Page 25 of The Facilitator, Part 3

Chapter Fourteen

The following day Alex brought Gabriella and Dominic home. She cried some more, thanked Lauren and me over and over. Lauren’s thanks was a cuddle with Dominic, that’s all she wanted. She held him, cooed over him, and kissed his fingers. She looked at me watching her and smiled.

“Do you want a cuddle?” she said. I shook my head slowly. “It’s okay, it doesn't hurt,” she whispered, and I thought I heard Alex take a sharp intake of breath.

I sat and she handed him to me. She laughed at my awkwardness. I raised him to my face and inhaled his scent. I chuckled. It didn’t hurt; it felt great. It wasn’t with any reluctance, however when I got a whiff of something vile and handed him back to his daddy .

“What the fuck is that?” I asked, looking at the diaper.

Alex laughed, and handed it to me in a little bag to deposit in the trash. “Fuck if I’m going to touch that,” I said, backing off.

I left the room to lots of laugher. I caught up with Vivienne in the kitchen. She had a telephone on the countertop and held a tissue to her mouth.

“Are you okay?” I asked. She smiled and nodded but it was clear she had been crying.

“That was the coroner. I have to decide what to do with Da…the body.”

“What do you want to do?” I asked, taking the stool next to her.

“I guess I have to bury him. I’d rather leave him to rot, Mackenzie,” she said, and the vehemence in her voice caused her to choke out the words.

“You don’t have to claim him,” I said.

She snorted. “Tell that to them, that’s the third call I’ve had today.”

“Do you want me to deal with it?” I asked.

She nodded and placed her palm on my cheek. “Please. I do love you so much,” she said. “Just have him cremated,” she said, and I nodded.

I called a funeral parlor and gave her wishes.

No service, no family, just collect and burn him.

It would be a fitting ending for someone who had spent years destroying lives.

The ashes would be spread at the crematorium.

I ran the decision past Gabriella, who confirmed.

Like her mother, she thought that too good for him but understood, as his mother, Vivienne didn’t need to be troubled.

“We’re going to head on home, give you guys some peace and space,” I said, Lauren looked sharply at me. “To the beach house,” I clarified.

Gabriella hugged Lauren and thanked her for being with her. She did the same to me and, after Alex trying to find my door key, I borrowed Gabriella’s car to head home.

“How long have we been awake?” Lauren asked.

“More than twenty-four hours, I know that much.” I chuckled. We had dozed on and off but we hadn’t slept for nearly two days.

Lauren took in a deep breath when we left the car. “Oh, Mackenzie.” She closed her eyes and just breathed. “This is where we need to be right now,” she said.

I took her hand and opened the door. It was bright, airy, clean, and refreshing.

Lauren had renovated the place when my father had died.

I had someone come in to clean once a week, and I guessed the timing worked.

All we needed to do was make up a bed. Lauren pulled out fresh linens from a cupboard and did just that.

I could have fallen into it there and then, but she had other plans.

She held my hands in hers. “Swim with me,” she said. We had a private stretch of beach with signs, not that it deterred people who clearly didn’t read.

It wasn’t tourist season, the public area of the beach was empty, so I felt confident we’d be alone.

She stripped naked and I did the same. I grabbed two large towels and she wrapped one around herself.

We left the house by the back door and down the sandy path.

Leaving our towels on the sand, we dove under the cool waves.

When she surfaced, Lauren swam to me. She hooked her legs around my waist and placed her hands around me neck.

“This is where we need to be right now,” she repeated.

“Why?”

“We’re not reminded, we’re not hanging curtains or gardening,” she said, chuckling.

“And I think this is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Everywhere I look, I see you. I see the child with the body board, the teenager with the surfboard and the bottles of beer around a fire on the beach. I see the man who became so successful, despite everything. I love it here because I’m surrounded by your history,” she said, quietly.

For me if was different. I loved the house, I loved what Lauren had done with the place, but my mom had died there.

My father had emotionally distanced himself from me there when I needed him the most. However, when I followed her gaze, when I saw the old wooden body board and the beat-up surfboard that would be classified as a classic, on the porch. I understood what she meant.

“Our child, whether that be born or adopted, will love it here,” she whispered, looking back at me.

“Maybe we need to rethink that one,” I said, sighing. After seeing what Alex went though, I didn’t think I could manage as well if I were in the same situation.

“We’re not doing that, Mackenzie,” she said. “We’re not looking at the past couple of days and deciding a future based on that.”

I smiled at her. “Sure, you’re right. As fucking always,” I said. I laughed, and when the next wave came, I slid my feet off the sandy bottom so we were pushed into the shore.

We body-surfed back, racing to catch the next wave. “I have sand in places I shouldn’t have sand,” Lauren laughed. It was wonderful to just do something so out of character.

We swam a little and then headed back to the beach where we sat, wrapped in our towels.

“I wonder how Gabriella and Alex are. Can you imagine what they must be going through?” she shuddered as she spoke. “I wonder what will happen to Addison?” she mused.

“Not much, daddy will bail her out.”

“I didn’t think he had any money left,” she said.

“He still had friends.”

“She seemed genuinely shocked at what Daniel had done,” Lauren said.

“She might have been. The trouble I have with her is I know how great an actress she is. I was locked in a cell overnight once because she punched herself in the face, actually punched herself, and told the police I’d done it.”

“Sick bitch,” she said, shaking her head. “I should have punched her more.”

“Well, hopefully she’s had enough of a fright for now,” I said, wondering if she doubted that Daniel had taken his own life. I was sure we’d hear about it at some point.

I stood and held out my hands, pulling Lauren to her feet. “I think we need to head to bed,” I said, watching her yawn.

“Mmm, yes, I think that’s a great idea,” she said, laughing.

We showered and with damp hair climbed under the sheet.

The windows were open and the sound of the sea floated into the room.

I wrapped an arm around my wife and pulled her to lay on top of me.

I loved the feel of her body against mine.

I kissed her slowly, deeply, wanting to steal the moan that burbled in her chest. When I was done kissing her, I made love to her.

We fell asleep after, tangled in the sheets and with a soft breeze cooling down our bodies.

It was another phone call that had me awake. Alex had decided to press charges against Addison for theft, she had called my cell for help, I imagined. I didn’t answer it. I muted the sound and placed the cell back on the nightstand. I snuggled in to my wife and dozed for another hour.

Although Daniel’s death was recorded as suicide, because of the bad history between us all, I had to go the police station with Alex and we were reinterviewed alone.

The gun had come up as stolen and we were asked if we knew the owner, Grant Pearson.

I’d never heard the name, neither had Alex.

Silently, I made a mental note to ask my father’s partner, Sandra.

Lauren had spent each morning with Gabriella, getting her fill of her godson, so she told me. One afternoon, we visited my sister, it was the only day she could fit us in, she was so busy. I loved that she was.

“We should find a chemist,” Lauren said.

“Sure, now? ”

“That would be good,” she said, it took me a minute to figure out why.

“Ah, right,” I said, and no matter how hard, I couldn’t muster the same enthusiasm I had before. I tried not to show that, of course.

I headed into the small town and to a pharmacy.

While I waited in the car, Lauren ran in.

She came back with a small paper bag. We didn’t speak about what the bag contained but I followed Lauren to the bathroom.

She peed on the stick and then we waited in the bedroom.

I didn’t need to see it to know the result.

She gave me a small smile and then she sighed.

“It’s okay, baby,” I said when I saw her swallow hard and her eyes filled with tears.

I sat on the bed next to her and pulled her into my side.

“What am I doing wrong?” she whispered.

“Nothing, it’s not you, it’s me,” I replied. Her statement confused me.

“Not anymore. Those were fertilized eggs but they’re not…taking,” she said.

“We knew the chances were slim,” I said quietly. I hated to see her upset, even though I was torn up inside myself.

“Those were the last two,” she whispered.

“We can make more,” I replied.

We fell silent for a while. It was highly unlikely we could make more . I remember Sam telling me that if three rounds hadn’t resulted in a pregnancy then we’d need to look at alternatives. I wasn’t sure what those were until we met with the fertility clinic when we returned.

“Come on, let’s take a walk,” I suggested.

“I invited Gabriella and Alex over for dinner,” she said.

“That would be nice,” I replied. Hopefully, that would cheer us up some.

Lauren and I walked along the beach; we were quiet, contemplating, and thoughtful. I held her hand in mine and when we returned, we sat on the sand and listened to the sea.

“It’s cleansing, isn’t it?” I said, breathing in deeply. Lauren nodded.

She sat in front of me and I wrapped my arms around her. I rested my chin on her shoulder.

“We’ll adopt,” I said. “We’ll love that child because we’ve gone through all this and that makes the child even more special.”

She turned her head and gave me a small smile. “I love you,” she said. I kissed her temple.

“When we get home, we’ll speak to a few agencies and see what the procedure is,” I said.

“I think you go to your local council so we ought to figure out where we’re going to live, if we still want to move,” she said. Her voice held the tiniest amount of enthusiasm, but it was there. I tightened my hold on her.

“Unless we consider adopting from abroad, or here, even?” I added.

“Maybe we’ll do some research once we’ve spoken to the clinic when we get home.”

Later that day, I marinated some steaks for the grill. Lauren made a salad and coleslaw. I wrapped some potatoes in foil to bake, cleaned up some cobs of corn, and opened wine. I poured Lauren a glass and twisted off the cap from a bottle of beer for myself.

“Hello?” I heard. Alex was swinging the baby carrier. He and Gabriella rounded the house and came onto the back porch.

“Hey, something smells lovely,” Gabriella said. She stared at Lauren . “Is everything okay?” she asked, frowning with concern.

“Yes, just a negative test. But you’re here, my gorgeous godson is here, so all’s well in the world,” Lauren said.

“And I’m here, as is Mackenzie,” Alex said with mock indignation. Lauren laughed.

We sat on the deck and ate, making a mess, and licking fingers. We drank beer and wine, and we laughed. Gabriella did her utmost to make sure of that. She regaled Lauren of stories from my past, most embarrassing, but it worked .

Finally, the conversation turned to adoption.

“I think that would be amazing,” Gabriella said.

They started talking about the possibility while Alex and I cleared the plates. We took them into the kitchen.

“Mackenzie, this might be odd but…I’m just going to come out with this. Why don’t I donate sperm? I can’t thank you enough for a lot of things you’ve done for me, but I can do this.”

I stood staring at him. I frowned, comprehending the enormity of what he’d offered.

“Wow, I don’t know what to say. I think, sadly, the issue might be a little greater than just fucked-up sperm, though. The first eggs didn’t develop, she got pregnant the second time , and the third round hasn’t taken.”

“So what’s your next step?” he asked.

“We have to speak to the fertility clinic, but when we started all this, the likelihood of a pregnancy was slim to start with. I don’t know what the answer is now.”

“Can we leave this offer on the table?” he asked.

I nodded. “Obviously, Lauren would have to agree and…I don’t know, Alex. It’s a little overwhelming right now,” I said.

“The laws have changed in the UK, the child can access records and know I’m the donor,” he said.

“I don’t have an issue with that, if you don’t.”

“Not at all. Let’s have another discussion after your appointment and you’ve talked to Lauren,” he said .

I nodded. I walked to him and hugged him. I was choked, unable to speak any more. We patted each other on the back as we did, and then grabbed another two beers.

I thought on what Alex had offered for hours after. While Lauren and I were in bed, I told her.

“He did what?”

“Offered to donate sperm if we need it.”

“Do we?”

“I don’t know. If you want to continue with IVF then it’s an option. If you don’t we’ll adopt, but it gives us another option.”

“It’s not just my decision,” she said quietly, sitting up in bed.

“You’re the one going through all the sickness so I think it needs to be your decision alone,” I replied.

“I’m not sure about that.”

“Why don’t we just have that appointment and see what’s said. We can make a decision after.”

She fell silent and settled back down in the bed. “What an amazing thing to offer,” she whispered.

“I know, I was shocked.”

Over the years we’d known each other, Alex had become more than just a friend, I viewed him as family. He was my brother.