Page 36

Shy

The cold bites into me and I feel the door to the Hell plane is open. It is a gaping maw in the center of the valley, red flames spewing forth, and the stink of brimstone fills the air.

He’s already opened it, Shy. Devinshea’s voice is steady in my head. You can do this. You can save the rest.

I can save them all.

It’s not too late. I see the souls pulled into the Hellmouth, watch as they try so hard to avoid it but cannot. They have no other option.

I will give them one.

“Shy.”

Rhys rushes to my side. “You have to get out of here.”

I lean over and brush my lips across my husband’s. “This is my time, Rhys. You have to let me do what I was born to. Give me some of your strength, love. Ostara told us. My autumn. Your spring. We are what turns the wheel. Summer is work and winter is rest, but real change comes from us. I intend to offer them change.”

He is the most beautiful thing, this man I found at the end of my long journey. He is a gift to me and I to him. How had I ever thought I wasn’t enough for him? I am what he needs. He is youth and fire, and I am wisdom and comfort. We belong together.

He steps back as Myrddin turns my way. I can see the protective magic around him now where I could not before, but then I can also see the glow coming off my skin.

I realize that it’s more than protective magic. The wizard is lying, but then that’s what he does.

My mother-in-law rushes out of Daniel’s arms and stands in front of me and Rhys, staring down Myrddin though she doesn’t have an ounce of battle magic. She puts her arms out and gestures as though I should hide behind her.

“You will not hurt my son or my daughter.”

That’s who Zoey Donovan-Quinn is.

And suddenly the Drowning Woman is beside her. Both women—one alive and one who even in death would not let me be alone—stand in front of us. Protecting us.

“I don’t have to hurt her,”

Myrddin announces. “She can do nothing. I thought she was more than she is, but it’s apparent now she is useless. Those souls I collected are all going to Hell, and I have the power. The spell collects the energy that is created when a soul passes to Hell. I will have all the power I need.”

“Or I can show them another way. Mama, could you call to them for me? You’ve never once felt the pull. You can show the ones who are already inside the way back,”

I say to the Drowning Woman.

She didn’t drown, but it’s odd how spirits present themselves. I don’t know why she became this water spirit beyond the fact that her name is Visola. My grandmother was looking for an African name and found Visola. She said it was a gift she could give her daughter from her ancestors.

I blink back tears. It means longings are waterfalls.

My mother came to me the only way she knew how.

“Who’s here, Seer? Who did you bring with you?”

Myrddin looks around like he can find the threat.

My mother emerges from the water for the first time.

“The Drowning Woman is your mother?”

Rhys asks.

I nod.

She is beautiful, too, Shy. She can do the job, Dev says deep inside me. She can lead them back.

I know it in my soul.

Visola Davis, my mother, reaches her hand to me, and it is not frightening. It is not desiccated. It is the gentle hand of the woman who loved me so much she found a way to stay close even after death. She gives me a smile from behind the water which now I can see truly is longing. Longing for me. Longing to make sure I am safe.

“Find the Irish god,”

I whisper so the wizard cannot hear. “He will help you. Tell him he honored his promise by going in. There was nothing in his pledge that said he couldn’t come back out.”

She then turns and I watch as she flies to the Hellmouth and disappears inside.

“I told you there is nothing you can do.”

There’s something wrong with the wizard. I tilt my head and open my senses. I confirm the lie I detected earlier. “Myrddin is not really here. He might have been at one point, but he’s not now. The protective circle around him is hiding the fact that he’s sending a shadow of himself. I suspect he needs to gather the energy somewhere else. Likely from his base on the Hell plane. Zoey, he can’t harm any of us, and if those souls he sent through leave Hell while the door is open, it will reverse the energy and he will be left with nothing useful. Rhys, Neil, if you wouldn’t mind taking care of the guards, it might take my mother a moment to pull her Pied Piper routine.”

My husband gets a feral grin on his face. “With pleasure, my goddess.”

Neil growls and takes the one closest to Sasha and Ostara. He plants his teeth in the man’s neck and the blood flows. Rhys is much more efficient, though not much neater. The trees around us lean over and the guards scream as they are impaled and hauled high into the air, gravity pulling their bodies down and down, impaling them on the branches.

“Hey, you didn’t leave anyone for me,”

Lee complains.

Cassie has a grin on her face as she stands over the guard she did in. She nods to her brother. “I think this one’s safe to snack on.”

“He’s not really here?”

Daniel asks as he stares at the altar where the King of the Seelie Fae has managed to sit up. There’s a deep longing in his eyes.

That makes me ache, Dev says. He knows it’s not me, but he can’t…

“All will be well, father-in-law,”

I promise him. “Let me deal with this first.”

“I suspect he has not been here since he transported us from the tent,”

Ostara explains, and if she’s bothered by the amount of blood spilled around her, she does not show it. She simply gets into Sasha space after he drops the corpse of the guard he took out and huddles close to him.

Sasha found his wife and she’s a freaking goddess.

A weird joy suffuses me, and I know it’s going to be all right.

“I have to go back and see if there’s anything I can do,”

Daniel begins. “He’s tough. He might be alive.”

Zoey puts a hand on his arm. “He’s gone, Danny. I don’t want to believe it either, but you can’t bring him back. He’s… We have to concentrate on getting our kids out of here now. If Myrddin closes the door there will be all kinds of trouble. Maybe we should go to the mountain and try to figure out how he’s doing it.”

She cannot see what I can and can’t feel the shift in magic the way her son and Ostara do. My poor mother-in-law is trying so hard to save us.

“Mother, there is no need for worry. My goddess is going to handle it,”

Rhys says with great confidence. It fills my soul.

“It doesn’t matter if I’m there or somewhere else,”

Myrddin announces. “You will still bear witness… What?”

The wizard turns, and I swear I can see a shadow like someone is trying to bring him news. His face goes tight, and I see his mouth moving but he’s being quiet about it. Not so quiet I don’t hear him curse.

He calls himself a wizard. Well, he’s a little like the Wizard of Oz in this moment. Hidden behind a curtain, all his magic falling to something real. My magic.

His is selfish and temporary. My magic moves the world.

Rhys ignores Myrddin entirely. “Would you like sunshine or a lighter rain, my goddess?”

Ostara joins us. “Sunshine would be nice.”

“There is no winter allowed here today. Today, for an afternoon, I declare it to be spring.”

Not that winter was too rough in the sithein, but here in the mountains it definitely feels like it, and I want joy and warmth for what is about to happen.

And it will happen. I already feel them. And I see the first spirit out of the Hellmouth. My mother bursts free of the spell and flies up.

The sun comes out, gentle breezes bathing the mountain valley, and I can feel the grass grow beneath my feet.

Something happened in those moments she spent inside the Hellmouth. Gone is all vestige of her previous state. She is who she was in life. Petite and vibrant, with curls for days when she doesn’t keep her hair in braids, and a smile that warms the darkest night.

Bris is behind her, flying up to float beside her as they guide souls out.

“Guide them to me. To my light,”

I say, the words sounding right on my tongue. Like I knew them before, though the language was different. “I am Death. I am a door to whatever happens next. Come into me and begin again.”

“Shy,”

my mother-in-law gasps. “You’re…”

Glowing. I glow with invitation, and they take it. I feel the first of the sluagh fly through me.

Feel his cool presence. In life he was a farmer. A half-troll who was killed because the king feared his size and ordered his family slaughtered. He holds on to his two sons, also killed and then trapped by the wizard. He holds them close so they won’t lose each other. So they can be together wherever fate leads them.

I feel his love and gratitude as he flies into eternity. Into whatever way station waits for him and those he loves.

I hear shouting but I pay no mind to it. I don’t need to. My husband and our family and friends will take care of me. He won’t allow anything to happen when I’m in this vulnerable time. Or am I? I don’t feel vulnerable. I feel my gift.

Each soul who passes through has a story to tell, a life to share, and in those seconds it takes to cross over, I take them in. I open myself and let them fill me.

I feel when all who were trapped have passed, and yet they do not stop. Some of these souls were stuck in Hell for centuries, but when they saw my mother and Bris, they took the chance that their long suffering could be over. They realized Hell is a choice they made, and they can make a new one.

When the last moves through, my mother stands before me.

Myrddin is screaming about some contract, but Daniel is arguing with him. Something about the deal being fulfilled.

I’m sure I’m right. The deal Dev made was completed with his death and Bris willingly entering Hell. No one said I couldn’t bring them back.

But I ignore the argument because I see her again.

She holds out a hand. “Hello, baby.”

Tears stream down my face as I hold her hands in mine. “Hello, Mama.”

“Your mother?”

Rhys straightens his shirt. “Your mother is here?”

“Her mom? She was in the mountain?”

Zoey asks, her face still red from crying. “I thought Myrddin killed her.”

“He did. She’s been following me ever since,”

I say, never taking my eyes off my mom. “I was afraid of her. She was the first spirit I ever saw. Connecting with her brought me into my power.”

“I’m sorry I scared you, baby. I thought I was taking on a peaceful form. Things get confused on this side, and then I couldn’t change. I was as stuck in my fear for you as you were in your fear of me,”

my mom explains, her voice sounding ethereal. She’s wearing white, and it contrasts with the beauty of her skin. “But I’m not afraid anymore. I can move on now because you have a family again. I suppose I needed to know you had a mother who would take care of you.”

I look to Zoey. “She says she can go now because I have a mother again.”

Zoey bites back a cry, and Rhys puts an arm around his mom’s shoulders. “I am, Shy. I will be your mom for as long as I live. I won’t… I will survive for my children’s sake. I will honor my husband by taking care of us all.”

I feel Dev’s deep sorrow.

And I see the King of the Seelie staring at Zoey.

Oh, is that what Arawn meant?

Shy, Dev begins. I should talk to them and then I will go.

“Trust me,”

I whisper. “There is still a chance.”

“I love you so much, my baby girl,”

my mother says. “But I would love to see your father and sister again. To be with my family. You have found your soul’s mate, and I am so happy for you. He’s stubborn, but I can feel his love for you. Be happy, my love. I know now what a gift you were to us all. Thank you for picking me to be your mom.”

Tears stream as I offer my mom the door. “Thank you for teaching me how to love.”

“You always knew,”

she says and then she hugs me, arms reaching around, and she is gone. “It’s who you are.”

A deep sense of peace grounds me in the moment, and I reach for my husband, hopeful I have one last job to do.

* * * *

Zoey

“He didn’t get what he needed.”

Daniel stands beside me, reaching for my hand. There’s a smile on his face. “Shy did it. Not only did he not get what he needed, there were a bunch of souls in Hell who followed her mom and left with the sluagh. From what I can tell Lucifer showed up at the end of his transmission, and he was pissed.”

Danny seems elated with the outcome, but then he sees the king and it’s like all the air is let out of him.

Because he remembers. He remembers Dev is dead and for once he can’t open a vein and bring him back. He can’t make a deal and have our family whole again. He is powerless in this moment, and my heart breaks for him.

For all of us.

How do I tell my children I lost their papa? They just got him back and now he’s gone.

How can I be standing in this beautiful place, evidence of spring and life all around me, when his corpse is down in the valley? The world should stop like mine has.

And yet I have to move on. Isn’t that what I’ve learned? I can stop, mire myself in misery, but we’re still in this place and my children—our children—are still not safe.

“We have to get to the mountain. We go back to the palace, get the blue dolerite, and try our chances,”

I say, tears blurring the world, but I am firm in my conviction that we will survive this. We will take my husband home. “We have to…”

I can’t make the words come out of my mouth.

“We have to get Dev’s body.”

Daniel can, though they come out the slightest bit shaky. He pulls me close, wrapping his arms around me. “I can’t…”

“Zandra.”

The king has managed to stand, the stone behind him coated in his blood. He pulled the cold iron knife out of his gut at some point and the guards forgot to finish him off.

I hate that he looks like my husband. I hate that he’s alive and Dev is not.

Goddess, I need to purge this hate from my soul. It’s going to kill me.

“Her name is Zoey.”

My daughter-in-law steps in and I watch Rhys tense, but he restrains his need to cage her. He’s getting better. The bond they formed is doing exactly what Devinshea thought it would. “Your Highness, she is not the woman you loved, but she is connected to her.”

Devilshea puts a hand to his gut as though he needs the pressure to stay upright. “She is every bit as lovely and fierce and good as the Zandra I loved. And Deinny…your Daniel is more fierce than he was, but every bit the friend. I was not as brave as your Devinshea. I was not as good.”

Shy moves closer, and though she no longer has that vibrant glow she had while working her magic, there is still almost a halo around her. “You can be. Devinshea understands because he felt all the impulses you did. He is inside my soul space, so I will let him speak now.”

Though her voice doesn’t change, I can hear my husband as she allows him to take control.

Dev is here.

“He’s where Harry was,”

Daniel says, every word tight and emotional.

Neil takes up space on my other side, his wolf rubbing against my leg. It’s comfort. He’s giving comfort and letting me know he’s here.

I hold Daniel’s hand and stroke Neil with my other as my husband speaks from beyond death.

“The difference between the two of us is one little trick of DNA,”

Dev says from Shy’s mouth.

“You were born fully Fae and I was not. It led me to leave the sithein while you stayed. I wasn’t welcome. You were. So I had nothing to lose when I left and found my real life. Though you should know, I thought about not leaving the sithein. I thought about simply doing what my mother asked. By the time Declan attempted to break my relationship with Zoey and Daniel, I had been on the Earth plane too long and was unmovable. You did not get the same experience. You are who I could have been had things slightly changed. You learned to be a royal, and there are hardships there, too. You are taught loyalty to the crown above your own heart. You were scared and decided you could have both, but our world does not work that way. Now you have a choice to make. You do not have to stay selfish. You watched a thousand souls choose to begin again. You can, too. You can start by helping my family get home.”

“Devinshea?”

Daniel asks.

Shy turns my way, and somehow her smile holds my husband. It’s there in the lopsided grin and the way her eyes soften. “I’m here. You should know Myrddin either lied about Evangeline or she survived on her own. She is alive.”

A shudder of pure relief flows through me.

Dev is not finished. “Our daughter-in-law is a remarkable woman. Make her tell you the tale. And you should warn Nim that Arawn is waiting for her. He’s going to join us and maybe bring along a couple of friends. Us.”

She sighs. “You and Daniel. He’s going to join you and Daniel.”

“Dev, is there any way,”

Daniel begins.

Her head shakes. “No. I’m not going to take up space in my daughter’s soul. I won’t disrupt our kids’ lives like that.”

“We can find a balance, Papa.”

Rhys’s eyes shine with tears. “Maybe stay and we can consult with the witches. Maybe we can find a way for you to exist on our plane.”

“You need to understand that your wife is arguing with me,”

Dev says through Shy. “She is offering to host me for as long as possible, but I figured something out during these days. When Myrddin took my hands my first thought was I would be useless without them. I mourned my magic, and there was a part of me that wanted the death I knew was coming because I didn’t want to live without my magic. But son, it was always you. My magic was always you and Lee and your sister and your mama and Dad. If there was a way I would take it, but I can’t. I love you. I will always love you, and I need you to take that message back to your siblings and Albert and Zack and all of those who made my life so special.”

I’m crying again. I will be for a long while, so I don’t bother to wipe my eyes. “I love you forever, Devinshea. I will take care of them.”

“I will take care of them,”

Danny promises and wraps me so hard in his arms I can’t breathe. I feel the shudder of emotion go through him and his tears on my skin. I hold on to him.

“Vampire, can you fix this body?”

The king’s soft question breaks through my misery.

Daniel doesn’t let me go, but I feel the growl go through his body. “Leave us be. The more I remember you are here, the less chance you have of surviving the experience.”

“He was different, too,”

the king says ignoring the warning. “My Deinny wasn’t fierce. He was gentle and kind, and I loved him, too. When Zandra died, I wanted to be with him. I wanted to drown myself in his comfort, but I was taught that was wrong. In my head he tempted me. I didn’t kill him in a rage. I lied about that. I had him executed because I was awash in guilt and grief, and I couldn’t handle how I felt about him.”

“Precisely why he should be here and you should not,”

Daniel shoots back.

“Danny,”

Dev admonishes. And then I feel a change and Shy is back in charge. She looks to the king. “He can, Your Highness. Daniel can fix the damage to your body.”

“Could he fix it even if it was worse?”

the king asks, and his eyes take a far-off look. “What if the damage was enough to release my soul? Could he fix it even then?”

“I am not going to fix you. You just admitted to killing my counterpart here, and you had a hand in Zandra’s death, too,”

Daniel announces.

But he isn’t thinking. “He might be able to help us get home.”

The king shakes his head and moves closer to us. He has Dev’s bravado. “I know nothing of timeline jumping. That was all the wizard. I can walk the planes, but I cannot fix the time you would be in. And Dein…Daniel is right. I did have a hand in my love’s death. Because I did not honor the love I had for her. Or him.”

He turns to Shy. “Is it possible, Lady Death?”

“Don’t call her that,” I say.

Shy holds a hand out. “It’s okay, Mother. I’ve learned that word is not so frightening. And yes, Your Highness, it is possible. But you are not dead.”

“The vampire can fix the damage and I can begin again?”

There’s a hitch to the king’s breath that makes everyone in our party stop.

As we realize what he is offering.

I move out of Danny’s arms, my heart hesitating, scared to believe. “You would give your body to him? Shy, how is it possible?”

“The body is nothing more than a vessel for our souls. The body will recognize our Devinshea,”

Shy explains. “I don’t even think I’ll have to guide him. Once the king is dead and he exits this plane, Dev should be able to sneak in and be alive again. Arawn promised us this is not the way Devinshea dies.”

Hope bursts through my system, and I bite back a cry.

“You want this?”

the king asks me, stroking a hand on my cheek. He doesn’t flinch when Danny growls.

“Do I want my husband back?”

I ask, searching his eyes. “Yes, but I can’t ask you to do this.”

“I can,”

Danny counters.

The king smiles. “I think my life would have been different if my Deinny had your Danny’s fierceness. I think it might have brought out my own before it was too late and it was twisted. I don’t know if we can start again, my loves, and I only know I do not wish to hurt you more than I have. In this moment you are my Zandra, and I will do anything to make you smile one last time.”

He steps back, and I notice he has the cold iron dagger in his hands.

The world seems to stop as he holds it to his chest.

And plunges it into his own heart.

He falls to the ground. I rush to get to him, dropping to my knees as he holds the dagger in.

Blood slips from the corner of his mouth but there’s a smile there. It is nothing like the smirk I’d seen before. This was a bit of real joy.

“I hear them.”

Tears slip from his eyes. “They are quite cross with me. But they waited. I think Deinny is going to have words.”

The smile goes brilliant. “Even if you haul me to Hell, at least I’ll have your hands on me again. Yes. I will tell him. Lee.” He turns his head and looks for the son he never acknowledged. Lee gets to one knee but says nothing. “I leave you the kingdom. You’ll find everything you need in the mountain. It’s open now. Share what I’ve horded with the people and bring the Seelie back to the glory I took from them.”

Lee nods solemnly. “I will, Your Highness.”

“Just once, Lee?” he asks.

“I will, Father,”

Lee offers.

“Then I can go.”

His eyes glaze over, and I swear I feel the moment his soul leaves his body.

“Danny?”

I pull the cold iron from his chest.

Danny and Sasha are there. Danny bites into his wrist. “Sasha, pour some over the wound. We’re fighting the cold iron.”

Ostara drops to her knees. “I can take that burden from him, but it will be quicker if you do as your king asks, love.”

Ostara places her hands on the dead king’s chest, and I can see a glow where she touches him.

Sasha pours blood from his wrist over the wound to the king’s heart.

Lee stands on one side watching. Rhys comes to my other side and takes my hand, holding it tightly while we wait.

“It will be all right, Mom.”

For the first time in a while Rhys sounds like my son and not a soldier or a Green Man. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Where does this optimism come from, my son?” I ask.

His smile turns sheepish. “My goddess, of course.”

“Fuck, that hurt,”

a familiar voice says and the king’s eyes open. Devinshea’s eyes open. “Cold iron sucks. It is a freaking crime. You need to make it illegal, Daniel.”

Danny leans over, putting his hands on Dev’s cheeks. “Dev?”

“In the flesh. Well, in the new flesh. Hey.”

He reaches up and cups the back of Danny’s neck. “Are you all right, my king?”

Danny hauls him to sitting position and wraps his arms around him and does what he almost never does. He cries. He puts his face in the crook of Dev’s neck and cries. I drop to my knees and join them, arms around my husbands.

I look up and Shy is with Rhys, a smile on her gorgeous face.

“Thank you,”

I whisper.

She bows her head.

Dev’s body stiffens for a moment and then relaxes. He squeezes us tight. I can feel Bris’s magic. It flows over us. “Easiest integration ever. Bris is happy to be back.”

And I am blessed beyond compare because I have my family.