Page 21 of The Mistress (Foxgloves #1)

AMELIA

I n the days following the Perrington’s Ball, Amelia felt different. The whole world felt brighter and more exhilarating. She’d never felt her life lacking before. She was perfectly happy with the life she, Lydia, and Thomas had built. Yes, she expected to one day marry, and for Thomas and Lydia to also wed, but she hadn’t realized how colorless her life had been before she fell in love.

In the day and a half before Gideon’s visit, Amelia rarely spent a moment without a smile on her face. Lydia and Thomas watched her with pleasure, but when they left that special day, Amelia noted they did so with their own shy excitement coloring their features.

Amelia, meanwhile, could not care less that she was about to be engaged to a duke. All that mattered was Gideon, the self-possessed man that he was, the tenderness he held within, the way he made her feel. She knew she was all that mattered to him, as well.

Thomas and Lydia gone, Amelia waited in the entryway to Coventry House. She had asked the servants to make themselves scarce today, so when Gideon arrived, she opened the door herself. Amelia did her best to control her giddy joy and pounding heart as she took in the sight of him on the doorstep, her hand still on the door she held wide for him.

“Good afternoon, dear,” his smirk was both arrogant and charming, and had her lips pulling up into the largest smile her face could withstand without breaking. “Are you happy to see me?” he teased, stepping in without further invitation. He reached over her head to grab the edge of the door and push it closed. Once it clicked shut, he stepped into her space, gently taking hold of her hand and placing a soft kiss to her forehead.

“Mildly,” she offered, looking up at his sparkling green eyes while her heart stuttered at his gentle show of affection. She strengthened her grasp on his hand and turned, leading him into the house and towards the drawing room.

“It’s lovely to see how radiantly you shine with mild happiness,” he commented behind her as they walked into the bright, sunny room they’d be occupying. She paused after pulling him in to shut the door behind them and then led him to the couch, before which a tea tray sat ready on the small table.

“Thank you,” she said cheekily, taking a seat and finally releasing his hand to pour their tea. Gideon sat down beside her, and she felt his gaze heating the side of her face.

Amelia handed him his cup, smiling. “I am glad you are here, Gideon.”

“As am I,” he ran the back of his fingers along her cheek before taking the cup she offered. His demeanor sobered, and he focused on the business at hand. “To that end, you know I come here with a purpose.”

“Yes.” Amelia ducked her head to hide the blush brightening her face in anticipation, even though she knew he could see it. He wasn’t wasting any time, and she was thrilled by it.

Gideon didn’t show any signs of amusement at her reaction as she might’ve expected. He usually seemed to enjoy her blushes, but perhaps he was just too nervous today. Of course, she would accept him, he had to know that, but she imagined it was still nerve-wracking to ask someone to marry you.

Placing his untouched cup back on the table, he spoke with determination. “I would like you to be mine, Amelia. Permanently.”

Amelia looked at him then, her brow furrowing. Was this his proposal? It didn’t sound like how she imagined a proposal would, but what else could it be? Wasn’t he supposed to go down on his knee, though?

“Be yours?” she queried in an attempt to confirm his meaning.

“Yes,” was all he replied, his face the mask of staid purpose. Here was that determined duke she had felt beneath all the warmth and smiles he showered upon her. The solid strength she constantly felt within him and that often grounded her. His warmth and care were still there for her, but his resolve was taking priority in this discussion.

For the first time since knowing him, she didn’t feel settled by it. In fact, wariness began to grip her the more she watched him. She pushed, “What exactly do you mean, Gideon?”

“I would like to become your benefactor,” he answered. “I will take care of you and have you be mine. Mine and no other’s for the rest of our lives.”

“Benefactor?” Shock encased her like ice, protecting her hopes and dreams for as long as possible before the truth she was already understanding could properly crush them. And her.

“Yes,” he said again, matter-of-factly.

“You want me,” her voice was low, soft from disbelief and the reality melting through her, “to be your…your mistress ?”

Gideon blinked, confusion layering his features. He stared at her for a moment, maybe two, and then she watched his face harden, his jaw clenching as he arrived at some sort of conclusion she didn’t understand. But there was so much she didn’t understand in this moment, so much she could barely begin to process, that the change in his expression did little more than register.

“Yes, Amelia,” his voice was hard. “And understand this, I will not share you. You are mine. For the rest of our lives, you are mine, and I am yours.”

His. Even in the muddled fog of confusion and hurt overwhelming her, she couldn’t deny the truth of those words. She just couldn’t believe how wrong she’d been about what being his, what having him, what their relationship meant.

He hadn’t been courting her at all.

He’d been seducing her.

She had no words. No idea of what she should say. She had been so very, very wrong.

And so, she said nothing.

She’d thought she’d be a wife. His wife . But he would have her as his mistress. His whore , she forced herself to think the word. Because that’s what she would be.

But even in her pain, she wasn’t sure if she should reject his offer. He was right. They did belong to one another. And she didn’t know if she could deny the opportunity to be with him in whatever way possible.

She vaguely registered Gideon’s temper growing as he watched the turmoil playing out on her face. The silence stretched between them.

He finally broke it, his anger bleeding into his words as he stood abruptly. “I am leaving.”

She looked up into his cold, green eyes. He had never looked at her so coldly before. She had never felt so cold before. Frozen and shaking from the inside out.

Tears filled her eyes without her consent. She fought them, not wanting him to see, and that only broke her heart further. Because yesterday – no, not even that long ago – an hour ago, she wouldn’t have thought it possible for her to want to hide anything from him. Or that she was even capable of it. She had meant what she said to him the other day. How could she hide from the person that had finally made her feel truly herself in a way no one else had, not even her own company? Now, she wondered who she really was if that was still true, and yet he had only ever seen her as a possible mistress.

As if to further validate the struggle within her, Gideon saw the tears she valiantly tried to hide. Shock flashed across his face before he quickly replaced his mask of rage.

He turned forcefully and moved to the door. Amelia couldn’t make herself move or speak. She could only watch his retreating form storm across the room as the coldness within her made her shake. Her teacup rattled quietly where she still clutched it in her lap, reminding her it was there. She couldn’t even bring herself to get rid of it.

Gideon paused in the doorway about to leave. Without turning around, he spoke. “You are mine,” he repeated again. A reminder. A demand. “I expect you to come to terms with it. I will give you until tomorrow to do so and to end what needs ending. I will return at this same time to finalize our arrangement.”

With that, he left. And the tears finally spilled over.