Page 36

Chapter

Thirty-Five

My first day at the House of Shadows passed in a strange blur, a kind of unsettling calm that gnawed at the edges of my mind.

Alvar led me through the halls with their fiery veins pulsing in the walls, magic embedded deep, like the heartbeat of the house itself.

I should have found it unnerving, but instead, there was something about the quiet that felt safe.

The distant sounds of the palace seemed muffled here, far away, like I had stepped into another world.

For a moment, it was almost comforting—the way the serenity folded around me.

But my thoughts refused to stay still.

Dad, Kadian, Lil, Marsh…

Their faces kept creeping back into my head.

The ache of Kadian’s stillness, Dad’s health, the silence from Lil, and Marsh—gods, I wasn’t sure what I felt anymore.

All I knew was that the weight of it followed me through every step of the house, lingering even as Alvar told me stories of the artifacts in the treasury.

A dagger belonging to Vasenia, webs of starlight, a wyvern egg—I barely heard him.

My mind was too heavy, spinning with what I couldn't control.

By the end of the tour, I needed to see Kadian. I couldn’t bear not knowing if anything had changed.

But when I arrived at the infirmary, nothing had.

In the following days, I found myself drawn back to his bedside every morning. One-sided conversations, endless updates about our lives, about our tasks. I told him about Oz and his reluctant assignments, Tamra becoming more like Asana, and Alvar, who remained unsure what to do with me. I talked, hoping—no, needing —Kadian to hear me. But with each passing day, a restlessness clawed at me. I needed to move. To run.

The evening was cool when I headed to the gym, the breeze wrapping itself around me in a soft embrace. I closed my eyes for a second, letting it wash over me, offering a moment of reprieve.

My fingers twisted my hair into a braid, the motions automatic, my mind already reaching forward, desperate for the release I craved. As soon as my shoes hit the track, it happened. That sweet, familiar feeling of everything falling away.

Running was the only time I felt free. The steady rhythm of my feet against the ground was like a heartbeat, syncing with my own, a perfect, wordless harmony. The miles dissolved, and with them, the weight on my chest. For a while, there was nothing but the wind and the stars and the pulse of my own breath. Kadian’s stillness, Lil’s absence, even Marsh—they all melted away. I could breathe again.

I ran faster, pushing myself harder. I wanted to outrun it all—the fear, the doubt, the anger simmering just below the surface. I don’t know when the tears came, but I let them. The night sky blurred around me as I ran, the sound of my own voice tearing from my throat in a scream I hadn’t even known was there.

It wasn’t enough.

By the time I finished, my chest was heaving, the hollow ache settling back in. The brief, euphoric reprieve from the weight of everything was gone. I wiped at my face and went in search of water, my throat raw, my body craving something I couldn’t quite name.

And then, I smelled smoke and citrus.

“What do you want, Dainan?” I turned, finding him standing with his arms folded across his chest like always. His eyes were darker than usual like he had something weighing on him too.

“That isn’t very friendly now, is it?” He smirked, but there was an unease in his expression. He wore a sleeveless black tunic, the top few buttons undone, exposing his chest. I tried to ignore the memory of what it felt like to touch those muscles beneath my fingertips, our dance, that night, the last time we had spoken.

He can smell arousal on you, I scolded myself, trying to hold it together.

“Excuse me—what do you want, Lord of Shadows ?” I added with a little more bite.

He chuckled a low sound that made my heart skip a beat. “It’s been a while since we’ve spoken. I wanted to see how you were.” He took a step closer, unfolding his arms, his eyes softer now, watching me.

“And you chose tonight? Here?” I gestured around me, trying to make sense of the sudden encounter.

“It seemed…pressing.” He glanced toward the track.

“Pressing?” I raised an eyebrow.

He hesitated. “I heard you screaming.”

My jaw clenched. “I’m fine,” I muttered.

“From what I heard, I’d say you’re lying to me, Ilia,” he said, stepping even closer.

“I’m not in the mood for your games, Dainan,” I sighed, starting to walk past him toward the door.

His hand shot out, catching mine. “I told you once—this is no game.” His eyes, burning brighter now, held me captive.

I stopped, my heart pounding. “How do your eyes do that?” I blurted out, not aware of what I was saying.

“Do what?”

My heart raced. His eyes were burning, the storm inside them so much like my own. And before I could stop myself, my hand was on his cheek, my fingers tracing the contours of his face like they’d been there a thousand times before. His skin was warm, almost too warm. “A waltz of flame and shadow dance in your eyes. Rage and darkness fighting for supremacy, an ongoing battle, a fiery storm,” I reached up, placing my hand on his cheek. “Why do you live in the shadows, Dainan?” For a moment, I lost myself as if the words I was speaking weren’t my own, but despite everything, I’d felt compelled to say them.

He studied me, his gaze piercing. “I’ll answer if you do.”

I realized then that I was caressing his face and slowly pulled my hand away, my mind racing. “I’m sorry…”

“What are you sorry for?” His eyes didn’t leave mine.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” I whispered, stepping back.

His face darkened. “Did someone hurt you this evening?”

“What makes you think that?”

“I heard you.” He sighed, and I could feel his frustration. “And I came. But I saw you were alone.”

“I was alone,” I confirmed.

He stepped toward me again, his voice low and dangerous. “Did someone hurt you?

I shook my head. “Not in the way you think.” Exhaustion settled into my bones. “I need to go, Dainan. It’s late.”

He walked towards me, I didn’t move. “You’re safe with me, Ilia.” His thumb grazed my cheek as he rubbed soft circles along my jawline.

I longed to surrender to his touch despite knowing it was unwise. In my shattered state, resisting him felt almost impossible. Looking up at him, I saw the shadows in his eyes had vanished, replaced by embers that danced in flames.

“Thank you,” I whispered as he brushed away a tear that coursed down my cheek.

“You don’t need to thank me,” he pulled me in closer to him. His embrace offered me a brief moment of sanctuary. It felt for an instant as if we were suspended in time. Everything around us, fading into obscurity. I wasn’t sure if his shadows were cocooning me as they once had or if I had allowed myself to let go.

His scent, his touch, it all soothed me in a way I couldn’t explain. I could feel his heart beating, pulsating with an intensity that left me breathless.

???

The cold kiss of shadows lingered on my skin as Dainan vanished, leaving me in my dimly lit room. The imprint of his body against mine faded slowly, the quiet moments we had shared—without a single word between us—echoed in the silence. He hadn’t pushed for more. His restraint wasn’t out of politeness, I knew. It was control. And if he had pressed, if he’d tried to pull anything from me, I wouldn’t have answered. My walls were still too fragile, my mind too tangled. His fingertips had brushed my hair back from my face, a light touch that sent warmth through me, and his kiss on my cheek had been soft, almost an apology. Then, without a sound, he disappeared into the night.

The stillness swallowed me, but for once, I wasn’t restless. Exhaustion wrapped around me like a heavy blanket. I shed my clothes, the weight of the day still clinging to my skin, but my bed offered comfort I hadn’t known in days. As I sank into it, sleep claimed me.

Morning came too soon. The remnants of whatever comfort Dainan’s presence had given me had long since vanished. Kadian was the same as always when I checked on him.

By the time I made it to the dining hall, my stomach was growling loud enough to announce my presence. The smell of eggs, meats, and bread filled the air, mingling with the scent of summer blooms. Tamra and Oz were already seated, their bickering providing the usual backdrop of noise. They’d prepared a plate for me, as always.

“Eat up,” Tamra smiled, pushing the plate across the table. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I took the first bite. The meat melted on my tongue, the seasoning more vivid than I remembered. The spices were sharp, alive in a way that made me wonder if I’d been numb all this time.

I glanced up between bites. “You guys don’t taste a difference today?” I asked, licking a bit of sauce from my thumb.

Oz shrugged, too wrapped up in whatever argument he and Tamra were having to pay me any real attention. “I thought we were supposed to be learning something useful,” he groaned.

Tamra rolled her eyes and smacked him upside the head. “Use this as a chance to see how they handle disasters. According to Asana, the Eternal Court’s been lost on how to deal with this. It’s their worst mess since the Collapse.”

The word lingered in the air, heavy with history I didn’t know. My mouth opened, questions forming, but Tamra was already halfway down the hall, off to wherever Amera waited.

Oz sighed, watching his sister’s retreating figure. “She’s going to have to introduce her to me at some point,” he muttered, stabbing a piece of sausage with unnecessary force.

I hid my smirk behind a sip of coffee. “Maybe if you weren’t so damn protective, she wouldn’t have to worry about it.”

His eyes shifted to me, narrowing playfully. “Fae males are territorial by nature. Hard to break something that’s in our blood.” His tone was casual, but there was a weight to his words that made me pause.

“Territorial?” I snapped my fingers in front of his face when his gaze lingered on Tamra and Amera. “Focus.”

He blinked, pulling himself out of his thoughts. “Yes, sorry. It’s just how we are.”

“What do you mean territorial?”

Oz leaned in closer, an amused glint in his eye. “You really don’t know about this?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t grow up around the Fae, remember?”

“Kadian’s Fae,” he shot back as if I’d said something absurd.

“Kadian has Fae blood, sure. But he’s more human than anything.”

Oz barked out a laugh, choking on his food. “Have you seen the way he looks at Lil? He’s Fae. He might look like a human but I’d argue his blood is pure Fae.”

I didn’t have an answer for that.

“But Tamra’s your sister,” I pointed out, shifting the topic back to safer ground. “How is that the same?”

His face softened, just a touch. “We’re protective of anyone we love. Familial bonds are strong, but it’s different with mates. It’s…primal.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Mates?”

Oz’s grin widened. “While I’m flattered, Brida, I’d say we’re not destined to be mates.”

I groaned, rolling my eyes. “Don’t be an ass.”

His laughter was easy, filling the space between us. “Mates began with the Primals, Giaxia and Ollo. She rejected their bond, and Ollo went mad because of it.”

“What does the Eternal Court have to say about mates and mating bonds?”

He wiped his hands on his napkin, shaking his head. “Some believe the bond spread from the Primals to the Fae. It’s said that when a bond is denied, it can drive a man insane, maybe even kill him.”

I let the silence sit between us for a moment before asking, “How does it kill them?”

Oz’s face darkened. “No one knows. It’s more of a myth than anything, but…” His voice trailed off as he considered me. “Why the sudden interest?”

I chose my words, weighing the truth against my hesitation. “After everything I’ve seen since I got here… I’m not sure what to believe anymore.”

He nodded, his expression thoughtful. “A healthy dose of skepticism is good. Just make sure you leave room for the unknown.” He winked before standing up and leaving the table, his laughter echoing in the empty dining hall.

I cursed under my breath, realizing how much time I had lost. If I didn’t move soon, I’d be late.

The halls of the House of Shadows whispered my name as I approached. “Good afternoon, Brida,” the shadows purred, their presence brushing against my skin like a lover’s caress. I couldn’t help but respond, feeling foolish every time I did.

Alvar greeted me as I entered, his formal attire a stark contrast to his usual casual demeanor. “Brida,” he smiled. “I’m sorry, but I’ve been called away.”

I tilted my head, taking in his crisp black jacket with red embroidery. He adjusted the collar with a sigh, uncomfortable in the formality.

“Anything you want me to work on while you’re gone? I’m happy to work on whatever.” I offered, eager for something to occupy my mind.

“Wonderful!” He clapped his hands together after he adjusted his jacket. “I hate wearing these things,” he muttered to himself.

“Suits?”

“Any formal wear, really,” he sighed.

“Well, it makes you look dashing if that makes you feel any better.” I smiled at him, I meant it.

His lips curled upwards, his eyes sparkling, “That’s very kind of you, Brida. What’s that saying? Flattery will get you everywhere?” He laughed.

“What would you like me to work on while you’re gone?” I tried to get him to refocus.

“I’ve written down a list of books that I would like you to retrieve for me from the library. The list is…” he reached into all of his pockets and snarled. “I thought it was in this jacket, but alas, it’s in my other one, which is in my room downstairs.”

“If you wish for me to do something else..”

“No, no,” he interrupted, “please go into my rooms, retrieve the list; it should be in the right front pocket of the other black jacket, I swear we are only ever given black,” he began to stray off topic.

“Are you alright?” I asked, not sure if I was overstepping my bounds.

He raised his eyebrows to me, “Are we friends now, Brida?” His tone was jovial.

“I thought that was your intention for this partnership, Alvar, ” I replied.

He laughed once more, “I never enjoy going to the Court of Reflection, it’s beautiful to be sure, but I don’t thrive there.” He double checked his pockets.

“You’re going to the Court of Reflection today?” My curiosity piqued.

He nodded, “You’ll find, Brida, when you’re officially a member of a court, when you visit another court, which I will admit is rare,” he paused, looking at me, “you feel as if you don’t belong there. Your magic is unruly, not truly your own. Now,” he said, “please go into my chambers, get that list, find those books, and if you wish, begin reading them. When you’ve retrieved them all, you may leave them with the librarian or you may leave them in my quarters. While I don’t sleep there, the room does come in handy for storage.”

He began to stride towards the exit.

“Good luck today,” I said.

He winked at me, “And to you.”

As he disappeared through the doorway, I turned, making my way down to the prince's rooms. The stairwell was alive, like every part of the House of Shadows.

Smoke and shadow slithered along the floors and walls.

The veins of fire that pulsed through the stone gave light and life to everything around it.

The stairs, made of polished volcanic rock, maintained natural grooves along its edges.

I needed to pay close attention to each step I took.

It was a long way down, and I didn’t want to fall.

Each brother had been allotted three adjoining rooms on one of the lower levels.

Alvar’s was first, then Dainan’s, followed by Rai’s.

I took a step towards Alvar’s rooms and saw the door come alive.

Shadows began to swirl as if it were forming a maze, hiding the handle.

I remembered at this moment that Alvar had protected his room with wards, Much of the palace was warded.

“ An ancient practice, ” Illerium had noted.

I didn’t know how I was going to be able to get inside.

With each step closer, it felt as if the shadows hissed in protest. Sensing the subtle warning, I chose not to push my luck any further.

I peered down the hall and saw that the door to Dainan’s room was slightly ajar.

I walked towards it and knocked, “Dainan?” I asked.

“Are you here?” Within a second, a shirtless Dainan stood in front of me.

“Good morning,” he said in a smooth voice.

“It’s afternoon, Dainan,” I smirked, “you do know that we only come here in the afternoons.”

“ Mmm ,” was all he replied as he observed what I was wearing.

“Are you just waking up?” I cocked an eyebrow at him as my gaze drifted to the v in the muscles of his lower abdomen.

“I had a late night last night,” he smirked.

“Have you come to see me because you realized just how much you miss me, Ilia?” He pulled back, “I must say, I’m flattered,” he put his palm to his chest in mockery.

“That’s not why I’m here,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Did you get lost? I’ve heard that your sense of direction is something of note.”

“And who told you that?” I asked him.

“It’s no secret that you were lost no less than three times on your second day here. Did Alvar not give you a tour?”

“He did…”

“Would you like another? I can think of several places I’d love to show you.” He took a step towards me.

“As a matter of fact,” I replied, “there is somewhere I would like you to take me.”

His eyes shone with intrigue.

He took another step towards me, my blood began humming.

“Stop that,” I found myself saying.

He cocked an eyebrow at me, “Stop what ?”

I didn’t want to have that conversation.

“I need you to help me. Do you think you’ll be able to do so?”

He was inches from me now.

I could feel the heat radiating off of his sun-kissed skin.

His hair was unkempt but beautiful with its slight wave.

It fell across his face in a way that only brought more attention to his cheekbones and eyes.

They were calmer this morning.

“You need my help with something?” He purred.

“I do,” I found myself beginning to lean into him.

His scent was entrancing.

It was as if I couldn’t get enough air, I just needed more.

“Ask nicely then, Ilia , ” he lowered his head and whispered, “say please Dainan. ”

“ Please, ” I said while holding his gaze.

“Ah ah, please, Dainan . You must say the whole thing.”

I stood for a moment in silence just staring into his eyes.

The flames that had been embers were smoldering.

His scent of smoke and citrus was now joined by that salty tinge that I sometimes noticed when he was around.

“Fine.” I began to say, “ Please, Dai… ”

“ Ahem, ” I turned my head to see Iona standing there, eyes seething at the sight of me.

“Yes?” Dainan snarled at her.

“I was wondering what I should be working on today?” She asked, her eyes lingered on his naked chest.

“The same thing as yesterday,” he refused to move his eyes from me.

“If you need anything…” she began to say.

“Then I’ll let you know,” he growled.

As Iona walked away, I looked back towards him, “Now that wasn’t particularly friendly.”

He rested one of his hands on the doorframe, using the other to rub his eyes, “Is there something specific you needed?” His tone back to its velvet melody.

I paused for a moment, “Your brother wanted me to retrieve something from his room; however, I’m unable to get past the wards. I thought perhaps…”

“That I would be able to?” He smiled as his gaze drifted toward my mouth.

“Exactly,” I said, swallowing hard.

My mind wandered to last night when he’d held me.

I found myself leaning in towards him.

His scent… Gods.

“Ilia?”

“Hm?” I said, trying to refocus.

“Give me a moment,” he walked into the room, grabbing a shirt.

“We can’t have you getting distracted ,” he said to me as he put it on.

I sighed as he accompanied me back to Alvar's door. He placed his palm on a spot that the shadows had cleared for him, as if they recognized him. A moment later, a blood-red door knob appeared, and he opened it. The rooms were pristine, and well organized. Everything that I would have expected from Alvar. I walked in and saw the black jacket hanging off the back of the chair that sat at his desk. It was littered with books.

“You know,” Dainan said, leaning against the doorframe, a grin on his face, “Alvar must like you if he asked you to retrieve something from here. He doesn’t just allow anyone into his quarters.”

“If that’s the case, the feeling is mutual,” I said, reaching into the right front pocket. “Ah,” I held up the paper for Dainan to see. As I attempted to exit, he filled the doorway.

“Are you better this morning?” He whispered.

I looked into his eyes and saw concern reflected in them. I nodded in response. “I am.”

He stood for a moment longer, brushing his fingers along my jawline. Slowly stroking my face. The thrumming in my body returned once more, and he knew it. His mouth twitched into a smile as he leaned down and whispered, “ Should you need anything else. ” His breath sent a fiery sensation through me.

I knew I needed to move, but my body refused to listen. “What is it you want, Dainan ?” His grin only grew more wicked as his thumb inched its way closer to my mouth.

The smell of salt was beginning to overtake my senses. I found myself losing the ability to think clearly. Move around him and get to the library. You have the list, just go.

“There are many things I want,” each of his words dripped with temptation.

Gods. I stared at him for a moment longer before losing all sense of control. “ And what do you need, Dainan? ”

He stiffened, not taking his eyes from my mouth, “I think I’ve made it clear what it is I need , Ilia . ”

I stepped closer, pressing my body into his. I could feel his need—a pulsing, aching need that I was beginning to feel within myself. I wrapped my hand around his neck, digging my nails in. He moaned at my touch. His fingers intertwined with my hair as he guided my face towards his. Our lips hovered tantalizingly close, the warmth of his breath brushing against mine.

“Do you understand what it is that I need , Ilia ? ”

I was molten. A low chuckle rumbled deep in his chest, “it appears I’m not the only one with this need, ” he said, leaning in to kiss me.

“Dainan,” a voice came from behind him. He didn’t flinch or move. “Dainan,” the voice was more forceful this time.

“This better be important, Asana,” he turned around, blocking me from her view.

“We’ve been trying to reach you all morning. You’re needed.”

“I came here to avoid being called upon; I’m exactly where I need to be,” he growled.

“This is not a request and is not my order. You need to be ready to leave in minutes.” The sound of her footsteps faded as she left.

Dainan remained with his back to me. I could see the tension that had risen within him. Finally, he looked at me, lifting his hand to my cheek. “When I come back, we’ll continue this conversation.” He stepped into the shadows and was gone.

It took me a few moments to catch my breath and think about what I’d almost just done.

There was no pucchia in the air to blame this time. This had been my own choice, and I had been the one to push him. I closed the door behind me and made my way to the library.

???

I said hello to Tura, the librarian, as I entered. She nodded to acknowledge me. Unlike the main library in Azmeer, the library in the House of Shadows possessed no windows. It didn’t need one. The fire from the walls and the braziers that lined the stacks made one almost think daylight lived inside this room.

I began to scan the list and retrieve each book Alvar requested. None of the books seemed connected, at least not by their titles. The books ranged from topics on soil in the Alduan region to fire wielders of the past.

Starting with one of the earliest known followers of Vasenia, I delved into an ancient journal among the six novels I’d retrieved. I’d found a stylus and paper to take notes, thinking perhaps Alvar would find it useful.

I continued to read until I saw someone sitting down from me across the table.

“Can I help you with something? I said.

Iona sat there, her expression seething with anger. “What the fuck do you think you're doing?

” she asked me, venom dripping from each word.

“Right now?” I asked her, “ I think it’s clear that I’m reading a book and taking notes. I’ve never seen you with a book, can I interest you in a story? I know several that would be of particular interest to you.”

“Do not play coy with me.” Iona had never spoken to me.

In the days that we’d been in the House of Shadows, we’d seldom seen each other.

“How can I help you, Iona? If it’s not a book that you’re after, I’m not sure there is much I can do for you.” I asked, putting the book down on the table while noting my place.

She stood, making her way around to face me.

She placed the palm of her hand down and leaned in closer, “Stay the fuck away from him.” She snarled.

“Dainan.”

She nodded.

“He’s spoken for, stay the fuck away from him, Brida.”

I rose to meet her, “I think he’s capable of making his own decisions, and I think it’s clear, Iona , that if he were spoken for, he’d let me know himself.”

She laughed, “This was a courtesy. Do yourself a favor and stay where it’s safe. You do not want to become tangled with shadows, Brida,” she turned her back to me and walked away.

I stood in silence for a few moments longer before sitting back down.

Attempting to distract myself, I chose to get lost in the books in front of me.

I only knew that hours had passed when Tura informed me that I was free to go to dinner.

She agreed to hold the books for me until tomorrow, understanding that I couldn't leave them in Alvar’s room without someone breaking the wards for me again. I found I wasn’t very hungry and decided to visit Kadian earlier than planned.

Magister Thorne greeted me as I entered the infirmary, telling me there’d been no changes. He remained stable. I nodded to him in thanks and made my way towards the room they had him in.

I heard the magister mutter something to me as I walked towards Kadian, but was so tired that I didn’t process what it was he’d said. I opened the door and, for a moment, was paralyzed. There was a woman with long, flowing golden hair who was sitting on the bed with Kadian’s hand in hers.

“I was wondering when you would show up.”