Page 40 of The Intimacy of Skin

It took over an hour to calm Crew down enough to let me take him to bed last night. We had both dressed in loose pajama pants before slipping under his blankets, cuddling against each other until our fight for sleep took over.

Seeing him panic had done something to me.

I could still feel the cracks in my heart as they desperately tried to mend themselves together.

His reaction had confirmed my suspicions about the rough treatment he’d been enduring.

When we first met, I saw his scars and wondered if they were done by others or by himself.

Now that I knew it was the latter, the intense need to protect him and keep him safe was quickly becoming overwhelming.

Showing him my scars was my attempt to ease his worries and give him a glimpse of myself.

I knew if I’d continued to push, he’d eventually shut down, rendering any progress I’d made useless.

He was still asleep, most likely exhausted from the night we’d had. I basked in the ability to hold him close for even a little bit longer. His back was against my chest, and my arm was wrapped around his middle protectively.

Taking him out had been a gamble if I was honest. After taking a break from sex work, I was hoping he’d be able to see the environment from a different perspective.

What Crew was doing was dangerous. It was lonely.

He didn’t have many safety measures in place.

It would’ve been different if he was an escort with a reputable company or a porn star with people who got tested regularly.

Getting picked up by random men on the side of the street who had plans to return him beaten and bloody was a huge risk to his well-being, and I knew before he’d even confirmed it that he didn’t enjoy it. Not in the way he’d convinced himself .

Of course, my plan had the potential to backfire, possibly ending with him pushing me so far away I’d never reach him again.

It seemed I’d pushed him at just the right time to open his eyes to what was truly going on around him.

I was thankful he’d opened up to me, even if it wasn’t necessarily with words.

Hopefully, my plan for today didn’t ruin things for us.

Nudging Crew a bit, I started to whisper in his ear. “Wake up, sleepy head.”

It took a few more tries before he opened his eyes, the forest of ice within them hazy. Hopefully, he’d wake up more as time went on. He huffed a bit before turning towards me, pushing his face into my chest.

Cuddling was nicer now. Crew took to it more easily, though he still had moments of reservations about it here and there. “Come on, let’s get up.”

“Do I have to?” His voice was little more than a tired croak.

“Yep. You need to clean up your cuts while I get everything ready.”

He pulled his face away from my chest. “Ready?” I watched as his eyes widened, snapping his head behind his shoulder to look at the clock. “Oh, fuck—we’re late for work!”

I held him tight as he tried to jump out of the bed.

“Hold on, hold on. I was up all night with a horrible fever.” I frowned, laying it on thick.

“It was awful. I just cannot work today. And then, to make matters worse, you texted me saying you had a fever too. I think we may have gotten the flu since it’s going around.

Brandt wasn’t too happy, but I haven’t taken a sick day in years, and we can’t work around food when we’re sick. ”

Crew’s shoulders relaxed, his body slumping back into me. “If that’s the case, then why do we have to bother getting ready?”

My frown was replaced with a huge, knowing smile. “Because we’re going on a little day trip. Dress for warmth and comfort. I’ve already got a couple of small bags packed for us.”

Our destination was two and a half hours outside the city. Crew sat peacefully through it all, explaining that he was used to long drives after growing up hours away from even the nearest major grocery stores.

I, on the other hand, was not used to such a long drive. I struggled through it, finding myself antsy around forty minutes in.

But seeing Crew’s face light up the moment he stepped out of the car made it all worth it.

I froze in place, stuck as I watched the golden glow of the sun shining through the trees, dancing its way across his cheekbones.

When he turned his head, swirls of blue—so bright, they were almost white—gleamed with the sun.

Gone was the guarded cage in his eyes, freedom taking its place.

Crew looked ethereal.

Crew looked happy.

“What is this, Prince Charming? Are we even still, like—” He shook his head, chuckling. “Are we still in fucking New York?”

I lugged our bags out of the trunk, hoisting the extra one carrying our lunch onto my shoulder. “Yes, we’re still in New York. Come on, let’s explore.”

He took his bag from me, a pep in his step I hadn’t seen before. We walked together, marveling at the orange and yellow trees around us. The trail was short and easy, which was mostly for my sake. I wasn’t outdoorsy in any sense of the word. When I worked out, it was in a gym or my home.

Any wrong move, I was sure I’d stumble down a cliff. The trail was gorgeous, with beauty only nature could create, but it wasn’t the focal point.

We stopped just in front of a rock bridge, two large hills on either side blocking our view. Hazy fog swirled just above them, shrouding us on either side. I was content to walk behind him, trailing only close enough to see his reaction.

Once he stepped onto the bridge and looked to his left, I could see his shoulders drop. Every muscle in his body seemed to relax, an unseen weight falling off him. I watched as he stood in the middle of the path, his hands placed evenly on the rope that kept us from going over.

From the side, I tried to look for a hint of joy on his face. Maybe a jaw-aching grin, or the subtle shake of his shoulders from relived laughter.

Instead, Crew’s eyes were shut. He leaned his head back, the tendons in his neck stretching with him.

There wasn’t a single crease on his face.

No laugh lines, or the ever-so-small hint of fear that seemed to follow him.

Under the glow of the sun, he finally looked at peace.

His nostrils flared as he inhaled the serenity in the air before he opened his eyes once more.

I could see a shiny gleam in them. Unshed, unwanted tears built on top of the other in his water line, the shine accompanied by the twinkle of the water in front of us.

Setting my bags on the ground, I walked up beside him. Crew didn’t look my way. He was focused on watching the stream below us as it cascaded against the rocks, a steady system flowing together seamlessly.

The beauty of nature was awe-inspiring. The beauty in Crew was devastating.

Heartbreaking.

Breathtaking.

We watched the rush of the stream, encased by a wall of rock on each side. Slowly, almost carefully, his hand gripped mine. Our fingers laced together, holding strong against the gusts of freezing wind.

“I had no idea a place like this existed here. It’s amazing, Price.” Crew never took his eyes off the water, his gaze traveling along the horizon as he took in every detail.

I knelt to dig the makeshift picnic out of the extra bag I brought. “Yeah, it’s gonna freeze over soon. I wanted to show you while I still could. You told me once that you miss the hidden spots like this back home.”

“You remembered that?”

“Of course I did.”

“I can’t believe you did this for me.” His voice got softer.

When I looked up, he was already staring down at me and the spread I’d prepared. I finished stretching the blanket out for us to sit on and chose a side that let me see the river in front of us.

“Come on.” I beckoned him with a slap to the ground. “Let’s eat for a minute.”

It wasn’t anything too fancy. We had simple, delicious sandwiches and an array of different cheeses with their complementary fruits.

There wasn’t much for us to say for a while, opting to listen to the rushing sounds of the water below us.

As uncomfortable as I was in the great outdoors, having Crew there helped me out.

He picked at his sandwich, going for cheese and fruit more often. “There was a huge creek about six miles away from my house growing up. Willow and I went there all the time.”

“Yeah? I can’t imagine how awesome that would be.”

“It was perfect. You had to go through hell and back just to find it, but that made it better. We were never bothered down there because nobody knew it existed.” His laugh was quiet and breathy.

“Willow always beat me when we raced to get there the fastest. One time, I tripped and split my knee right open. She carried me all the way back home to get cleaned up. I still have the scar right here.” He pointed to his knee, which was covered by the sweatpants he wore.

I had my fair share of childhood battle scars from jumping off slides or slinging myself into the gravel after a harrowing attempt to fly from the swing set.

It hit me after a moment that in all those memories, I’d been alone. Making friends was never my strong suit. “I’m glad you had her growing up. She’s a really good friend.”

Crew tore the leaves off a strawberry, a melancholy half-grin on his face. “She is. Without her, I don’t know where I’d be. If I had to go through Mom’s death without her…” I saw him swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Shit, I don’t know if I’d have survived that.”

The implication was difficult. I knew, albeit deep down, that he could’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts before. After walking in on him hurting himself, it became even more likely.

I wiped my hand on my joggers before holding onto his knee, needing his touch to comfort both of us. “I’m glad you survived it. That you still are.”

He stared down at my hand. I squeezed his knee but didn’t let go. He needed to understand how much I meant what I was saying.

“I know Willow and I got off on a rough start.”

“You got that right.” He laughed.