Page 148 of The Oath We Give

"Silas!"

A voice shattered the silence around me. I spun to glance behind me but saw nothing, only miles and miles of flowers. When I turned back around, my brows furrowed as a figure began to pixel in the distance.

Coming to form with every step she took forward.

"Silas!" She screams again, this time I can see the smile on her face, the joy that radiates around her like a halo.

"Rosie?" I choke on her name, tears slipping down my cheeks in a stream. Joyful tears that she's okay, that she's happy, that she's here. But they are also soaked in misery, in sadness because I'm dead.

I died, and I left Coraline alone.

She comes to a halt a few feet in front of me, waves of auburn hair swirling around her face, wearing the same outfit she had on the last day I saw her.

"I wanted to come say goodbye." She tilts her head, the freckles dotting her cheeks crinkling as she grins at me, "We never got to say goodbye last time."

My body, my soul has felt heavy for years. Weighed down by the grief of never telling her goodbye, of being the last person she trusted to see her before she was killed.

"I'm sorry, Rosie. I'm sorry I let you walk home alone." My voice is muffled in my own ears, but I know she hears them, because she starts to frown, "I'm sorry I didn't protect you, when I promised I would."

"It wasn't your fault, Silas. I died and that wasn't your fault."

Her voice is soft, gentle, reassuring. So very her.

"You're not to blame for my death" Her smile returns, the youth in her features making my chest burn. She never got to experience life, she never got to be anything. Rosemary was a world of possibility turned into a tragedy. "I died and it's okay to forgive yourself."

In the back of my mind, I hear voices. Roaring and shouting just in the distance, but there is nothing behind me. The feeling of numbness is starting to fade from me, my bones have weight, and I can feel my feet beneath me.

“My feet are freezing.”

My heart drops as I look down to see her pale feet without socks. Tears burn the insides of my eyes, and I let them fall. I want to bring her back with me, so that she can have a chance to experience life. So she can see Sage again, so she can fall in love again.

I want to give her endless possibilities. I wanted that for her so badly.

“You feet always did get cold without socks on.” I say, my throat tightening.

“Hey Silas?” Her voice is a whisper now, the in-between place of flowers starting to fade. The cold is returning to my body and as much as I want Rosie to be happy, I want to go back.

I want to go back to Coraline because I can't leave her alone.

I'm her curse-breaker.

I can't be another person she loses. I want to be the person that proves that she can be loved, loudly and endlessly without it killing me.

“Yeah?”I ask.

Rosemary's head tilts, a sleep smile tugs at the corner of her fading face. Drifting off to a place of peace. “Can you carry me one last time?”

I wanted to go back, but this? This was the goodbye I never got to say to the person who showed me kindness above all else. This was closure with a person who showed me how to love so that I had it down by the time I met Coraline. Who taught me so much about myself before I even knew who I was?

This was a goodbye to my guilt, for not being there.

So, I look her one last time, knowing that as long as I live, I'll carry the love Rosemary Donahue and I shared forever. As a testament to her memory, a thank you for all she did.

She died knowing she was loved by many and that’s all any of us can ask for at the end of our days.

“Always, Rosie Girl.”

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