Page 65 of The Pretender

“Guilty about marriage?”

I nod, tugging the collar of my coat closer around my neck. “Because it wasn’t always possible. It feels wrong sometimes to not do it when it’s something that had to be worked for.”

“Hey.” Balt stops walking and turns to face me. “You have to let that go. It’s wonderful that the option is available, but it’s no more required than it is for straight people to get married. If it’s not important to you, that’s okay.”

“Do you want to get married?”

“Are you proposing?” He grins before turning back to face forward and continuing our walk. “I’ve never thought about it. I guess I figured I’d cross that bridge if I ever got to it, and so far I haven’t.”

“I don’t see the point. You can have a fulfilling, committed relationship without involving the government.”

Balt chuckles. “I agree.”

“Brogan says it’s because I have commitment issues, but I don’t think that’s it. I can’t see the benefit of marriage other than maybe there’s some tax write-offs, but that seems like a bad reason to marry.”

“Do you have commitment issues?”

I open my mouth to deny it, to protect myself, but the words won’t come, so I simply shrug in response.

“It’s okay if you do. We all have our hang-ups when it comes to love.”

“What are yours then?”

He’s quiet for a while, and the only sound is our shoes crunching the fallen snow. Balt glances over at me and smiles softly.

“I think love is a wonderful thing and finding someone I want to be with forever sounds amazing.”

I nod, saying nothing to give him space to continue.

“But I’m fucking scared, Deo. Scared to lose someone I love again. I lost my parents, and in a way, I lost my sister. I’m afraid to finally give my heart to someone, only to lose them in one way or another.”

That’s pretty heavy.

“Sorry. Did I make it weird?”

“No. Not at all.” I grab his hand. “Thank you for telling me.”

“You’re easy to talk to.” He lifts our clasped hands and kisses the back of mine. “You’re easy to spend time with too. I think when the time comes, it’s going to be hard to leave.”

I chew on my bottom lip, mumbling, “Yeah.”

“So let’s make the best of it, huh? We’re together now.”

“Right.” I force a smile to my face. “Live in the moment.”

“It’s all we have.” He pulls me close until our chests are pressed together.

Our breath puffs in little clouds between us, but as Balt gazes down at me, I can no longer feel the cold. I wait for him to say something, but instead, he leans in and presses a soft kiss to my lips, unhurried and full of tenderness.

“Let’s get inside and warm up, huh?”

“Yeah.” Before he can get too far, I rise on my toes and kiss him again. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“So am I, sweetheart. So am I.”

TWENTY

balthazar