Page 72 of The Nightblood Prince

North of Yong’An, sunset stained the palace’s tiles the same red as a battlefield soaked in blood. Crimson lanterns illuminated the opulent halls where Siwang held the celebration of the year.

Wine poured like rushing streams into the mouths of drunken men, their hazy eyes trailing the dancing courtesans. Everybody cheered and toasted and swayed to music as the sky deepened toward midnight.

A lavish party for all the high-ranked soldiers and commanders who had fought at Siwang’s side. To celebrate those who had survived, and those who had died. Tonight marked the end of a blurred week of toasting the peace treaty that would make Lan and Rong allies for decades to come.

For his part in negotiating the treaty, Siwang was appointed grand general, a position that officially put him in charge of all the empire’s military forces.

Before the entire court, the emperor kissed Siwang’s head and declared his merits and sacrifices. “My brilliant son,” he hailed him, and everyone in the imperial halls cheered.

In the days afterward, all anyone could talk about was Siwang’s vigor, how he had tirelessly fought for Rong. No one spoke of Changchun, those who had died. Or how this war could have ended seasons ago if it hadn’t been for Siwang’s vanity.

No one spoke of me, Lifeng Fei, or even Li Fei.

This is for the better, I told myself. At least the emperor showed mercy by not beheading me for treason because I’d disguised myself as a man to serve in my father’s place.

To the emperor’s credit, he did reward me. At Siwang’s plea, the emperor agreed to let my father return to court as Siwang’s advisor, thus lifting my family’s exile.

But my banishment was still in place. Though it now applied only to Lifeng Fei, not Li Fei, or Little Li, as my soldiers continued to call me.

However, it still stung that my hard work was being claimed by Siwang. While the historians celebrated him, I would be forgotten because the emperor didn’t deem a girl worthy of their applause.

It doesn’t matter. Again, I told myself. Honor was nothing against the blissful years I had obtained for the people of our borderlands.

I hoped only that in time, their broken hearts would heal, and their hate for Lan would fade.

Or maybe not. In the corner, Caikun drank alone. A jar of wine at his lips, still clad in the bone-white robes of mourning, he softly wept with every gulp.

Across the land, thousands were crying for their fathers, brothers, sons, and grandsons.

I thought of Luyao’s child…a baby boy, just as he’d imagined, born a month before his death. Luyao never got to hear of the safe arrival of his first and only child, because Zhangxi had no way of getting the news to him.

I blinked away the tears that always seemed to prick at my eyes when I thought about these things.

A deep breath, then I emptied my cup.

That single drop of Yexue’s blood had helped Siwang make a complete recovery in a single moon. His hand was still injured. He could still write and hold a teacup, but the doctors warned him against ever holding a sword again.

Siwang didn’t let this deter him. If he couldn’t hold a sword with his right hand, then he would hold it with his left.

A general who can’t hold a sword will never keep the respect of his men. And Siwang would die before he lost the respect of his men.

When our eyes met across the room, he smiled.

It was time for me to slip away.

After tonight, Siwang would continue his life as the crown prince and grand general, and I would return to the border as a third-ranked commander of a small battalion.

We had nothing to talk about. I would keep my promise to Yexue.

I would be where he could see me, far from Siwang and the glimmeringcapital.

Far from everything.

Where I could train my army and amass the kind of power this empire would never allow a girl to have.

Siwang claimed he wanted to honor his men, but none of my comrades were invited to the feast.

The only people he wanted to honor were those with power and status who wished for an excuse to get drunk and boast for all to hear, while the soldiers who had risked their lives were forgotten and erased.

As I headed for the exit, someone touched my elbow at the darkened corner of the banquet hall, far from the dancing girls and cheering men.

I half expected to see Siwang flushed with alcohol, but instead saw my father’s face.

I gasped. “Baba?”

“Child,” my father whispered, tears already welling in his eyes.

I threw my arms around him and hugged him with all my might, relishing his familiar scent of pinewood and green tea.

“The crown prince said he’s lifted our exile and wants me as his advisor. He also told me what you did in the war, Fei. How all of this was your doing. You saved Rong, my brilliant girl. You are a hero.”

Hero. “This is the first time someone has called me that.”

“It is what you are, Fei.” He kissed my cheek, and I cried, too. “The crown prince told me to hurry. He said tonight is my last chance of seeing you before you return to the border?”

I nodded. “I’m supposed to be in the capital for only a few days, to face the emperor and receive my fate. I made a promise to Lan Yexue that I would be back as soon as possible.”

Father nodded, didn’t ask further questions. “Your mother and Fangyun are so proud.”

At this, I perked up. “Mama? Fangyun? Are they—”

“Your mother is on her way. Fangyun hasn’t decided whether she wants to come back to the capital yet.”

I smiled. When Fangyun talked about how much she preferred life outside the capital, I’d always thought she said it to comfort me. It seemed she might have been honest after all. “And you are happy? Coming back to the capital?”

My father’s smile was all the answer I needed.

I might never forgive Siwang for his mistakes, but he had done the right thing by calling my father back to court.

The country life wasn’t for him or Mother.

Father didn’t read all those scriptures just to let his wisdom waste away in a bamboo shack.

Besides, Siwang needed good men like him in times like these.

Perhaps if my father had been at his side before the massacre of Changchun, he could have steered Siwang back to a more moral path?

Father’s hand clutched mine. “Do you have to go back to the border? The crown prince told me about your deal with Lan’s prince regent. I don’t think a girl should—”

“I’ll be okay, Father. I have survived the war. I can survive this.”

“Prince Siwang—he loves you, Fei. He really does love you. Will you ever—”

“I made my choice a year ago.” I interrupted him before he could wander down a path I didn’t want to revisit. “And I have never regretted it for a single day. As for life at the border? Though I will not quite live life on my own terms, I’ll be free, at least. I’ll visit when I can, I promise.”

This was for the best.

Father, Mother, and Fangyun all belonged here, no matter how much they tried to pretend otherwise for my sake.

In the south, free of courtly expectations, I’d had plenty of time to find out where I belonged. “I’m sorry.”

He frowned. “What for?”

“For forcing you and Mama and Fangyun into exile, for acting so recklessly without stopping to think how my actions could affect my family.” The words poured out as tears continued to sting and well and roll down my face.

“I don’t regret what I did a year ago. I don’t regret breaking Siwang’s heart.

But I do regret how it punished the three of you… .”

Father pulled me into a tight hug. “We don’t blame you.

In fact, we are so proud of you. The courage it took to break your betrothal, and the selfless filiality when you enlisted in my place.

You are everything your name prophesized you to be.

An extraordinary woman full of courage to defy the world’s expectations and stand for the things you believe in.

Fei, I am so proud of you. We all are. I’ve said this before: if I wanted you to obey and be ordinary, I never would have named you Fei. ”

“I love you, Father.”

“I love you, too, child.” He sighed. “I just wish the world knew it was you who brought peace to our empire. That a girl was the real hero of this war, not the prince whose name they’ve already etched into history.”

I smiled. However, the water clock in the corner was close to midnight. “I have to go, Father. Before the gates close.”

The peace between Rong and Lan was conditioned on my presence at the border at all times. Though Yexue allowed me to leave from time to time, his kindness had its limits.

With a heavy breath, my father nodded, placed one last kiss on my forehead. “Be safe.”

“You, too.”

We didn’t say goodbye.

I didn’t turn back to look at him when I walked away, afraid that if I saw tears in his eyes, I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to take anotherstep.

The border was far from the capital. With this parting, I had no idea when I’d see Father or the rest of my family again. I had no idea when I’d see Siwang again.

If ever.

Be safe, I thought to the star-strewn sky. Be happy.