Page 10 of The Missing Book (Bluestocking Book Club #3)
L eopold scrubbed one hand over his face, the heat in his chest spreading outwards. “I do not want to speak of it!”
“But you must,” his brother insisted, much to Leopold’s frustration. “You cannot sit in here and hide yourself away, as you are doing. It has been over a sennight now and the ton has already moved on in their gossiping.”
His jaw tight, Leopold looked away. “Do not insist, brother.”
“We are both insisting, though you do seem to like to ignore my presence,” Anna snapped, her hands at her hips as both she and Melford berated Leopold. “We are invited to Lord and Lady Kent’s ball tomorrow evening and you cannot refuse to attend, for you already accepted the invitation!”
Leopold’s chest grew tight, his mortification still lingering.
Every time he thought about stepping out into society, he would be reminded of what he had done and the foolishness of his actions.
No one knew that he had been distracted by Lady Amelia’s presence on the dance floor but that, in itself, was a shame upon him, albeit one he could not speak of. “I will send my excuses.”
“No!” Anna’s face went red, her eyes blazing. “You have a responsibility, a duty , to me. You are my chaperone, meant to be aiding me in finding a suitable match. That means you cannot simply push me aside when you find yourself a little upset.”
“I think Anna is right,” Melford added, as Leopold grimaced. “You are and have always been, far too concerned with your standing in society. You pick up on little things that are not in the least bit important, fearful that society will note them and that you will fail in some way.”
“Except now, I have failed,” Leopold interrupted, fiercely. “Are you unaware of that? Can you not see that I have done the very thing I have long been afraid of?”
His brother and sister shared a glance, though Leopold threw both hands through his hair, struggling against the fear that threatened to overwhelm him.
He had failed, dreadfully. The standing he held for himself had been broken into smithereens and, what was worse, he had not even apologized to Lady Gwendoline as he ought.
Yes, he had sent a note but he should have gone to speak with her that very evening, apologizing profusely for what had happened.
Instead, he had run away, hardly able to bear the shame that came with it all.
“Why do we not step out into society together this afternoon?” Anna suggested, making Leopold’s jaw set tight, already determined to refuse her. “It will not be a ball nor a soiree but simply walking through London so that you will feel a little more at ease.”
“An excellent idea.” Melford grinned at Leopold. “You cannot refuse her this, I am sure, for your responsibility as her chaperone must be weighing on you.”
This made Leopold’s shoulders drop. That, certainly, was true though he was doing his best to ignore it.
“Besides, do you not know that society is now gossiping about Lord Burlingham?” his brother continued, as a flush touched Anna’s cheeks. “A rogue, apparently, who is now being forced into matrimony. Everyone is speaking of him and certainly not of you.”
Not quite sure whether or not to believe his brother in this, Leopold hesitated. It could be that Melford was saying such a thing to force Leopold’s hand so that he did come out into society, just as he and Anna desired.
“You doubt him, I can see,” Anna said, as Leopold scowled at her.
“But it is the truth. However, I must repeat what Melford said to you only a few moments ago – you have a responsibility to me and that responsibility must weigh upon you a little, given that you know it is your duty and it is, at the present, a duty you are not fulfilling.” Her eyebrow arched as Leopold’s scowl grew.
“Given the many, many strict standards you place upon both myself and Melford, I think it would be deeply unfair if you did not do as you ought.” Her smile was cold.
“Would that not be yet another failing?”
Those words pierced Leopold’s heart though he continued to glare at his sister. She had pushed right into the pain and shame that now seemed to be a part of him, making him feel nothing but utter humiliation.
“We shall go to the Temple,” Melford stated, as though Leopold had already decided that yes, he would do such a thing. “After luncheon? I will have the carriage prepared.”
Leopold opened his mouth to protest, only for Anna to nod fervently and clap her hands. “An excellent notion! I would very much like to visit there again.”
“The Temple?” Leopold repeated, not quite certain what such a place was nor why his sister and brother appeared so delighted at the prospect. “You have been there already?”
“I took Anna there a few days ago,” Melford answered. “I think it would be an excellent place for us all to go. That way, you can see that society does not speak of you any longer in the way you think, and Anna and I can enjoy being in the Temple again. After luncheon, then?”
Somehow, the arrangement was made without Leopold’s consent, for both Melford and Anna quit the room, arm in arm and discussing at length all that they might do that afternoon in ‘the Temple’.
Concerned, Leopold made to go after them, wanting to state quite clearly that he would not go out into society just because they asked him to do so, only for the door to close in his face.
He sighed.
This last week had been very trying indeed.
Every time Leopold had thought about stepping out, he had felt a creeping humiliation take over again.
He had imagined the faces of those he passed by, imagined the whispers that would be shared about him, and had felt himself near frozen in panic.
His responsibility to Anna had been set to one side, though it still had been a heavy burden upon him.
He had never felt such shame before, had never experienced what it was like to endure such mortification!
It had paralyzed him, keeping him back from society, from even his family, and his duties towards them.
But they are right, he thought, closing his eyes tightly. I cannot hide away forever. I must continue with my duty towards Anna, for that is what is expected of me.
Cold ran down his skin and he shivered, despising himself for his own weakness.
If only he had not been so distracted by Lady Amelia!
If only he had set her aside, had done his duty to Lady Gwendoline as they had danced by paying her his complete attention!
He had not done so, had allowed himself to become preoccupied by another lady then this situation would never have come about!
“But I must overcome,” he told himself aloud. “And the only way to do that is to face society.”
Quite sure that everyone he passed was sending him a dark glance, Leopold pulled his hat down a little further over his forehead.
“You need not look so afraid,” Melford stated, a little too loudly for Leopold’s liking. “There is nothing wrong. No one is giving you the cut direct.”
“Look!” Anna exclaimed, as she hurried forward. “There is Lady Gwendoline!”
Leopold stopped dead, the urge to turn on his heel and walk in the opposite direction flooding him. He had not spoken to Lady Gwendoline since the night of the ball and knew full well he had failed in his duty there.
“Enough, brother,” Melford grunted, one hand on his shoulder, gently pressing him forward. “You cannot hide from this.”
“I do not seek to hide.”
“Then what is it?” his brother asked, his hand lifting. “Do you have a particular interest in Lady Gwendoline? Do you wish to court her?”
Leopold snorted at this remark, seeing his brother’s eyebrows pull together. “Certainly not! I danced with her only out of obligation. I should not even think about furthering my acquaintance with her, given her standing.”
This made Melford’s eyebrows lift.
“Her father is not impoverished but he certainly does not have a great fortune. Indeed, I have heard recently that it has dwindled all the more! And his estate requires some repairs which have not yet taken place,” Leopold stated, in answer to his brother’s unspoken question.
“She would not be at all suitable. As I have said, I only danced with her because it was what one ought to do.”
Melford rolled his eyes. “Then there is nothing to prevent you from going to her! There is no need for awkwardness. Indeed, the sooner you speak with her, the better it shall be.” Walking away, he left Leopold to stand alone, fear beginning to tighten his heart.
His throat constricted as he tried to take a step forward, seeing Lady Gwendoline greet Anna and then Lord Melford enthusiastically. She was walking very well indeed, Leopold noticed, relieved that there was no lingering damage from the incident.
I shall apologize, he told himself, forcing one foot forward and then the other. That is all that I can do at this juncture.
“Oh, yes, I quite agree,” he heard his sister state.
“Have you seen the most valuable one there? It is so very plain looking, I must say, I was astonished to see it!” She turned her head as Leopold approached, her smile fading a little.
“My brother is come to join us, as you can see. He has not been in ‘the Temple’ before, I am sure.”
Leopold inclined his head, his breathing quickening. “Good afternoon, Lady Gwendoline. I do hope you are well.”
She looked at him coolly. “Lord Broughton.”
His mouth went dry, fully aware that her disinclination towards him was well deserved.
“My brother is mortified about what took place,” he heard Anna say, a buzzing growing louder and louder in his ears. “Though I have informed him that society is no longer whispering about it all.”
Leopold, hating that Anna was speaking about him as though he was not present, was forced to speak. “I am, as I wrote to you, dreadfully sorry for what happened. It was entirely my fault and you – ”