Lee is…well, Lee is Lee. My vampire son seems like the perfect “roll with the punches, nothing bothers him”

young man, but I know his emotions run deep.

Rhys walks ahead of us, a grim expression on his face. He turns every now and then to ensure Shy is following. Shy looks lovely dressed in a flowy yellow gown that cinches in her waist and shows off her curves. Her naturally curly hair flows around her face, brushing the tops of her shoulders. The dress is concealed by her heavy cloak, though I can see the sturdy slippers Rhys insisted on. Dev tried to get her to wear heels.

The Fae are all about appearances. Oh, a brownie gets to wear whatever she wants, but I get my ass shoved into a ballgown. Though I am happy for the cloak since it’s chilly up in here.

Danny stops and looks back our way. “Take a break, guys. The dogs are splitting up. Sasha, Neil, and I will follow them. We’ll be back as soon as we can. Rhys?”

My son nods his dad’s way. “I’ll take care of them.”

Brendan Thomas gives the King of All Vampire a big grin. “I will, too, Your Highness. My wolf hasn’t had a good fight in weeks.”

Neil turns on his son, pointing a finger his way. “Brendan, we are traveling light. Do not explode those clothes if you don’t have to. No showing off.”

“He’s not showing off,”

Cassie Thomas says, nudging her brother with her elbow. “He’s smarter in wolf form. Dad, you know he’s not really a wolf, right? Let’s see. He’s a complete weirdo with abandonment issues and weird prey instincts who makes the most ridiculous sounds. He’s obviously a Husky shifter.”

Neil snorts but opens his arms. The two supernatural kids he and Chad adopted move easily in, accepting his affection. He bows his head and kisses the top of Cassie’s. “Be nice to your weirdo brother. And be safe. Listen to Z. I’ll be back.”

He takes off after his hellhound escort.

Rhys sits on a rock roughly fifty feet from his papa, Shy next to him. Brendan and Cassie join them.

So the old folks are on their own.

“I don’t think they did it.”

Dev stares at our son. “I would have felt it. There was no release of magic. I was ready to contain it, but it didn’t come.”

“No, but I’m pretty sure Shy did.”

I find a big log and settle in, thanking the universe it’s not raining.

Dev’s brow rises. “Yes, I rather had that energy coming off her. I suspect Rhys is making a power play. Withholding himself is not the right call here. It’s going to get him in trouble.”

It’s a good time to remind my husband he’s not in control of this situation. “You have to let him make his own mistakes, Devinshea.”

He shakes his head and paces the length of the log in front of me. “That might be fine if his mistakes were something like staying out too late and getting in trouble at work. His mistakes can call Myrddin to us. We’re not ready. I worry we’re not ever going to be ready.”

“Why would you say that?”

I need him positive. Danny and I are the ones who get mired in the what ifs, in the dark questions. Dev is the one with faith. “I think once we find Sarah, and more importantly, Mia, we’ll at least have the tools we need.”

Dev’s jaw tightens. “You truly think one girl can defeat Myrddin? We had an army when we took out Marini and he was just a vampire. And back then, the witches were on our side. They killed…so many of us. Even if we win, have we thought about what we do with the witches who fought on his side?”

I don’t like to think about it. In my head, they’ve all got thrall stones. I know it isn’t true and we will have to ask the hard questions. “We should cross that bridge when we come to it. Winning the war is all that matters now.”

He stills, his hands on his hips as he stares down at me. “And if we cannot win?”

I don’t think about that either, but I can see the thought has my faery prince in a bind. I stand and put my arms around him, offering the affection he needs. “There is no option and you know it. With Marini if we stayed in Faery he might have left us alone. We will not get the same courtesy from Myrddin. He cannot allow us to live. Daniel walking the plane—any plane—subverts his authority and gives the supernatural world a figure to rally around. And you should consider that until a few weeks ago, Rhys had taken that mantle. He was the figurehead of this rebellion, and that’s heavy. You are being too hard on him.”

He huffs but holds me close. “Yes, I’ve heard that a lot. I question if we would be in this situation if I had been harder when they were children. Damn it, my goddess, I can see the mistakes they’re making, how reckless they’re being. How can you not try to stop them? You and Daniel are far too calm, if you ask me.”

I have to wonder if he’s actively rewriting history or just forgetting. “Says the man who cut his hair and vowed to never return to Faery. You left with nothing more than a pack on your back.”

He chuckles. “Well, I did steal a bunch of gold, and my favorite brownie packed some sandwiches, but I get your point. However, I had to leave Faery. My mother forced my hand. I had no great desire to leave the only place I’d ever… Shit. You think Rhys is afraid to go to Faery because he was kidnapped by Fae. He’s using Shy as an excuse.”

I never said he wasn’t smart. My faery prince really left the sithein to make his way in the world. Having a human father who was a ridiculously successful businessman helped, certainly, but he was brave to leave what he knew behind. No one wanted Rhys to do that. “I’m worried they both think Rhys might have to sacrifice in order for us to obtain the army we need.”

Dev steps back, frowning. “He thinks I would ask him to… What?”

I hold a hand out. “Please don’t take this personally, babe. I’m not saying he thinks you are going to ask him. He thinks he’s going to have to make the decision and weigh the greater good with his own wants and needs. The Fae won’t simply fall in line. They will ask for concessions, and one of them might be Rhys. If you recall, your brother thought it would be best if I remained your mistress and allowed you to find a proper Fae wife.”

“And I punched him for even suggesting it. My goddess, I know we’ve had trouble with my family in the past and I will talk to my mother about how she handled our children, but the truth of the matter is…”

“We need them.”

I wish we didn’t. “I intend to behave until I have what I need, but you have to understand where Rhys is coming from. Shy is everything to him. The way Fenrir is to Evan. And before you tell me they need time to see the world or find themselves, I’m going to ask you when you expect them to do that. They don’t get to go off to college. They didn’t get to graduate from high school and backpack through Europe. They got blood and sweat and fear. They had to spend their childhood on the run, and in the midst of all of it, they found family.”

“We are their family,”

Dev says stubbornly.

“Of course we are, but not the way Fenrir and Shy are right now. Not the way Sasha and Trent are. You have to respect what they went through. We were not there. It wasn’t our fault but we weren’t there.”

“And that is why I will kill Myrddin.”

I need to get him to the place I am, the place where he’s honest, but first he has to be honest with himself. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”

“Rage.”

He steps away, pacing again. “I don’t understand this fucking world. It’s like we came home to utter chaos.”

“Not true. We came home to a well-run rebellion. Sasha and Trent did a magnificent job.”

“They turned our children into soldiers.”

Dev runs a hand through his hair, a frustrated gesture.

“They had to be soldiers. They tried to hide the kids and when they couldn’t, they raised them to be a marvelous unit who love and care about each other.”

His eyes darken. “Yes, and that is my mother and brother’s fault.”

This is well-worn ground. “And you are angry with them.”

“I have considered killing them both.”

I sigh and move into his space again, placing a hand on his chest. It’s good to acknowledge the impulse even if I know he won’t follow through with it. “What else do you feel?”

“It’s wrong. It’s all wrong, Zoey. It’s not supposed to be this way.”

He grinds the words out, his discomfort plain.

I can’t care about his discomfort now. “I need you to think about this, my love. Don’t tell me now. I want you to sit with the question for a few days. Have you felt this before? This feeling, this all-encompassing, drowning feeling. If you have, what name did you give it?”

It took me a while to name this feeling. This emotion that threatened to take my heart. But I had to come to this conclusion myself. Knowing what was truly ruling me, saying the name plainly, made it easier to deal with. I need my husband to come to the revelation on his own. “Now tell me what you sense from Shy. Does Bris have any thoughts? What could we be missing? What power would tempt Arawn into being willing to help us?”

I’ve been asking the question since we met with the crone. Shy is good at what she does. I know her powers are impressive, but I fail to see how Arawn would need her. He can already talk to the dead. I’m asking the question now because I think my husband could use a few moments to calm down.

His eyes change and Bris reaches for my hand, bringing it up to his lips. “You are handling him so well, Zoey.”

Tears pierce my eyes and I move into his arms, feeling safer than I did before. “Only because I’m already on the other side. Sort of.”

I feel him sigh and kiss my hair. “I think it will be a long time before we’re truly on the other side, but you are being strong for them all, and you will get Rhys through this trip to Faery. I believe you are correct and he is scared. His fear comes out as anger, and it’s easier to protect Shy than to protect himself. Though you should understand he will do anything to protect Shy. Devinshea doesn’t want to believe that Rhys is old enough and mature enough to take a goddess.”

“Because it’s proof of our loss,”

I whisper, holding him.

“He needs more time,”

Bris replies, his Irish accent soothing. “I hope being in Faery, seeing the damage his mother did, will make him rethink his stance. He loves them. He loves them so much.”

“I know.”

“And he loves Shy because we can feel Rhys’s love for her,”

Bris explains quietly. “It’s written in his magic. Devinshea is being stubborn. He feels it and it hurts that he didn’t get to see them meet, to send them off on dates and worry about them breaking the rules. He didn’t get to have talks about sex and how sacred it is. He didn’t get to tease them and have Shahidi come to dinners. He didn’t get to watch you get close to her. He will come to the proper conclusion. He will call this ache by its name and then he can begin to heal.”

Grief. That is this feeling’s true name. My husband mourns those twelve years, but it’s coming out as denial and anger. This feeling, this pit that opened inside him, is loss. I realize what we’re doing and step back. “We shouldn’t talk about this. He has to figure it out himself.”

Bris’s eyes glow in the dim light. “He is resting. It’s something we’ve started to do over the years. When we agree, we can suppress the other so private conversations can be had. He knows this is something I worry about. It is a sign of our respect that he allows this.”

“It is a sign of his love,”

I correct. “We love you. You are a part of us.”

A beatific smile lights his face. It’s so odd how different his smile is from Devinshea’s. How I’ve come to know all the differences and similarities between them. “And you and Dev and Daniel and our children are everything to me. Which is why I need you to understand there is no other woman for Rhys, but I worry unless she finds her true power, she will not be able to choose him.”

“Do you sense this power?”

“In a way. Our powers are different, so I can’t explain it fully. In some ways our powers seem oppositional. But there is a connection I cannot name,”

Bris explains. “I think Arawn might be able to shed some light on what is simmering beneath her surface. She was young when she lost her parents, who could have guided her into her power. Harry did what he could, and I know Lily and the witches of Frelsi tried to help, but by then she was locked into what she believes are her limits. Perhaps a bit afraid of what other power she owns.”

“I think so, too.”

I’ve studied her a bit and had some dealings with other mediums. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone with Shy’s ability to talk to the dead. The mediums my father and I have dealt with need rituals and the trappings of a séance to get a bit of information from a spirit. Shy sees them everywhere and has long conversations with them. Could Nim be right? Do you think Arawn is looking for his old shit?”

Bris snorts. “You mean the Golden Torc or the Cauldron of Rebirth? Then yes, I think Shy might be helpful in finding them. The dead might be able to feel the objects even though they’re hidden to living eyes.”

“Is it dangerous if Arawn gets the stuff back?”

I don’t want to exchange one tyrant for another.

“He can’t use them in his current form, but he could be worried about them being out in the world. He could simply miss them,”

Bris says in a way that makes me think he knows what Arawn is feeling.

“Did you have…things that were important to you?”

I never asked about what it was like for Bris to give up his corporeal body. Never asked what his life was like before.

“I had a magic scythe. I could swing it once and the whole field was harvested. I miss her. She was a gift from Brighid,”

he says with a hint of a smile. “But Arawn’s tools were made of parts of him. So he might be feeling nostalgic. He might be worried they will be found and misused. Or he might think the cauldron could swing the tide of war if he can find it and put the pieces back together. We will not know until we meet with him.”

“They’re coming back,”

Rhys calls out over the space between us.

I take a deep breath and move into the group of our young people. “Guys, I know you’ve heard stories about Faery, but whatever you’ve heard, I need you to be prepared for something much more dangerous. It is beautiful and deadly. Don’t trust anyone in there who is not one of our party. Keep your eyes and ears open and mouth shut if you can.”

Cassie’s eyes go wide. “You make it sound super scary, Aunt Z. Dad said it was fun.”

I point Brendan’s way because we need to make some things clear. “No eating weird faery creatures. Your dad thought it was fun because he ate a bunch of stuff he shouldn’t have.”

Brendan’s hands go up like what me? “I would never eat a faery creature.”

He frowns as though lying hurts him. “I mean, unless it deserved it or looks really tasty.”

“Be careful,”

Rhys warns. “Some of the sweetest-looking things in Faery can bite back. We’re only going to the Seelie sithein. Your senses can fool you in there. The Unseelie are a bit more open about their cruelty.”

My heart hurts for my son because there’s beauty in Faery, too. It should have been his second home.

“I’ll have to change your mind.”

Dev is back and his hand slides into mine, squeezing it as though letting me know he’s going to try. “Do you remember our temple?”

Rhys frowns. “Vaguely. I think the last time I was there I was eight. I remember there was a stream that ran through it. We would play in it, Lee and Evan and I.”

Dev gives our son a smile. “It is the most peaceful place I’ve ever been. I can’t wait for you to show Shahidi. And Brendan and Cassie, I promise you will be safe in the palace. Your aunt is being cautious, and she has her reasons for it, but I want you to enjoy yourselves.”

The hounds reach us first, all three running to Shy as though greeting her before one joins me.

“We found it,”

Danny says and reaches into his backpack, pulling out the stones Matilda gave us. He passes them around.

“Nimue told us we must each have one of these on our persons, preferably in hand, to go through this door,”

Rhys explains. “It’s blue dolerite, found only here in the mountains. It will allow us to pass through a piece of Annwn, though Nimue says we won’t notice it. It’s more like a wormhole.”

“It’s a passageway he uses,”

Dev explains. “Many ancients connected to other planes have ways to travel that don’t involve using the front door. So let’s get this going. I would like to be at the palace before nightfall.”

Danny places the stone in my hand and takes the other. “Let’s get this over with because I want to get to New Zealand. Sasha, whatever you do, don’t take off that ring. The sun in the sithien has less ultraviolet rays than the Earth plane sun, but it will still damage you.”

“I will be careful,”

Sasha says, taking up a position at the back of the group. “And no one forget that there is cold iron in your packs should you need it.”

I carefully sheathe my cold iron knife before we start the walk to the mountain. I hope I don’t have to use it.