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“ I s everything suitable to your needs, Lady Beatrice?”

Amos’s question brought Beatrice’s attention back from her wondering. She looked down at the tea cup in her hand. It took every ounce of strength she had to get out of the house this morning and accept the invitation for tea.

If it weren’t for her mother and Candace constantly pushing her to get out she would still be stuck in her room, wallowing in self pity.

“Oh yes, Lord Duncary, everything is most pleasant.” She forced out. “Thank you for inviting my mother and I over for tea.” Her eyes drifted to the charming parlor. “You have a lovely home.”

A soft smile graced Amos’s lips as he took in his parlor.

“Thank you. I spend a lot of time traveling and I like to bring a little piece of the world with me when I return. It also helps calm me when I start to get that itch to travel again. If timing isn’t right, I can come in here and the memories of past travels soothe me. ”

Charlotte sighed contently. “That is a wonderful sentiment, isn’t it Beatrice?” Her weighty question forced Beatrice to look her way. Her mother’s eyes were pleading with hers to engage in the conversation.

Beatrice nodded silently as her eyes fell to a small bowl with gold lines threaded throughout it.

“It is.” Her head nodded to the bowl. “That is a beautiful bowl. Where is it from?”

Amos’s eyes lit up. “You have a good eye, Lady Beatrice. That is one of my favorites.” He stood and walked over to the bowl. He picked it up and handed it to her, ever so carefully.

“I got it from my travels to Japan. It is a remarkable tradition of Kintsugi, the art of using gold to fix broken things. The belief behind the practice is that nothing is truly broken and sometimes, in fixing it, the object can actually become more valuable and unique.”

Beatrice traced the lines of gold that ran across the porcelain. The ancient practice was right. While it was a beautiful bowl to begin with, the connecting lines of gold added depth and meaning to an otherwise normal looking bowl.

She lifted her eyes to Amos. “That is beautiful.”

Amos lowered his eyes and cleared his throat as he took the bowl back from Beatrice.

“Would you like to talk a walk, Lady Beatrice? It’s a pleasant day and I would love to show you the gardens.

They don’t rival your mother’s or sisters, as it’s just me here, but I find solace in them when I am down. ”

Beatrice rolled her lips. “You are very astute, Lord Dunary. I apologize, I seem to carry an air of melancholy wherever I go these days.”

Charlotte bristled and groaned to herself. “Beatrice.” She muttered.

Amos waved her mother’s worry off. “No need to apologize, Lady Beatrice. We all have those days. Fresh air can help. If you don’t mind I would love to test that theory with you.”

He extended his hand in such a gentle manner Beatrice couldn’t help but take the offered hand.

“How kind of you to understand, Lord Duncary. I would love to take a walk.”

“Amos.” He supplied.

Beatrice looked up quizzically. “Hmm?”

“Amos. I would be honored if you called me by my given name.”

Beatrice smiled. “Amos.”

She slipped her hand through his offered arm and allowed him to escort her outside to his garden.

It wasn’t as big as Sarah’s or as luscious as her mother’s but it was a quaint patch of land that gave the air of tranquility in the middle of a bustling city.

“I hope you don’t find me too forward but is there anything I can do, other than getting you outside in fresh air, that may help boost your spirits?”

Beatrice furrowed her brows. “I really am sorry I am not fit for socializing lately. You have been most kind and patient with me. My mother was ready to disown me if I didn’t accept your invitation.”

Amos chuckled. “We’ve already established how well motivated your mother is. If I was a betting man I would put my money on her.”

Beatrice laughed. “I wouldn’t blame you.”

They walked in compatible silence for a few steps.

“Amos,” Beatrice voice was hesitant. “May I ask you something? It may be too personal, but I’m curious.”

Amos lifted a shoulder. “For you, I am an open book. Ask away.”

Beatrice took a breath as she looked over the hydrangea bushes that lined this part walkway. “Have you ever been in love?”

Amos was quiet for a moment. Beatrice was afraid to look at him for fear of offending him. She opened her mouth to dismiss her question when Amos sighed.

“I have been.” He said then leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I don’t recommend it.”

Beatrice laughed at his comment, relief flooding through her. “Why not?”

Amos considered her words. “Love is everything that is good and everything that is bad. When it’s good it’s the best feeling in the world, nothing can top it. It energizes you, fuels you, gives you a purpose to wake up.”

His eyes met hers before dropping to the ground in front of them. “And when it’s bad, it feels as if the ground has been ripped out from underneath you. Everything hurts. The sun hurts your eyes, your clothes feel funny, air coming into your lunges can even feel like razor blades.”

Beatrice scrunched her nose. “Are you sure you just didn’t get a bad head cold?” She laughed, hoping to ease any pain she just caused.

Amos laugh held no mirth. He lifted his eyes to focus on a distant spot on the horizon only he could see. “I would take a bad cold over love any day. I have survived many colds, I don’t think I could survive another love.”

Beatrice’s heart broke for her friend. While she was glad that there was no pressure to be anything more with him, she hated to see such heavy sorrow within his eyes.

“Now, may I ask you a question?”

Beatrice huffed a sigh. “I suppose, an eye for an eye and all that.” A corner of her lip quirked up into a small smile.

Beatrice held her breath hoping it wouldn’t be a follow up to her question. What if he asked if she had ever been in love? What if he asks with whom?

“If I propose, would you accept?”

Beatrice pushed out the breath she was holding. “That was not what I thought you were going to ask.”

Amos chuckled as his eyes washed over her. “I don’t feel you’re ready to admit what you’re feeling.”

Beatrice’s brows furrowed. “How do you mean?”

Amos shrugged. “It’s just I’ve been where you are. You’re hurting and you don’t know why. But I do.”

Beatrice chewed on her bottom lip. “Care to enlighten me? Perhaps I can move past whatever it is that I’m feeling.”

Amos smiled lightly. “If only it were that easy. I fear I cannot be the gold that glues you back together. But I can help you pick up the pieces. When you’re ready I think you’ll be able to bond yourself back better than ever.”

She rose an eyebrow. “Do you always speak so cryptically? I may have to reconsider my answer.”

Amos’s eyes widened in glee. “Ah. So you have thought of what your answer would be if I were to ask.”

Beatrice nudged her shoulder with his as they continued to walk. “I have thought about it but I have not settled on my answer yet.”

Amos lifted his free hand to his heart. “Oh, how I love that little word, ‘yet.’”

Beatrice couldn’t help but laugh. Their friendship was easy, they had a natural connection that didn’t take work to uphold.

She could see herself having a life with Amos.

It wouldn’t be what she thought her life would be like, of course, but she would have a companion and the safety and security of his name.

Marrying him would give her the ability to live her life as a spinster, but with more freedoms than a woman who was shelved by the ton.

“Well, just remember, it is a lady’s prerogative to change her mind.” She said with a flutter of her eyelashes.

Amos laughed at her coquettish smile. “I promise you, Lady Beatrice, our life together would be filled with adventures and laughter. What more could you ask for?”

Beatrice smiled up at Amos while her heart sank at his sentiment.

What more could she ask for?

There was only one thing she could think of, and only one man who she would want it from.

Beatrice sat at her dresser brushing her hair. She had already finished the book she just started that morning, she wrote to both of her sisters and reorganized her closet. She put the brush down and looked at her father’s time piece.

One in the morning.

She pushed away from the dresser and walked the length of her room. She could start another book but it would be useless. Her mind could no longer focus on anything other than her talk with Amos.

What more could she ask for?

If she would have gotten this offer from Amos two months ago she might have balked at the idea of marrying someone, but once she’d come to know him she’d see that his offer was too good to turn down.

So, why was she hesitating now?

Beatrice stopped and looked at herself in the mirror. She brought her hand up to cheeks. Dark circles had settled underneath her eyes and her complexion looked pale. She ran her fingers down her cheeks, onto her neck and settled at the neckline of her shift.

Goosebumps erupted across her body at her movement and dark eyes flashed in her mind.

“Ugh. That man.” She stomped. “This is all because of him. I wish I never met him!”

Regardless of her words her body began to hum with the memory of his touch. Beatrice didn’t know whether to be turned on or annoyed.

She settled with annoyed.

She threw herself onto her bed and covered her head with a pillow.

I wish I never ran into him that night. I wish I never dropped my list.

Beatrice sat up.

My list.

She still wanted to finish her list. She assumed her and Amos would consummate the marriage, but she was still adamant of exploring that part of womanhood before she became tied down to one man.

And considering that man had his eye elsewhere, Beatrice wanted to know what it was like to lie with a man who was just as interested as she was.

Beatrice hopped off of her bed and threw open her closet doors. Her hands landed on her black cloak she’d wear when sneaking out.

She stuck her hand in the pocket and felt the heavy card stock that was tucked away in it. The invitation that Graham had procured for her. He had said that as long as he was with her they’d let her in. But perhaps they’d let her in with just the invitation?

She turned it over in her hand. “Hopefully there’s not an expiration date on this thing.”

She shoved it back in the pocket and swung the cloak over her shoulders. With one quick look in the mirror she saw the color return to her face.

Her eyes beamed brightly back at her as a rush of energy coursed through her veins. Finally, after days of moping she felt like herself again. The rebellious and brave heroine was ready to finally go on her last conquest.

Beatrice opened her door and looked down the barren hallway. A cunning smile formed as she tip-toed down the quiet hallway, with only the nightly shadows accompanying her on her adventure.

She slipped out the back door and down to the main road. She didn’t need to think of the route, her body knew the way. It wasn’t long before she found herself standing in front of the door to the midnight party that Graham brought her to.

The same mammoth of a man was standing outside the door. “Ah, mistress, I see you have returned.”

She pulled out the invitation but he waved her off.

“No need, mistress.” He stepped to the side and opened the door. “You’ve been accepted into this house before. You are a Reveler now.”

Anticipation and excitement rose within Beatrice. She honestly thought her feet were going to leave the ground as she skittered past the doorman with a squeal and a nod of ‘thanks.’

Her steps skidded to a halt when the reality of the occasion came crashing down on her.

Heads turned at her abrupt arrival. Curious looks, coy whispers, and someone even licked his lips when he looked at her.

Beatrice swallowed hard as her mind and body fought over whether this was a mistake or not.

Beatrice dipped her head and made her way to a makeshift bar just off to the right of the door.

“Looking for love, mistress?” A woman behind the bar asked.

Beatrice looked up from underneath her hood to find kind, yet curious, eyes looking back at her.

Beatrice lowered her hood and shook her head.

“I don’t want love. I just want to feel something.”

The woman’s lips widened. “Good. We can’t help with the first one, but I’m sure someone can help you with the latter.”