Page 26 of The Bonds We Break

I’ve already jacked off in the shower to my imagination filling in the blanks of what it would have looked like if she’d come.

Putting all the pieces of Rae together in my head is impossible.

She’s purely collateral.

She’s a traitor’s sister.

She thinks she’s better than me. Cleverer than me. Superior to me.

She hurt herself.

And I know from the stories Saint told us, someone once hurt her—assuming the stories about his father were actually true and not just a part of some warped cover story.

What if I’d made her come? Would she hate me even more for forcing her to reveal the parts of herself she keeps buried?

Or would it help my cause? Have her fall for me, then dispose of her like garbage.

“Fuck,” I curse and then stand again.

I want to know more about her.

“No, I don’t.”

Now I’m talking to myself, and I bet she’d have something to say about that. Something about talking to ghosts and Danish kings.

I step into my bathroom and splash my face. The cold water does what it’s meant to and shakes my thoughts. Only now, I recall my dad teaching me to shave at this very mirror. I can hear the rasp of the blade, the scent of the shaving foam, the sound of his voice.

Fucking ghosts.

I grab the towel and wipe my face. Today is about celebrating within the club. Perhaps Clutch and my sister are right. Perhaps it’s time to focus on bringing the two sides of the club together. What I’m doing with Rae has nothing to do with them.

That’s a lie.

But perhaps I need to rebuild the club first, and then let them know I’ve taken out an insurance policy to keep Saint in line. Or perhaps I’ll keep it to myself and bring that piece of information out when the club is at its lowest. When Saint has proven to them he’s the traitor I know he is.

I tug my T-shirt over my head and throw on a red plaid flannel shirt. Many of the others have dressed up to celebrate. The shirt is my only concession. When I step outside, Spark grabs me by the shoulder.

“You got a minute, Prez?” he asks.

“Sure thing. In private?”

Spark looks up and down the hallway. There’s no one here, so he shakes his head. “Vex told me we were only following up on the Righteous Brotherhood to make sure they don’t come looking for revenge. Like tracking where they are.”

“That’s the summary. Yeah.”

He looks down at his hands, his thumb running over the four letters across his knuckles.IRIS.“I don’t think that’s enough for me.”

“What more do you need? You got the Irish chick back safe and sound.”

When he looks up again, his blue eyes are filled with anguish. “That’s the thing,” he says in a strained whisper. “She’snotsafe and sound. She’s working through it. Just like Briar is working through it. I hear the two of them talk sometimes. About what it felt like to be so helpless. For it to hurt so much. About the nightmares they have. I’m glad they have each other to lean on. But I need to eradicate the Righteous Brotherhood for good, or I’m going to be dreaming about this for the rest of my life.”

My stomach dips at his words. “I don’t want to put any of our men or resources at risk in pursuit of ...” I can’t say the word.

Revenge.

“In pursuit of what?”

My head spins, as if I stood up too fast. I could kill Rae with my bare hands just for putting all these words into my head that are now appearing in my life. It’s like she manifested that shit for me.