Page 3 of The Body in the Backyard

“It will be my pleasure,” he assured Mrs. Penny before following Lily and Fred in the direction of their disaster of a house.

“You people can’t just walk into a collapsing building,” Weber announced, pinching the bridge of his nose.

The neighbors pulled the hard-of-hearing card and made a beeline toward the looming dust cloud despite the official police warning. Weber looked back and forth between the departing pack of fogies and Nick, who still looked like he was about to commit a crime.

“Shit. Do not assault anyone until I get back,” Weber ordered before jogging off after the elderly pack.

Sirens sounded in the distance.

Nick sighed and hooked a thumb in the direction of the roofless mansion. “Should I…”

“Oh yeah. Let me check.” Riley closed her eyes. It took her more than a few seconds before she could shut out the multitude of external distractions and finally drop into her psychic Cotton Candy World. It was a dreamy, peaceful place that existed…well, somewhere that was definitely not reality. The fluffy pastel clouds served as home to her spirit guides, who passed mostly convoluted messages to her about the living, the dead, and everything in between.

“Hey, spirit guides. Is the house going to collapse on my friends and turn them into walking pancakes?” she asked.

The clouds pulsed a warm, cozy pink in response, and a sense of giddiness swooped through her. Riley guessed this meant a pancaking was not imminent. Suddenly, the clouds transformed into radiant sparkles.

Frowning, she opened one eye. “I don’t think there’s any danger. I’m feeling happy and seeing sparkles.”

“Better not be another damn glitter bomb,” Mrs. Penny said. She had icing smeared across her chin.

“You must be seeing this asshole’s funeral,” Nick quipped, nodding toward Griffin.

“That’s really not very nice,” Griffin complained.

“I’m not talking to you,” Nick said. “Because if Iweretalking to you, I’d remind you that last time you were alone withmy girlfriend, you asked her to be your mistress. I don’t care if you’re being hunted down by ISIS. Hell, I’ll sell T-shirts that sayDing Dong, the Dick Is Deadat your crime scene.”

“But youhaveto help me! I’ll pay you,” Griffin squeaked. “How much do you want? A thousand dollars?”

“Pfft. I don’t get out of the bathroom for less than twenty K,” Mrs. Penny said.

“Fine. Twenty thousand dollars it is,” Griffin said, reaching into his suit jacket pocket and producing a checkbook and pen.

“I’ll take the case!” Mrs. Penny said, wielding her plastic cake fork in the air.

“The hell you will,” Nick barked.

Mrs. Penny tossed her empty paper plate and fork over her shoulder. “Let’s step into my office and discuss this primo case.”

Nick stomped up to her. “A, you don’t have an office here. B, we’re not wasting our time on a nonexistent case. And C, no one here cares if this human sack of fertilizer gets whacked.”

“Hey!” Griffin said, sounding offended.

Mrs. Penny crossed her arms over her generous bosom beneath her roomy Harrisburg Senators Baseball hoodie. “Bullet point number one, I’ll share Riley’s office. We’ll get those cool partner desks and push them together like in the movies. Bullet point number two?—”

“You don’t have to say it like that. Pick one.Bullet pointornumber. Not both,” Nick complained.

“The man said he’s got twenty Gs. I don’t know about you, but I get off the john for that kind of moola.”

Riley quickly did her best to slam her mental psychic doors shut to prevent any accidental sightings of that particular scene.

“Great. Now I’m going to have that picture in my head for the rest of my life,” Nick said.

“You’re welcome,” Mrs. Penny shot back. “Bullet point number three, last time I looked atmycheckbook, it said you and I were partners, and this partner says we take this human bag of fertilizer’s case.”

Nick’s blue-green eyes landed on Riley.

She shrugged. No one in the history of Mrs. Penny had been able to dissuade her from doing anything. “I don’t know. He sounds upset. And it’ll give Mrs. Penny something to do. I’ll keep an eye on her.”