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I race home like the devil himself is at my heels. I need to see her. I need to see my Taylor. How did I miss this? How have I been so stupid?

I get home and yank the front door open.

‘Tay! Taylor!’ I yell, taking the stairs three at a time. ‘Taylor baby, where are you?’

I burst into her room, where she’s sitting on the bed with Sebastian and Tilly.

‘Mum, what the f—’

I grab her and I hold her to me. I claw at her, pulling her closer to me, wanting to absorb her inside me where I can keep her safe.

‘I will kill him!’ I shriek. ‘I will fucking kill him! Did he hurt you? Why didn’t you tell me, Tay, why?’

‘Mum!’ she shouts, pulling herself away from me. ‘MUM! It wasn’t me.’

I’m in such a state it takes me a moment to register what she just said.

‘You . . . what?’ I blather.

‘Chill,’ she says uncomfortably. ‘It wasn’t me that Andrews . . . that he . . . It wasn’t me.’

I stare at her. What?

‘I don’t . . . I don’t understand,’ I say. ‘Themis . . . the newsletter . . . that wasn’t . . . ?’

‘Oh, Themis was me,’ she says, with no small hint of pride. ‘Gracie came home in bits. She told me about the art scholarship. Then she told me about . . . him. About Andrews.’

This is information overload. One thing at a time.

‘So if it wasn’t you . . . how do you know?’ I say, a small glimmer of hope starting to form. Perhaps Ben didn’t do it. Perhaps Taylor has got it wrong. Perhaps . . .

‘Because it was me,’ says Sebastian, shuffling off the bed. ‘He slept with me. Loads of times. Last year. When I did my placement at the school. When I was . . . my dead name. He told me . . . He told me he loved me . . .’

Oh God.

Sebastian.

Julia, as was last year.

A sixteen-year-old on work placement at St Nonn’s.

How did I miss him? Another perv. Another school. Another innocent child.

Sebastian starts to cry.

‘You must think I’m so stupid,’ they sob.

I move us over to the bed and put my arm around them.

‘Not at all,’ I say. ‘Men like him . . . they know exactly what buttons to press. This is totally on him. Not you.’

I hold Seb to me. I know exactly how they feel. Exactly.

‘Mum . . . I’m so sorry,’ says Taylor uncertainly. ‘I didn’t know what else to do. Seb was here when Gracie told me about you and Andrews. I didn’t know what he’d done until then, I swear. Seb hadn’t told anyone. And I didn’t want you getting involved with—’

‘Shhhh,’ I say, pulling her to me. ‘You have nothing to apologise for. I’m the one who’s screwed everything up. What you did took courage. Stupid courage. But courage. And I’m proud of you.’

‘Can I get in on that hug, please?’ says a tearful Tilly.

We all sit there for a while, me holding these three lost and confused young people. I know how they feel. Exactly how they feel.

A few moments later, there is a little knock at the door.

‘Gracie,’ I say, wiping the tears off my face. ‘How are you?’

‘I . . . I . . . I’m sorry,’ she stammers at me as the door opens wider. ‘I had to tell him . . .’

And standing there, with a face like granite, is my Matt.

‘Was he better than me?’ is Matt’s first question as we cradle cups of tea at the kitchen table ten minutes later. I know I’ve no right. But I pull a face.

‘Really?’ I ask. ‘We’re facing the imminent collapse of our marriage, life and family and you want to know if he was a better shag than you?’

Matt considers this for a moment.

‘Yeah,’ he replies. ‘Yeah I bloody do.’

I sigh.

‘I’ve been a complete and utter total dickhead of the highest order,’ I say. ‘I’ve been stupid and naive and reckless and I’ve made a horrible, terrible mistake.’

He considers this.

‘Am I supposed to disagree or summit?’ he whispers.

I snort despite myself and he smiles. I’d forgotten how cute his smile is.

‘Matt . . . I am so, so sorry,’ I tell him. ‘You’ve never done anything but love me and the girls. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why nothing is ever . . .’

‘Enough?’ he fills in, taking the word I didn’t want to say from my mouth.

‘Yeah,’ I reply, slightly staggered. ‘Yeah. Enough. It’s not that I don’t love you guys, it’s just . . .’

I don’t even know what it just is. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t even have the words. I shake my head. I hear Matt take a deep breath.

‘Now I’m not some poncy quack with a Harley Street office and a thing for me mum,’ he says. ‘But I have a theory if you’re happy for me to have a crack?’

I shrug. Why not?

‘Kier . . . it’s not exactly a massive surprise, is it?’ he begins. ‘You had a kid when you were still a kid. You missed a bit. When I were eighteen, I were drinking and shagging and doing stupid shite every day. You were feeding and working and changing stinky shite every hour.’

I snort again. He’s not wrong.

‘Life don’t like it when you miss a bit of the puzzle,’ he says. ‘You don’t get the whole picture. So it ain’t much of a shock that you wanna catch up.’

I have to laugh. That’s it. He’s nailed it. My husband. BuyRite manager and Freudian therapist. Who knew?

‘And, more to the point,’ he says, slugging his tea, ‘you bloody well should. You’re brilliant at what you do, but you’re wasted. You’re so talented, Kier. You should be teaching them classes, not cleaning up piss ’n’ shit.’

He’s saying everything I’ve been saying to myself for so long. But I have a question.

‘How?’ I ask. ‘What gives?’

‘We all do!’ he says. ‘For Christ’s sake, I know you think we’re all useless, but I can open a can o’ beans like the next bloke. Taylor and Gracie are older now – they don’t need you here all the time. Go back to school! Get your exams! Finish the bloody puzzle!’

‘What about Shottsford House?’ I sniff. ‘We can’t afford for me to—’

‘Oh, you shat the bed on that one, kid!’ he laughs. ‘Gracie ain’t going there now after what you did!’

I start to pant.

‘Does she hate me?’ I squeak. ‘I was only trying to give her—’

‘Aw, love – she don’t hate ya.’ He smiles, grabbing my hand. ‘I won’t lie, she was pretty pissed off about Noncy Andrews, but I set her straight. Told her we’d sort it out. But the painting? She gets you were only trying to help. Though you should have trusted her to do it herself – she thinks you don’t rate her.’

‘I know – it’s so, so stupid. I’ve been so, so stupid!’ I cry, hitting my head with my fists.

‘That you have,’ he says plainly, folding his arms. ‘And that’s your cross to bear, babe. But nothing’s been done that can’t be fixed. Bit of time. Bit of love. Bit of patience.’

I nod, ripping the drenched tissue in my hands.

‘Now. Can I ask a question?’ he says, leaning in.

‘Sure.’

‘Do you wanna leave me?’ he says simply. ‘Because I’m not gonna beg and cry and make a fuss like a big girlie ponce. If you want out, Kier, just say the word.’

I look at him. I look around our home. I think of our family. It’s real. And it’s here. Ben was a dream – a nightmare as it turns out. But he was something bright and shiny to distract me from the grey I’ve let my life become. He wasn’t the answer. I’m the answer. And that just leaves Matt’s question.

‘No,’ I say, yet another round of tears coming to my eyes. ‘I don’t want to leave you.’

‘Oh thank fuck for that!’ he says, breathing an enormous sigh of relief as he runs his hand across his shaved head. ‘Cos I really didn’t wanna have to beg and cry and make a fuss like a big girlie ponce . . .’

I snort again. Christ, I’ve been an idiot. He takes my hand across the table.

‘Look,’ he says. ‘You know I’m nothing if not a practical lad. When you punch up like I have, you kinda expect this to happen. You’re the hottest piece of ass in Flatford, Fisher, and I still can’t believe I pulled ya.’

I smile.

‘You’re so romantic.’

‘Get in.’ He winks. ‘But, Kier . . . you get one free pass, right? I love ya, but I’m not a mug. This don’t mean you can go round the town copping off with all the fellas and I’ll just sit home like a melon. You’ve had your freebie, okay?’

‘Okay,’ I agree.

‘You mean it?’ he says earnestly. ‘One free pass? That’s it?’

I nod. I do not deserve this man.

‘Good,’ he says, taking a sip of his tea. ‘Cos while we’re laying cards on table, Frieda nearly sucked me off at the BuyRite Christmas do last year.’

WHAT?

‘You cheating—’ I start to go off.

‘Uh-uh-uh,’ he says, waggling his finger at me. ‘Free pass, right? And it never even happened – I ended up puking all over her top knot before she could get a latch on – it were a big night. But we’re square. And Frieda weren’t a nonce so I win on points.’

I am absolutely bloody furious.

And then I start laughing.

And he starts laughing.

And in this awful moment, both of us are helpless.

And then he bangs down his tea, comes round the table and grabs me in his great, big, sexy arms.

And then we start kissing. Like we haven’t for years. Properly, passionately kissing. Like two people who know each other so well, but have more to find. Like two people in actual love. Not the carvings-on-the-tree love. The love that’s the tree itself.

He sweeps me up off the floor and heads towards the stairs.

‘Right, you,’ he whispers in my ear. ‘Girls have got twenty quid and me BuyRite discount card, so I reckon that gives me at least half hour to show you how a real lad shags.’

‘Wow,’ I tell him, running my hand down his face. ‘It’s like being married to William Blake.’

‘Not much innocence here, kid,’ he winks. ‘But plenty of experience.’

I raise my eyebrows in admiration.

‘You’re learning a lot from those quiz shows, Mr Fisher.’

‘Damn straight,’ he says as we reach our bedroom. ‘Speaking of which, let’s crack on – it’s The Chase at five . . .’

Fisher

Thursday 1 Dec

17.23

Ben

. . .

I’m so sorry.

Please let me explain.

It isn’t how it sounds.

Voice call

11 seconds

Ben

?

please pick up. . .

Voice call

5 seconds

Ben

I can explain everything.

I was stupid. . .

I just need you to talk to me.

Voice call

11 seconds

Ben

KIERA!

PLEASE.

Stay away from me you perv.

Ben

Voice call

5 seconds

Calls to this number have been blocked

PARENTCHAT

Clearer Community Communication

ST NONNATUS CE PRIMARY

Ora et labora

Monday 12 December

Mrs Marcia [email protected]

To: Whole School

Re: Week commencing 12 December

Dear [insert new terminology here],

It has been an extraordinary term here at St Nonnatus. We are aware that there has been a great deal of hurt and pain and that there remain a great number of unanswered questions. I shall attempt to summarise some of the most pressing here.

After an immediate suspension and internal investigation, Mr Ben Andrews’s employment at St Nonnatus was terminated last week. We will continue to review the catastrophic safeguarding failings that led to the events surrounding his dismissal and are working with the affected parties to ensure they receive all the ongoing support they require. The actions of a single individual should not stain the reputation of an entire school, but we are mindful that there is a great deal of trust that must be rebuilt. And we will. Mrs Lucy Ellis, current headteacher of Flatford High, will be seconded to us as acting head until further notice.

As a result of the recent Ofsted inspection, the report has recommended that St Nonnatus is placed into ‘Special Measures’. This means that they’ve deemed our school in need of additional support in order to ensure the necessary improvements. Schools that are placed into Special Measures are more closely monitored by Ofsted and we can anticipate regular visits from Her Majesty’s inspectors across the coming school year.

Although the report was a big disappointment for us all, we are choosing to take a positive outlook and embrace the opportunity for growth. We are all fully committed to improvement and the extra support we will receive will help us to make rapid progress. As we constantly tell our students, we must learn to thrive in adversity and so it shall be. Ours is a community and together we can turn this ship around. We are excited to embark on the voyage with you.

You may be aware that the police have concluded their investigations into both Miss Stitchwell and Mr Baxendale’s deaths. They have deemed Miss Stitchwell’s passing to be a tragic accident as a result of her severe allergies. They continue to seek Mr Baxendale’s assailant, although have exhausted all present lines of enquiry. We are mindful that both cases are a continued source of community and media speculation and we ask again that you use discretion about how and where your views are aired. Facebook polls are not an adequate substitution for due legal process.

After much discussion, we have decided to proceed with the Christmas Fayre this Saturday 17 December . This has long been a joyful focal point of the St Nonn’s year and so much work has gone into it from the whole community. There is much for us to learn from the past few months, but much to celebrate too. And, ultimately, everything we all do is for the children, who perhaps need this happy occasion more than ever. As is our tradition, we invite them to bring along their letters to Father Christmas and they are encouraged to read them aloud as we have received word that he will be listening. I look forward to seeing you there.

I leave you with the words of our own school motto: ‘Ora et labora: Pray and work.’

Best wishes,

Mrs Marcia Cox

Office Manager

St Nonnatus Primary School

Tickly Tiger’s Diary!

Date: Monday 12 December

This weekend I went home with: Adel

I was SO happy to get Tickly Tiger on Friday!

I cuddled Tickly in the taxi all the way back to Rainbow House and my key worker Tom was so proud of me that we all got pizza for tea! And it was a double celebration as we have a new member of the Rainbow Family called Mylo who is coming to stay for a while and he’s 10 like me! We all watched Star Wars in the Games Room. Except Mylo because he wanted to stay in his bedroom.

On Saturday I had THE BEST playdate with Simeon. We went to watch Flatford FC play! Simeon’s Dads let me have burger and chips AND a coke and I wore a Flatford scarf – and they even let me keep it at the end! I tried to give them two pounds to pay for it, but Barney said it was a present and I told him it wasn’t my birthday until April and he said it didn’t matter and then Dustin cried a bit. I put my scarf on Tickly, but it was a bit big for him and he doesn’t like the dark, so I took it off. Flatford lost, which isn’t surprising with a 3 4 3 formation that doesn’t suit their attacking style of play. But it was still brilliant. Tickly and I have written Simeon and his Dads a letter to say thank you.

When I went back to Rainbow House, I went to see Mylo in his bedroom as I thought he might like to hear all about it. But he was very sad. I was very sad when I came to Rainbow House. But then I found some happy and I told Mylo that. And then I told him about Flatford FC and he said that they rely too much on their midfield, which I didn’t agree with, but I didn’t say anything because he was a bit less sad and I didn’t want to make him more sad again. He really liked Tickly Tiger, though, and as Mylo didn’t have time to bring any teddies, Tickly decided to stay with Mylo in his bed. I know that if anyone can help Mylo to find some happy, it’s Tickly Tiger.

On Sunday, we all played table football in the Games Room and I beat Tom, even though he said I cheated because I spun the handles, but we never play that rule, so it doesn’t count and I still won. Then we played real football outside and then we watched The Lego Movie on Sunday night. Tickly really enjoyed the film. And it looked like Mylo did too.

PARENTCHAT

Clearer Community Communication

ST NONNATUS CE PRIMARY

Ora et labora

Year 6 Tiger Class

click here for group info

Tuesday 13 December

10.32

Felicity

OMG!!!

Where do we start?!

Zofia

I always had a funny feeling about Andrews.

Never really liked him.

Sharon

I still can’t believe it.

Just goes to show – never trust a pretty face.

And I still reckon Bitchwell was murdered.

I’m desperate to find out whodunnit.

Not least so I can buy them a pint. . .

Tanya

Has everyone signed up for their bar shifts on the Doodle poll?

We’re still a few hands short on Saturday. . .

And I’m sure we could all use a drink!

Felicity

I always had a funny feeling about Andrews.

Does anyone know where he is?

Flo

I’m desperate to find out whodunnit.

I reckon it was Ben.

Stitchwell knew about his fling with the student.

Told Baxendale.

Boom.

Petra

Hi – has anyone seen Archie’s shoes?

Karen

Tanya – I’ve got Beth’s story for Hattie’s book.

Shall I drop it round?

Zofia

Does anyone know where he is?

I heard he went back to Scotland.

There’s a For Sale sign on his house.

Karl

Has everyone signed up for their bar shifts on the Doodle poll?

Could anyone swap with my 11–12 shift?

I’ve double booked with the Dolphins’ Chocolate Tombola.

Fatima

I reckon it was Ben.

I think Clive killed Stitchwell.

She knew about his dodgy finances.

The burglary was karma.

Felicity

Has anyone heard from Leanne?

I just hope her Seb is okay.

Sarah has joined the group ‘Year 6 Tigers’

Sarah

Hi everyone!

I’m BACK!

Flo

I’ve double booked with the Dolphins’ Chocolate Tombola.

Can you ever commit to one thing at once?

Tanya

Shall I drop it round?

Thanks love – that would be fab.

It’s going to be amazing.

I’ve got so many beautiful stories and pictures.

She’s going to love it.

Jane

Has anyone heard from Leanne?

Spoke to her last week.

They’ve taken an early family Christmas holiday.

Get away for a bit.

Sharon

I’m BACK!

Hello love!

Where you been?

Weekend away?

Dustin

Is there any more news on Mike and Jenna?

Zofia

Did you hear about ’s Grace?

They took her scholarship to Shottsford House away.

Cheating apparently. . .

Stella

I think Clive killed Stitchwell.

Might I remind you about Marcia’s request not to idly speculate?

Sharon

Absolutely.

Knock yourself out.

I still reckon it was Ben.

Sarah

Where you been?!

Ha!

Nice to know I can be away for nearly TWO MONTHS and no one notices!

Priya

Cheating apparently . . .

Not cool, Zofia.

We can dish out on adults here.

Not kids.

Dustin

Could anyone swap with my 11–12 shift?

Yes please!

I’m 1–2, but I’m supposed to be on the BBQ, so suits me perfectly!

Sharon

They’ve taken an early family Christmas holiday.

Good.

Best thing for them, poor loves.

Tanya

Is there any more news on Mike and Jenna?

They’re together in the hospital.

Jenna’s recovering.

But they still can’t get her home.

So Mike is probably going to have to come back on his own.

Karen

Nice to know I can be away for nearly TWO MONTHS and no one notices!

Huh?

Confused.com !

Where have you been?

Karl

I’m 1–2, but I’m supposed to be on the BBQ, so suits me perfectly!

You’re a legend, mate.

Beers after?

Zofia

We can dish out on adults here.

Not kids.

You’re right.

My bad.

Sorry.

Felicity

So Mike is probably going to have to come back on his own.

Oh no. . . and leave Jenna there?

Alone?

Sarah

Where have you been?

My dad hasn’t been well in France.

He’s better now – but sod all signal in the mountains!

Can’t believe I missed all the drama!

Even if no one’s missed me!

Dustin

Beers after?

How about during?

Tanya

Oh no . . . and leave Jenna there?

It’s looking that way.

Poor Jacob.

Everyone’s been great at looking after him.

But the poor boy must be totally bewildered.

And missing his mum.

Felicity

My dad hasn’t been well in France.

I’m so sorry to hear that.

I saw your sister at drop-off.

Just assumed you were busy at work.

Karl

How about during?

Done

Sharon

Even if no one’s missed me!

Hang on the bell. . .

Help an old lady out. . .

Sarah love, are you saying you haven’t been on this group for two months?

Jennie

Does anyone know a good private investigator?

Sarah

Sarah love, are you saying you haven’t been on this group for two months?

Yes! Not since before half-term!

Like I say, bugger all signal at my Dad’s.

And I dropped my old phone at Elijah’s Splashworld party in half-term.

Then Dad kicked off.

Never had a chance to log back on here.

Laura

I think it belongs to No 73 – they have the same spade.

Laura

Sorry! Wrong group!

Zofia

Never had a chance to log back on here.

Um. . .

Scroll back up the chats.

We’ve been talking to you for weeks!

Jane

And I dropped my old phone at Elijah’s Splashworld party in half-term.

You should’ve gone for the Platinum package.

They take the pictures for you.

Petra

I’ve got so many beautiful stories and pictures.

Sorry Tanya.

Archie did a lovely collage.

But. . . you know. . .

Annie

And I dropped my old phone at Elijah’s Splashworld party in half-term.

Elijah had a party?

Sarah

We’ve been talking to you for weeks!

Okay guys. . .

This is really weird.

Whatever ‘Sarah’ you’ve been talking to.

It’s not been me.

Sharon

WHAT?

Jane

No?!

Karl

You sure?

Felicity

That is super creepy.

Why would anyone do that?

Tanya

Oh Sarah. . .

Flo

You sure?

Yeah, Karl.

I think she probably is.

Priya

It’s not been me.

Then who was it?

Zofia

Oh my God!

Must be some kind of scammer. . .

Have you checked your bank etc.

Could be ID fraud.

Fatima

Similar thing happened to my cousin.

Someone stole her identity online.

Used it to buy an annual pass to Monkey World.

Priya

That’s a weird scam.

I mean, it’s not like ‘Sarah’ asked us for anything.

No money, no personal details.

That’s how these things usually work.

Sarah

Have you checked your bank etc.

Thanks Zofia – yes I have.

All is well.

But I don’t understand.

Why would anyone pretend to be me ?

Sharon

Because you’re fabulous, love!

Zofia

True.

But that is freaky.

Jane

It really is.

Karen

You okay, Sarah?

Sarah

Yeah.

Just a bit weirded out.

Oh – and by the way?

Has anyone got this week’s spellings?