Page 30 of The Intimacy of Skin

That had been the most words he’d spoken to me since I’d known him.

Even our interview was short and clipped, full of yes or no responses.

I needed another cook and liked the idea of someone who hadn’t had experience cooking with us.

I wanted someone who was younger and could relate to the other cooks, who was eager to learn and could form an interest in cooking without any preconceived notions or opinions.

I hadn’t heard more than a short sentence come out of his mouth until now. It threw me off, making my brain short-circuit more than it already had been. “Are you southern?”

My question confused both of us. I wanted to stand firm and appear like I knew exactly what I was asking and why. I didn’t. But Tobias didn’t have to know that.

“Yes, Chef. I’m not from here.”

I nodded slowly, taking in that information. I wasn’t a connoisseur when it came to accents, and his was thicker than Crew’s, but if Crew had toned his down over the years, then…

“Where are you from?”

Tobias pulled his hands in front of himself, wringing his fingers. Poor guy radiated anxiety. “I was born and raised in Arkansas, Chef. A tiny town called Tiger Falls, which you never woulda heard of.”

“I’ve heard of it.” Crew mentioned it being close to him. Something about a camp there. I could remember the frown he’d had when he mentioned it. Was that why Tobias had reacted how he did when he saw Crew?

I shook my head, looking up—literally, the kid was four inches taller than me—at Tobias. “So you’re not used to a big place like this. You’re barely legal to drink, so I can imagine it’s scary here.”

His replying sigh seemed to deflate him further, his back leaning against the counter behind him. “Sure is. I came here ’cus all the shows Mama watched were in New York. People say dreams come true here.”

The mention of dreams coming true had me pausing. Here was this kid, hopeful for something big and bright, whereas I’d lived here my entire life, and my dream was still buried. “Yeah, some do. There’s more opportunity here, that’s for sure.”

“I sure hope so. Mama worries about me.”

I turned my back on him, busying myself with cleaning up.

There was still time before others started to trickle in for work, including Crew.

I needed to get a game plan together for helping Tobias and warding off Brandt, but I couldn’t focus.

My thoughts raced at what felt like a hundred miles a second. Something was off.

Turning to face Tobias again, I carefully chose my words. “I knew about your town because of Crew, you know. He said he grew up close to Tiger Falls. Mentioned a camp of some sort there?”

There it was. Tobias went pale, nearly collapsing. His voice was shaky as he spoke, thick and unsteady. “O-oh, really?”

I narrowed my eyes at him, wishing I could read them like I could Crew’s. I couldn’t. I didn’t have to. Tobias was scared, and he was hiding something. “Do you know him, Tobias?”

A sharp intake of breath caught in his throat. “I?—”

I paused.

He didn’t answer.

“When you saw him that day, you froze. Looked like you saw a damn ghost.”

He bobbed his head slowly, his chest rising faster. “Felt like it.”

“Did something happen between the two of you?” Crew said he didn’t know Tobias, but I wanted to give Tobias the chance to explain.

Avoiding my eyes, he shook his head, stopping before nodding, then shaking it again. “No?” he questioned. “It ain’t that easy to explain, but I don’t think he remembers me. If he don’t remember me, I don’t wanna remind him.”

“Remind him of what?”

I didn’t need a special, intuitive gift to see the agony behind Tobias’s sorrowful eyes.

When he looked up, finally meeting my gaze, I almost asked him to look away.

It was on the tip of my tongue to do so.

Something evil crawled up my spine, my skin tingling with goosebumps and the urge to scratch.

The despondency in Tobias’s eyes almost ruined me right then and there.

How could a kid hold so much… was that remorse? Regret? Pure, unfiltered grief I used to hold onto when I realized I’d lost the love of my parents.

After what felt like an eternity, Tobias spoke.

“Of what he ran here to forget. He don’t remember me.

He don’t remember our pain.” He wavered, his voice cracking as his eyes filled with tears.

“It would be great if I could talk to him about it. Knowing someone out there shares the same memories, no matter how deep they’re buried, sure would make it less lonely.

But I get it. I pray every day that I’ll forget. ”

What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? “What the hell happened to you, kid?”

Tobias pushed himself off the counter, turning away. I could see his arms moving like he was wiping his face. “Tiger Claw Camp happened, Chef.”

I thought back on the mirrored sadness I saw in Crew’s eyes each time I looked into them. Something deep, dark, and shattered.

When I lost everyone around me, I yearned for someone. Anyone who could understand. Someone who could tell me I’d be okay.

I wanted a hug.

I wanted someone so badly that I started to pay for company.

Did Crew sell himself for the same reason?

“I think you’d both benefit from having each other. Whatever happened to you, I think it’d be nice to have someone in your corner who understood. Talk to him, Tobias. He may be just as hurt as you.”

“Easier said than done, Chef.”

“Maybe one day, you could tell him. Take some time to warm up to it.”

“Maybe.”

Tobias shut down, his shoulders rising to his ears in defense.

Knowing the conversation was over, I cleared my throat.

“We’re going to work on things. I’ll spend some extra time with you, showing you different things to help you improve.

You have skill, kid. Keep doing what I show you, and everything will turn out all right. ”

He nodded silently.

And we worked in that same silence, pulling more things out to prep for the day ahead.

Just before the first cook walked in to start their shift, I turned to Tobias with a question. “Why did you start calling me Chef?”

A soft smile spread across his face. “’Cus that’s how they did it on the TV Mama watched.”

He said it as if it was so simple. So easy. He said it without question and with such conviction that I had to laugh at the absurdity of it.

When my eyes began to water, and I was able to pull in a deep breath, Tobias was looking at me .

“Please don’t tell Crew. Maybe one day, I’ll have the guts to talk to him.”

My office was a mess. It was a testament to how fucked in the head I’d been all day.

I’d been at work for far longer than normal, thanks to Brandt’s inability to be a kind human being.

The day had gone by in a haze, orders pouring in one after the other as we sat at max capacity for most of the day.

Under normal circumstances, my role would be with the staff. I wouldn’t be stuck doing paperwork or approving timecards for payroll or moving shit around so everyone could get their requested vacations.

The Arch had never been under such circumstances. I was alone in my depressingly cluttered office as I desperately tried to find my sanity.

My talk with Tobias had thrown me further off balance than I was already. I kept thinking back on it, on how painful our conversation had been for him.

There was a dark, long history to Crew that he wouldn’t divulge. When I thought back on our encounters and the cage in his eyes, it made sense. The essence of his past followed him everywhere he went, much like my own. To say I was curious would be an understatement.

I needed to know more. I wanted to be his comfort from the demons he was chasing—the same ones Tobias seemed to carry with him. I wondered how awful Crew’s past had to be to forget Tobias.

Just as I put my head into my hands in defeat, my computer screen mocking my lack of work done, Crew busted into my office.

“Jesus,” he muttered, plopping himself on the chair in front of my desk.

I turned to him in question, automatically reaching out for the papers he held in his hand. “What’s got you using the Lord’s name in vain the moment you step foot into my presence?”

Crew shuddered. “That Tobias kid is fuckin’ weird. He hasn’t spoken one word to me, but he looks at me like he’s either terrified of me or wants to ravage me. I can’t tell which one it is.”

The papers got shoved to the side as I looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “That’s… quite the observation. ”

“Tell me about it. I can’t figure him out.

I’m rarely even around him, but today, he seems to be everywhere.

He used to look at me like he knew me or like he was about to vomit because of my mere existence.

” Crew rubbed a hand over his face, a long sigh falling from his mouth. “Today, it’s like something changed.”

I nodded slowly, running through Tobias’s last words to me this morning.

Telling Crew about what Tobias told me had the potential to blow up in all our faces.

Not only had Tobias said he would talk to Crew eventually, but if Crew had blocked Tobias from his memory due to trauma, bringing it up could have some serious consequences.

Taking in a calculated breath, I pretended to peruse the papers in front of me once more.

“Don’t take it personally.” Though, it was completely personal.

“That’s sort of just how Tobias is.” Not fully a lie.

“He’s a good kid. A bit weird but good. I’ve been here since before the sun came up because Brandt decided to rage on Tobias and roped me into it. ”

“Really? Guess that explains why you look like shit.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m tired, Crew. Old and tired.”

He snickered at that. “Yeah, you old soul. Acting beyond your years and shit. Why was Brandt all over y’all this morning?”

“A cook slipped and fell on some oil and food trimmings Tobias dropped near his station.” I shrugged. “Brandt took that and ran with it. Yes, it’s a serious matter, but the cook is fine, and the way he handled it was atrocious. I’ve been tasked with riding Tobias’s ass until The Rant sees fit.”

Crew hissed through his teeth. “Oof, that’s rough.”

“Yeah, my schedule is already chaotic, and now I have to find time to do one-on-ones with Tobias. Which wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t already have a million other things to do.”

The stress of it was crowding my already fucked-up head. I knew the importance of working with the kid, and I knew it wouldn’t be difficult. I just didn’t know how to fit it into my daily bullshit, along with Brandt being a tyrant.

Movement perked my head up from the papers in front of me, Crew standing to grab my long-running to-do list. “Tell me which of these I can handle, and I will.”

“You sure? ”

“Yep. Otherwise, you’d drown in it all and get cranky like an old, wrinkled grandpa with a chip on his shoulder.”

“Wouldn’t want that to happen.”

“It already has. I’m just being nice about it.”

I shot him a glare, trying my best to hide the smile that threatened to show. When Crew laughed, nothing else mattered. His eyes lit up, the gorgeous blue of them striking me where I sat.

Seeing him full of life was a rare gift, I’d noticed. I knew to treasure it whenever possible, understanding that it could disappear at any moment.

Pushing back my chair, I leaned against it with my hands clasped in front of me. “There’s something I want to add to that list specifically for you.”

Crew was quick to answer, not even looking up as he read the long, tiring list of tasks. “Sure, what is it?”

Being around Crew, even though it was only for a few minutes, had cleared my mind just enough to make a decision about the near future. Something that frightened me to my core. I knew the moment I put my decision into words, I’d begin my descent into something I wouldn’t walk away from unscathed.

With his attention elsewhere, Crew couldn’t see my smirk, so I hoped he could hear it in my voice.

“I’m going to give you one week. A week from today, I want you to go home after work, pack a bag, and come to my house.

We’ll have dinner, talk, and get comfortable.

We will both have our test results by then and will be able to divulge whether we are both negative or not. ”

“I don’t even have a doctor here yet?—”

I held my hand up, pausing his disruption. “I will give you time off work to sort everything out if you need it. A week should be plenty of time. I know a good office close by if you need a recommendation.”

Crew looked at me, his eyes wide, mouth parted slightly. I could see his cheeks begin to pink, a blush creeping up his neck. His voice was breathy when he spoke, his hands fidgety as he squirmed in his seat. “Okay, and then what?”

I leaned forward again, placing my elbows on my desk. My gaze never left his, hoping I was burning my desire into his mind. His soul.

I wondered if he needed me just as much as I needed him.

“If everything is clear, when you’re ready, I will lead you into my bedroom.

I’m going to kiss you, touch you, and swallow your soft pleas for more because I know you’ll want more.

And then I will give you your first lesson on accepting gentleness by taking you apart piece by piece, only to put you back together again. ”

He didn’t need to know that in doing so, I’d be losing pieces of myself with him. Pieces that couldn’t be returned.

I knew two things about the future with certainty: one being that someday, I would die. The other was that once the next five months ended, I would be nothing but a shell, begging time to speed up and claim me with a bitter end.