Page 28 of The Intimacy of Skin

He slowly lowered the plate, nodding before wiping his hands and following me into the living room.

We mirrored our position from the night before, facing each other as we sank into the cushions like we were part of them.

Though I wouldn’t admit it out loud in fear of him running, I’d missed Crew’s touch, and having our knees touching was mildly calming the need.

“She drank a lot and had some shitty boyfriends. That’s why everyone back home was so surprised. They assumed it’d be her liver or a man that got her.”

I frowned. “Did they hurt her?”

“I think so. She’d never admit it to me, though.”

“Did they hurt you?”

He shook his head. “Nah, none of ’em paid me much attention. They’d fight with Mom a lot, tons of yelling, but the moment they as much as looked at me wrong, Mom would kick ’em to the curb. She tried to protect me as much as possible.”

Relief settled in my gut, a warm, calm fuel to the fire usually brewing there. “Good.” I sighed. “That’s good.”

“She was the best mom I could’ve asked for.

I tried to keep things pretty stress-free for her, but I inherited her stubbornness.

” The smile he gave was broken, and I could tell it wasn’t genuine.

“She didn’t tell me she was sick until it was too late.

I knew she wasn’t doing so hot, but I didn’t think it was cancer, for Christ’s sake.

When she told me she wasn’t getting treatment, I got it.

She was ready. She’d fought long enough. ”

I placed a comforting hand on his leg, wishing I could pull him into me and squeeze him tight. If I did, I knew time would stop for us. The clocks would keep ticking, but I’d force the universe around us to come to a screeching halt and let me fucking hold him until I couldn’t anymore.

Fuck, I’d grow old and die with him in my arms, only to curse God for cutting me off short.

“What are your parents like?” Crew broke the admittedly awkward silence.

I wasn’t sure how much to tell him. Whatever I said would either be too much or too little, and I wasn’t sure which way to go. “I haven’t spoken to them in years. My dad was an addict, and my mom was the opposite of yours. She was willing to let me go in favor of him, so that was that.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.” I chuckled. “My childhood was messy, to say the least.”

“At least we can relate on that front. I’m not sure what I’d do if you had a pleasant childhood with loving, healthy parents.”

“I think I’d run, honestly. I’d never wish a dysfunctional life like that on anyone, but people who understand love, affection, safety, and regulated emotions scare the fuck out of me.”

Crew threw his head back in laughter, showing me the gorgeous curve of his neck. I watched, mesmerized by the way his Adam’s apple protruded, begging me to lick it.

I couldn’t stop myself any longer. Something was nagging at me the entire time we had eaten dinner. “Why are you really here, Crew?” I blurted, wincing at the way I’d said it. “I mean, I’m glad you are, but before last night, you acted like I was a contagious disease.”

“Shit, I’m not Pretty Boy anymore?”

“Jesus, no. I just?—”

He cut me off. “I know. I’m just stalling.”

I watched him duck his head, his attention on his hands that twisted around each other in his lap. “Just be honest with me. Whatever you want, or need, or don’t want—be honest, please.”

A sharp exhale left him and his body deflated. “I’ve been lying for so long; I don’t know how to be honest.”

My hand hadn’t left his leg, letting me squeeze him gently. “Tell me why you came here tonight. Why did you ask me to touch you last night? I won’t judge you, no matter what it is.”

When he looked up at me, I saw it. His eyes swam with darkness, a gray and black pit that shadowed the blue I’d come to adore.

Fear.

Restraint.

Deep, impenetrable agony for something I didn’t understand yet.

“Crew—” I began, pausing the moment his name left my lips. “Pretty Boy, you say I remind you of Prince Charming, right? Well, let me fight whatever it is you’re scared of, like a real Prince Charming.”

I felt the way he flinched beneath my palm. His body jerked slightly, a small whimper falling from his lips. “What if it’s you I’m scared of?”

My chest tightened. The grip I had on his leg loosened. I knew I’d moved, though I didn’t make the conscious effort to, because suddenly, our knees were no longer touching, and the armrest of the couch was digging further into my back.

Crew shook his head, tripping over his words. “I don’t mean—Well—Fuck.” He sighed, dropping his head into his hands, his back hunching over. “I’m not scared that you’ll hurt me or anything. I’m fucking terrified of the fact that you won’t. ”

“Okay…”

“You make me feel things I’ve never allowed myself to feel. Willow said some stuff when we talked that made me think a lot. I don’t do that.” He lifted his gaze for a moment before falling back into his hands.

“I don’t think about my emotions and shit,” he clarified. “I just do what I’m supposed to do—what he tells me to do. I don’t deserve anything else. You are the complete goddamn opposite of what I deserve, and that should make me sick, but it doesn’t. It fucking doesn’t and it messes me up.”

I wasn’t following. The ditch of my left arm was tingling, and my heartbeat pounded in my ears, the whooshing sound overwhelming everything else. “Who?”

Crew looked up, his lips pulled down in something between a frown and a scowl. “Forget I said that. It doesn’t matter.”

“Is he the one who made you do sex work?”

“Nobody made me do sex work but myself.”

“Was he the cause, though?”

“Stop asking me about him, or so help me God, I’ll leave.”

I nodded, knowing he’d do it and that I didn’t have the energy or willpower to go back and forth anymore.

“You made it stop,” Crew whispered.

My fingers twitched with the need to scratch. I tried to distract them, tapping them along my thigh. “I made what stop?”

Crew shuffled closer to me, our legs pressing against each other again.

“My head is a mess, Price. I don’t wanna admit it, but I will,” he said, parroting me from last night.

“When you touched me, I felt like I belonged. I was allowed to exist in the little bubble we created, and everything in my brain was blissfully quiet. You made me feel like I was precious.”

My breath caught in my throat, coming out as an embarrassing choking sound.

Everything he was saying made sense. When I touched him, I felt it, too.

The way the air suddenly became that much more important.

I wanted more of it, and I held onto hope that was what he wanted, too.

“What are you saying? What did you come here to ask me for, Pretty Boy?”

His voice cracked as he spoke through a desperate-sounding exhale.

“We agreed on six months. We have five left. Can you show me what gentle feels like for the next five months? Can you help me understand what’s going on inside my head?

Maybe by then, I’ll understand, and I won’t feel so fucking scared and lost.”

A splintered piece of my heart fell into the cavern of my diaphragm. I wanted him. I wanted him more than I needed water to survive or cooking to stay sane. And he’d just asked to let me have him .

But he’d put a time limit on it.

Five months.

I knew what we’d agreed on, and I knew it’d bite me in the ass eventually. I didn’t expect it to bother me so much, though. After feeling him, understanding how he’d calmed me, could I really let him go when our time was up? I wasn’t sure if I’d be strong enough.

On one hand, if I said no, I’d have to be around him constantly without being able to touch him again. On the other hand, I’d have my fill, and he’d walk away from me at the end, just like everyone else in my life.

I’d watched people leave a million times throughout my life. It was why I didn’t have friends, fuck buddies, or a partner to come home to.

What was I thinking? I didn’t have a choice. I’d go insane without him, and I’d go insane with him. There was only one correct answer.

“Okay.” I nodded.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll help you. I have conditions, though.”

Crew’s brows furrowed. “What are they?”

“We don’t do anything else until you get fully tested. I’ll do the same. Our agreement about sex work stays the same, but neither of us will see anyone else. I will never hurt you. Don’t ask me, ’cus it isn’t happening. And if you’re ever uncomfortable, you tell me. Got that?”

He nodded. “I understand. I have a lot of things that… I’ll have to get used to. Please be patient with me, Price. Don’t give up on me.”

I pulled him by the arm, wrapping him against me in a tight hug.

Crew tensed, his muscles only relaxing after a few moments in my embrace.

“I won’t give up on you. You have to be honest with me, though.

We can’t go into this without clear communication.

We can change things up as we go along, but that’ll do for now. Do you get that?”

“Yeah, I get it. I’ll try.”

“That’s all I can ask for.” I wanted to ask for more. More of him. More time.

I’d take what I could get, though.