Page 160 of The Missing Sister

The two men left the house and walked the short distance to the front of the church. Already, the sound of the organ could be heard inside.

‘Thanks a million for coming, Ambrose. I’ll write to you.’

‘Of course, and I’ll do my best to come down at least once before Christmas. Keep a watchful eye over our Mary, won’t you?’ Ambrose whispered.

James touched him on the shoulder. ‘Safe journey, my friend. Thank you.’

Ambrose watched as he swept into the church. Then he turned away to walk down the steps and head for the tiny railway station. He was always filled with a sense of loss when he said goodbye to James, but at least now, through a motherless newborn abandoned on a doorstep, Ambrose could comfort himself that they shared a secret that would last a lifetime.

June 2008

As Ambrose finished his tale, I found I couldn’t speak. I didn’t have the words to describe how, within the space of less than an hour, everything that I thought I had known about myself my childhood, and journey into adulthood – wasn’t real.

‘So, Ambrose,’ the calm voice of my son spoke for me. I hadn’t let go of his hand since I’d taken it as Ambrose had begun to tell me who I was. Or, in fact, who Iwasn’t... ‘What you’re saying is that Mum isn’t actually related by blood to either of her parents, or her sisters and brothers.’

‘That is correct, Jack.’

‘I...’ I cleared my throat, because it was dry from shock and emotion. ‘I don’t know what to say.’

‘I’m sure you don’t,’ said Ambrose. ‘You must feel as though your entire childhood was a lie. A lie, which was perpetrated by myself for far too long. My dearest Mary, I can only offer my abject apologies to you, because it is I who was the coward. I should have told you the truth on your twenty-first birthday when I gave you that ring. Please believe that, however misguided, I continued to lie out of love for you. I simply couldn’t bear to destroy your love and belief in your family. I never once thought that we’d all be sitting here now, so many years on, with you in unnecessary pain because of my continued deception.’

Jack turned to me. ‘Mum, I know it must feel terrible at the moment, but you have to remember that you and Dad adopted Mary-Kate. She’s not related by blood to any of us either, but do you love her any less because of it?’

‘No, of course I don’t. And nor did your dad. We both love her as our own.’

‘And so do I. She’s my sis, and always will be.’

‘But the difference is,’ I said, ‘as soon as she could understand, wetoldher that we had adopted her. So she’d never grow up thinking we’d deceived her in some way. It was something that your dad and I felt strongly about.’

As I spoke the words, my heart clenched again. I knewIhad keptmypast a secret from my husband and my children. So did that makemea hypocrite...?

‘Mary, I understand that you must be so very angry with me, but I beg you to forgive me for what I failed to tell you when I gave you that ring. You were off to visit your family to celebrate your twenty-first, and receiving your first-class degree in Classics. How could I have spoilt your happiness?’

Even though my entire view of myself had just been whipped from my grasp, I could see Ambrose was close to tears. I was angry – of course I was – but remembering the way I’d walked out and left him thirty-seven years ago, I stood up and went over to him, then knelt down and took his hand in mine.

‘I understand, Ambrose, really I do. Maybe we all lie to protect those we love. Or at least, don’t tell them things that we feel might hurt or frighten them.’

‘That is most generous of you, dear girl. I expect I would have told you eventually. But then you disappeared from my life so very suddenly. I had no idea where you were. As I said, I was planning to leave a letter explaining all this to you in the hope that a solicitor could trace your whereabouts. You are the sole beneficiary of my will to this day. I...’ Ambrose removed his hand from mine to take the immaculate square of handkerchief from the top pocket of his jacket. He blew his nose hard.

‘Well, as you just said, Jack, even if I wasn’t their blood, the O’Reillys will always be my family.’

‘You must know that I loved you from the first moment I set eyes on you,’ said Ambrose.

‘And I often wished that youweremy father, darling Ambrose. What you’ve told me is a huge shock, but you weren’t to know I was going to vanish for so long. I have to believe you would have told me sooner. Besides, you saved me from an orphanage.’

‘Thank you, my dear, it is so very magnanimous of you to take the news as you have. But I also fear that I’m partly responsible for what made you leave Dublin. I was aware of what was going on, but felt it wasn’t my place to intervene. You were all grown-up, an adult.’

‘Shall I make some tea?’ Jack asked, obviously keen to break the subsequent silence.

‘Perhaps a little whiskey would be better?’ I said, indicating the bottle.

‘You’ll have me turning into a lush! It’s only just past noon,’ said Ambrose, looking at the clock that had always stood in the centre of the mantelpiece. But he didn’t refuse the glass that Jack offered him. He took a few sips and eventually, I saw some colour appear back in his cheeks. I went to sit next to Jack.

‘Better?’ I asked Ambrose.

‘Much.’

‘Of course, Mum, this means that if youwereadopted, it could be either you or MK that Ally and her sisters are searching for,’ Jack said.