Page 13 of The Mage’s Rake (Catkin Trilogy #2)

“Better than people realizing that we might be skulking about in window seats.”

Was Hugh expecting me to throw a fit? I realized that perhaps he wasn’t as certain about me as I would like.

I had certainly fallen into the habit of frowning at him or scolding him whenever we met up.

Part of it was the misery of watching Hugh enjoy himself in another cat’s company.

Part of it was the self-hate that mounted as I struggled to make heads or tails of what to do.

After all, if I was to be honest with myself, I didn’t wish to end up as another one of Hugh’s flings. I wished to have him for myself, for him to pledge himself to me as my one-and-only knight… and I would gladly promise myself to him in turn.

Of course, it was not that easy. No matter how much knowledge I had gained in the White Tower, nothing had prepared me for the delicate dance of love. I had gone about it all wrong, I now could see. Was I too late? Pushing away my fears, I smiled up at High and flicked my tail lazily.

“Well, if you wished to add even more of an element of truth to the idea…” I suggested playfully.

Hugh chuckled then, leaned forward to kiss me on the cheek, and placed his hands on my shoulders.

What he saw behind my spectacles, I did not know.

I hoped he saw more welcome than before.

Hugh smiled then, revealing his fine white teeth and the sparest of dimples that I had glimpsed only a few times before.

“Alan, you have been quite the surprise, and perhaps someday, after all this is said and done—“

“After you have found true love?” I asked lightly.

“To lift the curse?” Hugh tilted his head and then laughed again. “I’m not certain what that would look like, to be honest.”

“Well, there’s no harm in trying out a variety of approaches to breaking it,” I pointed out. “Like kissing and… other things.” I ended with a blush.

“That’s… one way of going about it, I suppose,” Hugh smirked then. “You really are full of ideas, tonight, Alan. You have me thinking about all sorts of possibilities.”

“Good ones, I hope?”

“Yes.” Hugh’s voice softened and lowered as his fingers rose to stroke my cheek tenderly. “Perhaps we should explore what lies between us. But later. I would rather not spend my time here with you but in more… cozy and private quarters. Hence why I say, let’s be off.”

With that, Hugh hurried out, looking handsome and relaxed, as though he hadn’t just overhead someone plotting—or attempting to plot—against the king. I followed more slowly, deciding that if I arrived later, our separated reappearance might look like a lame (and failed) attempt at social decency.

When I entered the room, the curious gazes that drifted my way were filled with a combination of hilarity, curiosity, or jealousy.

For the first time, the distant High Mage of the White Tower had returned to the dance hall looking rather disheveled.

I know I didn’t look entirely debauched, but I definitely appeared as though I had been up to something of a private nature with Hugh.

From that time on, it was rather easy for the both of us to extricate ourselves quickly from Lady Saffron’s soiree.

Everyone easily believed that Hugh and I had other things on our minds.

As we were leaving, however, a familiar voice stopped us at the bottom of the front stair by the great wooden doors.

It was, I thought, the First Voice: a young tom with brown hair and hazel eyes who waved at Hugh lazily.

“There you are, Hugh. I was wondering where you’d gotten to.”

“Matteau,” Hugh said, keeping his tone free of surprise to be so accosted. “It’s been a while, my friend.”

“Indeed. I was hoping to catch up with you and discuss some… private matters in that old nook we used to meet up in.”

Hugh blinked and then nodded slowly with a flirtatious smile. “I recall the place, but the winter air would make the balcony rather inclement, don’t you think?”

“Hm?” Matteau said innocently. “I was thinking of the window seat. Did you not steal my first kiss from me there?”

I swiveled to glare at Hugh. Then I caught myself, flicked my tail in chagrin, and stared down at the floor.

I didn’t want to stifle Hugh or make him always afraid of what I was thinking.

After all, what Hugh had done in the past, or intended to do in the future was truly none of my concern. I merely wished it was.

“Ah, I had forgotten,” Hugh said, the tone of his voice now oddly stilted.

“I rather thought you had,” Matteau said, clapping a hand on Hugh’s shoulder. “If you ever want to revisit it with me, let me know. You return to the castle?”

Hugh nodded.

“Give my regards to the king, won’t you?” asked Matteau kindly. “Ah! Weston! Wait up for me.”

Giving Hugh a wink and tipping his head courteously to me, Matteau jogged off to join an older, grumpy-looking noble. Hugh, grabbing me by the elbow, dragged me out the front door, barely allowing me to tie my cloak snugly. Once we reached the privacy of the carriage, Hugh exploded with excitement.

“That, Alan, was Lord Matteau. You don’t know him, do you? No. Of course, you wouldn’t. You’re always immured in your lab, but surely you recognized his voice?”

“The first one. The loyal one.”

“Indeed. And that was a message. He knew that we were in the window seat.”

“How?” Alan asked.

“Was probably following me for a variety of reasons, and then of course, he was stopped by the other tom—Baron Weston Forensson, an old supporter of the original, now deceased, Crown Prince Loren.”

“Oh.”

“Yes. And Forensson is a good friend of Lord Morne.”

“Ohhh…” I could see now. “So, Matteau was… warning you?”

“I think Matteau was letting me know that he brought the conversation to us on purpose, knowing who we are and what we stand for. He was quite brilliantly putting himself in our camp.”

“Yes, how lovely,” I said gloomily.

“I knew something was up when he mentioned the window seat. Our first kiss was, I recall quite distinctly, on the balcony.”

“Yes, of course it was.”

“Alan.” Hugh stared at me. “Are you… Surely not. Are you… jealous?”

I fought back a pout and failed, blushing and glaring miserably out of the carriage window.

“No. I’m fine, Hugh. Just feeling the cold… and I am exhausted after my long day.”

“Hm. Well…” Hugh paused and then allowed the conversation to flow to other topics.

Gossiping lightly, Hugh allowed me my much-needed space to think until we arrived at the castle.

I was, of course, struggling with jealousy yet again.

The green-eyed dragon had raised its head, and I fought bitterly with it the entire ride.

Only, when we alighted and walked up the stairs did I realize that my mood had soured the end of what had been a lovely evening.

I cursed my idiocy even more. After all, there was that molly that Hugh had mentioned in his sleep.

The person he loved. The person who was not me.

Hugh, no doubt realizing the wisdom in allowing me room to process what I was struggling with, instantly sought out Corrin and Landis.

I followed along, less enthusiastically.

The two were in their rooms, preparing for the night.

Seeing how close they were, how intensely Corrin looked at Landis, how their fingers intertwined with each other, how they leaned into each other.

They were clearly in love, and I could see how confident Landis was, knowing that Corrin was always there to stand with him.

And Corrin cherished Landis and appreciated his unique views on life in Rimefrost. They worked well as a team.

So far, Hugh and I have done fairly well , I mused. Will we ever become that close? I hope so!

Although I wanted to think about it more, I knew I had to focus on the crisis at hand—potential interference during the treaty signing with Esteria.

Corrin and Landis reacted with alarm, but within minutes, Corrin was already planning proper security measures with Hugh.

Landis was planning which messenger to send with the news to Duke Gareth.

Lord Morne was mentioned, clearly filling Landis with dismay and discomfort.

Lord Morne was, after all, family, but it was clear that the noble was becoming more of a threat daily.

Corrin took Landis’s hand once again in his, pulled Landis onto his lap, and embraced Landis protectively.

“Whatever your decision, Landis,” he said softly, “we’ll be there for you.”

“Indeed,” Hugh agreed instantly. “Alan and I will be there.”

“Alan and you?” Landis’s blue eyes glinted with amusement and mild suspicion. “You two do seem to be around each other quite a bit as of late. Is there something to report?”

“Oh, well,” I stammered, deciding to fall back on the very real and reasonable excuse on hand.

“Investigations into the poisoned arrow are still ongoing. I’ve required a bodyguard as I interview various potion makers around and outside the city.

Duke Gareth was kind enough to impress upon Hugh the importance of protecting me.

I’m sure he could have selected others, but… ”

I floundered suddenly as I realized that my words had led me into dangerous territory. Thankfully, Hugh jumped in to save me from myself.

“Any of the men would have done, of course, but the delicacy of the matter, the security required, I believed it was best if I was on hand, especially so that I could take note of the information myself. Lower the amount of tongues carrying the tales, as you know.”

“Ah yes,” Landis said. “Well, do let us know if you need any help.”

“We shall.” Hugh nodded. “I will admit that at first I was concerned about allowing Alan out and about, but Alan has proved himself to be a catkin of great valor, not unlike yourself, Landis.”

“He’s growing on you,” Landis guessed.

“He is,” Hugh admitted without skipping a beat.

“I heard from the others about your escapade in the Lower Rime,” Corrin said with a small smile.

“Rolf returned with news that the little kit has received the medicine, and his father is dosing him properly. I’ve also made arrangements with Aileen to send the kit a blanket.

Their living quarters leave much to be desired, according to Rolf. ”

Landis looked a bit crestfallen as he thought about Corrin’s words.

Corrin had told him the tale, and being reminded of it seemed to bring down the young king’s spirits.

Reminded of the young kit, I also felt terrible.

How could I let myself get caught up in such petty feelings when others suffered?

My own struggles with Hugh seemed to pale in comparison.

Judging by the sudden droop of Landis’s golden ears, the young king shared my dismay.

“I feel guilty simply thinking about it,” Landis admitted. “Can I truly allow myself to enjoy a Wintermas celebration when our country struggles so?”

“We should all take happiness where we may find it,” Corrin reassured him, drawing him into another comforting embrace. “But perhaps you and Alan could come up with a way to ease the suffering beyond the east gates.”

Landis glanced over at me. I rose to my feet and bowed.

“If Your Highness would be willing—“

“Landis,” said the young king. “Just call me Landis, Alan.”

“Landis,” I said. “I also share your concerns… and feelings. Ian and Tomlyn Nott aren’t the only ones suffering. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something I could do, but perhaps we could find some way to help a little… if we work together?”

“It would be my pleasure!” Landis cheered up instantly. “Thank you, Alan.”

I bowed again, turned to Hugh, and suggested that it was time for me to retire for the evening.

Hugh agreed and offered to escort me to my rooms. As part of my promise to Gareth, he added quickly, avoiding the knowing looks of Corrin and Landis.

As we walked down the hall, Hugh muttered under his breath.

“Oh gods, Alan, I think they may be onto us. Prepare yourself.”

I snuggled more deeply into my scarf and cloak and imagined Hugh pulling me into his lap as Corrin had done to Landis.

If I was about to be teased by Corrin and Landis, I wanted there to be something worth teasing about at least. Now, if I could only get Hugh to experiment some more with me in the name of lifting the curse.