Page 18 of The Missing Book (Bluestocking Book Club #3)
L eopold frowned as his sister waltzed into his study without even knocking. “Anna, how many times have I told you – ”
“Lady Amelia has written. She would like to come to call tomorrow afternoon, to speak with both myself and Melford. I should like to have Gwendoline visit also, would that be suitable? It would be most helpful for her, I am sure.”
“Helpful?” Leopold repeated, blinking rapidly, his heart quickening at the thought of Lady Amelia returning to his house again.
He did not want to see her, he told himself, fully aware of how ridiculously his heart was beginning to behave whenever she was in company with him. “Anna, you know very well – ”
“Helpful, yes,” his sister interrupted before Leopold could continue. “Do you not recall? I thought I already told you that Lady Amelia and the other bluestockings are doing whatever they can to help find the books that were stolen.”
This made Leopold’s frown deepen.
“Which I know that you already disapprove of,” Anna continued, with a sigh and roll of her eyes. “You need not tell me that, brother, for I am already very well aware of it. However, given that she is not your family, you have no right to tell her what she should or should not be doing.”
“But I can say yes or no to her arrival here,” Leopold interrupted, making his sister scowl.
“I do not like her intrusion into our lives, as I have stated before. There is no need for her to come and speak with you, I am sure. As for Melford, he can talk to her at his leisure, I do not care about that.”
Anna narrowed her eyes at him, making Leopold scowl. He knew that he did not have his sister’s approval in many things but he did his best not to care. After all, she did not seem to understand, even now, that he did all that he did for her .
“You are refusing to permit my friend to call?”
“I am stating that to have a bluestocking influence you is not something I want,” he said, aware that there was a hint of something in his heart that was a little less about Anna and a little more about him. “I have made that very clear.”
Anna’s chin lifted. “She is my friend, Broughton.”
Leopold licked his lips. “All the same, I think – ”
“I am aware that you do not think well of bluestockings,” Anna interrupted him, “but you have never explicitly told me why, aside from the fact that society has stated ladies ought not to be as learned as men.”
Shrugging his shoulders, Leopold sniffed. “Is that not enough?”
“No.” Much to his surprise, his sister sat down in a chair, her eyes holding his with a steady gaze, no frustration or upset there. Instead, there appeared to be a calmness in her expression which he had not expected to see. “Why do you not explain it to me?”
A little confused, Leopold frowned. “Anna, you have just now returned that very same explanation to me.”
“To state that society does not approve of it is not a good enough reason,” Anna told him, directly. “Why do you think bluestockings are not at all proper?”
Sitting up in his chair, Leopold opened his mouth to reply, only to frown. His mouth snapped shut as he rubbed one hand over his forehead. Why did he think poorly of bluestockings?
“You do not think that ladies ought to have an excellent education also, mayhap?” Anna asked, speaking slowly though there was a gleam in her eye. “You would prefer it if I remained uneducated and, in fact, a little stupid?”
“No, no, of course not.” Leopold waved a hand vaguely. “Young ladies always have a good education, do they not? You had your finishing school also and that, I think, is more than suitable.”
Anna shifted in her seat, pushing herself to the edge of it.
“What if I wanted to learn more about the continent? About the world we live in? What if I wished to educate myself on financial matters, so I would have a clear head when it comes to such things? Would you criticize me for those desires? Would you refuse to permit me to do as I wished?”
The weight of Leopold’s frown grew ever heavier. “I would not… that is to say, that is not something I have considered.”
“Because I have never expressed an interest in such things before, I know,” Anna said, quickly. “But if I had, or if I did, then would you truly push me away from those things? Would you be disgraced if I knew as much as you did about a certain thing, whatever it might be?”
“Disgraced? No, not in the least!” Leopold exclaimed, quickly. “If you wished to learn about something that would be valuable to you, then of course, I would not refuse to permit you.”
Light bloomed in his sister’s expression. “But you would criticize Lady Amelia, Lady Isobella, and the others for that very thing?”
Leopold took a breath, feeling as though somehow, he had been pushed into a corner.
He did not know what to say; he was not sure how to answer and that frustrated him.
Now that the question was put to him, he could not seem to think of a clear explanation!
It evaded him completely. Why was it that he thought so poorly of bluestockings?
Yes, he did not think them proper but that was only because society disapproved of them.
Yes, society thought that young ladies ought only to be educated to a certain level but did he, in his heart, believe the same?
If Anna came to him and asked to study a certain thing, then would he refuse?
Would he tell her that she ought not to do so?
Refuse to supply her with books and the like?
Or would he be pleased that she wished to further herself?
He suspected that were the situation before him, he would choose the latter.
“You cannot tell me, I think.”
“Anna, pray do not gloat.” He scowled at her. “It is most unbecoming.” The words were sharp, he knew but he did not take them back nor apologize for them. Anna ought not to be pushing him so, ought not to be pursuing him with these questions, he considered. It was not right for her to do so.
“You are only saying that to me in that manner because you cannot answer and you do not like that,” she replied, in a very soft voice indeed, the words pushing hard at his heart and making his conscience burn hot within him.
“You cannot think as to why you do not like bluestockings, aside from the fact that society says you must disapprove. Is that any real answer, brother? Surely it would be right for you to form your own opinions on such things.” One eyebrow lifted but Leopold looked away, finding her words needling at him.
“Oh, Leopold.” She sighed quietly, using his Christian name for the first time in a long time. “You are fastidious and though that can often be considered a good quality in terms of making certain you are all that society requires, it does also have its difficulties, does it not?”
“I do not know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do.” Rising from her chair, she made her way to the door, calmer and quieter than Leopold had ever seen her before.
“You have no real reason for some of your opinions, do you?” One hand on the door handle, she looked back at him.
“To be led by society is unwise, brother. It is your ever-present threat, the aggressor that is continually biting at you as you seek to do what is right in their eyes. It is a weight upon your shoulders, a burden that you bear willingly but unnecessarily, do you not think?” With a small smile, sadness lighting her eyes, she shook her head.
“I shall have Lady Amelia to join me tomorrow, though you do not have to be present. I want to speak to her, want to be of aid to her in any way I can and I will not permit your prejudice to come between my friendship with her. I think her quite wonderful and I am astonished you cannot see anything good about her.”
With that, she walked out of the room and shut the door behind her, though there had been no anger in her voice and certainly no slamming of the door as he might have otherwise expected.
It was all quite surprising, Leopold reflected, on just how calm his sister had been.
What was even more astonishing was that she had been able to speak to him in that same way, with understanding and even a hint of compassion, though of course, he did not agree with her in the slightest.
“It is all nonsense,” he said aloud, as though she were still in the room.
“Society is not an aggressor! That cannot be the case.” Sitting back in his chair, Leopold let out a slow breath and closed his eyes, trying not to permit Anna’s words to come to him again.
Instead, he tried to dash them away, to let them disappear from him…
but they clung to him still. The weight she had spoken of seemed to come onto his shoulders again, pushing him down as he sank into his chair a little deeper.
And then, a vision of Lady Amelia smiling at him shot directly into his mind, just as Anna’s final few words echoed in his ears.
I think her quite wonderful and I am astonished you cannot see anything good about her.
“Except that I do,” he muttered aloud, a sudden pain striking him. “I do see her, for there is something that pulls me towards her even though I do not wish it!” It was the first time he had said any such thing aloud and even now, he waited for the shame of it all to come upon him.
It did not come. Instead, there came a sense of satisfaction, a warm contentment that settled into his heart and spread right across his chest. It was very strange indeed, for he certainly had no thought of pursuing this strange interest in the lady but, all the same, it lingered there as though rejoicing that he had finally admitted it aloud.
And she is coming to call tomorrow, he thought to himself, his heart lurching. I cannot tell whether it would be best to join them or to stay away.