Page 41

Chapter

Forty

The ball was three days away.

Every time I thought about it, a knot twisted tighter in my stomach.

It was supposed to be a celebration—of a future that wasn’t mine.

A future I could imagine with him.

And yet, here I was, planning an engagement ball for Dainan and the woman who wasn’t me.

My hands had picked the food and the drinks, had chosen the entertainment, and it filled me with dread.

Alvar kept asking for my input, and somehow, I found the will to answer without choking on the bile rising in my throat.

If I didn’t focus too long on what the event symbolized, maybe I could almost convince myself that the night might be bearable.

Maybe I could hide behind the busy work, the details, the small choices that kept me numb.

“The decorations need to be that of both the Court of Shadows and the Court of Reflection,” Alvar told me.

“How does one mingle turquoise with black and red without it appearing hideous?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Hm,” he murmured to himself, lost in thought.

“Why don’t we have two separate tables in the back of the room,” I said, pointing to the seating chart and map that we had made of the ballroom, “we don’t want any of the dishes with fish to be offered to the members of the Court of Reflection anyways,” I remarked, recalling how much Lil adores fish.

“It may not have been wise for us to have so many pescatarian dishes.”

“Thalius and his ilk will just have to deal with it. Lil is marrying into the Court of Shadows, and we do eat fish,” Alvar said.

At last, he pointed to where in the room we would place their table, a table that would have turquoise and white on it, and a table that we both agreed would be an eyesore compared to everything else we’d worked on.

“Now,” Alvar said between bites of sandwich as we sat down, “this will be the last time we meet before the ball as I will be held up in meetings, and I promised Asana a day of rest before this whole,” his arm swept around us, “event.”

I chuckled, “I hope you're somewhat looking forward to it. It's not like we haven't put any work into this,” I nodded toward the ever-growing stacks of papers, diagrams, and lists scattered across the table.

“I am and am not," he said. "I can’t forget that this event celebrates something I don’t want to see happen.”

You and me both.

“Do you not approve of the marriages because of your personal beliefs pertaining to arranged marriages, or because of who is entering your family?” I’d become much bolder in my questioning him, and to my surprise, Alvar had never refused to answer.

“I’m very fond of Lil, as you know. Not that I’ve seen her lately,” he wiped his mouth with a napkin, “we always had a wonderful time when she’d visit, mind you it wasn’t frequent, but we saw her enough that I felt I knew her. She’s young though,” his eyes veered over to the list of desserts.

“Iona is the same age. I am the same age.”

“ That one has had her eye on Dainan from the first moment she set foot in Azmeer. She couldn’t have been older than ten,” he said as he put a star next to eclairs, a note for the chef to save him some.

“She’s been visiting the palace for that long?” I asked, and he nodded.

“Deter, her father is a wealthy man, powerful even outside of his position in the Court of Shadows. He was by my father’s side when he became king, and it was no surprise that he ended up here,” his arm gesturing around us once more.

“He’s cunning, clever, and knows how to achieve his desires, and in this instance,” he sighed, tipping his head back, closing his eyes, “what he desired was his daughter’s happiness, and what she desired was Dainan.”

“What would—” I stopped myself.

He opened one eye, all the while keeping his head back. “Don’t leave me guessing, Brida. We both know you can ask what you like,” he smirked.

I sighed, “What would happen if someone were to be married only to discover their mate?” My throat felt hoarse.

He opened both eyes and sat up straighter, “ Mates ? What do you know about mates?”

He turned to face me.

“Not much,” which was mostly true, “only that the bond is supposedly so strong that it can drive someone to madness.”

After a few moments of silence, he folded his arms over his chest as he leaned back, “There have always been rumors. It’s supposed to have originated with the Primals.”

“Yes, Ollo and Giaxia”

“No,” his tone was firm, “Vasenia and Ollo.”

I sat there dumbfounded. “I was told Giaxia sacrificed her mating bond with Ollo in order to create the courts.”

He waved his hand at me as if brushing me off. “Hogwash,” he said, “believed by the Eternal Court. A way for them to make themselves feel superior. That they were the first Court and that their Primal made this monumental sacrifice when in reality she caused a millennia-long war.”

“What…” I began to say, and he sighed.

“The rumor that Giaxia and Ollo were mates was spread by the Eternal Court, an effort to justify her actions. It was an attempt to rewrite history, to paint her deeds in a more favorable light,” he remarked, running his hand through his loose hair.

“But you’re saying that Vasenia and Ollo were mates?”

He nodded. “It was believed to have been a gift from the Primals of Life and Death, who themselves were mates.”

We do not belong to the Primal of Death. “So there is a Primal of Death.” His mouth curved into a slight smile.

“What do I always say to you?”

“Do you always worry this much?”

He chuckled, “No, Brida. The other thing.”

“It’s always about balance. Magic is always a delicate balance,” I mused, and he nodded in agreement.

“Without life, there can be no death; without death, we do not value life. A balance,” he said as he balanced a stylus on his finger. “It only works when they are in sync with one another.”

“You said it was a gift.”

“Vasenia was thought to be related to the Primals of Life and Death; their names have been lost to time,” he said as he leaned forward, grabbing his jar of water from the table.

“And they thought the mating bond was a gift ?”

“They were said to have found happiness in their pairing and wanted the same for her. What they did not foresee was the jealousy of other Primals.”

“What do you…” A knock came from the door.

“Yes,” Alvar shouted. Asana entered, Tamra not far behind her. “May I help you, Asana?”

Even though I was aware of their relationship and the eventual prospect of Asana becoming our queen, they preferred to keep their affection relatively private, especially during “work hours,” as he put it.

“It’s time for our meeting,” Asana replied in a curt tone.

He turned his back to her, winking at me as he said, “Very well, please give me a few moments to conclude my affairs here. I will meet you outside.”

Before she closed the door, I leaned back and waved at Tamra, who looked confused by the interaction she’d just overheard.

“It appears I’m being called out early,” he cocked an eyebrow after he heard the door close. “I believe everything is settled. All should be well for the ball. I’m sorry to leave you with just a few days left.”

“Everything will be fine,” I gave his arm a squeeze, “you’ve planned well. Your organizational skills are something we can discuss another time,” I chuffed.

“A fine party,” he muttered.

“A ball ,” I corrected him.

“Very well, a fine ball indeed. Now,” he picked up a few of the papers on the table, “if you would, please be sure…”

He continued to provide instructions for the next several minutes as if it were new information rather than a repetition of what we’d discussed over the past few weeks.

“I’ll be sure to find you on the dance floor,” he said. “Oh, and Brida,” I looked at him as he turned back towards me, “it has been my honor and pleasure to plan this ball with you.”

A moment later, there was a knock on the door. I smiled when I saw Tamra enter.

“What was that about?”

“Not sure.” I would never say anything without Alvar’s direct permission on the matter.

She nodded, “we have an hour or so before dinner.”

Dinner. My mind immediately recalled the meal I'd shared with Dainan. I hadn’t seen him since. It was for the best as there would be a ball in a few days to celebrate his impending marriage. A marriage that both he and Alvar had assured me he didn’t want.

“Is there anything you’d like to do with our hour of freedom?

” Tamra smiled as she peered over at the mess that remained in Alvar’s wake.

“If it’s okay with you,” I began, “I’m going to go check in at the library and then go see Kadian. I’ll meet you at dinner, though?”

“Okay,” she led us to the door, “I’ll see you at dinner.”

We parted ways, and I stopped by the desk to speak with Tura, reminding her of Alvar’s request to close the library during the ball.

“I will not deny people access to books, Brida, I will not.” Tura's age remained a mystery to me. Her timeless beauty suggested a long life, with long white hair and weathered lines tracing her experiences. Her face exuded both warmth and authority, most notably when enforcing the library’s quiet zones, and a respect for the books.

“It’s not me making this request of you, Tura. I would never think to tell you how to run your library, which you do exceptionally well.”

She smiled at me, “Yes, yes, it’s Alvar, I know. You tell him that I’ll keep it closed to the general public, but I will be here, womaning my post.”

“ Womaning ?” I stifled a laugh.

“Of course, womaning , have you seen what men do around here?” She laughed, making her way into the stacks behind her. It was an infectious laugh and not one she shared often. The sole occasion I could recall her laughing was when I overheard Tura informing Iona that the library didn't have any of the novels on her list and that she hadn't even heard of those titles. “ Dainan has sent you on a fool's errand, girl, ” she chuckled to herself. Iona's sigh was so audible it seemed to carry several floors up. Theirs was going to be a union of marital bliss.

As I ascended the stairs, my shadows greeted me, having taken to following me around the house. They playfully wound themselves around my neck, twisting in my hair, emitting soft hisses as if expressing their delight at seeing me. I’d grown to love them and looked forward to seeing them each day. They never followed me beyond the exit to the House of Shadows; they did not exceed its boundaries.

“I'll see you tomorrow,” I whispered to them, bending down to stroke their ethereal forms with my hand.

To any onlooker, it must have seemed like madness, but they responded to my touch with what almost sounded like purrs of contentment.

I opened the door to leave and froze when I saw two figures standing near the entrance.

“Brida,” Rai said, his tone sneering as he stepped towards me, Lil on his arm.

Gods, Lil. She looked ashen.

Her once beautiful skin had drained of all its color.

“Lil,” I found myself saying in a tone that conveyed how worried I was at seeing her like this.

Rai took a step closer, cutting me off.

“I hear we have you to thank for the ball that’s being held in our honor,” he said, glancing back towards Lil as if to remind me who the “our” was that he spoke of.

“Alvar has assured me it will be an event to remember.”

“I’ve merely helped your brother with the responsibilities of its organization,” I replied curtly.

He smiled at my evident frustration.

“Indeed.” He took a step towards Lil, brushing some of the hair from her cheek.

She flinched . I wasn’t sure that Rai even noticed.

Gods, how often had he done that to her.

Did Dainan or Alvar know?

Alvar said he hadn’t seen Lil.

Where had Rai been keeping her?

What had he been doing to her…

“We’re very much looking forward to it, are we not?” He said as he pressed his lips to her cheek.

She stiffened.

Her body is fighting him.

“Your brother has done a wonderful job,” I said, trying to draw his attention away from her, “you’ll undoubtedly be pleased. We’ve even set aside a table for the Court of Reflection. Both of your families courts will be given their due respect.”

He watched me for a moment, his eyes searching for something.

His gaze lingered on a spot at my side.

With a shake of his head, he regained his composure.

“I have no doubt that Dainan and Iona will appreciate your efforts as well,” his grin grew sinister.

Did he somehow know that I’d had dinner with Dainan a few nights ago?

We hadn’t seen him, and to my knowledge, he had not even been in Azmeer for the last several weeks.

Ignoring me, he glanced at Lil, “Come. I wish to show you our rooms here,” he said as he let go of her arm, making his way towards the door.

Lil stood motionless, her eyes glazed over.

Her soft curves barely remained, her arms were frail, her cheeks sunken, and the gold in her hair had lost all of its luster and shine.

I wanted to reach out and shake her, to tell her that everything was going to be okay.

I’d taken the time to research on my own who had the authority to decree or annul royal marriages.

The power rested with the king.

Alvar would have no influence until his mark was complete and his father had passed.

“Lil,” he called back to her, with frustration in his voice.

I took a step closer to her, and in an instant, it was as though a bolt of lightning had surged through Lil’s body.

She began to twitch, her arms and fingers jerking unnaturally, as if pulled by invisible strings.

“What's happening?” I whispered to her, my voice barely audible.

Rai appeared oblivious to Lil's distress, engrossed in conversation with the door. For once I blessed that loquacious nuisance for the distraction it was providing us.

“Tell me how to help you.

” I took another step closer to her.

Lil stopped moving. She glanced down, her fingers twitching one by one.

She shifted her stare from her feet, moving her hands and arms as if they had been frozen in place for hours.

Then, with a slow, deliberate motion, she lifted her gaze, and her eyes found mine; the color had returned to her face.

Her eyes were now a vibrant aquamarine.

The gold strands in her hair shone as if they had been plucked from the sun itself.

The beautiful glow of her skin radiated once more with a slight bit of blush that landed on her cheeks.

Her eyes widened, a hand pressing against her chest. Stepping back, she drew in deep breaths, visibly shaken.

Yet, after a moment, she straightened herself, regaining her composure as she stood firm once more.

“Rai,” her voice was sweeter than I’d ever heard it.

Rai flung around to face us as if he hadn’t heard her speak in weeks.

“Would you mind if I have a moment to thank Brida for the work she put in? Besides, I want to tell her of the dress that I’ll be wearing.”

Rai, absorbed in whatever the door to the House of Shadows was saying to him, dismissed her with a wave.

Lil moved a few steps ahead, then grabbed my arm, pulling me closer. “He's awake.”