Page 14 of The Pretender

“I forget stuff if I don’t write it down. I’ll forget something I’m excited about if I get distracted enough, and I do get distracted often, unless I’m obsessed with a topic. Then it’s my entire life and nothing else matters.”

“Noted.”

“My dating life has been no different or special from anyone else’s.”

“No one serious?”

I shake my head. “Not really. I guess I thought so with my last boyfriend, but obviously it wasn’t. I wanted to focus on my career and enjoy being a young single guy in the big city, and I did until I got wrapped up in him.”

He watches me for a moment before asking, “What’s your dream?”

“I don’t have one. Not anymore.”

Our food arrives and I focus on that instead of the wave of depressing thoughts invading my mood. The quiche is actually pretty decent for airplane food.

I watch Balt sprinkle his with black pepper and butter his roll. His gestures are so elegant and confident. I could learn a thing or two from him.

“Dreams are important,” Balt says after a few minutes. He’s gazing past me out the window. “If the old one doesn’t work anymore, dream a new one.”

“That’s a nice thought.” I blow out a breath. “What’s yours then?”

“Peace.” His voice dips low and soft as he says the word. “Just peace.”

“What does peace look like to you?”

A slight smile tugs at his lips. “Good question. I think I’ll know it when I find it. Stepping away is my chance to do that.”

“It sounds nice. I’m not sure I know what peace is either. Maybe it’s finally feeling at home. I tried to make a place fit that never could. I’d love to wake up and know I’ve found it.”

Balt searches my eyes, leaning in slightly. “That’s a lovely dream.”

For the briefest of moments, I imagine Balt being in my life permanently, both of us chasing peace and home together, finding them in each other’s arms. That’s more of a fantasy than a dream, but it beats the sharp edge of failure any day.

I don’t know if having a beautiful man on my arm will distract my family from the cold, hard truth, but there are worse things I could do.

FIVE

balthazar

When the planetouches down in Madison, Wisconsin, the tension that’s been gripping my shoulders since I decided to bolt finally eases. I’m far away from the life I left in a place where no one would think to look for me. Not even Vin would think to look for me in the Midwest. They’ll scour the East Coast, then the west, then check big cities. Or maybe they’ll figure out what’s really going on and leave me alone.

Seven years ago, when I met Vin and his crew, I never thought I’d end up running from the same men who gave me security and comfort after the worst tragedy of my life. Sure, I knew the risks, but I was nothing more than the “money man,” and until recently, that position kept my nose pretty clean. How I’ll make it right is beyond me. Besides, Vin is usually a shoot-first-never-ask-questions kind of guy. Getting out of town was the right move. I’ll figure out my next play once I’m settled in with Deo and his family.

He’s clutching his carry-on bag to his chest, gazing out the window as the plane taxis to the gate. I actually see the change in him. The way his shoulders tense and a crease in his brow appears indicates he’s more nervous than he let on.

“Are you sure bringing me with you is the right call?”

He turns his head in my direction, his expression panicked. “Yes, of course. Why? Are you second-guessing?”

“No.” I pat his thigh. “You just seem really nervous. I didn’t know if it was the pressure of inviting me along.”

Deo shakes his head. “No, not at all. I’m so thankful you’re coming with me.” He chuckles as he drags a hand through his hair. “I am nervous, which is dumb. These people are my family.”

“Then what’s going on?”

“I’m really not good at admitting I was wrong. I’ve been so stubborn over the years, refusing to return and help out because I was building this magical life in the big city, you know?”

I nod, still rubbing his thigh.