Page 78 of The Bonds We Break

But a small piece of me wonders if she already knows what I’ve done. I don’t know what lines Saint has crossed in telling club business to his girlfriend Briar, or his sister.

As I walk, I check the buckle on my belt. The cuff length of my leather jacket. Lighter? Check. Pack of smokes? Check. My phone? Yup, still there in my pocket.

I’m stalling.

And beingmercurial.

“You okay?” Rae asks.

“I’m fine, duchess.”

The path to the table feels about a million miles long. It’s probably got a lot to do with not knowing what to say when I get there, rather than the egregious volume of wooden flooring between us.

I hear Clutch’s laughter, and as I get closer, I hear Spark.

“Dude. You’re not helping,” he says. “I’m not getting Iris a new kitchen. Iris, don’t worry, I never thought a kitchen would be a great Christmas gift.”

Iris chuckles. “I think I’d murder you in your sleep if you bought me any kind of household appliance for Christmas.”

“Briar and I agreed we’re just gonna focus on the house reno this year,” Saint says, and his voice makes me want to turn around. “Can’t afford much else, given where I’m at.”

This pricks at my conscience. I hate the idea that any of my men are struggling unnecessarily. Saint is being pragmatic. I’ve been clear he has months of hard work left before he’s fully forgiven. Grunt work during which he won’t get to see Briar. Worse, grunt work that I planned to keep him away from Rae. But learning more about their lives, about the decisions Saint made for Rae’s benefit, has created a feeling of gratitude to him.

I’m not ready to put words to what I feel for Rae, but I’m sure as fuck grateful that Saint looked out for her when no one else did.

And thinking that gives me reason to at least be civil to Saint.

“It’s only because you won’t let me pay for it. I suggest we get over whose money it is and just buy the goddamn kitchen,” Briar says, but there’s a grin on her face.

“Prez. Rae,” Spark says as we approach the table.

I nod. “Rae, this is Clutch, my vice president, and my sister, Gwen.”

Gwen eyes me carefully but then grins at Rae. “I think you were doing laundry when I stopped by the other day. I wish Uther had been a little more forthcoming—I would have stuck around a little longer. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

Briar races from her seat and pulls Rae into a heartfelt hug. “Are you okay?” She gives me side-eye, then looks back at Rae. “Like, really okay?”

Rae nods. “I am. I promise.”

The women are friendly, which suggests none of my men have actually told their girlfriendsallof what I’ve done. Pretty sure Gwen would be reaming out my ass by now if she knew I’d kidnapped Rae against her will. And Briar and Iris, having both been kidnapped, would probably run out of here instead of eating with me. I feel like Briar knows more than the others though, even if she doesn’t know the details. I’m glad that even in times of upheaval, they can keep their mouths shut when it comes to club business.

And, yeah. I didn’t miss that my sister just called me out on my shit, and for Rae’s sake, I’m gonna roll with it.

I pull the chair out for Rae, and she smiles at me.

Shouldn’t take my breath away when she does that, should it?

“What?” I ask as she slips in. I push the chair in as she sits.

“You have good first-date manners.” She bites on her lower lip to stifle laughter.

“Feisty little chicks,” Spark says. “They’re gonna be the death of this club.”

Iris breaks off a piece of her breadstick and tosses it at Spark. It gets stuck in his long blond hair. Once Iris starts laughing, Rae does too. And with that, the tension is broken.

Perhaps as Rae intended.