Page 20 of The Missing Book (Bluestocking Book Club #3)

A melia looked out of the window, pulling her knees up to her chest as she gazed out at the view. The gardens were quite beautiful and the warmth of the early afternoon sun brought out the colors quite vividly. And yet, despite that, her thoughts would not settle.

The conversation she had shared with Lady Anna, Lord Melford, Lady Gwendoline, and Lord Broughton had been on her mind for some three days now, niggling away at her and refusing to leave her alone.

Something that Lord Melford had said was troubling her greatly but she could not quite work out what it was.

More than that, however, Lord Broughton’s hasty departure from both the room and her company had been a surprise and, strangely enough, she had been unable to stop thinking about him either!

Over and over, she had caught his eye and though he had not been smiling, she had sensed a change in his response towards her.

No longer did he seem wary of her, no longer did he desire to pull his sister back from her company and she had felt herself blossom because of that.

There had almost been a warmth there between them, something that she could feel growing with every passing moment…

until he had changed in an instant, had risen to his feet, and practically stalked from the room.

It was all very strange for she could not understand why he had done such a thing nor why it troubled her so greatly!

“Amelia?”

The door was pushed open a crack and Lady Isobella appeared in the doorway. “Isobella,” Amelia said quickly, turning to swing her legs down from the window seat. “Do come in.”

Her friend smiled. “The maid told me where I could find you. You have not forgotten our walk, I hope?”

Amelia blinked, then squeezed her eyes closed tightly. “Oh, goodness! I did quite forget, though it will only take me a few minutes to get ready.”

“That is quite all right.” Her friend’s smile did not fade. “You have been thinking about the missing books, I assume?”

“I have.” She hesitated, then looked down at the floor.

“In truth, I have been thinking on my conversation with Lord Melford, Lady Anna, Lady Gwendoline, and – and Lord Broughton.” Seeing her friend look back at her curiously, Amelia hesitated, wondering inwardly if she ought to tell someone the truth about her struggle.

Thinking to herself that it might be wise to do so in the hope that it would stop her thoughts from tormenting her so, she sat down and waited for Lady Isobella to do the same.

“If I tell you something, I must have you promise you will not speak of it to the others. Not until I am ready for it to be shared – if I am ever ready to do so.”

Lady Isobella nodded. “But of course.”

“It is Lord Broughton,” Amelia said, speaking quickly as if she were afraid that if she did not, her courage would fail her. “Isobella, I have been fighting this strange… interest in him. Interest is not the right word, of course, but it is something that I find I cannot describe.”

Lady Isobella said nothing though she looked back at Amelia steadily, her expression unchanging.

“This conversation that I had with the others, though it is important and there is something about it that troubles my mind, I have Lord Broughton sitting there also. My thoughts are much too taken up with him, I fear and I do not know why. Nor do I know how to rid him from there!”

This, much to Amelia’s surprise, made Lady Isobella smile. “My dear friend, it sounds to me as though you are interested in Lord Broughton in an affectionate manner.”

“Affection?” Amelia laughed quickly and shook her head. “No, that cannot be it. We dislike each other intensely.”

“But you are drawn to him,” Lady Isobella said, softly.

“When you look into his eyes, you find yourself lost there.” When he smiles at you, it is as though your heart explodes and then slowly begins to pull itself back together again.

” Her eyes closed, a tenderness in her voice that Amelia had never heard before.

“You are captured by him, even if you do not wish to be. Your mind is filled with thoughts of him because he is the only one who has stolen your interest in its entirety!” Her eyes opened and she looked straight back into Amelia’s eyes.

“You may say that you dislike him, you might tell me that you do not even want to be in his company but I am afraid that your heart has other intentions, my dear.”

Amelia was silent for some moments, taking in all that her friend was suggesting and sensing a chill rippling over her skin. “I cannot quite bring myself to believe that.”

Lady Isobella shrugged. “I think it is quite all right to feel that way. It must be very strange and indeed, a little confusing but there is something there, Amelia. Something that would be worth pursuing, I think.”

“Pursuing?” Amelia croaked, closing her eyes. “I do not think that is even possible! He dislikes me just as much as I do him.”

“Except you are the reason that he fell when he was dancing with Lady Gwendoline,” Lady Isobella said, quietly.

“You may not believe that and mayhap I do not either, but the gentleman and the lady that helped Lady Gwendoline regain herself a little stated that she had said to them he was distracted by your presence on the dance floor.”

Trying to dismiss this quickly, Amelia threw her hands up. “That distraction could easily be because of his disinclination towards me!”

Lady Isobella’s smile was a little teasing. “Or it could be something else entirely. What if he is feeling as you are? What then?”

Amelia swallowed tightly, feeling her breathing quickening. She did not want to even think about what that might mean, not now. Not when she had so many other things to consider. “How is it that you know of such a thing as affection and the like?”

Lady Isobella’s brows furrowed, something flashed into her eyes and her lips pulled towards, her hands clasping tightly in her lap. “I am a little older than you all, only by eighteen months, if you recall.”

“I do not often think of that.”

Her friend smiled at her briefly. “I made my debut a year later than most. There was a chance of something, you see. Something truly beautiful, something I thought was to be the most extraordinarily wonderful thing.”

Amelia’s heart squeezed with sympathy, seeing what was coming before her friend even spoke of it. “It came to naught.”

“It did.” Lady Isobella’s voice dropped to a whisper, her eyes closing. “In truth, I do not know if I dare even hope that such a thing might ever happen again but for you, I must tell you that it is worth pursuing, even if it does not bring itself to a happy conclusion.”

This made Amelia frown. “Even if it causes confusion and doubt and upset?”

“Even then,” her friend said, gently. “For so many of us do not ever get to feel what I have felt. What you now feel even if it is only the beginning of it all! That in itself is a privilege and one that, even now as I look back with sorrow and pain, I cannot help but be grateful for.”

This was something that Amelia did not fully understand though as she looked into her friend’s face, she felt her heart begin to cling to what had been shared.

What she felt was troubling, yes, but mayhap Lady Isobella was right.

Mayhap it was so extraordinary and unusual, she should understand and accept it for what it was.

Though whether she wanted it to grow into something greater, she certainly could not say.

“If you ever wish to talk more on the subject, you know I would be glad to listen,” she said gently, as her friend’s smile wobbled. “I do not think I have ever heard you speak of such a thing before.”

“That is because I have not,” Lady Isobella answered, with a small sniff. “Thank you, Amelia. You are very kind and if I ever feel the need to unburden myself, I shall do so. I promise you that.”

Walking through Hyde Park, Amelia could not help but consider all that Lady Isobella had told her.

There was a sweetness in recognizing all that she felt but at the same time, there came both a confusion and a disinclination towards accepting it.

She did not even like Lord Broughton, she thought to herself, smiling ruefully as Lady Isobella walked along beside her, albeit in a comfortable silence as though she knew Amelia needed to have time to think.

Yes, there was something about him that drew her to him but it certainly was not his character, surely? !

“If I only think him handsome, then that would make me very shallow indeed,” she murmured aloud, only for Lady Isobella to shoot her a sidelong glance.

“I think you admire his spirit,” she said, making Amelia’s eyebrows lift.

“You like that he is steady and steadfast in his opinions and his decisions, even if you don’t like them or agree with them which, of course, I do not either.

Indeed, I think that you enjoy challenging him, do you not?

There is something about that which invigorates you. ”

“That may well be true,” Amelia admitted, a little embarrassed. “But I know very little of his character, aside from the fact that he is overly protective of his sister and does seem to love to challenge me.”

“But you must appreciate that he is so concerned for Lady Anna, even if you do not agree with his point of view.”

Considering this, Amelia had to nod. “I suppose that is true. I think well of a gentleman who wants the best for those in his care and he certainly does want that for Lady Anna.”

“And you can always improve your connection to him,” Lady Isobella suggested, with a small smile. “You can speak with him and get to know him better, I am sure. There will be things that you agree on, even if they are few in number!”

“Number.” Amelia stopped short, making Lady Isobella look back at her in surprise. “Number… that is… ” Her chest tightened and she gasped, her eyes rounding.

“What is it?” Lady Isobella asked as Amelia closed her eyes, a cold chill beginning to sweep over her. “Is there something wrong?”

“The number of books that Mr. Lackington told us Lord Melford returned,” Amelia said, hoarsely, “do you recall how many there were?”

Lady Isobella blinked. “He said he had been returned three.”

“But Lord Melford told me he picked up four.” Amelia looked straight into Lady Isobella’s eyes, her heart beginning to pound. “So what happened to the fourth book? And how could it have gone missing in the space between Lord Melford picking it up and returning it to Mr. Lackington?”

Pressing her lips together, Lady Isobella shook her head. “I do not know. But one thing I do. You must tell the others.”

Amelia nodded, the chill in her bones lingering still. What did this mean for her friendship with Lady Anna and her thoughts of Lord Broughton? Was it all going to come to an end before it had even begun?