Page 23 of The Mistress (Foxgloves #1)
AMELIA
A melia had finally composed herself since Gideon left, taking some time alone in her bedroom before Lydia and Thomas returned. She didn’t know how she was going to explain today’s events to them when they got back. Thomas was probably expecting Gideon to still be here, waiting to speak to him. After everything Thomas said the other night, not even taking into account how accurate he’d been, Gideon’s absence wouldn’t sit well with him today. One day, she’d have to tell them the truth. But that wasn’t today.
No, today she would simply have to be strong. Strong enough to withstand Thomas’s fury, Lydia’s questions, and make a decision on what she was going to do.
But she already knew.
She couldn’t stop thinking about how wrong she’d been. The past weeks of Gideon’s attentions, the stolen kisses and whispered words, all of it shone differently in the light of stark reality. She felt like a fool. She was so taken away in her feelings, so caught up in falling in love with him, with Thomas’s confidence, Lydia’s encouragement. Of course, the Duke of Birmingham would never marry her. Who was she? Absolutely no one.
Amelia knew she was swimming in a well of self-pity, and she needed to get it under control. The sadness, the foolishness, the shame. She would pull herself together before Gideon returned tomorrow for her answer, or rather, her compliance. But until then, she would let herself mourn the lost future that had felt so bright and within her reach, but had only been a dream. She would never be anyone’s wife, let alone the Duke of Birmingham’s.
Hearing Lydia and Thomas enter through the front door downstairs, Amelia forced herself not to acknowledge what they were expecting to find. She slipped on a mask of hope and minor disappointment before leaving her room.
She found them both looking blissfully happy as they passed the center table in the entryway with its cheerful display of flowers. They were headed towards that dreadful drawing room. She didn’t hear what they were saying before they turned towards the sound of her descending footsteps on the staircase.
Lydia was the first to spring into action. Before Amelia could make it all the way down, Lydia had bounded up to her, her face bright as the sun with excitement as she grasped Amelia’s hands. Thomas was at the foot of the staircase not a moment later.
“Amelia,” she exclaimed. “Oh, dearest, how did it go? Did he ask you to marry him? Did you accept?”
At this last question, Lydia turned over Amelia’s left hand to examine a ring that was not there. Confusion passed swiftly across her face before she turned her bright, unworried eyes to Amelia’s. She likely assumed there was a reasonable explanation for why the ring was still pending.
There must have been something off in Amelia’s smile, because Lydia’s own dimmed once she registered it. “I have no news yet,” Amelia said, maintaining eye contact with her sister as she repeated the words she’d practiced in her bedroom before they returned. She kept her feet planted on the stairs. Her hands steady in Lydia’s. “His Grace stopped by, and we shared a cup of tea and conversation. He did not stay long, but it gave us time to talk without pressure and expectation, which felt quite nice. I believe our courtship is progressing well. He plans on calling again tomorrow at the same hour, which should give you both more time alone, as well. How are you progressing?”
The words sounded rehearsed even to her own ears, as did her attempt at deflecting, which of course, did not work.
“He did not propose?” Thomas confirmed, not to be distracted. Upon Amelia’s nod, he added, “Well, that explains why he isn’t here, then.” He looked around as if to ensure Gideon was, indeed, not hiding somewhere.
Lydia was watching her, though. She pulled her sister gently into her arms and whispered softly into her ear, “I am sorry, sister.”
Amelia felt the jagged edges of her shattered heart as she pulled in a shaky breath, the back of her eyes once again burning. She forced herself to keep the tears in as she returned Lydia’s hug, swallowing past the lump in her throat.
Lydia let her go when Amelia pulled away and did not comment on the emotion she noticed her sister fighting to control. Thomas, as close as they were, likely didn’t notice it, but Lydia knew her as well as she knew herself. Her sister could see the sadness and disappointment hanging over her like a cloud, even if Amelia was pretending it wasn’t there. But Lydia would respect her privacy and be there whenever she was ready to talk.
“All is fine,” Amelia assured her. “I confess to a bit of disappointment, of course, but we haven’t known each other long. What’s a bit more time when we consider a lifetime together?”
She finally resumed her descent, heading towards Thomas as Lydia linked arms with her, matching her steps.
“If you’re sure you’re still happy,” Thomas asked with a probing look as they neared.
“I am,” Amelia confirmed.
“Then we shall trust your instinct,” he replied. They finally joined him on the landing, and he continued, “These things do take time, and while I did expect him to propose quickly, we are still in very early days. He may still be coming to terms with his own feelings. Men do take more time in matters of the heart, especially one such as Gideon, who never planned to marry at all.”
It seemed Lydia had talked to Thomas about his behavior during the carriage ride home the other night as only she could really make him act more sensibly. The irony of the change was not lost on Amelia.
“And it has only been a matter of a few weeks,” Lydia added comfortingly, arms still linked with hers. “Two, to be precise.”
“Exactly,” Thomas nodded. “As long as he did not try anything untoward with you,” he turned a questioning and serious eye to Amelia.
Perhaps he couldn’t fight all his instincts for the sake of sensibility. Amelia had never appreciated that quality of her brother’s more than in this moment.
“Not at all,” she answered truthfully, her voice thick at Thomas’s concern. “Just tea and conversation.”
Satisfied, Thomas continued, “Then we shall give him his time. As you both said, you have the rest of your lives, and it has only been a few weeks.”
Amelia hated lying to them, but while she had given in to her melancholy in private, she had also devised a plan. She could not, would not, let her choices affect Thomas and Lydia’s future, as indeed it would if not handled correctly. She would first see them settled, and then tell them the truth. It would kill her, break her heart, but she would cut her ties with them, let them live untainted.
“Let’s eat,” Amelia turned around, directing the way to the dining room as she tried once again to deflect the attention from her. “And you both can tell me about your afternoon.”
This time, her attempt was met with bright faces and timid smiles as they remembered their afternoon together.
Yes, they would be just fine. Everything would be absolutely fine.