Page 22 of The Mistress (Foxgloves #1)

GIDEON

G ideon was livid. Disappointed. Pained. Livid .

He tore through the streets, pushing his horse as if the wave of his emotions would come crashing down on him the minute he slowed.

Had he misunderstood the depth of her feelings for Coventry? The strength of the bond there? The commitment she had to him? Gideon had been quite confident that Thomas was ready to move on from his mistress. Perhaps he had misread something. He played back all of their interactions as he rode. No, Amelia very much had feelings for Gideon. He was not wrong about that. Nor Thomas’s encouragement for Gideon and Amelia to be together, even if his pursuit of Lydia Becham had felt less certain.

Was it Amelia then? That made more sense, and it also drove his anger to unmanageable heights. She had known Thomas all her life. Their relationship was perhaps more complicated than he realized. He had clearly been a fixture for her for as long as she could remember. Their relationship may have even been a planned arrangement since childhood. He was likely the only man she had ever known, and she had been with him for two full years now. Perhaps, even with the potency of her connection to Gideon, now that the time had come for her to end her arrangement with Thomas, she was…feeling things Gideon didn’t want her to be feeling.

Gideon’s blood had yet to stop pounding through his body. He arrived home and made his way inside. He went straight to his study, poured himself a drink, and tossed it back. He poured another before sitting at his desk and planting his face in his hands.

The hurt on her face. The way she had looked so lost. The tears . Gideon didn’t realize how much that would affect him. It had taken everything in him – including relying on the simmering rage that had been boiling through him – to not take her in his arms and comfort her.

Yes, he promised to take care of her. This was him taking care of her. He wasn’t going to coddle her when she was behaving unacceptably. What did she expect? She knew she was meant to be with him. All of their interactions and conversations made that unquestionably clear. Her fear of change, the unknown – even though she knew him , she didn’t know an intimate relationship with anyone but Thomas. It prevented her from taking the next step with Gideon.

He leaned back, his drink back in hand. He rubbed at his face and took another swig. The liquor calmed his raging anger.

He had been harsh. Perhaps too harsh, he thought. Only in demeanor and tone, he argued with himself. His words had been perfectly acceptable. And he could make up the comfort tomorrow, when she had worked through her fear and moved forward with him.

Truthfully, he hadn’t been able to control his emotions. He’d felt her rejection right in the soft center he kept open for her, and he had barricaded and defended himself the only way he knew how. He couldn’t bear seeing her struggle over another man. It angered him…no. No, it hurt him that she was looking so deeply heartbroken over what being Gideon’s meant. Losing Thomas.

Still, he knew he had been too harsh. Even though he acted in self-defense against the pain, she deserved better from him. The more he calmed down, the more that certainty destroyed any arguments against it.

It was understandable that she would have a hard time letting go. He had been all business from the start instead of broaching the conversation with warmth and support. He treated it like paperwork. Like the sale of a mare. Not a change from the only man she’d ever known to the one she was meant to be with. She never denied that she and Gideon were meant to be together or claimed she didn’t want him. She had only been scared, and he had been selfish. Instead of holding her through it, he tried to protect himself by glaring at her and storming out, barking demands. He stood by those demands, but he could have consoled her. He should have consoled her.

Damn it, she had cried. And he hadn’t held her. He left her. To cry alone. To sort through her thoughts and feelings and pain alone.

Damn it .

He had gone about this all wrong. He hadn’t been prepared. He thought today’s conversation would be straightforward, easy, a quick necessity for them to start their life together. And when it didn’t go that way, he fell back on bad habits. Anger. Coldness.

Just like his father.

Gideon finished his glass and poured yet another. No longer thinking of only himself, he recognized how he’d failed Amelia today. He didn’t take care of her, no matter how he sliced it. And his care should not be contingent on her behavior. She wasn’t a horse. She wasn’t an errant child. She deserved his very best at all times.

He would treat her better. He would shower her with comfort and warmth and smiles tomorrow, fixing his mistake. He would make her feel secure in her decision, in her trust in him. She should be able to trust him not to lash out in defensiveness, even when his feelings were running rampant. He had a responsibility to her. She deserved no less. And he would fix this. Tomorrow.