Page 87 of The Oath We Give

“Ready?” I ask, reaching my hand out for her to take.

“No,” she murmurs, teeth nervously tugging at her bottom lip. “I can’t—”

One step forward, ten back, with this one.

“Coraline.” I sigh, wondering what Stephen did to her that made her this afraid of me. What her past had told her that made her so opposed to trusting others.

“No, it’s not about me.” She shakes her head, a frown between her brows. “Are you sure you want to do this? I know you’re doing it for your father, but are you sure he’d want this for you? Positive that you don’t want to hold out to marry someone you love?”

I hesitate for a moment before responding, inwardly aware of the passing seconds ticking away and knowing we need to meet with the judge soon.

Her questions hang in the air like dense fog, closing in on me. The truth is, I know my father wouldn’t want this for me. I can’t tell her that, though, because she’ll use it as an excuse to get out of this, and that’s all this is. Her wanting me to doubt this. Wanting me to tuck tail and run so she isn’t responsible for what happens after we say I do.

I spent two years on a revenge spree because it was what I wanted.

But if I’m honest with myself? I want her. I want this with her.

It’s not ideal circumstances, marrying her before we truly know one another, but I still want her. I want the two years of access to this mirage of a woman because for the first time in a long time, she makes me feel alive. There is a spark inside of me that didn’t exist before, that I never believed could.

Selfishly, I want her next two years—seven hundred and thirty days of protecting her, getting to know her habits, unraveling her mystery thread by thread.

The rest of it? Luring out Stephen, saving my family’s company? It’s all become an added benefit.

“I’m sure. You’re the only one having doubts here.” I turn slightly, reaching to grab the handle of the courtroom door. “We are going to miss our chance if—”

“Stop. Just stop for two seconds,” she hisses, grabbing the sleeve of my tux, tugging at me so I face her. “Stop pretending to have everything under control. Stop pretending this is what you want. Your father is dying, and the man who was responsible for your ex-girlfriend’s death is out to ruin your life. For two fucking seconds, stop being such a solid foundation, and show me the cracks in your sidewalk.”

I run a palm across my jawline. “What do you want me to say here to get you down the aisle, Hex?”

“The truth,” she says firmly, demanding an answer I’m not sure she’s ready for. “Calm, cool Silas and broken, messy Coraline. You’re always there, trying to be there for me, for other people. I cannot do this if I’m the only one who leans. You’ve gotta lean a little on me too.”

My teeth grind together. This is the problem with being silent—everyone assumes your feelings. They build your narrative without facts and spit it out at you like it’s truth, using context clues and bullshit to spin a web so they can understand you.

When you don’t speak, no one knows your story.

It’s a war I had to create for myself, a battle I fought for Rosemary. One I’ve been fighting for years. Letting the world tell me who I am, what I feel, and what I’ll become.

Doctors, my parents, my friends, even Rosie.

No one knows me because I never gave anyone a chance to.

“I’m months from losing the man who raised me.” I look down at her, really look at her for a moment. Her tan skin glows in the sun, full mouth set in a straight line. “I’m terrified of failing him. Scared of what life looks like without him. Afraid I won’t have enough time to learn how to successfully maintain our family company before he dies. But I have a mother and two brothers who can’t afford to see that fear.”

I step closer to her, into her space, slowly reaching up to cup her cheek in my hand. My thumb swipes just beneath her eye, and I use my fingers to tilt her neck back so she’s looking up at me.

I want her to see me so she can hear these words and know they’ve never been spoken aloud to anyone but her. That these parts of me? No one else has. No one knows.

“I’m moments from letting the guilt of what I’ve done eat me alive. I can’t sleep at night because I know the reason Stephen is trying to destroy my friends is because of me. All I think about, all I dream about, is sending a bullet through his skull and ending this forever.”

I let her see me, unmoving. I let her know that I’m not running away from this, from her.

I’m in this with her. I’m putting my trust in her too.

“I’m seconds away from kissing your fucking mouth because you look this beautiful and still feel the need to ask me if I’m sure about marrying you.” My voice is a whisper in the back of my throat.

Coraline’s features soften as my thumb traces her bottom lip. The world had scared her beyond recognition, wounded and beaten her soul. Yet, she stands here, scared she’ll hurtme.

Despite everything we’ve both been through, I need her to know I’m in this. Whatever comes next, regardless of what I mean to her, she will always have someone she could count on.