Page 18

CHAPTER 18

Mei: In the fortuitous words in the song Unsent by Alanis Morissette, “Dear Marcus, you rocked my world.”

Marcus: That’s all great what I did to your world, but you blasted me to a whole new one.

W hen my alarm goes off, I slap it quiet and roll over. My ribs don’t appreciate it, so I unwind the warm ice pack around my torso and ease back onto my pillow. No way am I going to school today. Forget my ribs—don’t want anyone to see my black eye. There’s only one person I plan on seeing today. And every day from now on.

I close my eyes, replaying how the hair on the back of my neck stood up when Mei touched me last night. How my blood pumped so hard, my veins feel stretched out and floppy. I have so many questions. And so many feelings. I plan on asking her all the questions and showing her exactly how I feel. Show and Tell with Marcus and Mei. And that’ll definitely involve kissing her again. A lot. Like…maybe all day. While keeping my hands to myself. Which just became a whole lot harder.

I snatch my phone from my nightstand and grimace at the painful reminder of the pounding I took last night. I’d expected brass knuckles. Nun chucks. Sabers. It wasn’t Ugly Chao who’d trashed me, but felt like a message directly from him.

My thoughts circle over each other, trying to figure out what his deal is with Mei. Why does he care so much? Mei seems to be freaked out over the guy, should I be just as freaked?

When I check my phone, there’s a Mei text, sent at 2:48 AM.

Mei: How are you feeling?

You don’t fight off thugs or kiss someone like I kissed her if she’s not your girl. My senses rocketed, and I hadn’t thought, just done. I smile at my phone and dial her number. Probability of Mei and Marcus togetherness=99.98 percent. It’s the 0.02 percent I’m after today.

She answers on the first ring. “Hey.”

Ah…that voice.

“Hey, so…” I put my arm behind my head, pausing when my ribs scream at me. “That whole kitchen scene?” I let the words and the scene float through the phone. “That was hot, Mei.” My legs go numb, and I wiggle my toes to make sure these thoughts haven’t paralyzed me.

“I know.” She’s still smiling, probably touching her lower lip like she does when she’s holding back emotion.

“I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Me neither.” Smile. Lip touch.

“And that’s why I’d like to say thanks in advance for skipping school and spending this magical Friday here with me.”

Smiling. Biting her lip. Closing her eyes .

“I can’t.” She’s quiet for a minute. “But I can meet you after—”

I cut her off with a dramatic sigh. “It’s just that Buddha’s raging. He’s throwing stuff and yelling. Think I heard swear words. And a threat to hurl himself off the windowsill if you don’t come. And then he raged when I told him you tried to break up with me last night. I can’t handle his rage in my delicate condition.”

“It must be tough…”

“Especially after last night.”

The pause is filled with her smile’s electricity. “How are your ribs?”

“It’s not my ribs I’m worried about.”

“What are you worried about, then?”

“My lips. They need like…” I squint at the ceiling. “A lip gloss transfusion or something. From a willing donor.”

Beams of smile light are shooting through the phone. “That sounds life-threatening.”

“It’s a slow, painful way to die.”

“I should come pay my last respects.”

“You definitely should.” My abs tense just thinking about kissing her again, and it hurts. In a good way.

“Maybe I will.”

“Then maybe I’ll see you in an hour? I’ll try to stay alive until then,” I whisper. Our smiles meet somewhere between our phones before I sign off, then grit my teeth and slide off my bed, swearing at the rug while holding my ribs as I shuffle to the kitchen. I hate those guys so much. Hate that I can’t tell Dad. Hate that, if I wanna keep Mei, we have to sneak around.

Dad’s at the table, reading something on his phone. “Hey.” I ease toward the cupboard as fluidly as I can.

He shoves his phone in his pocket. “What’s up, M.C.?”

“Not a lot.” Yet .

“Whoa.” Dad stands and steps closer. “Where’d you get the shiner?” He tilts my head back and inspects it.

“Header gone wrong. Practicing last night at Johnny’s.” I swallow the sour lie. “Guess I should’ve gone to youth ministry instead.” The lie combusts in my chest and burns up my throat into my eyeballs.

Dad nods. “Yep. Jesus saves.” He smiles and pretends to slug me in the chin before patting the side of my head. He pulls out his phone and finishes texting while I pour a heaping bowl of cereal and ease onto a bar stool like today’s any other school day, and I’ll head off to fill my mind with knowledge. Definitely gonna learn—all about Mei. Her secrets. Her lips. But nothing else. Motorcycle.

“Marcus?”

I look up from my Froot Loops. “Yeah?”

He raises his eyebrows. “Did you hear me?”

“Oh. No—sorry.”

“I just said I’m sorry I was so late last night. Things have been heating up at the precinct. I hate being gone so much.”

“Any leads?” I shove cereal in my mouth.

“If it’s who I think it is, the guy’s a thug to the bone. Can’t wait to lock him up.” He glances at his phone. “Sad thing is, I think there are a lot of people involved. Undocumented immigrants.” He shakes his head. “People come here to make a better life and get caught up in stuff they never dreamed of doing just to stay.” He grabs his plate, puts it in the dishwasher, and glances at me. “Text when your homework’s done, and Lex and I’ll meet you for dinner somewhere. Take Lex’s bike for a ride, maybe?” He rubs his hands together. “You need some practice. Graduation’s coming right up.”

“Yeah.” The word squeezes through my tight throat. “Could definitely use some practice.”

When Dad leaves, I ease into the shower, brush my teeth, and text Mei. Ten minutes later, I lean against the open door of The Clubhouse and almost don’t recognize her skimming the stairs in a baseball cap and giant sunglasses. But the way her hips move when she walks…it’s all her. Her skinny jeans ride low, the V-neck underneath her jacket clinging to her, and I swallow my pounding heart, grabbing her hand and pulling her inside before shutting and locking the door.

“Hey.” My hands circle her waist, my body heat sufficiently burning through the cold, morning air swirling around her. She grins up at me and my lips hover above hers. “Just gonna make sure you brought the lime kind.” I smile as I kiss her slowly.

She stretches against me, and my fingers press into her back, holding her against me until my ribs protest. “Sorry,” I whisper against her lips and my fingers reluctantly ease up. I take off her baseball cap and sunglasses before resting my forehead against hers. “Little sore.”

She closes her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Marcus. I don’t know what I was thinking last night,” she murmurs, her lips brushing mine, her arms draped around my neck. “But there’s no way I could ever stay away from you. Thus, the disguise.”

I curl my toes into the carpet to avoid floating into Mei Land. “Speaking of last night…I think we’re official. Am I wrong?”

“You’re not.”

I lace my fingers through hers and walk backward, pulling her to the couch. Holding my breath, I ease onto it, then tug her down beside me, ignoring my screaming torso as she snuggles closer. “So…maybe we should do some actual talking since our mouths got a little distracted last night. Maybe talk about how we’re gonna make this work without getting jumped every day. I mean, here we are, not at school. Our lips aren’t busy. Yet. And before they get that way, we should talk about what happened.”

She’s silent for a few seconds, my question hanging in the air. “Okay… ”

“Why do those guys care we’re together? And were they watching you this morning? Like, are they gonna burst through the door and kill us?” Uncertainty from last night crushes my preoccupation with her lips.

She takes a deep breath and lets it out as a long sigh of surrender. “I made sure no one was around.” She picks at the hem of her jeans. “Nick’s…protective.”

“Ah. Yeah. Kinda.” A lump grows in my chest. “But why? What is he to you? And don’t say nothing because…this,” I lightly pat my taped torso, “isn’t nothing.”

She shakes her head, her eyes grabbing mine, holding on. “He wants there to be something between us, but I don’t. He must have found out about you somehow.”

“So…he’s the jealous type.” Marcus slides a hand lightly over his ribcage. “Checks out. Your parents know?”

She nods.

I raise my eyebrows and wait for words to form. “And they’re cool with the way he treats you?”

She glances around the room. “Not exactly, but…”

“But what?”

“Like I said last night, you and I come from the same neighborhood, but completely different worlds. Our parents worry about different things.” Her jaw is set like she’s not gonna let anything slip out of her mouth.

I lean my head back against the couch. “That is so messed up. No offense, but seriously.”

“Maybe in your world.”

“No. In every world. That’s not okay.” The edge of her words rips open the place I’m storing my anger, leaving the silence jagged. “So, just to clarify: Face Eater’s not your boyfriend. Swear on Buddha.”

“I swear, Marcus. There’s just…a lot of family history, that’s all. If I could tell you everything, I would. But I can’t, and that’s how it has to be. I promise I’ll tell you everything I can.” Her voice is a whisper and I grab her hand, bringing it to my chest. “And…” she continues, “if we’re going to be together, you can never tell your dad any of this. Or you’ll never see me again.”

Whoa. My head snaps back like she threw a punch. “Seriously? It comes down to that?”

“Yes.”

I let the information sink in, kinda like a blow to the head, then scan the living room before looking at her again. “You part of the mafia or something?”

She throws daggers with her eyes, and I hold up my hands. “Pretty sure Face Eater is, so…” She turns away, looking out the window, and my thoughts stumble over themselves to push out words. “Okay. Whatever. Fine—I’ll let it go for now, but I’d prefer not to fight those guys again, and I just…I don’t want this to sound demanding or anything but if we’re together, I can’t stand the thought of Face Eater kissing you in that family-friendly way anymore. Or punching you. Or touching you in any kind of way. Unless you want him to, and then…whatever. Your choice, but…I just can’t.” I sit forward on the couch, gritting my teeth against the pain as I run my fingers through my hair and talk to the carpet. “I promise not to tell my dad and you promise to stay away from Face Eater.”

She rolls her eyes and looks away, but I turn her face toward mine. “And…promise you’re not playing me. That what happened last night meant something to you…”

Her eyes search my face. “Marcus, I…”

“Because if it didn’t, please—”

“I swear.”

I grab her hand and pull her down the hallway into my room. I shuffle to the windowsill and snatch Buddha. “Swear on him and I won’t ask any more questions for now. You can tell me when you’re ready. If you swear on Buddha, I’m in this thing for good.” I hold Buddha between us, looking down at her. “Like…for good, good. Like…we’ll lie low until we figure out how to be together in a safe, normal way.” She seems so much smaller than when she got here. I tip her chin up and our eyes lock. “You in this thing with me?”

She closes her eyes and nods before looking at me again and whispering, “I’m in” before grabbing Buddha and wrapping her arms around my neck. “100 percent. But we have to be completely secret.”

When I grunt and reach for the wall, she lets go and steps back, hand over her mouth, but I smile through a grimace and slide onto my bed, stretching out on my back to breathe through the pain. “I swear you and Face Eater are both trying to kill me.”

I stand in Lex’s garage that smells like his neighbor’s weed farm growing on their balcony. I keep my sunglasses on despite the setting sun so Dad won’t see everything I’m hiding from him. As far as I know, Mei’s the only one who can read my thoughts, but just in case.

My temperature’s still significantly elevated from today’s make out which went on a whole lot longer than last night’s. Way longer. Making out with Mei is straight up magic, but I had to remind myself about the motorcycle a few hundred times. Luckily, my crying ribs helped keep things under control.

“Let’s see what you got, M.C.,” Dad says, lifting the garage door. He throws me a helmet and I pull it on before sliding onto the motorcycle, steadying it as Dad climbs on behind me.

I clench my jaw and swing my leg over the seat like moving’s not grinding my ribs to dust, and grip the handlebars, peeling out of the garage. Dad slugs my shoulder to slow it down but I haven’t slowed down anything since I met Mei, and definitely haven’t honored his wishes. I let up on the gas.

A few minutes later, we pull up to Golden Gate State Park and I kill the engine and take off my helmet. Dad slides off the bike and I put down the kickstand and step off. We sit on the railing, overlooking the bay, our heels kicking against the metal, helmets in our laps. I focus on the water instead of letting my eyes wander to the bridge where Mei and I were last weekend. Gotta stay here with Dad.

“Big month, my man.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders, slipping me in a headlock and knuckles my head, then lets go, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

I look across the bay and blink away the sting in my eyes. This is it. Last few weeks of life as I’ve known it. Just me and Dad, doing our thing. After graduation, things will change. Especially if Mei sticks around for culinary school. We’ll keep dating and, eventually I’ll tell Dad about her. Once he gets to know her, he’ll approve, and everything will be cool.

I swallow nausea and anxiety. Sadness. Disappointment in myself. The combo tastes like rusty metal and puke. Curling my toes in my Adidas, I fight to keep my mouth shut when I wanna tell Dad everything like I always have. Wanna tell him about Mei and how I’m starting to feel about her and hear him tell me he gets it, and I don’t have to sneak around. That he’ll lock up Face Eater and fix everything that’s messed up with Mei’s family. That everything’s gonna be okay. I want Mei and Dad. Why do I have to choose?

“How you feelin’ about graduation?” He keeps his eyes straight ahead, but his jaw clenches and pulses like he’s pushing back emotion.

I take a deep breath, hoping fresh air will yank all the sadness out of this freaking moment. “Excited. Nervous. Ready. All of it.”

He glances at me. “Yeah?”

I keep my head turned from him so I can blink away tears of loss from signing with USF instead of Stanford. From lying to him. From growing up and considering leaving him. “Just getting kinda real.”

He shifts on the railing and clears his throat. “Yeah. Came way too fast but I’m so proud of you, son.” He blinks and tightens his grip on the railing.

“Dad.” My voice breaks. “You’re kinda killin’ me.”

His eyes are glossy as he smiles. “Should we have a sob fest and get it over with? It’s a happy time, right? My son’s going places I never went, doing big things I never did.” A tear slides down his cheek and I lean my elbows on my knees like someone just punched me in the gut, and my insides hurt way worse than my ribs. I let out a long, shaky breath, and he laughs.

“Raising you’s been the best eighteen years of my life.” He nods and swipes at another tear. “I’ve spent a lot of time burnt over your mom leaving but…it was her loss and my luck.”

I wipe both palms down my face to clear the tears and groan. “You gotta stop, Dad. Seriously.”

“No way. It’s how I feel. And I don’t let myself do that too often. So deal with the love coming out of my eyes.” He bumps my shoulder with his. “Love you, M.C.”

I open my mouth to tell him I love him, too when a group of women next to us asks him to take their picture, one of them smiling at Dad a little bigger than politely. When he comes back, I nod to the group, grateful for a conversation detour.

“Think that lady wants you to ask for her number.”

He glances at her, then back at me. “Not happening.”

“She not your type?”

He watches a boat creep under the bridge and shrugs. “Not sure what my type is. Thought it was your mom. Thought she wanted the same things I did. I had big plans for us. I was gonna get recruited to the FBI and eventually marry her, but then she wound up pregnant and took off after you were born.” He studies his feet. “I hate the way things ended with her but glad I got what I got. She’s the one lacking.” He squints as he looks out over the water, his feet kicking the railing. If there’s a crack anywhere in Dad’s campaign against women, I need it to spread wide open. Maybe I could tell him that I’m merely interested in Mei. Make the lie a little less sharp.

“Not every woman’s like my mom.” Now it’s my turn to watch the boats, the setting sun glinting off their windows.

He raises his eyebrows. “You speaking from experience?”

Okay. Nope. Not ready to tell him. “No.” I shake my head probably a little too fast. “Nah…just thinking. Probability’s low.”

“Why risk an amazing future by betting on probability?” He shakes his head, staring out at the ocean.

The lump in my stomach sprouts legs and crawls into my throat, digging in like a tick that sucks out all my Mei confidence. I wanna ask him if he ever felt about someone the way I feel about Mei.

“I know there are good women out there, but you’re young. And you never really know what’ll happen until you take the dive and then it’s just…messy.”

Since when does he think there are good women in the world? His newfound attitude lands in my head with a thud and springs a leak in my confessions holding tank. The leak picks up all the words I’ve been hiding from him, and they slide down to my mouth. Don’t know what to do with this conversation. Where was this crack in his hatred toward women a month ago? But before I can confess anything, I slide off the railing, my torso screaming as I nod toward the motorcycle.

“Welp…better get home. If I don’t get my homework done, I won’t graduate.” I pull on my helmet and we slide ba ck onto the bike, my white knuckles on the handlebars having nothing to do with driving or my ribs.

“How ‘bout we grab dinner with Lex first?” Dad asks as he pulls on his helmet. “I’ve got a hankering for Zhangs since we didn’t go on Tuesday.”