Page 27 of The Pretender

“And you use gay?”

I shrug. “I use queer a lot too. I like it. It feels like a nice broad word without boxing myself in. Even though I’ve never had a relationship with someone who wasn’t assigned male at birth, I’m open to all experiences, so queer feels better.”

Balt nods, seemingly considering my words. “I can understand that. I dated a guy briefly who was absolutely against claiming a specific label, but he called himself a dick fiend.”

I snort a laugh. “A dick fiend?”

“Yep. He didn’t care who it was attached to or what pronouns they used. He just liked dick.”

“That’s awesome. At least he knew himself well.”

“He did. He was too…” Balt exhales with a smile still on his face. “Too everything for me. Too young, too full of energy, too loud. But he was fun.”

“How much younger?”

“Twelve years. I’d just turned thirty-eight. He was twenty-six. He was also good for my ego.”

“Dude, I couldn’t even handle a twenty-six-year-old at my age now.”

“It matters less the older you both get, but yes, someone in their twenties is too young for me. It was never meant to be a relationship, but it lingered.”

“Did it end poorly?”

Balt nods. “Yes, unfortunately. He wanted a commitment I wasn’t willing to give. It was ugly at the end. Fortunately, he landed on his feet and found someone else within a year. Someone I know.”

“Ouch. A friend?”

“An acquaintance. They seem happy, so it’s fine.”

I study his face, searching for the truth in his words. “Have you been in love before?”

Balt shakes his head. “No.”

“So you’re just spitballing this whole thing with me?”

He chuckles. “I’ve been in relationships. I’m not completely ignorant when it comes to romance.”

“That’s good. Is that something you ever wanted?”

“Romance?”

“No, the other stuff. Love and all that shit that comes with it.”

He shrugs. “I’ve never thought about it one way or the other. If it happens, it does. If it doesn’t, then it doesn’t. Wanting things we can’t control is a fool’s game.”

“Hmm. I guess you have a point.”

“You’re seeking that?”

“Not necessarily. I’m still young, but I always figured it would happen eventually.”

Balt holds my gaze, his expression soft and open, and all I want to do is crawl into his lap and taste his lips again.

“You’re so hot,” I whisper.

“You’re stunning,” he whispers back.

Instead of holding back, I do what I want and climb onto his lap. He sits back, giving me room as I drape my arms around his neck.