Page 240 of The Missing Sister

After my bath, I watched a terrible romcom about a bridesmaid, trying to do anything to distract myself from thinking about tomorrow. I took out my bottle of Jameson’s, which was now three-quarters empty due to me plundering it each time there had been a new revelation to deal with. Just maybe, after tomorrow, I could get back on that train to Dublin, knowing that I’d finally put my past to rest. Slipping under the crisp white sheets, I set my alarm for nine o’clock, just in case, and lay back on the soft pillows. Lying there in the dark, my arm instinctively reached out towards Jock.

‘Please, darling, forgive me for never telling you about any of this, and for meeting him tomorrow...’

I woke with a start to the sound of the alarm clock. I had tossed and turned into the small hours, wondering how I’d feel when I saw him, and thinking about all the things that I wanted to ask him, but equally knowing there was only one question I needed answering.

‘In under an hour’s time, you’ll be finding out,’ I said as I reached for the bedside telephone to dial room service for a cup of tea and some toast.

While I waited, I dressed and gave myself a quick wash and brush-up, then put on some mascara, adding a little blusher to my cheeks. My hair was doing what it always had done, waving in places it shouldn’t wave – oh, how I had always longed for straight, easy to manage locks – but having tried it in an elegant bun and then some combs, I gave up and let it hang naturally in a wavy bob around my face. Last time I had seen him, my hair had been long – almost reaching to the bottom of my back. My ‘mane’, he used to call it. I drank the tea, but I was so nervous that I almost choked on the toast and gave up on the third bite. I checked my watch. A quarter to ten. In less than ten minutes, I needed to walk downstairs.

‘Calm down, Merry, for goodness’ sake,’ I told myself as I applied my usual pink lipstick and gave my hair a last quick brush. ‘The onus is on him, not you, remember?’ I said to my reflection.

I walked to the door, opened it and headed for the lift that would take me downstairs to meet him for the first time in thirty-seven years...

The receptionist pointed me in the direction of the Great Room and I walked towards it, my legs like jelly beneath me. As I entered, I saw the most enormous chandelier hanging down from a high atrium in the centre of an incredible room. Pillars bedecked with cherubs and golden cornicing held up the intricately decorated ceiling. I was still gaping up at it when I heard a voice from behind me.

‘Hello, Merry. Amazing, isn’t it?’

‘I... yes.’ I dragged my eyes away from the chandelier and turned to look at him.

And... he looked exactly the same: tall and slim, albeit with grey peppering his sandy hair and a number of thin lines etched across his face. His brown eyes were just as mesmerising as I remembered and... here he was, standing next to me after all these years. The world spun as a wave of dizziness engulfed me. I had no choice but to reach out a hand to his forearm to steady myself.

‘Are you all right?’

‘Sorry, I’m feeling a little dizzy.’

‘It’s probably standing there, craning your neck back to look at that chandelier. Come on, let’s get you sat down.’

I half closed my eyes as further waves engulfed me. I clung on to him as I felt his arm go round my waist to support me as we walked.

‘Can you bring some water over?’ I heard him ask, as I felt him sit me down.

I’d broken out in a sweat and I sucked in some air to try and steady my breathing. ‘Sorry, sorry...’ I muttered, hardly believing that, after all this time, my plans to be cool, calm and in control had gone out of the window before I’d even begun.

‘Here, drink some of this,’ he said and I felt a glass being thrust between my lips. My hands were too shaky to hold it myself, and he emptied so much water into my mouth that I choked and began coughing and spluttering.

‘Sorry,’ he said, as I felt a piece of cloth being dabbed round my mouth and then patted down my neck. At least the water on my skin cooled me down, even if I wanted to die of embarrassment.

‘Can you bring us some hot tea?’ I heard him say. ‘Or maybe a whiskey might help more? Tell you what, bring both.’

I laid my head back against the soft covering of the banquette that I’d been placed on and took some long, deep breaths in and out. Finally, my body stopped doing the strange tingly thing and the black spots in front of my eyes began to recede.

‘Sorry,’ I said again, pointlessly.

‘Tea with plenty of sugar, or whiskey?’

I heard that familiar ironic smile in his voice. I shrugged.

‘Right, whiskey it is. Can you hold the glass?’

‘Maybe.’

He placed it into one of my hands and then steered it towards my mouth. I took a small sip, and then a larger one.

‘Honestly, Merry, any excuse for an alcoholic drink at breakfast.’

‘That’s me,’ I agreed. ‘I’m a lost cause, but at least I’m feeling better.’ I opened my eyes fully and the world finally stood still. I placed the whiskey glass on the table in front of me, then looked down at my front, which was spattered with water.

‘I’ll pour you some tea too, in case you want that.’