Page 39 of The Mistress (Foxgloves #1)

AMELIA

A melia heard the Duke of Birmingham approaching. Thomas and Lydia had already moved on, talking privately. She waited, tense, for Gideon to reach her. When he did, he offered her his arm. She took it, ignoring the shiver of awareness that came from touching him. They were silent as they fell into step.

She focused on breathing and keeping her eyes forward. One step in front of the other. These little things were all that mattered. Not the man beside her whose arm she held. Not the smell of spice and warmth burrowing into her chest. Not the loss, loneliness, pain. Just her breathing and walking forward.

“I miss you, too,” the deep velvet voice was low and reverberating, and she felt it trail across the back of her neck, making the hairs stand on end.

Her fingers tightened on his forearm reflexively, her heart rate picking up.

“When you came to me the other night,” he continued, not waiting for her to respond. His words were stilted with an agony she’d never heard in them before. That had her angling her head just slightly towards him. He cleared his throat and continued. “I didn’t know what to do. I had already been struggling, day in and day out, minute by minute, staying away from you. Watching you. And pretending everything was normal. That I wasn’t holding myself together through sheer stubbornness and arrogant pride.”

He paused to lead them to a bench they’d come upon in the small garden, unwrapping her arm from around his but keeping hold of her hand as they sat.

“And then you came to me,” he continued, his emerald eyes burning into her with his earnestness. “I swear to you, Amelia, I had never felt such worry in my life as I did in that moment when you walked through the door. My mind cycled through so many different awful scenarios that could have brought you to me, risking such scandal.

“But then you said what you said. You told me why you were there. What you had chosen for your life for the sake of me and my stubborn, cowardly pride.” The venom in his voice was heavy. Amelia turned to him fully, watching his face as he spoke, but it was his turn not to meet her gaze. He stared off into the garden as he continued.

“I had been hating myself more than you could ever imagine after how I treated you, what I tried to force you into, and then how I abandoned you and kept us apart when you demanded my respect. For you to then come to me and take that burden onto yourself, to make yourself smaller – tossing aside your hopes, dreams, name, family, reputation, everything – when I vowed to care for you….” His voice trailed off as he swallowed audibly.

“I needed you to leave,” he said, his deep voice quiet and so, so pained. “Because I have never loathed myself more than I did in that moment and every moment since. And that loathing has no place in the same room as you.”

He looked at her, then. What she saw in his eyes made her breath catch. “You are everything, Amy. The center of my world. The only thing that means anything. And I have failed you in so many ways. At every corner. I do not deserve you or your forgiveness for all I’ve done, the pain I’ve caused you, the ways that I have failed you. But I seek it anyway. Because I love you. More dearly and madly than I could have ever imagined or hoped for. You are the most precious thing there has ever been, and I cannot live without you.”

Amelia didn’t second guess it. His love and sincerity settling into her as an absolute, and she was unwavering in her decision of what came next. Without a word, she placed a hand on his cheek. His skin was rough and warm under hers. He didn’t say anything, just kept his crystal eyes pinned to hers. She leaned forward and kissed him. She didn’t care who was there to witness it. If Thomas and Lydia still strolled around the garden or the staff watched. All she cared about was kissing the man she loved and was sure she’d lost. The man who loved her.

Her heart was full, and she wanted to weep for joy at what he confessed to her. He loved her, and there was nothing else in the world that mattered save that.

His hand came up to cover hers as he kissed her back, letting her guide it, until she pulled away, barely an inch from his lips. She met his emerald eyes again and whispered, her breath mingling with his, “You will come to me tonight?”

His gaze was reverent as he nodded, confident and sure. She smiled then on a small laugh, no longer able to suppress the tears of happiness, and this time, he kissed her. His hand came to her waist and pulled her as close as he could in their seated position, while hers moved into his hair. He kissed her with so much emotion, it seemed he couldn’t take anymore when he finally broke the kiss and buried his head in her neck, hugging her close instead.

Amelia had never been happier. She wrapped her arms around him, smiling unabashedly as she eagerly envisioned the rest of their life. Starting tonight.