Page 15

CHAPTER 15

Marcus: Bummed we’re not hangin’ right now, but I’m dedicating my win to you tonight. And it’s gonna be a big one.

“ W ow.” Lin shakes her head, staring at the ceiling while I lay on my stomach next to her. “You’ve stunned me. And that’s hard to do, as you know. I mean, the only thing you could tell me that would be more life altering is that you got us on The Price is Right. But who needs that when you have him ? The ultimate Door Number Two. All the prizes of all the Showcase Showdowns ever.”

Dropping the Marcus bomb on Lin wasn’t as weird as I thought it would be. She’d sat still for the first time in her life and didn’t say a word until I told her all the details. Most of them. Maybe 50 percent.

“So…” Lin’s frosty pink lips form an O, her blue-lined eyes scanning my room. “You…Marcus Freaking Miller. Before you know it, you’ll be kissing and…No way you’ll wait four weeks to kiss . I couldn’t wait four seconds.”

I shrug, and when her eyes go wide, I brace myself before the inevitable squeal pierces the silence.

“Wait,” she blurts, cutting her squeal short. “Did you already kiss him and you’re not telling?”

I swivel my head toward her and smile. “Do you really think I could keep it to myself?”

She squeals into my bedspread and squeezes my forearm with both hands. “Mei Li! This is crazy. This is Marcus Miller we’re talking about. Not even going to pretend I’m not so jealous right now.” She shakes her head. “I want every detail from now on—no holding back. Promise? Like, if it’s a ten-minute kiss, I want you to spend ten minutes telling me every single detail. Got it?” She holds out her pinkie and I hook it with mine and press my thumb to hers, sealing the promise. She nods then asks, “Are you going to see him tonight?”

I blow my hair out of my face. “He’s got a game.”

“Is it an away game?”

“No. Home, I think.”

Her eyes shine, and she wiggles her eyebrows. “Well…we have legs, and there are trains we could use those legs to get to. We have cards to ride those trains. We can do homework later. Catch what I’m saying?”

The stadium rumbles as the crowd stomps and chants with the cheerleaders. The bleachers are a patchwork of colorful yelling fans as Lin and I slide in next to an old man and his dog.

The cheerleaders do back handsprings across the field and my eyes move from one to another. Has Marcus ever talked to any of them? Like the blond one with the long, toned legs standing on the male cheerleader’s shoulders? Or the girl with the spiky blue hair? Do any of the girls clumped along the fence like him? They’re all fresh, trendy, glossy. He said he’s never had a girlfriend, but that doesn’t stop them from wishing they were.

The cheerleaders bounce around the field until the buzzer blares, and when the team runs onto the field, the crowd roars. My heart thumps when I spot #8 running from the far end of the field, his hair shooting from a whale spout on top of his head. A smile spreads across my face, but I casually put my hand over my mouth and lean my elbow on my knee. In a text last night, I told him he should wear his hair like that for good luck and he did it, even though he knew I wouldn’t be here.

My whole body blushes as Lin grabs my arm and leans in, squealing, “Oh my gosh—those legs.”

I follow his every move as he weaves and sprints, making the first goal of the game. The stadium erupts and everyone is on their feet including me and Lin. The other team kicks the ball out of bounds and my eyes are glued to Marcus as he throws it toward one of his teammates, all sweaty and serious. I want to stand and shout his name like the other girls in the stadium. He wore his hair like that for me, not them. I’m the one who was at his house until 3 AM, not them. I’m the one he texted all day.

He kicks the ball and runs toward the goal, and my legs tense. I grab Lin’s arm as one side of the stadium chants “ Magic” and the other replies “ Miller” .

Lin nudges me with her shoulder and leans in, her eyebrows upside down Vs. “Magic Miller?! Only one of us here knows just how magic…”

Pride and giddiness swell in my chest, forceful and stretching, until doubt drops on it with a thud that sends a metallic dust cloud up my throat. Why do the girls chanting a nickname I’ve never heard bother me? They’re clearly not here because they love soccer .

He said he likes me. Right? That happened? I take a deep breath, my attention still on the girls until the crowd erupts, and I snap my focus back to the game where Marcus just scored another goal. His teammates run past, slapping his butt and high fiving, his grin beaming across the stadium, catching all of us in it.

He bends over, catching his breath while a teammate throws in the ball, but my attention swings back to the girls, stopping on glossy brown hair. The girl’s turned to her friend, her smile wide, eyes bright before turning back to the game as she yells Marcus’s nickname.

I’m not flawless and I’ll never be tall. I’m not beautiful like she is—confident and bright. That’s the kind of girl that matches Marcus.

Swallowing the heavy sludge of comparison, I focus on the game again when a tall man in a suit and long jacket strides up the stairs to my right. I glance at him, then suck in air too fast and cough.

Lin’s head snaps toward me. “You okay?”

I slouch in my seat and lean toward her. “Marcus’s dad is right there.”

Lin glances toward him and I put my elbow on the armrest again, hand shielding my face this time while I try my best to curl into the corner of my seat.

“Yikes!” Lin yips, turning toward me. “Okay, yes, he’s a detective and everything but he doesn’t even know you were in his apartment. Total stealth.”

Detective Miller takes the stairs two at a time, then slips into a spot right across from us and I flatten against my seat, watching from my peripheral vision.

He and Marcus have the same straight nose, deep-set eyes, thick brown eyebrows. I wonder what Marcus’s mom looks like. Did he get his sky-blue eyes from her? His dark blond hair? He has his dad’s smile .

I take a deep breath, let it out slowly, and search for Marcus on the field. One of his teammates passes the ball to him and he sprints down the field, passing it to another guy who passes it back to him as Marcus runs toward the goal. The ball sails through the air and the goalie leaps for it, but the crowd’s on their feet and so am I because everybody knows before it happens that Marcus will get exactly what he’s after.

When the ball flies into the goal, the crowd chants his name louder and he smiles as one of the guys leans in to say something. Marcus looks up into the bleachers as girlish cheers flutter around him from the group by the fence. He runs toward the sidelines, grabs a Gatorade, and drains it in two gulps, face flushed, hair damp with sweat. Tossing the bottle aside, he smiles when he sees his dad standing and waving both arms. He waves back and runs when his coach sends him back into the game but his eyes snag on Lin and me and widen, his mouth dropping open as he slows to a stop.

I consider ducking, not sure what his reaction will be, but a smile spreads across his face. The roar in the stadium fades to static as I smile back, his eyes holding mine.

“Whoa. Hi.”

“Hey.” I press my lips together to keep my smile from lifting me off my feet.

“Had no idea you were coming.”

I shrug and smile. “Love a good soccer game.”

“This just became the best game of the season.” A player slams into him from behind and his teammate yells, but Marcus’s feet are planted, and he stares directly at me as Lin’s head swivels between me and him, eyes wide.

“Oh my gosh, he’s staring at you.”

Her voice is too far away to bother taking my eyes off Marcus as his eyes say, “I’ll find you after the game. ”

I nod and Marcus grins, sending pulses of heat down my spine before he takes off running.

“Um…what was that?” Lin asks, turning to face me.

I snap my attention from Marcus to her. “What?”

She grabs my arm, squeezing and bringing me back into the moment with her. “It’s like you two just had some silent conversation while the entire stadium watched. Including his dad.”

My smile plunges. “Did he look at me?”

“Yes. Everyone did. I don’t know if they knew it was you, exactly, but who else would it be?” She motions toward the dog, then the old man, staring at me before shaking her head and patting my shoulder. “It’s probably fine. There’s no way he knows about you two. I’m sure he’s got too many distractions to think anything’s going on.”

I shoot a quick glance at Detective Miller who’s on his feet, cheering Marcus’s name, and I let go of the breath hiding in my throat. But then he turns his head, and his eyes meet mine. He looks confused but smiles and steps across the aisle toward us.

“Hey, Mei Li. Lin. What are you doing here? I thought you two went to Central.”

My stomach burrows deeper inside me and I swallow thick fear. “Oh…hi. Yeah, I just have a friend playing in the game.”

“Ah, well…sure hope he’s a Bulldog because they’re gonna cream Lowell.”

“You know it.” The words tumble from my mouth, clumsy and heavy, but I plaster a smile on my face and Detective Miller chuckles, then steps back to his seat.

Lin slowly leans close and whispers, “Your ‘friend’ is definitely a Bulldog. I only wish he had four of those legs.” She fans herself. “But joke’s on Detective Dad, I guess. Honestly, I’d be more terrified of those girls down there finding out about you two.”

When the game ends in a victory as predicted, the crowd slowly funnels out of the stadium to the sound of girl shrieks and laughter. Lin and I stay seated, watching Detective Miller meet Marcus on the field with a back-slapping bear hug. He lifts Marcus off his feet, and they laugh, Marcus shaking his head. Then Detective Miller punches Marcus’s arm and turns, blending in with the leaving crowd, no glance in my direction.

The brunette and her friends stroll toward Marcus who smiles and talks to them for a few seconds before his eyes slip beyond them to me, still in the bleachers. The brunette keeps talking, and he laughs but catches my eye, raising his eyebrows, then waves at the girls when they walk away. He jogs to the bench, grabs his bags, and pulls out his phone. Two seconds later, a text pings:

Marcus: Meet me at the south entrance in 5? I’ll be the sweaty one.

My eyes meet Lin’s which are staring intently at me, waiting, so I stand and grab her hand, pulling her to her feet. “Ready to meet Marcus Miller?”

“Oh. My. Gosh.” Lin says under her breath, watching Marcus throw his bag over his shoulder and walk toward the locker room. “I’ve never been more ready.”

We move down the steps and out of the stadium, rounding to the south parking lot, and a few minutes later, Marcus jogs toward us.

“Sorry to make you wait.” His eyes move from me to Lin, back to me, streaking the air with blue. “ You totally made my day .”

I smile and glance at my feet because my eyes are reaching for him, but Lin steps between us .

“Hey…I’m Lin. Mei Li’s very best friend. Also your neighbor.” She does an exaggerated bow and Marcus laughs, bowing in response. She cackles as she straightens and holds up her hand. “Wow. Okay. Approval granted.”

Marcus raises his eyebrows while he laughs, glancing at me, then back to Lin. “Didn’t know I had to get that but I’m completely relieved to have it for…whatever.” He smiles at her and her face lights up. “Think I’ve seen you around, so hey, neighbor. I’m Marcus.”

“Oh, I know. Anyone who’s female knows.” She tilts her head. “But anyway, Magic Miller…” She glances at me. “Mei Li and I were just about to head home so…want to join us? Or do you have to sign autographs? Press conference?”

I want to clamp my hand over her mouth; he probably has somewhere to be with the other people—the real people in his real life. I break in. “It’s okay. You probably have plans. We just came to say hi so…”

He smiles down at me, shifts the bags on his shoulder. “Nothing important going on so…I’ll head home with you.” His eyes grab mine and hold on. “ Let’s take the long way. ”

“Well, I’m headed this way.” Lin hugs me. “Call me later with every detail,” she says in my ear, then turns to Marcus. “Nice to meet you, kind sir.” She tips an imaginary hat and skips down the street toward her apartment building.

Marcus watches her, smiling and shaking his head. “Wow. That’s a lot of energy in one small person.” He glances down at his phone in his hand and texts someone before shoving it in his bag and wiggling his fingers. “Empty hands. Just in case they want to wander toward yours. Or yours toward mine. Just…whatever…”

I smile as his pinkie catches mine, then his other fingers weave into place .

“So.” He looks down at me, his eyes roaming my face as we walk toward the crosswalk. “Nothing better to do than watch soccer tonight, I guess?”

“It’s what girls whose favorite number is eight do. Turns out there are a lot of us.” We turn the corner, and he smiles into the purple haze.

“Good thing there’s only one girl #8 secretly/not-so-secretly wanted there.”

My cheeks ache from smiling as we cross the street, ecstatic except for the sliver of my brain that wonders how safe PDA is right now. “Should we go to our separate sides of the street?”

Marcus stops, looks down at me, then up the street and shakes his head. “I mean, yeah…we probably should but…I don’t want to.” His face is outlined by the lights, his cheeks splotched orange and pink from neon signs. “I’m kinda tired of doing things I don’t wanna do, so I’m not letting go of your hand.”

“Are you sure? What if your dad sees…?” Or Nick…

He glances around, then pulls me back down the street and around the corner. “Know how I said we’d take the long way home? I meant the really, really long way via backstreets.” He squeezes my hand and veers me in the opposite direction of our neighborhood. I laugh and talk so much I’m hoarse when we finally walk down my alley and stop under my fire escape.

I press my lips together and look at his chest, his school’s bulldog mascot glowing in the dark. I want to kiss him. I want him to kiss me. He said it would happen; I just hope that doesn’t mean in four weeks. I want to know what a real kiss is like and then experience it a hundred more times before I go to L.A. and my life dumps Marcus out of it.

He watches his fingers play with mine. “Thanks for coming to my game. Although you almost made me lose it. And other things. ”

I hold a shrug and tilt my head, playing with the string on his hoodie. “Had to see what all the hype’s about.”

“And?” His eyes gather my erratic mind and heart into our dark, warm circle.

“I very much understand it now.”

He meets my eyes, his gaze falling on my lips, staying there for two heartbeats before he groans and steps back. “Nope.” He shakes his head, holding his hands up. “Not gonna kiss you in the same alley Face Eater earned his nickname. No way.” He runs his fingers through his hair, takes a deep breath, lets it out in a sigh that ends in a smile. “Still…you have no idea what you do to me.”

My heart jumps up and down, flops around, drops into my stomach, and has a seizure before tangling in the realization that he really was going to kiss me. It was going to happen, right here, right now. But now, he’s gripping his backpack straps, his knuckles white, my thrashing heart jostling breathless words out of me.

“Call you as soon as I can.” I give him a quick hug and race up my fire escape ladder even though my mind stays in that hug. Against his chest, inside his arms, wrapped in heat. I glance over my shoulder. “And see you tomorrow?”

He puts his hand over his heart, his fingertips digging in. “Definitely.”

I scramble up onto the landing, my body tingling as I push up my window, then look down to where The Moment almost happened. The Almost Kiss, My Heart’s Best Memory, The Explosion of My World, The Guaranteed Best Moment of My Existence—right as Marcus steps out from under the fire escape and looks up, his smile shooting light into the dark alley.

He takes a few steps backward, smiling up at me when our eyes collide. “ Can it be tomorrow yet? ”

I smile so big, the corners of my mouth threaten to tear, then I wave, my hand going to my chest as he turns and walks down the alley toward the street, disappearing around the corner.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I hold my breath before letting it out in a whispered squeal as I crawl through my window. My phone buzzes from my jacket pocket as I drop to the floor.

I slip it out to see “Mmm” scroll across the screen, but someone knocks on my bedroom door and Mama’s voice drifts under it. “Mei Li?”

“Yeah?” I send the call to voicemail and crack open my door.

“Can we talk?” Her words hang in the air, waiting for me to notice them, but Mama steps through my door and lowers her voice. “I came up earlier, but you weren’t here.”

“I went to a school soccer game with Lin,” I rush as my phone buzzes with a new text. “Sorry I didn’t tell you.” I glance down, tilting the phone to read the screen.

Marcus: Why wait until tomorrow? My dad’s not home for a few more hours. Meet me behind my building in 10?

My heart shoves its way up my throat and my eyes snap to Mama who’s studying my face as I think of excuses to get her out of my room so I can sneak out and meet Marcus.

Mama glances at the phone pressed into my thigh, then nods, looks at the floor, then me again. She reaches out but I stiffen, and she drops her hand, talking to her silk slippers. “I know what’s happening, Mei Li.”

I press the phone tighter against my thigh while my mind flips through possible meanings, like I’m in a crowded clothing store, flipping through racks to find something that could fit. This rack of me sneaking around with Marcus? Me obsessing over Marcus? Me finding ways to be with him? What does she know and how did she find out? Guo Mama said she’d never tell. Did Mama see us together? We weren’t careful walking home tonight. My thoughts turn to the conversation I almost heard between mama and Guo. Was this what they were discussing?

I swallow and grip the phone tighter like my fingers will relay the message to Marcus that I’ll meet him as soon as I get Mama out of my room. “Happening with what?”

She hesitates, scans my room, then levels her gaze with mine for the first time in a long time. “With Nick.”

My knees lock, blood flow freezes. “What do you mean?” My voice is dry and crackly, thin and wary, like his name sucked the life out of me.

“I mean…” She sits on the edge of my mattress and grips her hands in her lap. “What he’s doing to you. What he’s done.”

I stare at her, and when she looks away, I clench my jaw. I don’t want to pretend. She does that enough for all of us. I don’t want sunken, sad eyes or to be invisible like her. She’s faded and wispy, her sharp cheekbones the only part of her that isn’t two-dimensional. She used to be vibrant and fun. We laughed. I idolized her back then but stopped when Baba hit her and she did nothing to stop him.

My stomach tenses against the realization bubbling up from deep, deep cracks. If I keep letting Nick do this, I will become her.

I square my shoulders and meet her eyes as resentment erupts from me. “Then why don’t you stop it?” I want her to see it all in my eyes, but she won’t look at me. “Oh…I remember why: because you’re as powerless and trapped as you’ve made me.” I shake my head, the words filling my mouth dripping with the acid they’ve been swimming in for years. “But I won’t stay trapped. I want something different.”

Her folded hands grip each other like my words hurt when they hit, and my insides curl away from the cruelty I hurled at her. I close my eyes and formulate an apology, but she stands.

“I want something different for you, too.” Her words huddle behind her as she walks out of my room and closes the door, leaving me alone to wonder what she meant. But her words don’t matter. Maybe she’s stuck, but I don’t have to be. I still get a choice, and I choose Marcus.