Page 91 of The Bonds We Break

“Wait, I’m confused.” Gwen squeezes my shoulder. “Was that your call or hers?”

“Mine. I left her a letter explaining my reasons.”

“Well, then, you’re a fucking idiot.”

“What?”

Gwen laughs. “Men are so dumb. Honestly. I get the whole ‘women are property’ club thing and agreed to be Clutch’s becauseIgot to choose. Sure, Clutch asked, butIdecided that I would be his property, not him. You didn’t give Rae a chance to decide what she wants. You told her whatyoudecided for her in a letter. You could have simply said, I love you, Rae, but I worry this life will get to you in the end. Or, I love you, Rae, but I want to give you a little space to consider whether a life with me is really what you want before I fall any harder. And please note, they all start with,I love you, Rae.”

By the time she’s done, her volume has escalated.

“Jesus, Sis. I get it. I’m an idiot.”

“Did you know Saint called yesterday? Said they couldn’t make it today because he and Rose had to go take care of something out of state. I’mnowguessing the thing was his sister. Who I’m guessing wasnotfine after being dumped by a letter from her kidnapper boyfriend.”

My chest tightens as I think of how brave Rae can be. I hate the idea I hurt her. I think of her lists about sex and cooking and food. It reminds me of the crumpled piece of paper sitting in my jacket pocket.

Can’t remember the words she wrote. It was something about people who have betrayed me.

I haven’t trusted anyone in a while.

And then there’s my brave duchess, buying wine at ten in the morning because she’s getting over her shit to trust me.

If she can do it, I can do it.

“Life has been tough of late. Our parents, me getting shot, Clutch and I, Saint letting you down, the club split. I believe you can fix all of it, Uther. But stop trying to do everything on your own. Ask me. Ask her. Talk to someone. Anyone. Stop making decisions for other people and stop trying to figure this out alone.”

Gwen’s words, firmly said, hit home. My throat is tight with emotion. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

I stay for Christmas dinner, yet think hard on my sister’s words.

It’s late when I get back to the clubhouse, but the first thing I see in my room is the book for Rae. There are some actions I need to take before I drive to Rae and ask her to burn the letter and tell me what she wants.

Vex’s office is a store cupboard off the back of the kitchen, but when I get there, the lights are off. I call his phone, and he answers on the second ring. “Merry Christmas, Prez. What do you need?”

There is loud laughter and raised voices in the background. “You know where Saint and Rae’s parents live?”

“Gimme ten and I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks, brother. I’ll need a picture of their dad. And Merry Christmas.”

I go fill a Thermos with coffee. While Vex works his magic, I pull out the folded piece of paper I carried with me and grab a pen I see on the kitchen counter.

People I trust.

Rae.

I tap the paper with my pen. Then add Clutch and Gwen.

People who betrayed me.

I debate writing the names of the brothers who voted for Saint but realize they didn’t really betray me. They voted with their conscience. Instead, I write Skylar, my dad, and Cue Ball. It’s time to lay blame where it belongs. As an afterthought, I add Saint. He betrayed me, but I have an opportunity to make things right with him again, unlike the others who are all dead.

By the time I’ve changed and packed a few things I need, there’s a message from Vex with an address out of state. When I get there, it’s the early hours of the morning. The sun won’t breach the horizon for another couple of hours. I’ve parked a half a mile away from the address, down a wooded trail road.

It makes me sick that their house is more rural. I bet when Miller senior was beating his wife and kids, no one could hear their cries for help.