Page 126 of The Oath We Give

He might not even accept it. If it were me, I wouldn’t.

“Thank you for loving him, for showing him how to love others. His heart has helped me in more ways than I’m capable of understanding. I think the kindness everyone always speaks about you having rubbed off on him, probably without him even noticing.”

The silence of the cemetery surrounds me, and I’m a little grateful for it in this moment. I can say whatever I want here, and it won’t change anything, but it feels good to thank her. To express my gratitude.

“I think I fight him so hard because I knew from that first phone call, ya know?” I pause, shaking my head. “You can’t answer that, I realize. Sorry. Anyway, it just felt like even before he knew me, on that roof, I was broken, and that was okay. He makes me feel like just being Coraline is enough, cursed and all.”

His voice alone had given me more comfort that night than people’s entire bodies had shown me in years. There is a safety in him I’ve never known before.

A trust.

“I’m sorry for rambling. I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for Silas, and I guess for me too. I promise I’ll try my best to protect the heart you nurtured. Thank you, Rosie.”

As I speak her name, the warm summer breeze caresses my face, making me shiver involuntarily. I’ve never really believed in an afterlife, but for right now, I want to believe it’s real and she heard me.

“Great minds, huh?”

A voice pierces my graveyard peace, and I turn around from the tombstone I’m facing, finding a copy of the girl six feet under, holding her own set of flowers.

“Sage,” I breathe, face flaming red. “I didn’t—I wasn’t—I—”

“I didn’t hear anything.” She waves me off with a smile, walking closer and setting the daisies in her arms next to mine. “Your secrets are safe with my sister.”

Relief floods through my body. Not that I’m ashamed of how I feel about him. I just don’t love the idea of everyone knowing what’s happening inside my head all the time, especially this.

Sage mirrors my stance, standing by my side to stare down at her sister’s grave, and I think it’s telling.

That we sorta feel like different versions of the same mirror.

We grew up in similar households, the same Ponderosa Springs reputation pressed into us from a young age, constantly thinking about what others think.

“You mind if I give you some unwarranted advice? Rook says I should start asking first, even though I’m going to say it anyway.”

I laugh, motioning for her to continue.

“Let him in.”

I furrow my brows. “What?”

“They will get there either way. When a Hollow Boy wants something, they get it. It’s just in their nature. I know what it’s like to wear a mask, and I know you’re afraid to take it off, but there is more to life than pretending. Let him in. It’ll be much easier on your heart than if he breaks those walls down with force.”

Sage and I, we feel like two sides of the same coin.

Two girls who hid who they were for so long because we knew if we showed this place the truth, they’d tear it to shreds. So we kept it close, too close. She’d just learned a little quicker than me how to let others in.

“What do I do if he’s already in?” I mumble.

God, how long had it been since I talked to someone about boy problems? How long had it been since I just had someone to talk to?

“Then you tell him, or he’s not going to stop.”

It’s complicated, I want to say. It’s complicated ’cause I know it’s better for me to keep my distance emotionally. Physically, we’ve already been closer than any two people should be. That man was in my fucking guts last night.

It’s better if I just keep this secret to me and Rosemary. Because if I tell Silas I love him, he won’t stop. He won’t stop until it kills him, and I don’t want to lose him.

I don’t want to rob Zoe and Scott Hawthorne of their son. I don’t want to steal him from the boys. Selfishly, I don’t want them to hate me for taking him away.

It’s easy to say the curse is in my head until you’ve lived through what I have. Until you’ve seen it hurt people.