Page 233 of The Long Way Home

Fifty-Five

BJ

After the other night I decided that I’m going to end it with Jordan properly. As soon as Parks said she and Jules were done I knew I needed to call it. She was waiting for me to offer to drive her home last night, I could tell. Took all my willpower not to do it too, but I knew I couldn’t. Knew if I did I’d kiss her, tell her I love her, take her clothes off and do my best not to fuck us up, but I’d already be fucking up because I know that it matters to her that I’m with Jordan still. I need to call it with Jordan before I start it up with Parks, that much is obvious after how everything played out before. The birthday trip Jordan’s planned, that’s the only snag. She’s never been before and she’s so excited to go — not that that’s a reason not to call it with her, just makes me feel a bit more shit about doing it. That and I think she’s lined up a bunch of spons for the trip, so I just need a minute to work out how to tell her we’re not going anymore.

I put it off for a day because I’m trying to figure out whether it’d be a nice thing or a shit thing to just tell her to go by herself anyway.

She could take that DJ, I don’t care. Don’t know if I can say that either though, because even though I’m pretty sure we’re on the same page, I don’t know it for sure.

The minute I walk into Math Club I regret not having called it. Legs up to her fucking eyeballs, white dress with a shoulder out, a little flower headband and a French 75 in her hand. She’s at the bar with my brother and Christian — and fuck — I should have called it. I nod my chin at her as I walk over and her eyes go soft at the edges. She’s happy to see me. Or she was until she spots Jordan and her friend from work.

I see Parks sigh. Posture drops, shoulders slump a bit — I hate doing this to her. I’m ending it tonight. Shouldn’t have brought Jordan with me after how me and Parks were last night, Magnolia might take it the wrong way. I wasn’t planning on it, but she and her friend wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Oi.” I lean in and kiss her cheek anyway before looking at my brother and Christian. “Boys.” I nod at them.

Jordan reaches around me and hugs a frozen Parks.

“Hi!” Jordan sings as she gives her a squeeze.

“Oh.” Magnolia blinks. “Hello.”

Not much of a toucher, my Parks. Just with me.

I think she’s just being friendly. Australian, you know? But Parks would have hated that.

Fuck. I’m ready for this to be done.

“This is my friend, Caitlyn.” Jordan gestures to her and then Caitlyn tosses her arms around Parks and gives her a hug too.

“Right.” Magnolia frowns as the stranger holds on a few seconds too long.

One look at Magnolia’s face and Henry starts to cough hysterically to cover his laugh.

“So nice to meet you,” Parks says, sounding very unsure and entirely unaware that she’s brushing them off her body as she smooths out her dress. “Do they rather like hugs in Australia, then?” she asks Caitlyn politely.

Caitlyn shakes her head. “Oh, I’m from London.”

“Oh.” Magnolia frowns and glances over at me. “But we don’t like hugs here.”

I lean in towards her and say, “Some people do,” and then nudge her with my elbow. Our eyes catch and she swallows.

Jordan’s taking photos of herself with the bag I bought her the other day and her friend is chattering away to Christian.

I move in closer to Parks, nodding my head at Julian on the other side of the room. “You talked to him?”

She shakes her head.

“You going to?”

She stares up at me for a few seconds, then shakes her head.

Christian ducks his head in, grabbing my eye urgently with his.

“I’m gonna—” Nods his head towards Daisy. Jordan’s little friend is a little too starstruck with him. I give him a wink and he darts away. I toss my head subtle as I can towards the table in the corner. Julian and co.

“You okay though?” I ask Parks.

She flashes me a quick smile and nods.