Page 20 of The Mage’s Rake (Catkin Trilogy #2)

Alan

N ow is not the time, little one. Have faith and bide the hour. For when it comes, he who was unfettered shall find freedom in the bonds of love.

So had Nyria spoken to me. Her voice echoed in my dreams. Even now, I found myself musing over her enigmatic words. The only response I had been given that night of magic and passion. I had not spoken of them to Hugh. I had known instinctively that those words had been for my ears alone.

Bide the hour…

“I’ve been thinking,” Hugh said suddenly in my ear.

Since the night we spent together two days ago, Hugh would appear at my elbow without warning.

He was my own personal haunting, quite literally.

Perhaps he had come to enjoy my company and missed me.

I suspected that he simply enjoyed startling me.

This time, he got only a small squeak out of me.

I was, after all, at a Wintermas court ball.

As usual, I felt tension thrumming through me at the sight of everyone crammed together in the king’s Great Hall.

Most of the guests were clearly enjoying themselves, chatting and drinking and sampling the sweets and hot drinks served by the royal household.

I was not part of their number. I rarely enjoyed social occasions, even smaller balls like this one.

The idea of talking with people with whom I was barely acquainted was exhausting and daunting.

Instead, I preferred to stand as I was now far from the crowd, half-hidden in shadows.

From this more private vantage point, I was able to survey the room, tracking the few guests I recognized.

Inevitably, my gaze was drawn to the heart of the largest knot of activity.

By the hearth, Landis lounged next to Corrin.

While they held court with decorum, it was clear from the rare touches of Landis’s hand on Corrin’s that they found comfort in each other’s touches.

Some lords and ladies frowned at the sight. Those who held to Lord Morne’s more traditional beliefs disliked the idea of a Sunna and Munni courting each other so openly, particularly among the royal house. Others were concerned with matters of succession.

Of course , I mused, if Landis wished, he could offer himself to try my newest batch of the Elixir of Divine Fertility.

It would rather be exciting to attempt the creation of a womb within a tom.

If I wasn’t so busy and unattached, I would try it myself.

As I considered about the possibilities, my gaze once again landed on Hugh, who leaned against the wall beside me.

His light brown, gold-flecked eyes were fixed upon me with no small amount of amusement. I huffed, and my tail fluffed.

“What now, Hugh?”

“Well, I’ve been thinking,” Hugh repeated.

“Oh,” I said, chagrined, realizing I had ignored the tom. “That’s new. I’m almost afraid to ask.”

“I was thinking about Landis and Corrin.”

“Really? So was I. What were you thinking?”

“How happy they are.” Hugh’s voice sounded almost… soft, almost yearning.

I shot him a curious glance. Hugh’s gaze had shifted to once again focus on Landis and Corrin who were talking with Lord and Lady Morne politely.

Corrin was offering Lord Morne some brandy.

The scene by the blazing hearth with the light accompaniment of a string ensemble and the boisterous chatter of the other guests imbued the whole scene with a sense of normalcy I would never have thought possible.

Hugh seemed to be struck by what he saw as well.

There was something here that he saw—and wanted.

Desire to know what he was truly thinking about shot through me. Curiosity about Hugh had always slept within me since the day I first laid eyes on him. Today, I wanted to know more.

“Do you think you’ll ever be as happy?” The words popped out of my mouth before I could fully process them.

“I don’t know,” Hugh admitted. “But I was thinking about Corrin and Landis and everything that brought them together… and then I was thinking about the ball, where Corrin made an ass of himself, but I’m sure Landis was impressed.

When Corrin found out about skerra—the skerra potion.

You remember? You were there that day. And then I was thinking about what I experienced that night, our first night together. ”

“Hm.”

Where was Hugh going with this?

“I suppose I’m trying to say that I understand why Corrin was so horrified that day. That night we had together, those moments… how I felt. It was… beautiful,” Hugh finally ended. “I wonder if you felt the same way. I hope you did.”

“Well, I was there,” I said mildly. I continued thoughtfully. “I thought it was… Well, I cannot find the words for it, but whether it was the best, I couldn’t say, truly. I’ve only had those two experiences, and both experiences involved magick and—“

Beside me, Hugh stiffened instantly.

“You mean—“ Hugh’s tan skin flushed even more darkly as his golden-brown eyes glittered intensely. “Alan—gods—Alan, tell me that night at Brockhurst’s together hadn’t been your first.”

I chuckled then, lightly, flushing a little. I suddenly felt rather shy. To admit such a thing to a tom you admired felt more than awkward. I shrugged.

“I thought it was—special,” I finally said. “It felt special to me. Was I wrong?”

“Alan.”

Hugh’s face was now in front of me. His broad fingers gently tugged on my chin.

No sooner had my chin lifted than his lips found mine.

This wasn’t the demanding kisses of a fevered Hugh, nor was it the sensual flirtatious kisses that he’d promised me with his eyes.

Instead, this was a soft touch, as light as a butterfly’s touch.

The faintest pressure of his tongue against my bottom lip invited me to a familiar dance, but this time it felt less like a reel and more like a waltz.

I savored the slow pace he set, the lingering flavor of sweet red tea and biscuits, the intense assurance of his tongue.

On either side of my head, Hugh’s arms bracketed me, giving me much-needed privacy even as he stole a kiss.

I found myself clinging to the edge of his dark wool jacket and leaning into his solid, muscular frame.

My tail curled about to brush against his, lighting more sparks between us as his kiss deepened.

I moaned softly as his fingers massaged me right behind my right ear.

If Hugh had whispered right then and there a suggestion to meet him in one of the vacant offices nearby, I would have succumbed.

All I could see, scent, and hear was Hugh.

I was attuned to his very being. So, when Hugh eased back, bringing the kiss to a close, I moaned again.

My unspoken desire betrayed my unwillingness to let him go.

“Alan,” he whispered.

“Say it again,” I said huskily.

“Alan…?”

“I-I enjoy hearing you say my name,” I mumbled, blushing and burying my head in the folds of his cravat and jacket.

Hugh chuckled, but his hand remained tangled in my hair, drawing down to cup me comfortingly on the back of my neck. I liked the weight of his palm there. It was as though he too did not wish to let me go. That’s what I imagined, at any rate.

“Why did you not say anything?” Hugh asked after a moment.

“About what?”

“About-about it being your first—me being your first—you know.” Hugh leaned back, giving us a bit of space.

I pushed my spectacles up, rubbed my nose thoughtfully, and then shrugged.

“You seem to think it is important,” I noted.

“It is important!”

“Is it?”

“Of course, it is.”

“Why?”

“Your first time should be with someone you love,” Hugh said. “It should be special.”

“It was special to you, and… it was special to me too,” I pointed out.

I had no intention of telling him the truth.

My first time was indeed with the person I loved.

It was everything I had hoped it would be—up until the moment the tom I loved spoke another’s name.

And I was too much of a coward to ask about it.

So, here I was, torturing myself with dreams and fantasies as I had always done.

Just as I had done as a boy. I might as well be back at the White Tower.

“Well, the second time was pretty amazing as well,” Hugh pointed out.

“It didn’t work though.” I sighed. A thought occurred to me, and I added hesitantly, “But perhaps we could… just keep… trying?”

Hugh’s ears perked up at the idea, and a wide grin spread across his face.

“I like the way you think, Alan,” he said. “I knew from the first day I laid eyes on you that you were perfect for Landis and his court. How right I am!”

“Hah,” I snorted. “You just agree with me because I suggested having more, you know…”

“Know what?” Hugh looked at me innocently.

I blushed and flicked my tail irritatedly.

“Intercourse,” I finally bit out.

“Well, that will always pique my interest, I will admit,” Hugh said. “Especially if it’s you, Alan. You’re different than the others.”

“I am?”

“Yeah.” Hugh’s voice softened with wonder, as though he couldn’t believe it himself. He shook his head, stretched, and flicked his tail as though he were rousing himself from sleep. “I can’t explain it though. Not yet, at any rate. Oh, do you want another cup of tea?”

When I nodded, Hugh rushed off. I looked back at Landis and Corrin who were now standing and joining the new dance that had begun.

Hugh, despite carrying two tea cups in his hands, was stopped twice by a few young lords and ladies requesting his hand for the dance.

With each shake of his head, I was even more surprised and amused.

I knew how much Hugh loved dancing. And yet, here he was, politely declining dance invitations and contentedly returning to my side in the shadows.

Hugh was behaving oddly. I had been noticing it for the past few weeks, but tonight I was struck by his strange behavior more than usual.

Was it the curse? Or was Hugh simply behaving as a catkin of honor, returning to my side as promised with tea?

Or was there something else? Some kind of interest?

Or was I just fabricating his motivations?

Still, if I was honest with myself, I had to admit that Hugh had been more grounded as of late.

He was more circumspect with how he showered his affections on the king’s court, and he occupied himself more with matters of the state than that of the bedroom.

Perhaps it was due to the fact that he was replacing Gareth for the holidays.

Perhaps it was something else. If I had judged the dates appropriately, this all began that first night we spent together.

And now Hugh was talking about how special it was. Surely… My heart skipped a beat, and I couldn’t help but step forward out of the shadows to meet Hugh halfway, to accept the tea he had sweetened according to my preference. Surely not. Surely I haven’t caught Hugh’s affections… have I?