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Beatrice sat up, not caring that she was no longer covered by the blanket. She waved her hands in front of her hoping to catch the correct wording. For someone who reads as much as her, one would think she would have a better handle on her vocabulary.

“Like this,” she waved her hand between them. “So… explosive, all consuming. Euphoric.”

A wide smile danced across his face. “Well, I must say, that is one way to make up for crying. Euphoric, huh?”

Beatrice pushed at his chest. “Stop. You know what I mean. Is it?”

Ezra placed his hands behind his head, accentuating those arm muscles she loved to drool over.

“As much as I would love to take credit for the euphoria alone, I must be honest with you…”

She leaned in waiting for him to continue.

He simply shook his head. “It’s not.”

The words hung heavy between them. She felt like that admission should mean something more. Did it?

“Well, then.” She sighed. “I guess I should be happy I got to experience it then.”

Ezra solemnly nodded. He sat up and rubbed his jaw. The scar on his hand caught her attention.

She reached out and took his hand in hers, running her finger along the crescent shaped scar. “I saw this the first night we met. It’s how I knew it was you at the ball.”

Beatrice looked up to him and saw his eyes were fixated on their entwined hands.

He swallowed as his hand flexed in hers.

“I got that protecting my sister.” His voice was low and rough.

“Your sister?” Beatrice pulled their hands up to her chest. “What happened?”

Ezra’s eyes, still on their hands, softened as he shrugged.

“Nothing I couldn’t handle. A lying bastard of a Duke ruined her reputation and I wouldn’t stand for it.”

Beatrice’s breath caught. “Oh my, is she all right?” She racked her brain trying to remember if she knew he had a sister. Her mind was mush from the events of the last few hours, let alone the last few months.

“She’s fine.” He laughed. “Well, she’s now married to my best friend so I’m not sure if you call that fine, but fine enough, I suppose.”

Beatrice smiled. “Was it always just you and her?”

Ezra nodded. “My mother didn’t handle my father’s death well so when we lost her Harriet and I were already used to depending on each other. Other than my sister, I have known Frederic and Melinda since I was a boy and they keep me grounded.”

Beatrice’s body tensed at his mention of the widow Collins.

“They were with me that night.” Ezra said absently as he nodded to his hand in hers.

“Melinda’s father still owned the tavern and he knew the comings and goings of a lot of people.

He heard Damen had a few debts to pay and was trying to find games to cash in on.

Frederic and I met him outside of one. He got a few good shots in and I didn’t see the knife.

He managed to get my hand and my side.” He said as he shifted showing a slight, sliver line along his side.

Beatrice gasped as she scooted closer to him to inspect the long forgotten scar. “Did it hurt?” She asked as her finger traced the jagged line. She bit her lip to stop from smiling when he shivered under her light touch.

“It tickles.” He mumbled. “And, yes, it hurt at the time. Melinda met us with supplies and got us stitched up, though. Being raised in a tavern she learned first aid at a young age.” He smirked.

Beatrice looked up to him. “What a life you’ve led.” She said in wonderment.

Ezra considered her words. “I did. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s mine. I accept what is given to me.”

Beatrice licked her lips. Nerves and anxiety began to bubble within. She had this need to push the conversation into a direction neither of them wanted it go. She knew tonight was a one time deal, she knew that going in and yet, she couldn’t help herself. This felt like something more.

“Ezra?” She hesitated. Her mind fought her against her heart. This night was perfect, she didn’t want to ruin it. But she couldn’t let this relationship go.

“What is it?” His voice sounded hopeful. Or maybe she just wished it did.

She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat and pushed the words out of a dry mouth. “Why can’t we be more?”

Ezra sighed, leaning his body against his headboard. He closed his eyes. She sat and watched him for a moment. When she realized he wasn’t going to say anything she continued.

“You said yourself that tonight is not like how it usually is. I took that to mean that you’ve never felt that way before.”

His eyes opened at her comment and connected with hers. She waited for his denial, but it never came.

She pushed on. “If it can be like that, why not have that?”

Ezra’s shoulders dropped. “I told you before I can’t be what you need.”

Beatrice sat up with a huff. “I am in charge of what I need. What if I say you are exactly what I need?”

Ezra took her outburst in stride. He remained relaxed against the headboard. “Then I would say you are showing your innocence. The world is a cold and cruel place and you need someone to look out for you, to protect you. I think my history with my sister is proof enough that I am not that man.”

“You’re denying the possibility of something great because of a mistake you made when you were young?”

Ezra’s jaw ticked. “I knew Damon was no good and I did nothing to stop their courting.”

Beatrice snickered. “If she is any girl I know, if she was committed to this Damon than nothing an older brother could say would stop her. Does she blame you for your misgivings?”

Ezra rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“So you blame yourself and have decided that you should live out your life as a miserable old curmudgeon? Ezra. I thought you had more sense than that.” She chided.

Ezra sighed as he swung his legs over the bed. He stood and began to gather his clothing. He picked up her ruined dress and put it on his desk. He opened his closet door and pulled out a shirt and pants.

“They’ll be a little big, but they’ll cover you until we can get you home to your own things.”

Beatrice swatted the clothing away. “We’re not doing this, Ezra. We’re not doing where you dismiss me because you don’t want to talk. Answer me. If your sister has moved on and is happy, why can’t you be?”

Ezra looked down to his hand and traced the scar. “You fulfilled your list. You stopped at nothing to complete it and I aided, willingly. Why can’t you now offer me the same respect?”

Beatrice sat in silence, fighting back the tears she swore she’d never shed for him again.

“I keep my word. I think I’ve proven that to you. I’ve kept my word to you, and now it’s time I return to the word I promised myself. We said this was for tonight. Tonight is done. Please, Beatrice. Leave this, leave me, be.”

Beatrice’s heart shattered.

Heat rose in her cheeks and the room swayed in front of her.

“If things could be… if I could be diff-” he cut himself off and ran his hands through his hair. “You deserve more, Beatrice. It’s because I care for you that I want more for you. I’m not good enough. Trust my word. It’s all I have.”

Beatrice looked up to him, standing half dressed in the moonlight. He looked defeated, but resolved. There was no use in fighting him. He was just as stubborn as she was and, he was right.

She knew going in it was only for tonight and tonight was over. Beatrice shook her and swallowed the lump that popped back up in her throat.

“You’re right. I deserve more.” Her words were hollow as she put the oversized shirt and pants on.

Ezra placed her cloak around her shoulders and lead her down the steps and to his carriage. After giving the driver directions he helped her into the carriage.

“Be well, Beatrice.”

He offered no other words of solace or support. Just, “be well.”

She shook her head and sat back in the seat. As the carriage pulled away she realized he was right about one other antidote. He shattered her in ways she’ll never be able to piece back together. She undoubtedly left a part of herself there, she would never be whole again.