Page 89 of The Body in the Backyard

“Good boy! Go get in position!”

Burt let out a happy bark and raced up Theodoric’s driveway.

“You know I love Burt like I would a fake human nephew,” Jasmine began. “But how do you know he’s going to do what you want him to do?”

“He’s my soulmate. We speak the same language…except when it comes to people food,” Riley said, looping the leash around her neck and pulling out her phone.

Riley: We’re here and we have a plan. Get ready to run when the diversion happens.

Mrs. Penny: Speaking of the runs, hurry the hell up because these seaweed snacks aren’t sitting well with my intestines.

Riley rolled her eyes. “We better get up there. Mrs. Penny got into the seaweed snacks.”

“Are you sure she’s not Burt’s soulmate?” Josie quipped as they started the hike up the driveway.

“Keep an eye out for security cameras,” Riley ordered. “Try to look unsuspicious.”

“That means put the knife away,” Jasmine translated for Josie.

“How’s a girl supposed to be prepared to stab someone or cut up some charcuterie if she doesn’t have a blade handy?”

“You will be doing neither of those things because stabbing is illegal and charcuterie is off-limits while you’re pregnant,” Riley reminded her.

“Damn it,” Josie muttered.

“The goal is to get Mrs. Penny and Mr. Willicott out of here without getting arrested,” Riley said.

“Fine, but didn’t you meet this guy before? What if he recognizes you?” Josie asked.

“I was wearing a mask and showing a lot more cleavage then.”

“Well, just in case,” Jasmine said, fumbling around in the slim backpack she was carrying. “Here.” She handed Riley a ball cap and a pair of oversize sunglasses.

“Thanks,” she said, putting the items on.

As they approached the house, Riley gave the nod, and they began to pan the yard. “Quick. Give me a fake dog name.”

“Pork Rind,” Josie offered.

Riley didn’t want to waste time thinking of a better one, so she went with it. “Pork Rind! Here, boy!” she called.

“Why are you calling him Pork Rind?” Jasmine asked out of the corner of her mouth.

“Because I don’t want him to actually come running,” Riley responded from the corner of hers.

“Oh, right.”

Josie whistled, and Jasmine clapped her hands.

They made their way up the imposing stone steps to the heavy oak front door. The doorbell, when pressed, set off an impressive symphony of gongs inside.

“Somebody thinks he’s fancy,” Jasmine noted.

“You know what they say. Loud doorbell, small penis,” Josie said. “On the bright side, there’s no cameras out here.”

“Help a girl out, spirit guides,” Riley murmured under her breath. Mentally, she rolled up her psychic garage doors to welcome in any messages from the beyond. A warm shiver rolled up her spine, and she felt reasonably sure her spirit guides were ready to help should the need arise.

The door opened to reveal a short roundish woman in a drab gray maid’s uniform. She had brassy red hair and held a mop in one hand. “Yes?” she asked, sounding both bored and inconvenienced as she peered down her perky nose at them.