Page 63 of The Intimacy of Skin
Two Days Later
My hometown was nothing special unless you were a northerner experiencing it for the first time. Price was enamored by Southern Hospitality, exclaiming every time someone kindly waved or opened the door for a line of people. He said that even our driving was nice here.
I had to break his bubble, explaining that on the outside, people were nice, but on the inside, they were nosy and judgmental. That was the truth behind Southern Hospitality. Keeping their nasty comments behind your back rather than to your face.
Visiting Thompson’s grave had done more for me than I imagined.
It was emotionally draining, yet so damn relieving.
I had been worried I wouldn’t feel any different, or that it would exacerbate my PTSD.
Maybe it would later, but for now, all I felt was a sense of peace I hadn’t felt since I was a child.
It also helped that we were keeping busy. Price and I went to all the mom-and-pop shops around, stuffing ourselves with food and enjoying the relative quiet.
Price refused to admit that he suffered from the weather change, but I found it endearing. He started to wear tank tops and shorts, whereas I was comfortable in my jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt. I didn’t want my scars to be noticed by a bunch of asshole people.
Not many people recognized me. Or if they did, they didn’t say anything. I’d expected to be bombarded with questions when we visited from friends of my mom. I was thankful that wasn’t the case.
We had two days left in town before we went back home.
Today, I was going to show Price my prized memory.
The creek Willow and I would go to when the world got to be too much.
It sat still in my memories, reminding me of a simpler time when I could pretend everything was okay—I wasn’t a prostitute, and Willow and I could just be kids. Nothing more, nothing less.
He was just as excited as I was, albeit a little nervous for some reason. My Prince Charming’s anxiety had lessened substantially over the years, but it still got to him sometimes. I wrote it off as one of those days and steered clear of anything that might make it worse.
Except for one thing. Something neither of us planned for. As we turned down the dirt road I instructed Price to drive on, I pointed at another turn to the right. “My mom is that way. Can we go see her?”
The rental car slowed down, almost to a stop, as Price looked at me. “You sure?”
I could tell he was studying my face, looking into my eyes for any further information. When I nodded, I knew what he would see in them.
It had been seven years since I had seen my mom’s grave.
It was her funeral, and I hadn’t stayed for the entirety, too full of emotions I couldn’t process.
Emily and I talked about the idea of visiting in our sessions.
I’d convinced myself I didn’t need to visit, or that I didn’t want to.
In my mind, I was too much of a failure to see her, and one year turned to two, to three, to five, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
My path in life drove me to think I wasn’t worthy of anything. Not even the essence of my mother’s love. Like I always said, she wasn’t the best mom, but I never doubted that she loved me growing up. She did everything she could with what she had.
Willow once told me that when she thought about my future, she saw a gravestone.
She was terrified her best friend would kill himself before he turned twenty-four.
Now I was nearing twenty-six, and instead of being lowered into a grave, I was visiting one from the topside.
I was ready to confront what I’d refused to admit I was missing.
After all these years, I worried I would forget where Mom was buried. My body, or maybe my soul, knew exactly where to go, though. Price followed closely behind me. The cemetery here was larger than Tiger Falls. Most of the gravestones were decorated in some way.
Mom’s had a single sunflower placed on the left of it. It was fake, so it could withstand every season. Her favorite flower .
Seeing the stone had me slowing my pace. Blond hair and red nails. Mauve lipstick. Fresh sugar cookies on Christmas morning. All of it lay beneath the gray, square stone I picked out seven years ago.
A willow tree was etched into it. Below the tree was a large glacier wading in water.
The two of them together made no sense to anyone else.
To Mom, it would’ve meant everything. Her baby boy, obsessed with the Arctic Ocean, and the child she didn’t give birth to, but loved all the same.
Her little willow tree that kept me afloat.
The dates of her birth and death blurred in my vision as I dropped to my knees. “Hi, Mom.”
Price sat beside me, resting one of his hands on my thigh. “Hi, Ms. Hayes.”
I huffed a tearful laugh. “You’d hate him for being so formal. Mom, this is Price. The love of my life.”
“Hi, Melissa. I’m glad I got to meet you. You raised a good man.”
My chest felt warm and full. Talking to her ghost settled a deep yearning I had ignored for far too long.
“I know it’s been a while. I didn’t take the best road in life.
Took me a while to get my shit together.
I didn’t want to show up a mess, y’know?
” I traced the willow tree with my eyes, glancing at the sunflower sitting to the side.
Mom was so much more than a single sunflower.
She was rolling hills, smothered in yellow, a breathtaking view very few got to see.
“Price helped me get my shit together. Willow, too. I never did bring a boy home when you were alive, huh?” I took Price’s hand in mine, squeezing it.
“Guess I just had to wait for the right one.”
A cold breeze blew through the blistering heat, cooling the back of my neck.
I leaned into it, letting my head fall back as my eyes closed.
The sun was bright behind my eyelids. A silhouette appeared, blocking the light.
It had long hair, wavy just like mine. Her arms were wide open, inviting me into a hug I could still feel if I focused on it.
“Now that he has me,” Price took over the silence. “I won’t let anything happen to him. I love your son more than anything, Melissa. Thank you for bringing someone so amazing into this world.”
I smiled to myself and opened my eyes. I was about to say something when a flash of red caught my attention. Just to the right of her gravestone, something was peeking up from the ground.
Curious, I smoothed my hand over the dry dirt and picked it up, cradling it close to my chest. My breath caught in my throat, my lungs convulsing as I fought the urge to sob. Tears ran down my face, cooling the moment the wind blew over them.
“Thanks for bringing him to me, Mom.” I squeezed the red and gold Christmas ornament one more time before placing it next to the sunflower.
Rushing water cut through the air around us. I laughed as I tugged Price by the wrist, leading him through the rough terrain.
“Come on, Prince Charming. Pick your feet up and stop running into rocks.”
“That’s literally impossible when everything is rocks, Pretty Boy. Literally impossible.”
He looked so stressed out, but so adorable. Willow and I trekked this hill almost every day for years. It was in my blood. My body guided me where I needed to go, picking up my legs whenever I found a branch that tried to take me out.
I could admit it was a bit rough. The area was a mix of dirt, gravel, sand, and fallen tree limbs. Southern nature made you work for its beauty.
When we got over the hill, Price stopped behind me to catch his breath while I marveled. Straight in the middle, there was a rickety concrete bridge barely wide enough for one car to pass. Each side had a hole for passing water, causing a whooshing sound around us.
The creek bed was covered with sand. I had no idea where it came from, but I loved it. Trees lined the bank, birds chirping from their branches to sing us a song of summer. The water was the shallowest close to where we stood. It was clear enough I could see rocks and small fish swimming in them.
I walked up to the bank and took my shoes off. Kneeling, I waved Price over to take a closer look. “There’s tadpoles. See?” I pointed to a group of large green and black-specked tadpoles. “Those are gonna turn into bullfrogs.”
“Whoa. I’ve never seen these before. ”
“Willow and I scooped some up once and watched them grow. They get big really fast. When they grow legs, it’s really weird lookin’.”
“Of course you did.” He laughed.
We made our way into the water, me as the guide. We were all alone, allowed to bask in my childhood safety net. The sun was brutal enough that I regretted not bringing sunscreen.
The water, on the other hand, was blissfully cool against my legs. It got deeper the farther we went, pushing us to share the water with the fish that swam through it. Price was originally worried about the wildlife, asking if we would be safe. He seemed to be more comfortable now.
I kept our path straight, leading Price to the best part about this particular creek. When the water began to bubble and my feet started to sink into the sand, I knew we’d arrived.
“Come here.” I took Price’s hand and led us onto the dry bank. “Look over there,” I pointed to the bubbling surface. “Put your hand in it.”
He looked at me like I was crazy, to which I rolled my eyes. I could see when the shock hit him from the look on his face. He waved his hand over the water, and his mouth gaped in awe. “It’s so warm.”
I joined him, putting my hand next to his. “Yup. It’s natural hot spring water.”
Price stared at it in awe. I wondered if he understood why I missed this part of country life now. The hidden beauties, the natural wonders.
“If you go too close to it, you’ll start to sink in the sand. Pretty cool, huh?” I plopped down onto the sand, watching the bubbling flow.
“Stand up, Crew.”
I looked up at him, confused by the demand. Price didn’t usually demand things from me. “Why?”
“Please.”
Reluctantly, I stood. I wiped sand from my ass, though it barely did any good. “What’s wrong?”
Price smiled. A wide, gorgeous smile that showed off the canines I fell in love with years ago and that single dimple I dreamed of at night. When I looked into his eyes, I saw fields rolling with yellow sunflowers.
I saw orange and blue.
A raging fire next to a calm, melting blue glacier .
Price dropped to one knee, pulling a box from his pocket. “This is beautiful. The world you’ve shown me is so beautiful, I have nothing to compare it to. Much like my love for you.”
My lips curled, my vision going hazy as I stared down at the love of my life.
“I have nothing to compare my love for you to because I’ve never felt it before.
Crew, you’ve taught me so much. How to be a human again.
What it feels like to not be lonely anymore.
How to be a stronger, better man. How to love the skin I’m in, no matter how itchy it feels.
Two years ago, I touched you for the first time.
You felt so cold, all I wanted to do was warm you up.
Like our restaurant’s cheesy-ass name, you’re the ice to my fire.
“You told me about the glaciers and pure ice. You asked me if I’d still find you breathtaking if all that was left of you was a single crystal. Do you remember what I said?”
A sob broke free as I nodded. “You said that crystal would shine brighter than any sun, and that one day, it’d make a new glacier. Even if it took a million years.”
“Even if it took five,” he finished the memory.
“Crew, you shine brighter than any sun, no matter how cold your body runs. I promise to always cuddle you to warmth. I promise to never leave a single bruise on your skin. I promise to love you, no matter what. I loved you then, I love you now, and I want to love you for the rest of our lives.”
Price opened the box, revealing an obnoxiously orange band next to a slightly larger blue one, the same color as my eyes. “Will you marry me, Crew Hayes?”
The rings were so bright I wanted to cry. Not because it was hideous. Because it reminded me of Price and the very thing that kept me going. He was the other half of me.
He was everything to me.
“Yes,” I cried. “Five million times, yes.”
My Emo Prince Charming took my left hand and delicately placed the orange band on my ring finger. I took his, placing the gorgeous blue one on him. Our favorite colors. “Looks like we’re complementary.”
Price threw his head back, laughing at the irony. I fell to my knees to join him on the sand, not caring where the grains ended up. My lips found his, no doubt salty from my tears .
Birds sang to us in the background as we held each other.
Our mouths followed a symphony’s melody neither of us could hear, but we knew by heart.
When we parted, Price touched his forehead to mine, holding me close.
His strong, blazingly warm arms held me safe.
When I looked into his eyes, I saw our future.
It was beautiful, just like the hot springs of the creek.
The intimacy of simply touching his skin used to terrify me. How easily I could get lost in him. How simple it would be to fall into him and lose control. I deprived myself of something as simple as a gentle hand because I thought I didn’t deserve it.
Younger me was encased in a tundra. I never could’ve imagined how life could be with hands so gentle they never left a scrape, or a man so loving that he made me feel precious.
But life inevitably changes. Emotions eventually shift. Ice takes a different shape, and fire dwindles or rages. I finally belonged somewhere. In Price’s arms, I was exactly where I was supposed to be, and I couldn’t imagine anything different.
"I love you, Prince Charming." My arms came around his neck, just as his gripped tighter around my waist.
Price pressed a soft, gentle kiss against my lips. "I love you too, Pretty Boy."
When we parted, walking back along the creek's path, I held onto his hand and didn't let go. Price didn't let me fall into the chilly cavern of the Arctic Ocean, just as I didn't let the itching overtake his skin.
I was always meant to be loved. I had always deserved happiness. Price was my catalyst, an inevitable I couldn't have avoided. Now he'd forever be my flame, with a constant, gentle heat to ensure I never froze again.
The End.