Shy

I follow Rhys out of the magnificent rooms that apparently belong to an evil version of his papa. Cassie gives me a long look as if asking if I need backup.

I do not. I apparently don’t need a machete to take out what Rhys can send my way, so I’m pretty comfortable having this throwdown in complete privacy.

Well, as private as anything can be when there are probably always eyes on us.

That makes me worry. “Maybe we should leave the palace if we’re going to talk.”

Sasha hasn’t checked all the rooms yet, and I worry that the butterflies I see all around are actually pixies, and I know how we use them as spies.

Rhys stops in the middle of the hall and turns my way. “I have a charm my sister gave me. When I activate it no one I’m not making eye contact with will be able to hear us. Are you worried about the pixies?”

There are several on him right now—a brilliant blue one on his shoulder and a couple more clinging to his arms. “Sasha uses them as spies. It occurs to me the king might do the same.”

Rhys’s head shakes. “They hate the king. They followed Papa and I in and they are trying to ensure no one from the king’s council sees them. Apparently they have not been welcome in the palace for a long time.”

“How are you hearing them? You used to require a wolf or vampire to tell you what they…”

It hits me. “You are more attuned to them since your ascension.”

He gestures to his shoulder. “This one is called Hallow. He’s mated to the queen. She sensed our presence the minute we walked into the sithein. They are well aware we aren’t who we look like. They are begging us to save Ostara. They think the king is going to kill her. Papa is not well liked here.”

He stops for a moment, listening, and then his face falls. “Seriously? Ugh. I will never hear the end of it.”

He looks my way. “Also, they work for the rebellion which is led by the king’s actual bastard son who is a famous thief.”

Despite our precarious situation, I snort. “Lee’s here, then.”

Rhys huffs and continues toward the rooms we were given. “Yes, and I’m sure he’ll cause an enormous amount of trouble. My brother as a full Fae is likely as annoying as he is as a vampire king. Come along. We have things to talk about.”

Yes, we do. “I’m not staying with you in that room, Rhys.”

He opens the door and invites me inside. “Where else would you stay, wife?”

He put me in that corner, though the way some of these males look at me, I find a bit of comfort in it. When we entered the palace, the staff was surprised and obviously terrified. But the courtiers seemed delighted their decadent king returned so soon. They looked all the women in our party up and down like they were sizing up how much fun they could have with us. I noted a few high Fae women, but they mostly ignored us.

I also noticed they whispered about Zoey. Almost like they knew her, too, but when Dev introduced her, they seemed like it was the first time meeting her. Something is off, but before I could try to figure it out Rhys put an arm around me and declared me his wife.

I hate it when the only way I can feel safe is to be connected to some powerful man.

“I can stay with Cassie.”

His head shakes. “Cassie is with her brother and father. Neil doesn’t want to split them up. She has two men watching over her, and Mom has Papa and Dad. Sasha is next to us, and I assure you he’ll be listening. Now tell me what I can do to make up for being a massive ass.”

He reaches for my hand and takes it between both of his. “Shy, I’m not handling this well. I’m on edge, and I’m not even sure why. The minute I walked into this sithein…”

His hand feels restless on mine, and my heart rate ticks up because I have a good inkling of why he’s on edge.

Whether or not this is his timeline, the land is the same. It pulses with Fae energy in a way the Earth plane does not. Rhys vowed to reside on the Earth plane, the priest to all the Earthly Fae left behind long ago, but that doesn’t mean his body fails to receive the energy this plane has for a fertility god.

And it certainly doesn’t mean his body doesn’t need a place to send the energy pouring through him.

See, it sounds like a good idea to date a fertility god. Especially one who isn’t a player. One would suspect an actual sex god would screw his way around the world, but when his papa met his mother and took the ancient god Bris into his body and ascended, he took a vow of monogamy. I suspect it got easier for him because Zoey is his true goddess, and Bris is known for loving one woman at a time. I heard stories of what Dev Quinn was like before he met the queen. Rhys was never like that. Not even once. I suspect the desire to find his goddess and be true to her was written into his DNA.

Sounds lovely, right? But what happens when you really want to fight and he’s a whirling ball of anxiety and confusion because he’s being bombarded by energy he doesn’t truly understand since he wasn’t raised here? His papa was gone before he reached puberty, and while Sasha and Trent did a great job, they couldn’t possibly understand a young fertility god. Or what he needs.

Which is to get laid.

The trouble is I’m pissed off with him right now. The other trouble is I’m kind of turned on and it’s all about that energy that’s pouring off him. I can feel energy from living beings, but normally it’s a nice hum from Rhys. Here in this place it’s like wave after wave battering me. That sounds violent and it’s not. What it’s really doing is tempting me, and I have to wonder if this is about what I want or what he needs.

I don’t know that it matters anymore. Rhys and I feel inevitable. So much of my fear seems ridiculous. I know why we waited, but there’s no reason to wait anymore.

Maybe I’m being affected by this place, too, but I feel freer here. I haven’t seen the Drowning Woman at all, and my power has me thinking I can handle him. Even if it’s not forever.

I drag his hand up to my chest, placing his palm against my breast. That feels right, too. “You know why.”

He pales and pulls away from me. “Shy, don’t do that. Not now. I can’t control myself.”

“That’s what I’m telling you, Rhys. I don’t want you to control yourself. It’s time. You can’t think properly, and it’s only going to get worse. You need sex. You need a release for all the energy inside you. Tell me you don’t feel it. I’m not a fertility god and I feel it. Do you remember what Fenrir was talking about before he and Evan left for the Hell plane?”

Rhys nods. “Yes. His papa’s seat of power is a moonlight kingdom. Trent mentioned it would be harder to ignore his wolf instincts there. It’s one of the reasons I released him from his promise to wait until Evan is eighteen.”

“I’m an adult, Rhys. You’re an adult. I no longer house your grandfather’s soul. You need this.”

His jaw tightens. “And that is precisely why I won’t take it from you. This cannot be about my need. I won’t use you. I love you, Shahidi. I will wait until you’re ready.”

So frustrating. “That’s what I’m telling you. I’m ready.”

He actually takes a step back. “No. You’re not. There’s something about this place. I suspect there’s some kind of energy you’re picking up on, and I won’t take your virginity because you’re under a spell. This is one of the reasons I think we should try to get you back. I don’t feel this way in my grandmother’s sithein.”

“How old were you the last time you were in the Seelie sithein?”

He seems to think for a moment. “I was eleven. It was a few months before my parents fell through the painting. I almost was taken to the Unseelie sithein though. A few Unseelie decided to kidnap me. They intended to use magic to force me to do my duties. I felt the tiniest edge of that magic before I was knocked out. It felt a bit like this.”

My heart aches at the thought. He doesn’t talk about that time. He’s referring to the incident that cost Lee his eye. He’s probably afraid, but I worry his fear is going to put us all in a bad situation. “Rhys, are you afraid of sex?”

His eyes roll. “I’m not afraid of sex.”

But it kind of makes sense. All of his life he’s known this is his power. As a kid it was all latent power, but now it’s here and he’s ascended to a place no one thought was possible. “You’ve talked about how hard it was to be in school. How all the teachers wore charms and shields around you and tried to stay away.”

Because being around him was enough to cause women to ovulate and several got pregnant, one after she swore she was in menopause. It must have been isolating to a young child. He couldn’t control it.

“I’m not a child anymore, Shy. I can control it. I can control myself,”

he says with grim resolve.

“And if I don’t want you to?”

He shakes his head. “You don’t know what you want. When the time is right, we’ll cement our bond.”

He is so annoying. “So I don’t know what I want and I’m neither smart enough nor strong enough to fight in a war against the man who murdered my entire family.”

“I never said that. I don’t think you should have to.”

“And you get to make all of the rules when it comes to me.”

He stares at me like he knows it’s a trap. He falls in anyway. “I am your commanding officer.”

I lean in so he can’t possibly mistake me. “Then I’ll make it easy for you. I quit. Now you don’t have to worry about me anymore. I’ll fight with Lily and the witches. And you can explain to your sister why her best friend is no longer in her unit. I’m staying with Cassie and you can fuck yourself.”

I turn and start for the door.

I hear him growl behind me, and I wish I could say my heart rate didn’t triple.

This is it. If he finds his control and lets me go, I will hold the line. I will move forward, and it will be without Rhys Donovan-Quinn. I’ll know this is all fear. Know that he picked me because I was out of reach and safe, and now he’s trying to buy himself more time by shoving me in a sithein and going on about his life.

I reach for the door and begin to open it. A hard hand slams the door closed and I feel him behind me.

My spine straightens as he leans in.

“If you think for one second that I will allow you to leave, you don’t know me at all.”

So arrogant. “If you think you control me, you don’t know me.”

I hear him breathing, feel his nose run along the nape of my neck. “I know you. Shy, I am trying to show you that you are not some sort of control mechanism for me. You are precious. You hold my heart.”

“But not your body.”

He groans and his head leans against mine. “You own all of me. Every cell in my body, every spark of magic I have is yours. And Shy, my cock is absolutely yours. Don’t you dare tell me I don’t want you.”

He rubs against me, and I feel the evidence of his desire.

It takes everything I have not to arch my backside into that hard piece of masculinity. I can feel my own magic pulsing inside me.

I didn’t know I had real magic. Not until I stepped onto this plane. It might only ever work here, and I feel drugged by it. I feel powerful and vulnerable all at the same time.

“I want you, too, Rhys.”

“Then marry me. I need you to understand that the minute my body penetrates yours I will consider you my wife. I will not touch another woman for all my days.”

And this is why I’m scared. “Rhys, we can’t know I’m your goddess until we sleep together, and what happens if I’m not?”

“You are. Shahidi, if you say you’ll marry me, I’ll take you right here. Right now. I’ll let my power flow and wake every plant and tree and flower in this sithein.”

His words wash over me like cold water.

“You can’t.”

Shit. He can’t. “I think there would be a few questions as to why Devinshea brought a far more powerful fertility god back to his place. I don’t think your father is very open in this timeline. You exploding the gardens will bring too much attention.”

I hear him hiss and then his fist pounds on the door.

I didn’t think at all. I just wanted, and the tension between us is killing me. I know part of his unmitigated assholery is because he has no place to put his energy. Which is more powerful here. My love is a swirling storm of anger and fear and bad history and magic he doesn’t yet understand.

He steps back and I turn. My heart aches at the pain I see on his face, and I will do anything. When my heart seems so full of him, I know my hesitation is going to come for nothing. I know I’ll fall into his arms no matter how irritated I am with him.

I love him.

“The temple.”

He takes a long breath. “We can go to the temple. If it’s anything like the one I remember, there’s a way to both amplify and nullify fertility power. My great-grandfather was incredibly powerful, and they had to dampen his magic when he really got going. I can take you there.”

“Rhys, I haven’t said I’ll marry you,”

I say quietly though I know I’m close, but that power of mine still worries me.

“Because you might not be my goddess?”

“Rhys, my power is rooted in death. Yours in life. What if this union takes away from your power?”

“And what if it’s all connected?”

he offers. “Have you thought about that? You talk about how you stay in shadows, but you literally send souls to the light. The wheel turns. Spring is not possible without the rest of winter. Without death and dying there is no rebirth. You cannot take my pow…”

He stops for a moment, his face going blank as though he’s trying to figure something out. “Shy, someone is coming. Something is coming. I feel her pull.”

There’s a knock on the door and I swear I feel a gentle breeze and then the scent of grass and lilacs and apple blossoms. I hear the flutter of birds somewhere in the distance, and warmth creeps along my skin.

The pixies on Rhys’s shoulder seem to flex their wings as though puffing up to greet whoever is knocking on our chamber door.

And Rhys himself seems to not be able to take his eyes off the door. Like he knows the power behind it and is intoxicated by it.

Well, it appears he’s not going to deal with the situation. He’s going to stare like he’s waiting for a goddess to walk in. I stride to the door and realize that’s exactly what he’s waiting for.

An ethereal blonde stands in the hall, her hair covered in pixies, their wings slowly opening and closing. I’m not sure how she does it but there’s a gentle glow coming off her. She has the loveliest face I’ve ever seen, with vibrant green eyes and lush lips. Those lips turn up in a sweet smile, and the scent of lilies fills the air. She reaches out a hand to me. “You. Please tell me your name.”

She’s here for me? I was kind of thinking she was here for my boyfriend and we were going to have a smackdown. Which is sad because they always devolve into hair pulling, and mine looks good right now. I reach out and touch her, a flash going through my mind.

Blue skies and green hills. She is the loam of the earth, the light awakening. She is rebirth. The planting season. Flowers growing. Roots spreading until all the earth knows the long slumber of winter is over and it is time to wake. I hear goslings honk and feel the gentle rain that feeds the land.

I have damn tears in my eyes when I finally come out of it. “I’m Shahidi.”

Her hands clasp mine. “And I am Ostara. Welcome, Sister Death. It is so good to be in your presence once again. And you have brought a mate. Well-chosen and matched. He is the first elemental we have met in a thousand years. And I want to know who the vampire is.”

“Do we speak with Ostara or her host?”

Rhys seems to have gotten the power of speech back. “My goddess, this is Ostara of the spring, holder of rains and wind. But she must have a host.”

Like Bris lives in Devinshea.

She seems utterly delighted and I swear her smile amps up my own, and then I remember she called me Sister Death and I frown again.

“You are Devinshea’s son?”

she asks. “I mean obviously you are. You look exactly like him, but I didn’t realize he was associated with an elemental. He has returned and brought a new member of our family?”

I look to Rhys because we still have a ruse to run. We don’t know this woman. We can’t exactly explain. And maybe it’s better to keep her in the dark because we gather some intelligence that way.

“Yes, I am the king’s son. A by blow from an affair he had with a woman from the Earth plane. He recently met her again and wants to know me. And this is my wife, Shy. So you can release her hand and allow her to come back to me.”

I feel my eyes widen at Rhys’s cold tone. I would suspect he would be attracted to someone so close to his own power, but he watches her with stony eyes. They’ve gone to deep jade, the color they get when he’s angry. Or possessive.

I look back to Ostara but all I see is a slight tilting of her lips, as though she should have known. She releases my hand and steps back. “Perhaps if you join your husband, sister, he will see I seek no claim on you but friendship and to bask a bit in your energy.”

“Her energy is not for you,”

Rhys insists.

“My energy?”

I’m a little confused.

Rhys’s hand finds mine and draws me close to his body. “I don’t know what she means by it, but it is your energy, not hers. I don’t know exactly what her goddess can do since no one has seen Ostara on our plane in millennia.”

She glances from me and back to Rhys. “You were not raised in a Fae household? You should know that your powers are always going to be attracted to a Fae with autumnal energy. It is your opposite on the wheel.”

“I’m not Fae. I’m human,”

I explain.

She manages to make her snort sound delicate. “You are far from human, and I feel the Fae energy coming off you in waves. Your power is the power of Faery and specifically autumn. You are part of the wheel. You turn it with your own hands. Your power is ancient, far older even than me. How do you not know this, Spring? You married a death goddess and did not realize how your powers flow from one another?”

Okay. Whoa. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Rhys seems to calm when his hands are on me. “I am not sure, my goddess. I will admit I’m a bit confused. But to answer your question, Ostara, no, I did not grow up in Fae society. My twin is human, and my sister is what we call a companion on my plane.”

“The Earth plane.”

She seems to taste the words. “We are connected to it here. I have been many times, but it’s been so long for my goddess. Ostara left with the Tuatha Dé Danann. She’s always longed for her home plane. It’s why I felt you and your power so keenly. Your spring is rooted in the Earth plane while Ostara’s has adapted over the years.”

“So you’re the host,”

Rhys surmises. “You go by Ostara as well? I’ve heard some ascended gods take on the name of their hosts.”

“You are not completely uninformed then if you understand what an ascended god is,”

Ostara says. “As for your question, my name as a mortal was Meadow, though according to Ostara I had many names over my lifetimes. I was born on a far-off Fae plane twenty-five years ago. I am the child of a high priestess and her consort. I struggled with my magic, though I had a happy childhood. I was told my blockages came from a traumatic end to my last life. My people worried I would not find a goddess who would be attracted to me given my bad dreams and flashes of past lives. But when it came time for my attempted ascension, Ostara came to me.”

A brilliant smile flashes on her face. “She told me I was not damaged, merely waiting to pull the pieces of myself together again.”

“You remember your past lives?”

I have met several people who claim to. It always makes me wonder where that light takes them and what choices we are given when we pass.

She shakes her head. “Not exactly. I dream some nights. I dream about being murdered, but worse I feel this ache because I know I’m losing more than my life. I’m losing something so important I can’t live without it, don’t want to. But I can’t remember what it is.”

She waves a hand. “But this matters not. What does is Ostara is with me, and your father can bring her back into her power. It is why we are marrying.”

Somehow I don’t think the Devinshea who rules this plane is so magnanimous. If he is willing to unleash Ostara’s power, I suspect he’s going to get something out of it.

“Your goddess was weakened by something?”

Rhys asks. “I did spend some time in sitheins connected to the Earth plane. My mother found a way to allow us to know the Fae part of our heritage, though only until I reached my eleventh year. This is my first time back in Faery.”

Ostara eyes him. Or rather Meadow. I don’t think we’ve met the goddess yet. “And yet I feel your elemental status.”

“I ascended on the Earth plane and consider myself the High Priest of all Earthly Fae. May I ask what happened to Ostara that she would be weak? I ask because I once heard a story of an ascended being giving his energy to save a loved one, and he was weak for a long time.”

I squeeze his hand because I know this tale. Bris gave his life spark to Daniel to revive him from what Arawn had done. It’s one of the many reasons I know the royals don’t trust the death god.

“Ostara gave much of her energy in battle many years before,”

Meadow explains. “There are many who believe she should have waited and watched for a stronger host, but I am glad she picked me.”

She smiles as though listening to something inside her head and then nods. “She believes meeting you here and now is a sign of good luck. She has been a bit worried about the king, but now you have settled all of her fears.”

“How?”

I’m pretty sure the answer to this question is going to sting.

She is still, as though having a discussion with the goddess in her body. She finally looks back our way. “It is easy to see the purity of your magic. I can feel it. She worries about what she feels coming off the king. One of the reasons the king left the plane was to cleanse himself. I understand why he had to take control of the kingdom. The things his mother and brother did…”

She shudders delicately. “However, no matter his reasoning, murder takes a toll.”

“So you believe my father’s dark energy was from the acts he was forced to commit to save his kingdom from my uncle and grandmother,”

Rhys says carefully.

Well, we both know that isn’t true, but it’s clear to me Ostara doesn’t talk to the dead the way I do.

And it’s also clear Rhys believes me. Trusts in me.

His energy feeds mine and mine his in ways we do not fully understand.

She nods. “Yes. I know you will hear fearsome stories of your father, but he is not who they portray him to be. I have found him to be a tough but kind man. And a patient one. I do not wish to bind myself to him physically. He is willing to find his affection elsewhere.”

Yeah, according to everything I’ve heard, he does that a lot. I mean a lot. “So it’s to be a marriage in name only?”

“For now. I hope when Ostara is strong enough, my feelings might change.”

She shakes her head. “You don’t know that. You can’t be certain.”

Is that what I look like when I’m talking to the dead? Because apparently I look a little crazy, and I do not take that word for granted.

It strikes me forcibly that I haven’t seen a shade in hours. Not since we entered the palace grounds.

I know the Fae are long lived, but this place is ancient. There should be dead around.

“Sorry. She believes we will know when we find our true mate,”

Meadow explains. “She does not believe it is Devinshea Quinn, but she intends to honor my will. We need her power back on my plane. It has been infected with blight, and our spring will not come. The wheel will not turn. We are left in permanent winter. The king will fix the problem, and we will open our hearts to him.”

I kind of think that’s a bad plan and Meadow should listen to her inner goddess. “How does he plan to strengthen Ostara?”

“Oh, he is wise and well-traveled. In his many travels across the planes, he met a smart magician who knows much about restoring the spirit and opening doors between the planes.”

Both Rhys and I stiffen at the same time. I don’t know about him, but I am sure as hell filled with dread.

“And what is the name of this magician?”

I force myself to ask the question even as every cell in my body knows the answer.

“Myrddin,”

she says with a smile. “Myrddin Emrys.”

Well, fuck.