Page 4 of The Facilitator, Part 3

Chapter Three

We headed into the hospital and to the ICU.

My concerns were that if he was in ICU, he was more ill than even Elaine thought.

Even with heart failure, surely he’d be on a ward or sent home once the infection was controlled.

I didn’t voice my concerns, of course, and I could have been adding two and two and coming up with five.

Sebastian was in his own room and although we knew it was only one at a time around his bed, because his situation was critical, they allowed us all to gather.

He was asleep, of course, and it was only during sleep that I could see the man he once was.

When awake, his features would be contorted as he had little control over muscles that constantly spasmed .

Lauren took his hand and gently stroked the bruised skin from various injection sites.

“Hey, brother,” she said. “I hear you’ve been poorly. We can’t have that, can we?” she said.

Elaine sat the other side of him and brushed his hair. “There, that’s better isn’t it?” she whispered.

I sat in the corner and let them have their time with him.

They whispered and chatted, Lauren told him about Dominic and our trip to America.

She was hoping that he’d come with us next time.

We all knew that would never be possible but if it kept his, or her, spirits up, then she could say what she wanted.

Machines beeped and oxygen pumped into his nose.

Every now and again his eyelids would twitch and Elaine would encourage him to wake up, not that he could.

He was so heavily sedated. Being in a different environment and struggling to breathe had caused him great anxiety, she’d been told.

The door opened and a gentleman in a suit walked in with a nurse.

“Ah, lovely, you’re here,” he said, and then gently smiled at us all. “I think we’ll talk next door,” he whispered. The nurse fussed around Sebastian and the gentleman picked up the notes from the bottom of his bed. He glanced over them then beckoned for us to follow.

Next door was the family room. I introduced myself and then stood while Lauren, Elaine, and Professor Allum sat.

“It’s not good, I’m afraid,” he started, and I heard Lauren take a sharp breath in.

“As you know, Sebastian has two irregular heart valves, which have deteriorated over the years. He was always, sadly, going to have heart problems. In normal circumstances, he’d be on the transplant list at this point. ”

“But you’re not going to do that, why?” Lauren challenged.

Professor Allum smiled gently at her. “It has nothing to do with your brother’s brain damage or paralysis, but everything to do with the fact his lungs are also damaged and he would unlikely recover from an anesthetic.

Because of his brain damage and his inability to move, his body is deteriorating, and we have to weigh up our options carefully. ”

He didn’t say it, he didn’t need to, I didn’t think, but something as precious as a donor heart had to be given to someone with a chance of survival.

I got that, Elaine most certainly got that since she nodded along, but I highly doubted Lauren did.

Her face was like stone. I hoped it was shock and not disbelief at the professor’s decision.

“Right now, we believe your brother has maybe a week left to live. He contracted endocarditis and the heart, even a healthy one, would struggle, let alone his. ”

“How did he contract that?” Lauren asked.

“There are many way, but we believe in your brother’s case it was poor dental hygiene. An infection that travels in the blood and to the heart where it lodges in the damaged valves is usually fatal.”

“He went to the dentist, didn’t he?” Lauren stared at her mom and I took hold of her hand and squeezed. She had a challenging tone to her voice.

“No, not for the last couple of years. It distressed him too much,” Elaine said.

She lowered her head and I watched her cry. Lauren seemed paralyzed, unable to move, initially. I nudged her and it was as if she’d come back to us . She moved closer to her mom and wrapped her arms around her.

“I’m sorry, I’m shocked. He was okay when I spoke to him last, as okay as he ever was,” Lauren said, finally understanding and letting her grief show.

“How long, Professor?” I asked, I was sure Elaine would want to know.

“Less than a week? We can’t tell for sure. His decline has been very rapid. What I have done is drawn up end of life drugs, in case I, or a senior doctor, isn’t here,” he said.

“He’s a donor,” Elaine said. “Whatever is useful, he wants you to have.”

“Mum!” Lauren said, and her response surprised me .

“I’m his mum, I give consent,” Elaine said. She turned back to the professor. “Whatever you can use, please do.”

He nodded and sighed. “Thank you. I’ll ask one of the coordinators to speak with you about that.”

I knew, unless a Brit opted out, everyone was a donor and I wondered if Lauren did. Now wasn’t the time to worry about that, however.

“Sebastian will be moved to another room where you’ll be able to stay with him if you wish,” the professor said.

“Thank you for all you’ve done,” Elaine said, and she reached out to take his hand in hers. She just held it.

“I’m sorry we can’t do more for him,” he replied. “I’ll leave you now, please just let the nurses know if there is anything you need and a coordinator will be with you shortly.”

While Elaine cried, he left the room.

“Why, Mum?” Lauren asked.

“Why what?”

“His organs?”

“Lauren, if my son can stop another mother feeling the way I do right now, then he would jump at the chance.”

Suitably chastised, Lauren blinked rapidly and looked at me. I moved closer to her and wrapped my arm around her .

“I’m so sorry, baby,” I whispered into her temple.

We sat for a little while just in silence until there was a knock at the door. An elderly woman came in and just from the badge she wore and the stickers on her clipboard, she was the one about organ donation.

“Mrs. James, Professor Allum asked me to come and speak to you, is now okay?” she asked gently.

Elaine nodded. “Whatever can be used, then please do so,” she said.

I wasn’t sure Lauren would want to listen anymore. “Do you want to get a coffee for your mom while she does this?” I whispered.

Lauren nodded. “You stay with Mum, though, yes?” she asked. “Mum, I’m going to get us a coffee,” she said, and Elaine smiled sadly at her.

When Lauren left the room, Elaine spoke, “I’m not sure my daughter is in agreement with my decision but I know my son wanted to be a donor.

He couldn’t have opted out, or in, whichever way round it is because he had brain damage, but he carried a donor card since he was a teen.

I found it in his wallet,” Elaine said, rifling through her bag.

“That’s okay, Elaine, we don’t need to worry about that now.”

She then went on to explain what was likely and what wasn’t and eventually, Elaine signed her consent. I wasn’t sure if Lauren had listened but it seemed coincidence that she arrived back when the meeting had finished.

“Thank you, Elaine, on behalf of the parents of those your boy will help,” she said, before she left the room.

“Shall we go back to him?” Lauren asked, and Elaine slowly nodded her head. She looked exhausted.

“Why don’t I leave you two with Sebastian for a while? Maybe you can call when you want me to collect you?” I offered.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to think you’re not welcome,” Elaine said. She reached out a hand to hold mine.

“There’s a limit to how many can be around his bed, and I’d rather it was you two. I’ll head back to the house, and Lauren can call me when you want to be picked up, or if you want to stay, I can bring some things back to you.”

“You’re a good man, Mackenzie,” she said, and placed her palm on my cheek. She handed me her door key.

“I’ll walk down with you,” Lauren said.

We didn’t speak until we left the building. Only then did her legs give out and I caught her before she fell. She wept against my chest, sobbed until she couldn’t catch her breath. People passed us by and smiled sadly at her. I helped her to the parking lot and she leaned against the hood.

She wiped her eyes with a wet tissue. “God, I feel…I don’t know. And what was I thinking in there? Of course he would donate his organs, so would I. I’m an organ donor, you know that, right?” She rambled as tears ran down her cheeks.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s the shock of the reality when it happens. Baby, it’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up over this, okay?”

She nodded her head and I pulled my hand up my sleeve. I wiped her face with my cotton shirt.

She chuckled. “I love you,” she said.

I kissed her lips gently. “And I love you more,” I responded. “Go back, call me with any news, if you want clothes or dinner brought to you. You have enough cash, yes?” I asked.

She nodded and sighed. “The machines are all cards anyway,” she said. “Thank you for being with us.”

“Hey,” I replied, lifting her chin with my fingers. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I’m leaving now to give you some private time, but if you want me to stay, I gladly will,” I said, kissing her forehead.

“I know you would and I appreciate that. I think I’d like some time just with him and Mum.”

“I’m on the end of the phone, okay?”

She gave me a brief kiss before she walked back into the hospital. She waved from the door and only when she was out of sight did I climb in the car and leave.

I checked the kitchen cupboards and noted that Elaine hadn’t done much shopping, or so I thought.

She was low on milk and tea. I gathered my keys and headed to the local store.

I didn’t usually shop in a supermarket myself, preferring local delis, it was an eye opener, for sure.

First, it was a battle to get down some aisles; it seemed to be a meeting point for mums or the elderly to have a chat.

I was asked a couple of times if I needed help, which I declined.

I actually disliked women coming on to me and even though they didn’t know the circumstances, I found it so inappropriate.

I gathered what I thought they might need for both snacks and easy meals at the hospital, and what we’d need back at the house. I had to pay extra for some bags, being at a total loss when asked if I had mine. I stood with just a wallet, I thought it might be obvious I didn’t have any bags.

Once back in the bungalow, I opened the back door and took a coffee to sit on the terrace. Elaine’s garden was only separated from the beach by a small field. It was relaxing to sit and smell the salty air and hear the waves break on the shore.

The more I sat, the more relaxed I became. I had my laptop, I could have done some work, or chased up the specialist in the States yet again. I did neither. I checked my phone regularly, and I soaked up the calm the environment offered me.

Sebastian died that evening. It was quicker than anyone was prepared for, even the staff.

They had been preparing to move him when he went into cardiac arrest, and Elaine, obviously, forbade any resuscitation.

I took the call from Lauren and she couldn’t speak, she didn’t need to.

Her sobs told me all I needed to know. I had jumped in the car and drove to the hospital, frustrated when the barriers for the parking lot were stuck and I had to wait.

“Hey,” I said, pulling Lauren into my arms. She and Elaine were in the family room.

“He just went, just like that,” she said, her voice was hoarse. “He didn’t wake, the machines just…what’s that word?”

“Flatlined?” I offered.

“Yes, they did that. He just went so quickly, they said it was a heart attack probably,” she continued, sniffing between words.

“What happens now?” I asked.

“He’s gone into theatre,” Lauren said, she didn’t need to tell me why. “We can see him tomorrow,” she added .

I led the two women back to the car and took them home. Elaine fussed in the kitchen; I guessed she wanted something to do. Lauren and I sat outside.

“Thank you for the shopping,” I heard, and Lauren frowned at me.

“I didn’t think your mom had done her food shopping so I did it for her,” I said.

Despite her tears, Lauren chuckled. “I bet that was fun for you,” she said.

“Not an experience I’d like to repeat too soon,” I said.

Lauren helped her mom make some calls. Years before Elaine had sorted a funeral plan for Sebastian so it was simply a matter of calling the funeral directors to act on his wishes. Elaine’s best friend offered to come and stay and Lauren welcomed that.

Three days later we headed home to collect clothes for a funeral and that call I was waiting for, the one that had me in knots, would have to be placed on the back burner for now.