Page 16 of The Nightblood Prince

“Get me a physician!”

Siwang was no longer conscious by the time I rode through camp, frantically searching for someone to tend to his wounds.

I would have done it myself if not for fear of wasting time.

I didn’t want to give Yexue a chance to catch up or do a bad job and make things worse.

Siwang was the crown prince, the root of the emperor’s life, the flesh of his heart.

If anything happened to Siwang, neither I nor my family would be able to bear the weight of his rage.

Siwang couldn’t die.

“Help!” I cried, louder this time. The sun blazed above us, so stifling I could barely breathe.

Sweat beaded across my skin. I didn’t know if it was because of my hammering heart or Siwang’s blood burning through the back of my clothes.

“A doctor…!” I panted, slipping from the saddle.

“Someone help the prince. Please! Please…”

“Lady Lifeng!” someone shouted through the murky darkness. “Lady Lifeng! Someone get the imperial physician! Quick!”

“Help him,” I murmured as consciousness slipped from my grasp.

Please.

Save him. Just…

Save him.

Siwang.

His name was the first thing I thought of when consciousness realigned with my body.

I opened my eyes. A blurred, distorted scene slowly came into focus.

I was back in my tent, Fangyun kneeling at my bedside, her head resting beside my hip, her hand holding mine even as she slept.

There were tearstains around the blanket under her face.

An imperial physician napped in the corner, and a fire crackled at the center of the room.

“Siwang…Where is Siwang?” I rasped out.

“You are awake?” Fangyun jerked to alertness at the sound of my voice.

“How are you feeling, Lady Lifeng?” The physician bolted to his feet, hurrying over to check my pulse. “You’ve been unconscious for almost three days.”

I blinked. “Three days?”

“You were running a fever when you got back. You also showed signs of blood loss, though we couldn’t find a wound. We were afraid it was some sort of internal bleeding. Thank the gods that you are okay. Your father and Prince Siwang are incredibly worried.”

I sat up straighter at the mention of his name. “Siwang is alive?”

“The prince is very much alive and well. He’s lost a lot of blood, too, but he’s strong. By the time the head physician finished treating his wound, the prince was lucid and asking for you.”

Tears stung the back of my eyes. Thank the gods. “When can I seehim?”

“I recommend that you stay here and avoid exerting yourself until we have made further observations. The prince is up and on his feet; he can come to you.”

“He’s come to see you every night,” Fangyun quickly added. “The physicians had to drag him back to his tent because he refused to leave your side.”

“I’ll send word to let him know you’re awake.” With that, the physician exited the room and Fangyun perched herself at the edge of mybed.

Her hands grabbed mine. “What happened?” she whispered, head dipped low, close to my ear.

“It’s a long story.”

“Then you’d better be quick, because Siwang is going to be here any minute now.

Did you kill the tiger? I heard you were with the Prince of Lan when they found you.

There are rumors that you ran away with him.

That’s not true, right? He kidnapped you, didn’t he?

He tried to use you as a hostage and leveraged your life against Siwang, and that’s how Siwang got injured, right?

” My sister spoke not with curiosity but conviction. Her eyes were misty and pleading.

An alibi, and a lie. A version of events that was safe to retell. I frowned. “Siwang told you what happened?”

“The two of you need to get your stories to match before the emperor questions you.”

I smiled. “No need. I’m going to tell the emperor the truth. And the truth is that nothing happened between me and Lan Yexue.”

“Really?” Fangyun visibly let go of a held breath. “Thank the gods.”

With as few words as possible and carefully avoiding any details of Lan Yexue’s secret, I retold everything to my sister in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

I was halfway through when Siwang burst into the tent, scarcely dressed, with a mismatched blue sash hastily tied around the waist of his black-and-red robes.

“Your Highness! You will catch a cold!” An army of guards and physicians ran in after him with fur coats in hand.

Cheeks flushed, breath labored, the Crown Prince of Rong looked like he was about to cry. Siwang pushed the servant aside when he tried to touch him.

I tried to get up and go to him, to touch his face and feel his warmth so that I knew this wasn’t a dream, that he really was alive. But my legs crumbled under me.

“The doctor told you not to move.” Fangyun pushed me back onto the bed.

I saw that Siwang’s feet were bare and wet with melting snow. He had run across camp barefoot, through all the freezing ice and sleet…for me. Something inside ached again. I hated it when Siwang did things like this. I hated it when he made it difficult to hate him.

“Fei.” He whispered my name like a prayer. His tears threatened to spill when he stumbled toward me, lips twitching like there was something gravely important he wanted to say.

The room cleared without anyone’s being asked, including my sister.

“Fangyun.” I tried to call her back, but she gave me a subtle shake of her head.

“Are you okay?” Siwang moved closer, sitting in the spot Fangyun had vacated.

“I feel fine.” It wasn’t a lie. Aside from the heaviness of my limbs and the slight lethargy, I felt normal. “A little tired, maybe. That’s all.”

“I’ll ask the cooks to bring you some bone broth. You’ll feel better after you’ve eaten something.”

I nodded, awkwardly averting my gaze. “Thank you.”

Siwang glanced at the entrance, then leaned close until his lips almost grazed the shell of my ear, and I felt his hot breath tingling against my icy skin. “You killed that Beiying tiger, right?”

My breath hitched. Then I gave a small nod.

“Do I want to know why?” Siwang was too smart not to understand why the future Empress of Rong would risk her life by venturing into the perilous mountains to hunt a predator at midnight.

“You already do, my prince.”

Siwang pulled away. “I thought…I thought we’d agreed to at least try? I’ll hold off my father’s pressure for us to marry, and you’ll give me a chance to earn your heart.”

We did make this promise, a few years ago on our birthday when it became clear the emperor’s patience was wearing thin. I was so scared that Father would finally yield and set a date for our wedding that I did the only thing I could to buy myself time: enlist Siwang’s help.

It was a hollow promise, one I knew I wouldn’t keep.

I turned away. I couldn’t bear looking at Siwang’s half-parted lips, almost quivering as he looked at me with misty eyes, brimming with tears, with heartbreak. He loved me, and all I ever did was betray him and push him away. I didn’t deserve him. I had never deserved him.

My sister was right. Siwang was everything a girl should want from a match. If we were different people in a different life, I would hold on to him as tightly as he held me, and never let go.

“I don’t want to be your empress, Siwang.”

He flinched, and I could have sworn I heard something break inside him like a snapping bone. “Is it Lan Yexue? Do you love him? Is that why?”

My breath caught at the mention of love.

This was the first thing that came to his mind.

Love. Not the prophecy, and not the title of emperor of all emperors.

“No. I barely knew Yexue before our paths crossed in the mountains. He’s been at court for, what, two years?

You know I’ve been trying to get out of this betrothal for far longer thanthat. ”

“Then—”

“The two of us found each other by pure chance, nothing more,” I assured him. “If I wanted to run away with Lan Yexue, then I wouldn’t have stabbed him to save you.”

His eyes lowered. I gave him a brief recounting of what had happened, again taking caution to leave out the part where I had almost died and Yexue had saved me with his blood.

“I had no idea that Yexue was capable of such monstrous things. When he started killing your men, I…I never thought I’d put you in danger, Siwang. You have to believe me.”

Siwang’s jaw was hard with restraint. “Lan Yexue is the least of your worries right now.” A heavy exhale. He was no longer looking at me. His disappointment rippled the air, and I couldn’t blame him. I had used him and broken our promise.

A promise that I barely remembered.

A promise he had kept close to his heart.

“My father would never let you break our betrothal. Not for tradition and certainly not for a mere tiger’s pelt. You are playing with fire, Fei. If you choose this path, it won’t end well for you.”

“I’ve come too far and sacrificed too much not to see this foolish plan through,” I murmured, resisting the urge to touch the place on my chest the tiger had torn open. “This is the path I’ve chosen, and I will walk it even if my feet bleed dry. If you love me, you will let me choose my own fate.”

“You are wasting your time.”

Without thinking, I grabbed both of his hands and squeezed tight. Siwang’s breath hitched. “Help me convince your father. He might not break the betrothal for me or for the pelt of a Beiying tiger, but he will for you. ”

The light dimmed in Siwang’s eyes. “You can’t ask this of me.”

“Siwang, please. Help me. ”

“Fei…”

“Any girl would be lucky to be your empress. Once this news breaks, every maiden in the empire will sell her soul for a chance of becoming your bride. You are the dream of—”

“I don’t want them!” he snapped in a rare moment of untethered temper, so sudden I almost let go of his hands.

But this time, he was the one who held tighter, who pulled me close.

“I can make you happy, Fei. I know I can. If you just give me the chance, I can make you love me. Tell me what you want, and I’ll do it.

I’ll change everything about me, about this country, about this world until it pleases you…

. Until your heart matches mine in love, even if only a fraction. ”

“It’s not that simple, Siwang.”

“Try me.”

I closed my eyes. “You might hold the power of an empire in the palm of your hand one day, but even you cannot change the expectations of society. The palace rules demand that I spend my entire life locked up behind its crimson walls. A life devoted to bearing your weight and birthing your heirs until I am wrought and empty, until I am a corpse ready for burial.”

His lips thinned. “If you don’t want that to be your life, I can take you out of the palace and spend days in the city. I can—”

“I don’t want to spend another day inside that palace.

There is a world beyond the palace, beyond Rong and its valleys and steeps.

In the great north where our ancestors used to live, there was more.

Icy mountains and whispers of dragons born from snow and frost. Beasts so mighty they can swallow Beiying tigers whole.

There is a whole world out there beyond Yong’An.

Cities and stories and beauties of every sort.

Colors and scents and tastes and everything.

I want all of it, Siwang. I want to live.

I want more from my life than being an empress.

I want and I want, but I can’t have any of it because of that gods-forsaken prophecy. Because of…”

Because of the emperor’s greed and Siwang’s ambition and everything in between that made me a mere pawn in their quest for power. All the things that would one day lead to a massacre befalling Yong’An if we stayed on this path.

Two things could be true at the same time. I could want freedom and also want to protect him and Yong’An from calamity. It was fortunate that by leaving, I could accomplish both.

“As emperor, you would have hundreds of consorts and concubines and serving girls at your beck and call. And all I will have is loneliness. I don’t want to share my husband.

I don’t want to see you only when you want to see me.

How can I love you if one of us is the sun, the source of all power and warmth, and I am a mere flower in your gardens, hoping to bask in your light?

How can I offer my heart to you, only for you to break it every night you choose to lie next to another? ”

“But when I unite the Warring States, you’ll be empress of the entire continent. I will give you everything you could possibly want.”

“And how can you be so sure that you can give me what I want, when you don’t know what I want?

Maybe this is why we are wrong for each other.

You’ve spent your whole life in the lap of luxury, used to being obeyed and desired and wanted.

Everyone you’ve ever met will do anything to make your eyes linger just a moment longer, to exist within the halo of your radiance.

Not because they love you, but because their lives depend on it.

This is why you can never understand why I don’t melt at your promises. ”

With every word, I watched Siwang’s face drop a little more, his eyes watering and his lips quivering as if he were looking for words he couldn’t find.

I felt like I had stabbed him and was now twisting the knife.

It is better this way. The sooner I broke his heart, the sooner he could begin to heal.

“Tiger’s pelt or not, I will still ask the emperor to cancel our betrothal. Even if I have to die for it,” I added after the pause.

“Your Highness?” A eunuch’s voice cut in from outside. “The emperor has summoned both you and Lady Lifeng to his tent. He has important matters to discuss with the two of you.”

Siwang winced.

“Tell him I’ll be there shortly.” I took a deep breath. “Now, Your Highness, if you could please give me some privacy, I need to change into appropriate attire before meeting with your father.”

“Don’t say anything once we see my father,” Siwang warned as he turned to leave. “Let me do the talking.”