Page 21 of The Missing Book (Bluestocking Book Club #3)

O ne week later.

Walking through London’s St James’ Park, Leopold clasped his hands behind his back and kept his head lowered just a little.

He had no interest in hearing what the ton were whispering about as he walked past each cluster of gentlemen and ladies, much too distracted with his own thoughts.

It had been something of a difficult week, for though Anna and even Melford had said very little, Leopold had noticed their private conversations that did not include him.

When he had spoken to Anna of it, she had told him that she preferred to speak to Melford since he would be less inclined towards judgmental responses or critical words.

That had pained him, wishing that he could find a way to have her understand that his reason for doing so was because he cared for her and wanted the very best for her.

But it had also led him to yet more self-reflection, making him wonder if it was all worth it.

Was his determination to always do everything that society demanded and asked of him worth it if it pushed his sister away from him? If it pushed others away from him?

And by others, Leopold considered, a wry smile on his lips, I do mean Lady Amelia.

I know that. I can admit that, at least, even if I do not wish for it to be so.

That was a very great puzzle for him. How could he find himself drawn towards Lady Amelia when he disliked bluestockings so much?

Why could he so easily look into her eyes and find his heart doing all manner of ridiculous things when his mind tugged her away from him?

He stopped short, looking at the next person in his view and realizing, much to his astonishment, that it was none other than Lady Amelia.

Sitting on a bench, her face tipped away from the sunshine and an ice in her hand, she was observing all that was going on but was saying nothing to anyone.

Instinct told him to speak with her, to explain that he now had many conflicting thoughts tearing through his mind as regarded bluestockings, that he was no longer thinking the way he had been.

Before he could truly consider what he was going to say, however, he found himself walking towards her.

“Lady Amelia.” Leopold cleared his throat and inclined his head. “Good afternoon.”

She looked back at him, surprise lining the edges of her eyes. “Good afternoon, Lord Broughton.”

“You are enjoying an ice this afternoon, I see,” Leopold continued, beginning to wonder if he had made a mistake in coming to speak with her.

It had only been on impulse but this after a sennight of being unable to do anything other than think of her, to continue to battle his confusion over all that he felt and all he considered when it came to society’s rules and expectations.

“I wonder if you would permit me to join you?”

Lady Amelia’s eyebrows rose furiously. “You wish to sit with me here in the park?”

“If I might. There are some things that I would like to say to you and it would not be suitable for me to say them in another setting.”

A slight flicker touched her lips. “Suitable?”

He grimaced. “By that, I mean I would be unable to have a prolonged conversation with you. I can see that your friends and I believe your brother are present here in the park so it might be a good opportunity for me to speak openly with you. That is, if you would be willing to permit me.”

She looked at him for a long moment, then smiled. “I should not tease you, Lord Broughton. Please, I would be glad to hear whatever it is you have to say, so long as it is not that you desire to criticize me to my face.”

Relief poured into Leopold’s heart. “No, indeed it is not. In fact, it is quite the opposite.”

Her smile grew and Leopold’s heart squeezed. “Then please.” She gestured to the space beside her on the bench. “If you would.”

The moment he sat down, however, all that he wanted to say, all that he intended to tell her flew from his mind. One look into her eyes and everything seemed to fade away into nothingness, leaving him feeling both overwhelmed and for some strange reason, deliriously happy.

Lady Amelia’s lips curved as she looked back at him, a lightness in her eyes that he could not help but smile at. Quite how long he sat there for looking back at her, he did not know, but each passing moment felt like a lifetime.

“Well?”

Her question made him frown.

“What were you going to say?” she asked, a dusting of pink on her cheeks. “I thought you wanted to sit down so you might tell of some things.”

Leopold blinked. “Oh, yes.” Tugging his gaze away reluctantly, he shrugged his shoulders.

“It was only that… well, it is more than a mere only . This has been a sennight of deep consideration on my part. That has been aided by Anna and Melford, for they have both… ” Seeing her frown, Leopold trailed off, seeing that he was not being clear.

“Lady Amelia, the truth is that my sister asked me a question that I simply could not answer. That has caused me to think long and hard about my views and my decisions in some aspects of my life.”

“I am pleased to hear that you have taken her questions with such seriousness.” She smiled briefly though it did not linger as before. “Might I ask what it was that she said to you? If it has caused you such deep contemplation then I must confess to be greatly intrigued!”

Leopold had not intended to share specifically with the lady but seeing the glint of curiosity in her eyes, he could not prevent himself from answering. “She asked me what was so very wrong with being a bluestocking.”

Lady Amelia’s surprise sent sparks into her eyes. “Did she indeed?” Her head tilted. “Might I ask what you said?”

“That is what has caused me such difficulty,” Leopold answered, with a scowl as he looked away. “I stated that society did not approve of bluestockings and that, therefore, was my reason for thinking of them – and you – with such disinclination.”

With a smile, Lady Amelia leaned a little closer to him. “But that is not an answer at all, Lord Broughton. To use society as your reason to step back from someone is not particularly justifiable.”

“Indeed, indeed,” Leopold admitted, managing to pull his gaze back towards her without his heart ricocheting around his chest. “Therefore, I have been considering what my reason might be for thinking that way. Unfortunately, I have not been able to come up with a reasonable explanation as to why I ought to dismiss bluestockings.”

At this, Lady Amelia’s eyes rounded just as her mouth dropped open, though that was closed fairly quickly.

“I think… ” Leopold trailed off again, finding this part particularly difficult to say aloud.

It was not something he had ever really said before and indeed, had not even told Anna about his change of heart.

But all the same, he knew it needed to be said.

“I think I have treated you unjustly. That was wrong of me and I am sorry for it. I do not think I ought to have held Anna back from you for fear that you would influence her in some way.” His lips lifted briefly.

“She asked me what my response might be if she came to ask if she might read a few books on a subject of interest to her, if she wanted to further her knowledge in some way or other. I told her that I would be glad of it, that I would assist her and then she asked me why I did not have that same attitude towards you.”

“It sounds as though Anna has been the one to change your mind in this, Lord Broughton,” Lady Amelia interjected, speaking with gentleness and understanding. “That, I think, is a very good thing.”

Leopold’s lips curved again but it was in a rueful smile. “It has been difficult, Lady Amelia. I have, as my sister will inform you, always been a stickler for society's expectations and the like. To begin to change my opinion on something like this has been… trying.”

“But I am glad of it.” Lady Amelia leaned towards him again, her hand setting down on the bench for just a second and her fingers pressing his very lightly indeed.

Leopold started at once, his whole body bursting into flame as he looked down to see her fingers touching his. Had she realized? Had she noticed the connection or was it only he who was reacting to her nearness?

“ I should take my leave and let you finish your ice.” Getting quickly to his feet and fearing what would happen if he lingered, he bowed his head. “Thank you for listening to me, Lady Amelia. You are very gracious, especially after some of the things I have said.”

“Lord Broughton, I – ”

When he turned to look at her, Lady Amelia had clamped her lips together and then shook her head.

“It does not matter. I thank you for your willingness to come to speak to me on this. It is appreciated. More than I could express, I think.”

There was something there, was there not?

Something in this moment, shared between them, that Leopold could not step away from.

Something that burned through him, that sent a wave of longing crashing through his heart.

He could not explain it but the way she gazed back into his eyes gave him a flicker of hope.

Hope that he clung to as though it was his only support.

“Lord Broughton, good afternoon! I must say, I am surprised to see you willingly conversing with Lady Amelia, given what you think of bluestockings.”

The moment was ripped away from him as they were interrupted by the arrival of another bluestocking, a lady named Miss Trentworth from what he recalled.

“Good afternoon.” Rather than letting himself become riled by the remark, he only bowed. “I shall excuse myself now rather than take up any more of your time, Lady Amelia. Good afternoon to you both.”