Page 29

CHAPTER 29

I grip the edge of the mattress where I sit while Marcus stands in the open door, silent, shirtless, pale. I talk to my toes as they dig into the carpet. Loss, disgust, and shame bubble to my surface like oil on water, and I look to the ceiling, blinking to force it down. “You shouldn’t be here.”

Marcus hesitates in the doorway, then steps to the bed and kneels in front of me, taking my face gently between his hands.

“I’m not going anywhere, Mei. I just needed a minute. But I’m here—talk to me. Tell me what happened.”

I’ve kept everything hidden, afraid of what my reality would do to him or me or us. But he’s seen all of me now, and my will to keep him at a distance collapses under the weight of so many secrets. I exhale and words edge out of me in a whisper. “Nick happened.”

Marcus’s jaw tightens, and when I dare to look into his eyes, I watch a spark burst into a red-hot flame before he says, “Who is he to you?” His voice shakes and his hands press into the mattress on either side of me as his eyes hold mine.

“We’ve known each other since I was eight,” I say to my hands in my lap, the words trembling out of me. “He was fifteen. I didn’t realize until recently that he wanted more than friendship.” The truth drops on Marcus, but I speak to drown the heaviness with more words. “I didn’t know that everything he did for me and my family had strings attached.” I shake my head, my face burning and throbbing from the pressure of so many admissions. “I thought he was just part of the family. But this past year, he started treating me differently. Buying me things. Taking me out. Using his connections to get me everything I wanted.” Words ball in my throat, but I want them out of me. “Kissing me. Touching me. Demanding things I didn’t want to give him. I didn’t know how to say no.” I close my eyes. “I just thought…”

What? What had I thought? Wasn’t it obvious what he wanted? I circle my swollen throat with my hand, my voice a strangled whisper. “I should have run away months ago. Lin begged me not to go to L.A., but I had no choice.” I shake my head, and Marcus is silent as I tell him everything that happened the night I left his house. How Nick threatened to hurt him. How he didn’t take his eyes off me. Had me followed. How I wanted to contact Marcus but didn’t dare. Seeing Su Ling at the party and how she saved my life.

Tears sting my eyes and I swipe at them, shaking my head, but Marcus leans his forehead against mine. “I’m here.” His voice is low and tight but steady. “I’m never leaving you.” He swallows hard but wraps his arms around me, holding me gently without saying a word. “Never, Mei. Nick’s over. For good. He’ll never hurt you again. He’ll never get close enough.”

“Marcus,” I say into his neck, tightening my hold on him. “When I told you I wasn’t safe, I wasn’t lying. I don’t belong in your world.”

He pulls away, holding my face between his hands. “ You don’t belong in your world,” he says, his voice gravel. “I want you in my world, Mei. Nothing else, nowhere else, no one else. ”

His words fill me, and I hold my breath to keep them inside, let them settle into the cracks and gaping wounds. “You don’t know how much I wish that could be.”

His hand cups the back of my head. “It can. All we gotta do is tell the police. Nick will be in custody. He won’t—”

“I already called the police,” I whisper. “I told them where to find Su Ling, and I hope they find Nick, too.”

His eyes skitter over mine, collecting answers. “Then they’re gonna lock him up. You’re safe now. It’s over.”

His thumb runs across my cheek, but I shake my head and swallow. “And so are we.”

He stills, his eyes searching mine. “What do you mean?”

I turn my head away from him, scanning Guo Mama’s shelves of Chinese paperbacks before closing my eyes and letting the words that have traveled so far through me finally emerge. “I’m undocumented, Marcus. I’m not supposed to be here. In America.”

Silence stretches between us, and I wait for it to snap, but the confusion on Marcus’s face is too much.

“I’m not an American citizen. You wanted to know what Nick is to me? He’s the only reason my family can be here. He’s the reason we have the restaurant. Nick’s baba helped us get out of Taiwan and before he died, he paid for the restaurant. The rest of the inheritance went to Nick. So my baba and Nick work together. He knows everything about us and could get us deported with one phone call.” I close my eyes. “I don’t even want to imagine what Baba will do to me if he finds out I called the police.” I swallow and let out a shaky breath. “It’s only a matter of time before we’re forced to leave.”

Marcus sits back on his heels, rubbing the back of his neck.

I blink back tears. “I thought I could figure out a way to be with you. But that was so stupid.” My voice cracks and I cover my mouth. “Guo Mama’s helping me disappear so Nick can’t find me. There aren’t a lot of options for me right now. ”

Marcus shoots forward, kneeling again, his hands cupping my face. “No,” he says, squinting like my words hurt going in. He shakes his head slowly, opens his mouth, then closes it before pinning me with his eyes. “No.”

I look down at my hands. “I don’t have a choice, Marcus.”

“No,” he says again, pulling me up from the bed, wrapping me in his arms. “I’m not losing you again.”

Reality presses down on me, and I close my eyes, my eyelashes brushing his chest. There really aren’t choices. I’ve always known it and Marcus is figuring it out.

“I should never have let you onto my fire escape or written you notes or talked to you. I should never have let myself have any feelings for you because I knew it would all have to end at some point.”

Cursing again, Marcus shakes his head and cradles the back of my head, smashing my cheek against his chest. “No. Nope.” He lets go of me and steps back, rubbing his hands down his face, dropping them to his side. “We just…need some sleep. We’ll figure this out tomorrow. I can’t think straight right now.” He pulls down the covers and helps me slide inside before sliding in after me, curling around me from behind like he can keep tomorrow from coming between us.