Page 122 of The Oath We Give

I can’t say that had been the reaction I’d wanted after we had sex the first time, but she’s nothing if not unpredictable. It’s one of the many qualities I like about her.

How every day feels different, and there’s always something to discover.

“It’s lavender tea.” I clear my throat. “Lilac mentioned it’s the only thing that helps you sleep. Fresh lavender, not the fake shit. Her words, not mine.”

She blinks her bleary eyes, and my fingers have to fight not to reach out and wipe the tears away. The only way I want to comfort her is the last thing she needs.

I want to hold her, touch her, physically make her feel safe, but touch is a trigger for Coraline. It’s a hard line to walk when all I want to do is touch her.

“I thought I was out.” She tentatively reaches out, taking the mug from me and tucking it against her chest.

My hand reaches behind my neck, scratching lightly. “I bought a plant.”

“You bought a fucking lavender plant? Why?”

I refrain from laughing, because that’s what Rook said when I first told him. My head bobs up and down, a slow nod, confirming her words.

“Because you like it.”

When is she going to realize there is nothing I won’t do for her? That if it’s what she desires or it benefits her well-being, I’ll do it. I’ll get whatever it is. She wants a garden of lavender? I’ll get her two.

She deserves that.

“This is fake, Silas.”

Like she’s trying to remind herself of that, like she’s trying to force herself to believe it when I don’t think we’ve ever been fake. Not once have I ever faked anything with her.

“But it feels real, doesn’t it?”

“That’s what scares me.” She lifts the cup to her lips, taking a sip and staring at me over the rim,her face covered by the shield of the hood.

I turn my body completely, hanging one leg off the bed. “Why are you so afraid of hurting me?”

There is a beat of silence where she searches my eyes, and I can’t read her. I have absolutely no idea what she wants to say. The blank stare in her eyes breaks my heart, knowing whatever it is that makes her push me away scares her this badly.

“I know what I am about to tell you is going to make me sound crazy. Like I’m making it up or it’s all in my head, and maybe it is, but it’s real to me. It’s real enough, and if I tell you…” She inhales deeply, sniffling. “When I tell you, I need you to believe me, Silas. Promise me you won’t make me feel like I’m insane.”

Coraline has absolutely zero idea just how much I understand. The desperation of needing someone, anyone, to validate what is happening in your mind.She has no clue how far I had to go to twist the truth so it would fit other people’s view of me.

No matter what she says, I’ll believe her because I know how painful it is when no one else does.

“I promise.”

And that’s all it takes. My word is enough for her to start talking. I let her, for the very first time, share her story with ears that understand what it’s like to keep a secret. To withhold the truth, carry it on your back like a hundred-year war.

It’s a story that starts with meeting a boy at a wedding when she was young, who gave her a flower and was the first person to say he loved her. A story that ended with that boy dying in a car accident the same night.

The cursed one’s first victim.

“I forgot about him, like he meant nothing, like he was a blip in my memory. I grew up, and I didn’t think about him again until I was in middle school. Until I met a guy named Riley.”

My brows furrow as I listen to her speak. I find that asking questions when people have a lot to say is fruitless. When you give others the space to talk, they will tell you everything you need to know.

Coraline only needed a trusted ear to spill her sorrows to; the rest would come.

“We dated in sixth grade. He had this gap in his teeth that I thought was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. He kinda looked like Justin Bieber.” She laughs, like she can still see his face in her mind. “On the last day of school before summer break, he kissed me in the stairwell. It was quick, cute, sweet. Everything you expect for a first kiss. Just before he left, he muttered an I love you so quickly I didn’t even have a chance to say it back. I can’t remember if I would’ve meant it or not. I waited by my phone that night for hours, waiting on a text or call from him, but it never came. My father told me the next morning that Riley had drowned in his neighbor’s pool. Just like that, he was there, and then he wasn’t.”

I distantly remember that, a guy in our grade dying in a drowning accident. Things like that don’t go unnoticed by the rumor mill. I just never knew Coraline was dating him.