Page 15 of The Facilitator, Part 3

“Okay, then,” I replied, removing my trousers. Of course, I wore no shorts and I saw the nurse’s eyes widen. I laid on my side and thought of my wife.

“All done,” he said, snapping the gloves off and depositing them in the bin.

“If you’d like to follow me,” he said, and strode off.

I would have hoped he’d wait until I pulled my pants up.

I hopped across the room and buckled my belt as I left.

“Take a seat,” he said, waving to the one I’d sat in earlier.

He read something on his screen, mumbling to himself. After about five minutes, the nurse returned with a handful of papers. I was impressed at the speed in which results were ready.

“Okay,” he said, he liked to start a sentence that way. “Bloods are good, heart is good,” he said, mumbling again as he read and dropping the paper to the floor after. “Ah, this is what we want to see.”

He peered at the note, squinting through his glasses. Then he looked over them, again, at me.

“Mr. Miller, you may have one or two live blighters in there,” he said.

I blinked. I knew what he meant, but not necessarily what he meant.

“You have live sperm but I can’t, hand on heart, say they are of any quality at the moment. But they are there, and they are gently wiggling around, not enough for a distance swim, of course, but it suggests we might have a chance.”

“So you think I have live sperm?” I asked for clarification.

“You have sperm that are moving around. Yes, they’re live, what quality they are is another matter. An MRI would give me the opportunity to see how thick the scar tissue is and whether any of the blighters are making down the urethra.”

“If they’re not, you might still be able to extract some, couldn’t you?” I asked.

“You have Obstructive Azoospermia, that’s the scar tissue that has blocked the route the sperm would travel, a simple operation would solve that.

However, you also have a very low production because of the trauma.

I’d like to consider a surgical procedure performed under a general, called Micro-TESE.

This is where I’d extract tissue from the testes and the lab would hunt down the live blighters ready for IVF. ”

“Wow. I’m a little blown away at the moment,” I said, and I was a lot blown away. “For all my life I’ve believed I couldn’t father a child and now I learn I can.”

“Might,” he corrected me.

“Might, even. That’s closer than never,” I said. I leaned back in my chair and sighed. I then thought of something. “Could enough sperm be ejaculated to impregnate?”

“Unlikely, the obstruction would have done just that, obstructed. I’m surprised those couple got through.”

I breathed out in relief. For one second there I thought that Addison’s miscarried child could have been mine after all.

“I really do think fault lies with your doctor, Mackenzie. You should have been told the consequences of your accident and any remedial advice. Like I said, you have an obstruction because of the scar tissue. That could have been easily sorted. I can do that now, although any scar produces more scar tissue and I believe we would be looking at IVF anyway.”

“So what do I do now?” I asked.

“I’ll write to you. Often it’s hard to take in. You need a frank discussion with your partner. IVF is tough on a woman. If you decide that you’d like to investigate more, I’d recommend another meeting with your partner and we move forward from there.”

I nodded, still shocked and baffled, but I was also struggling to stop that bafflement from turning into anger. I’d been cheated all these years out of fatherhood.

I stood and shook his hand. I swallowed hard, needing saliva to coat my dry mouth. “I’ll look forward to hearing from you,” I said. When I left his office and before I headed back to reception, I stood by a water cooler. I drank three full cups.

“Your wife is in reception,” I was told and I simply nodded.

I opened the reception door and Lauren stood. “Mackenzie? Are you okay?” she said, rushing toward me. I shook my head and walked to the front door, needing some air. “Please, tell me what’s wrong,” she said, her voice broke and she stammered with nerves.

I took hold of her hand. “It’s not bad,” I said, shaking my head.

She frowned at me and I looked around. I hadn’t texted for the car but there it was. I assumed Lauren had organized it. I opened the door. “It’s not bad,” I said, as she climbed in and I followed.

She sat facing me and I took her hand. I shook my head gently, still processing what I’d been told and the wasted years.

I wanted to laugh and smile and I wanted to shed tears.

I did none of those, I clamped my mouth shut and looked out the window until I saw our front door.

I didn’t wait for the car to come to a complete stop before I opened my door.

I was out just as it did and round the car to open Lauren’s.

I held her hand and felt it shake in mine. I opened the door, switched off the alarm, and then walked straight to the kitchen. I stopped by the kitchen table .

“Mackenzie, please tell me now,” she said, anxiety caused her voice to be higher pitched than normal.

“I have sperm. Live sperm,” I said. I didn’t look at her at first.

“You have…?”

Finally, I looked up. “I have live sperm. It can be extracted through an operation and we might be able to have IVF. Might ,” I reiterated.

“Start at the very beginning,” she said. She rose and pulled out a chair for me to sit. She went to the fridge and grabbed an open bottle of white wine. She poured two glasses then sat again. “From the very very beginning,” she said.

I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

“I have obstructive something or the other. It means sperm can’t travel to the urethra because of scar tissue.

In addition, I have a low, to nonexistent, sperm production.

So we thought. I did a test today because…

I needed to know, Lauren, if I can give you a child.

” I took a sip of my wine, looking at her.

“When did this start?” she asked, quietly.

At first I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m kidding myself. When Gabriella got pregnant, when I saw the look in your eyes, your desire for your own child—”

“Hold on,” she said, interrupting me. I held up my hand, not to be arrogant, but I needed to get these words out .

“Since I had the desire, after seeing Dominic, to father a child. I haven’t thought about much else since Gabriella announced she was pregnant.

I saw the look on Alex’s face and my heart fucking constricted, Lauren.

I didn’t think I was bothered. I’d conditioned myself not to care, but that’s all changed.

You came along, I love you, and I want a child with you. ” The words tumbled from my mouth.

“You want? You’re not just thinking I want?” she asked, and in my fuzzled brain her question startled me.

“You want a child with me, don’t you? I mean…I thought…”

“Mackenzie, breathe,” she said, placing her hand over mine. I snatched it away.

“Did you know, I could have corrective surgery a long time ago? Some sperm and it might not be many and they might not be great could have been released but no one told me. No one fucking told me shit,” I said, sliding my chair back and standing.

I paced the kitchen. “I’ve gone all these years, Lauren, living a lie and being told one as well.

I’m going sue, I’m going to fucking ruin those doctors. ”

She stood and walked over to me, blocking my route to the back door. She placed her hands on my arms.

“Mackenzie, look at me,” she said. I finally did. “Shush. Sit,” she said, guiding me back to the chair. I did and then let my head fall to the arms I crossed on the table.

She rubbed my back, as if comforting a child, and I chuckled bitterly at the irony.

“Hey,” she said, quietly. I looked up. “I love you more than anything. I’d love a child with you, but I also don’t care if it doesn’t happen, okay?

This is going to be hard to explain. Of course, when I saw Dominic my heart constricted also.

That’s a woman’s maternal instinct kicking in.

Instinct, Mackenzie. If there is the chance of IVF, you can bet your arse we’re going for it, but I need to know that you will cope if it fails because there is a high rate it might. ”

I stared at her. “Jesus, I should be saying this to you,” I said, I then pulled her to me. I kissed her head. “What the fuck…?” I started to laugh and released her. “We have live sperm,” I said, with an incredulous tone to my voice.

She laughed. “No, you have live sperm. What happened in the clinic and what happens next?”

I told her about the morning and that we’d be invited to meet with the professor. She didn’t question the secrecy behind what I’d done but she did tell me that, if we were serious about IVF, she didn’t want me suing God knows who at the same time. She didn’t want the stress .

“I can’t believe it, Lauren, I think I’m in shock,” I said.

“I bet. Jesus, Mackenzie. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because if it was an absolute no I didn’t want to upset you,” I said.

“Tell me again what he said?”

I repeated what Sam had said about the Micro-TESE. I also told her that I’d asked if sperm could be ejaculated naturally and the reason why I’d asked. She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“We need to research IVF,” I said.

She placed her hand over mine and I knew there was a ‘but’ coming. “I might not be a candidate, a lot can go wrong, Mackenzie. Let’s have the appointment and I’m assuming I’ll have to go through some testing before we know. Again, I don’t want you disappointed if it’s a no,” she said.

“Then we adopt. If you want to,” I said.

She smiled and raised her glass. “Then we adopt.”

We clinked glassed and finally she laughed. “Oh my God, I’m going to be a mother.”

Either way she would be.